Saturday, June 04, 2011

Today -100: June 4, 1911: Of judsons, shaftings, and death threats


Judson Harmon, Democratic governor of Ohio, will run for president in 1912. Judson fever... catch it!

Dirty-Sounding-But-Not-Really-Dirty Headline of the Day -100: “Whirled to Death in Shafting.” Actually a horrible cement-related death.

Texas Governor Oscar Branch Colquitt will deliver a series of anti-prohibition speeches. He has received so many death threats (one involving dynamite) that he will travel with a body guard.

Friday, June 03, 2011

Just tell me when this whole Weiner thing blows...um...over


Barack Obama visited a Chrysler plant in Toledo, and I couldn’t even get past the opening warming-up-the-crowd remarks, because I kept making the same stupid joke:

THAT’S WHAT ANTHONY WEINER SAYS ABOUT HIS PENIS: “I just want you to know that I stopped by Rudy’s -- (laughter) -- had two hot dogs, two chili dogs with onions.”


THAT’S WHAT ANTHONY WEINER SAYS ABOUT HIS PENIS: “I just took a short tour of the plant and watched some of you putting the finishing touches on the Wrangler.”

THAT’S WHAT ANTHONY WEINER SAYS ABOUT HIS PENIS: “And this plant indirectly supports hundreds of other jobs right here in Toledo. After all, without you, who’d eat at Chet’s or Inky’s or Rudy’s? Or who’d buy all those cold ones at Zinger’s? This guy right here? That’s the Zinger crew right there.”


I think it’s time for this member (yeah, yeah, I said member) of the Zinger crew to go lie down.

...And take a nap! A nap is why I’m going to go lie down! And not for any other reason!!

Today -100: June 3, 1911: Of cram, phone calls, and who owns Guatemala


Dirty-Sounding-But-Not-Really-Dirty Headline of the Day -100: “M’Aneny Asks Dix to Withdraw Cram.”

The cost of telephone calls in 1911 NYC: the Public Service Commission has ordered reductions in rates. Henceforth calls from Manhattan to Brooklyn will cost 5 for 5 minutes or less (reduced from 10 ), and those from Manhattan to Long Island will be 10 , down from 15 .

An American-French syndicate headed by A. E. Spriggs, the former lieutenant governor of Montana, now owns Guatemala. That is, it has been granted rights to the country’s entire mineral resources (for which it will pay the Guatemalan government 10% of the profits), exclusive rights to use waterways, and rights to build roads, railways, bridges, etc, to operate telephone and telegraph lines, electric plants and any other public utilities it sees fit, to sell farm products, operate banks and newspapers, etc etc.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

I couldn’t avoid doing a Weiner joke forever


Today, Twitt Romney announced for the presidency at a family farm, “where he invited supporters and media to a ‘Cookout With Mitt and Ann.’”

Meanwhile, Anthony Weiner invited supporters and media to a... oh, you’re way ahead of me, aren’t you?

Today -100: June 2, 1911: Of respectable saloon keepers, Tubman, and sacrilege


The Women’s Christian Temperance Union tries to get the principal of the Frances Willard Public School in Chicago, which is named after the WCTU founder, fired for saying that “a respectable saloon keeper is just as respectable as a respectable banker.” They say that for Ms Reed to keep her job would be “an insult directed at the organization and at womanhood in general.” The school board does not fire her, but does direct that in future principals and teachers should “refrain from making public any comparison likely to incur ill-will or hatred between classes of citizens as regards religion, race, nationality, or occupation.”

Harriet Tubman, aged 89, is destitute and has to enter a home for old black people that was founded a few years before with donations from Tubman herself.

The NY Legislature passes a bill banning plays (including those performed privately) from having “a living character representing the Deity.”

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Imprimatur


The Supreme Court rules 8-0 that Abdullah al-Kidd can’t sue then-Attorney General John Ashcroft for misusing the material witness statute to imprison him for reasons that had nothing to do with him being a material witness to anything.

