A nuclear arms agreement is reached between the US and Russia, and the cold war is finally over. Except that we’re not actually destroying any weapons, unless we feel like it of course, just putting them in storage. No one’s said who long it would take to get them ready to launch again, but I’m guessing not very long. So this agreement actually restricts us in no way whatsoever, but is entirely voluntary in its effects, just like Bush’s idea of how to regulate polluters.

The real nuclear war is more likely to show up over Kashmir. As I understand it, the US is pissed at Pakistan for not doing anything about all those Al Qa’eda militants hanging out there, which Pakistan says is because it has to defend its border against India, which is only pissed because Pakistan isn’t doing anything about all those Kashmiri militants sneaking into India. India is threatening to close the mountain passes and launch rocket attacks on training camps that Musharraf had promised to close and didn’t.

The British have finished up their sweep in Afghanistan, hilariously named Operation Snipe, and pronounced it a complete success, despite not having caught a single enemy.

As if France having the sole choice between Chirac and Le Pen wasn’t bad enough, now Israel has Sharon v. Netanyahu. Next up, Darth Vader or Ming the Merciless? Ebola or bubonic plague? Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey?

Speaking of crappy elections, people with no arms are being trained how to vote in the forthcoming Sierra Leonean elections, where they can mark their ballots with their big toe. Why do they have no arms? They were hacked off in reprisal for voting in the last elections.

A forthcoming book called The Science of Superheroes informs us that Spider-Man is not scientifically accurate. And Krypton’s gravity would have to be 8X that of earth for Superman to be able to leap a 30-story building. On this subject, I would recommend Larry Niven’s essay on the mechanics of sex between Superman and an all-too human Lois Lane, “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex.”

Trying to ruin Carter’s trip to Cuba, the Bushies last week claimed Cuba was developing bio weapons. Their proof is that it has “dual-use” facilities--this is all Condi Rice could drag out on McNeil-Lehrer, and all Carter himself was shown in his briefings--which means nothing more than that it produces its own medicine.

Congress is working on a measure to deny arms sales to any country that signs up to the War Crimes Tribunal, and to permit operations to rescue any Americans caught in its evil clutches. One Democrat, I’m sorry I forget whom, had a little fun questioning his colleagues to find out that they didn’t know where the court would be, i.e., that they were forget whom, had a little fun questioning his colleagues to find out that they didn’t know where the court would be, i.e., that they were authorizing war against the Netherlands.