You’re making the choices about whether you want to drive a little extra more or not drive extra more

Today Bush visited the Lincoln Electric Company in Ohio, where he said, “I’m proud to be here with ‘the welding experts.’”

“One of the issues that in a time of economic uncertainty -- and these are uncertain times, no question about it.” So there’s no question about uncertainty. Of that he is certain.

“They’re uncertain because you’re paying high prices at the gas pump. They’re uncertain because you’re reading the newspapers about the housing issue. They’re uncertain times.” So stop reading the damned newspapers, America! Bush never reads the newspapers and he’s never uncertain.

WHAT WE OUGHT TO BE DOING DURING UNCERTAIN TIMES: “And during uncertain times, we ought to be playing to our strengths, and implementing good common-sense policy.” Because when you think of George Bush’s strengths, you think fart jokes implementing good common-sense policy.

IN OTHER WORDS: “On the other hand, products going into Colombia from the United States face a duty, a tariff, a tax....” Someone may have given George a thesaurus. “... In other words, the products made in the United States going into that market cost more because of taxes imposed by the Colombian government.”

GEORGE TALKED TO THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD ABOUT HIS MAGIC WAND: “Somebody said, what are you going to do about gasoline prices? I said, if I had the magic wand, I’d wave it.”

Pointing at his magic wand, which he is waving.

A LITTLE EXTRA MORE: “What’s interesting, however, is that people are plenty wise about how to conserve. You’re making the choices about whether you want to drive a little extra more or not drive extra more. It’s the collective wisdom, again, of the American people that really do set the best conservation measures.” Oh hidden hand of the free market, what is there that you can’t solve?

WHAT YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND: “So when you hear ‘my gasoline prices are going up,’ you got to understand the main reason why is because oil prices are going up.”

WHAT WE GOT: “We got an energy problem here.”

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE WELDING: “I am confident nuclear power is safe, because I understand that the products that go into a nuclear power plant are made by some of the finest welders in the United States of America.”

WHAT WE’RE HEADING INTO: “And therefore we’re spending a lot of your money -- I think it’s well spent -- to find cellulosic ethanol possibilities. That means wood -- that’s a fancy word for wood chips or switch grasses -- all aiming -- my point to you is, is that we’re heading into a new era.”


YUP, HE’S DEFINITELY GOT HIS HANDS ON A THESAURUS. “But I’m here to talk about the meantime, the interim, the right now.”

At the end he asked for questions and there weren’t any, dammit, even though he threatened, “If you don’t have any questions, I can tell you a lot of interesting stories.” So he told that stupid story about seeing a rainbow in Bucharest that one time six years ago: “the rainbow ended exactly behind the balcony where the tyrant had given his last speech. Now you can look at that any way you want to look at it. I’ll tell you how I looked at it. I looked at it as a sign that freedom is beautiful. That freedom brings peace. That freedom is not ours alone. That freedom is universal. Or maybe it’s just light refracting off some water droplets in the air, creating an optical illusion. Or, you know, that freedom-is-universal thing, whatever.” I may have made up the last two sentences.

DON’T TELL HIM THAT THE REST OF US CAN SEE RAINBOWS TOO: “So I saw that rainbow, and I said I’m the fortunate -- most fortunate man to be the president of this fabulous country.”