In a concurring opinion, Sotomayor wrote, “Nothing in the majority’s opinion today should be read as placing this court’s imprimatur on the actions taken by the government against al-Kidd.”

Unless you count making it impossible for him to receive any sort of redress for those actions, and doing nothing that would prevent governments in the future locking up anyone they want to without evidence or trial.

Today -100: June 1, 1911: Of retiring dictators, titanics (titanix?), palaces, and veterans


Former-President-For-Life Porfirio Díaz gets on a boat and takes his leave of Mexico. His final words on shore: “I shall die in Mexico,” adding, “or, you know, maybe France. Whatever.” In a little speech before that to some loyalist soldiers, he said that the new government would be forced to use his methods – repression, violence, general assholery, that sort of thing – to maintain peace. One of those soldiers was Gen. Victoriano Huerta, so we know one person at least took Díaz’s words to heart.

Eek. NYT Index Typo of the Day: “WOMEN FIGHT SUFFRAGE BILL; Ask Connecticut mouse to Reject One Passed by Senate.”

Headline of the Day -100: “The Titanic Launched.”

Someone has blown up the presidential palace (and a fort) in Nicaragua, killing over 100 people. Believed to be a plot by supporters of former prez Estrada.

The Commissioner of Pensions rules that Louise Bliss is not a veteran and did not, as she has often claimed, dress as a man and fight in the Civil War. So no pension for her.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Today -100: May 31, 1911: I want to make all the stronger nations ask us not to hurt them


Woodrow Wilson, in North Carolina, when asked about a possible presidential run, says “It is too far off to talk about.”

A Mexican is lynched in Barstow, Texas for shouting “Viva Díaz!” during a celebration of the success of the Revolution.

Ray Harroun wins the first Indianapolis 500, driving a Marmon Wasp (the very one pictured below), winning around $15,000. He drove the 500 miles at an average speed of 74 mph. Harroun’s great innovation, used here for the first time in an automobile, was the rear-view mirror; his was the only car not to have a mechanic passenger to keep a watch on the road behind. There was one fatality, the driver of a car whose front wheels fell off and was thrown 20 feet – no one had invented the seat belt.


It was Memorial Day, which in those days was of course strictly about the Civil War (which I notice the NYT doesn’t initial cap). Compare and contrast: President Taft gave a speech at Arlington arguing that the US should “strain ever nerve... to avoid war in the future.” And just as Americans as individuals have (mostly) “progressed” away from fighting duels over insults to their honor, so nations should “refuse to go to war for an insult” and instead “submit to the arbitrament of a peaceful tribunal”. Teddy Roosevelt, on the other hand, addressing Civil War veterans at Grant’s Tomb: “I took part in a little war which came after your big war. It was all the war there was, and it was not our fault that there wasn’t war enough to go around.” He doesn’t support arbitration, especially over the Monroe Doctrine or Asiatic immigration, and he does support a big navy: “I don’t want to put myself in the position of having to ask strong nations not to hurt us. I want to make all the stronger nations ask us not to hurt them”.

Monday, May 30, 2011

News you missed this weekend (but not that much)


The king of Sweden denies he’s ever been in a strip club. Which means he’s totally been in a strip club.



Top news on Fox News: “Is Obama Chewing Gum at Joplin Memorial Service?”



From the BBC: “Police in southern Bangladesh say a woman cut off a man’s penis during an alleged attempt to rape her and took it to a police station as evidence.” Said a police spokesmodel: “As far as I am aware, this is the first time that a woman has brought a severed penis to the police station as evidence.”



Also from the Beeb: “Severed Head of Patron Saint of Genital Disease on Sale.” That’s St. Vitalis of Assisi. “He died in 1370, and word of his sanctity soon spread due to reports of numerous miracles performed on those with bladder and genital disorders.” “The Holy Cross Monastery, a Benedictine order in Rostrevor, County Down, did not even know who St Vitalis was, and after an internet search, declined to comment further on the matter of his or anyone else’s severed head.”





