All the news that’s fit to print in the Daily Telegraph

Here’s a nice Telegraph sort of headline: “Cross Dressing Air Force Colonel Jailed for Sex Murders.” Canadian Air Force. He once flew the queen. There’s actually nothing in the article that justifies the phrase “cross dressing.”

“MP’s Wife to Face Trial over Kitten Theft Claims.” The wife of Liberal MP John Hemming will be tried for breaking into his mistress’s home and the cat is still missing. The wife has actually known about the mistress since 2005, when she gave birth to Hemming’s child. Hemming later voted for himself in a newspaper poll for “Love Rat of the Year,” saying “At the end of the day you’ve got to laugh at something.”

An American former football player overstayed his visa in Singapore and they’re planning to cane him. This would be the first caning of an American since Michael Fay – remember him?

A small plane crashed in Congo-Kinshasa, killing everyone on board except one person and a crocodile. Can you guess why the plane crashed? If you guessed it had something to do with the crocodile, you guessed correctly.

“Escaped Chimp Attacks Police Car.” There’s video, but it’s rather disappointing.