I’m conflicted. As fun as it would be to watch Michele Bachmann run for president, to do so she’d have to forego running for the Senate and I was looking forward to her debates with Al Franken.

To be clear, that was a picture of St. Vitalis of Assisi, not St. Michele of Minnesota. Although I understand Ms. Bachmann has also performed numerous miracles on those with bladder and genital disorders.

Name of the Day


From the world football scandal I couldn’t care less about but which has been dominating the BBC the last few days: Fifa president Sepp Blatter.

Are we entirely sure that name wasn’t dreamt up by Douglas Adams?

Wikipedia provides us this tidbit about Mr. Blatter: “In the early 1970s, Blatter was elected president of the World Society of Friends of Suspenders, an organisation which tried to stop women replacing suspender belts with pantyhose.”

Today -100: May 30, 1911: Of Gilbert, tobacco trusts, cows, and warplanes


W.S. Gilbert, of Gilbert & Sullivan, drowns after suffering a heart attack while attempting to save a young woman in a lake. He was 74.

The Supreme Court rules that the Tobacco Trust must be dissolved.

Pope Pius X publishes an encyclical attacking the Portuguese government for suppressing Catholicism.

Coincidentally, no doubt, a monarchist plot against the Portuguese government is discovered, and dispersed by the military.

Headline of the Day -100: “Biplane Strikes Cow.”

The Lake Mohonk peace conference adopts a resolution for an international agreement banning the use of airships in warfare. The NYT agrees.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Today -100: May 29, 1911: Of castles, making eyes, and Methodists & prohibition


Dancers Vernon and Irene Castle marry.

At Cornell during Spring Days, it is traditional for the law students to “arrest” people on false charges and extort money from them for fun and profit. One Henry Koch of Brooklyn arrests Governor John A. Dix on a charge of making eyes at the girls. Dix objects, but the arrest is supported Cornell’s president. The “Court of Injustice” fines Dix $1.

The Methodist Church asks Texas Governor Oscar Branch Colquitt to resign because he opposes prohibition. He refuses, saying prohibition is a political issue not a religious one and is not part of the Confession of Faith, so the church should butt out.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Ratko and Skip and Hank


To answer a question I asked last week: 2004, Serbia stopped paying Ratko Mladic’s pension in 2004. He wants it reinstated.

Mladic’s son is named Darko. It’s like that family wants to turn out generation after generation of Bond villains.

At the other extreme, this week, on HBO’s movie “Too Big to Fail,” I heard the happiest, funnest name ever: Skip McGee, of Lehman Brothers. Hey, everyone, it’s Skip McGee! they must say every time he walks in a room. Mladic would have turned out very differently if his parents had named him Skip.

William Hurt was pretty good as Henry Paulson but his... face... didn’t quite match up.



Today -100: May 28, 1911: Of opium and trains


Britain and China sign a treaty to end the opium trade by 1917.

An attack on the train taking Porfirio Díaz out of Mexico forever is fought off. Asked why he thought the attack occurred, Francisco Madero said, “Oh, I suppose they did not have much love for him.”

Friday, May 27, 2011

Today -100: May 27, 1911: Of passports


Former President-for-Life Díaz sneaks out of Mexico. He is believed to be headed for Madrid. Madero resigns as self-proclaimed provisional president.

Russia reverses policy, will allow Jews with American passports to enter Russia. I’m not sure why this finally happened now (-100).

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Picky


Ratko Mladic has finally been arrested. My favorite Mladic stories:

On July 11, 1995, as Serb troops were surrounding Srebrenica, Mladic summoned the Dutch UN commander & officers to watch a pig being killed, and said that’s how he’d treat people like those protected by Dutch peacekeepers.

And he did.

After the massacre, however, he denied that Serb forces had raped Muslims because “we are too picky.”

Does anyone know if the Serb military ever stopped paying his pension? I know they still were 9 years after his war crimes indictment.

Today -100: May 26, 1911: Of air battles and resignations


The ill-fated Paris-Madrid air race, which kicked off with a plane falling on the French prime minister and killing the war minister, sees what the NYT calls “the first recorded battle of the air”, when an eagle attacks one of the pilots, who shoots at it. It carries off his cap. At least that’s his tall tale (the pilot’s, not the eagle’s), and he’s sticking with it.

Porfirio Díaz resigns. His letter of resignation reads in part: “The Mexican people, who generously covered me with honors, who proclaimed me as their leader during the international war” and so on for a bit, “that same people, Sir, has revolted in armed military bands, stating that my presence in the exercise of the supreme executive power is the cause of this insurrection. I do not know of any fact imputable to me which could have caused this social phenomenon, but permitting, though not admitting, that I may be unwittingly culpable, such a possibility makes me the least able to reason out and decide my own culpability.”

Part of the deal ending the Mexican Revolution (well, this phase of it, but they weren’t to know that) was that Maderists would take charge of half the states. In Coahuila, this has come up against the Legislature, which refuses to vote Venustiano Carranza (the future president of Mexico) in as governor. Madero threatens a coup in the state.

Madero also plans to have his forces cooperate with federals in crushing the socialist utopia established in Baja.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Obama-Cameron press conference: Momentum!


Obama held a press conference in London with huge-foreheaded British Prime Minister David Cameron.


Asked if the US will continue military operations in Libya until Qaddafi is overthrow/killed, Obama said, “we are strongly committed to seeing the job through, making sure that, at minimum, Qaddafi doesn’t have the capacity to send in a bunch of thugs to murder innocent civilians and to threaten them.” That’s the minimum? What’s the maximum? He also opposes an “artificial timeline” for withdrawal. Do you think he hears himself when he comes out with George Bush’s greatest hits like that and is horrified by what he’s become? Me neither.

I don’t think I’ve noticed this before, but Obama seems to have a strong belief in something he calls momentum. He talks here, as he has in the past, about breaking the Taliban’s momentum, and says of Qaddafi, “I believe that we have built enough momentum that as long as we sustain the course that we’re on, that he is ultimately going to step down.” But what does “momentum” mean in practical terms, and how does breaking it or sustaining it actually achieve these miraculous results?

Something similar pops up in a later answer to a question about Netanyahu’s description of the Palestinian demand for a right of return as a “fantasy.” He says that if the Israelis and Palestinians just start talking about future borders and Israeli (but I guess not Palestinian) security, “they can start seeing on the horizon the possibility of a peace deal, they will then be in a position to have a -- what would be a very difficult conversation about refugees and about Jerusalem.” So he’s depending on momentum to roll right through a resolution of those issues.


HE’S THE REMINDERER: “So, as much as it’s important for the United States, as Israel’s closest friend and partner, to remind them of the urgency of achieving peace, I don’t want the Palestinians to forget that they have obligations as well.”

He again says that the Palestinian government “tak[ing] the United Nations route rather than the path of sitting down and talking with the Israelis is a mistake” which “will not achieve their stated goal of achieving a Palestinian state.” First, it’s not an either/or. Second, if it would be so ineffectual, why is he so vehemently opposed to it? He hasn’t actually come out and described any harm that would be done by recognition.

Today -100: May 25, 1911: Of provisional presidents, interim presidents, and presidents for life


The Mexican interior minister asks Madero for help from the rebel forces to conquer “bandits and thieves.” Madero says no.

Demonstrations in Mexico City because Mubarak Díaz still hasn’t tendered his resignation as expected.

Madero, though still evidently calling himself the provisional president of Mexico, actually plans to let Francisco de la Barra succeed Díaz and organize elections, which Madero of course intends to win “if the people want me.” Catholics are beginning to organize a party to oppose him (Madero “has Protestant leanings,” whatever that means).

(Update: see Executed Today for a typically excellent post on the mother-and-son lynching of Laura and Lawrence Nelson in Okemah, Oklahoma.)