Trump press conference: Russia is fake news

Trump held a surprise press conference today.

OUT OF CONTROL: “We have to talk about it to find out what’s going on, because the press honestly is out of control.  The level of dishonesty is out of control.”

TO BE HONEST: “To be honest, I inherited a mess -- it’s a mess -- at home and abroad.  A mess.” When he gets a word he likes, he really pounds it into the ground.

“Obamacare is a disaster, folks.  It’s a disaster.  You can say, oh, Obamacare -- I mean, they fill up our alleys with people that you wonder how they get there, but they're not the Republican people that our representatives are representing.” Filling up our alleys? What even...?

“We’ve had great conversations with the United Kingdom -- and meetings -- Israel, Mexico, Japan, China, and Canada.  Really, really productive conversations.  I would say far more productive than you would understand.” That’s become his formulation for good news, hasn’t it? Things are going better than anyone knows, better than you’d understand, etc.

YOU GUESS WRONG. REALLY, YOU SHOULD STOP GUESSING; YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT IT: “I guess it was the biggest Electoral College win since Ronald Reagan.”

A FINE-TUNED MACHINE: “I turn on the TV, open the newspapers, and I see stories of chaos.  Chaos!  Yet, it is the exact opposite.  This administration is running like a fine-tuned machine, despite the fact that I can’t get my Cabinet approved, and they’re outstanding people.” You know, I don’t really have a handle on Trump’s thought processes yet; I can’t tell if he actually believes everything is going great.

A WALL THAT WORKS. AT, YOU KNOW, WALL STUFF: “And the wall is going to be a great wall, and it’s going to be a wall negotiated by me.  The price is going to come down, just like it has on everything else I’ve negotiated for the government.  And we’re going to have a wall that works.  We’re not going to have a wall like they have now, which is either nonexistent or a joke.”

The 9th Circuit is “in chaos” and “frankly, in turmoil.”

Going on (and on) about leaking, he says the press “should be ashamed of themselves.  But, more importantly, the people that gave out the information to the press should be ashamed of themselves.  Really ashamed.” Never having experienced it himself, I don’t think he knows how shame works.

On Michael Flynn: “when I looked at the information, I said, I don’t think he did anything wrong.  If anything, he did something right.  ... You know, he was just doing his job.  The thing is he didn’t tell our Vice President properly, and then he said he didn’t remember.  So either way, it wasn’t very satisfactory to me.” So, negotiating with Russia without legal authority to do so is okay, just doing his job (what job? Trump wasn’t president yet, so Flynn’s job was... nothing?), and the only problem was what he said to Pence.

“Russia is fake news.” Hell, there may not even by such a country. It just sounds fake, doesn’t it? Russia. Russsshhhhaaa.

Confronted about his false statements earlier about his massive Electoral College win: “Well, I don’t know.  I was given that information.  I was given -- actually, I’ve seen that information around.” Dude, it’s numbers, you can’t pretend that there’s some “information around” that changes numbers. Also, “I was given that information” is like he’s saying, “What can I do? If people tell me things, I have to believe them, don’t I, it’s not like there’s some way of checking to see if random things random people tell me are true or false.”

WHAT HE’S DEALING WITH: “So I don’t want classified information getting out to the public.  And in a way, that was almost a test.  So I’m dealing with Mexico.  I’m dealing with Argentina.” Dealing with Argentina? What’s going on with Argentina? The top Reuters story from the Argies today is “Argentina's rising grains production strands vessels in river traffic.” That’s probably what Trump’s dealing with, right?

By the way, is it actually illegal to leak what a president-elect and his people are doing?

“But I am having a good time.  Tomorrow they will say, Donald Trump rants and raves at the press.  I’m not ranting and raving.” [Ron Howard voiceover: “But he was ranting and raving.”]  “I’m just telling you, you’re dishonest people.  But -- but I’m not ranting and raving.  I love this.  I’m having a good time doing it.  But tomorrow the headlines are going to be:  Donald Trump Rants and Raves.  I’m not ranting and raving.” Well, I wasn’t convinced that you’re not ranting and raving the first 3 or 4 times you said it, but...

BETTER THAN ANYBODY: “I don’t mind bad stories.  I can handle a bad story better than anybody as long as it’s true.”

WORKING HARD, OR FAKELY WORKING? “you take a look at Reince, he’s working so hard just putting out fires that are fake fires.” I’m picturing a fake fireman’s helmet and a fake fire extinguisher.

“Putting out fires that are fake fires” may be my favorite thing today, and I just had ice cream.

WHY YES, WE DO KNOW WHAT URANIUM IS, BUT WE CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK IT IS: “We had Hillary Clinton give Russia 20 percent of the uranium in our country.  You know what uranium is, right?  It’s this thing called nuclear weapons and other things.  Like, lots of things are done with uranium, including some bad things.  Nobody talks about that.”

NO ONE CAN BELIEVE IT. “I can’t believe I’m saying I’m a politician, but I guess that’s what I am now.”

Bart Simpson book report time: “If Russia and the United States actually got together and got along -- and don’t forget, we’re a very powerful nuclear country and so are they.  There’s no upside.  We’re a very powerful nuclear country and so are they.  I’ve been briefed.  And I can tell you, one thing about a briefing that we’re allowed to say because anybody that ever read the most basic book can say it:  Nuclear holocaust would be like no other.  They’re a very powerful nuclear country and so are we.”

In response to a question about how he’d deal with the rise of anti-Semitic attacks in the US since the election, which he cut off and pretended to be mortally offended by: “Number one, I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life.  Number two, racism -- the least racist person.” He says the reporter should take Netanyahu’s word for it that Trump isn’t anti-Semitic. Funny thing was, the reporter, Jake Turx of Ami Magazine, a Hasidic magazine I guess for teens, who is identified in the White House transcript as “(inaudible) from (inaudible) Magazine,” hadn’t actually accused him of being anti-Semitic himself, and in fact had prefaced his question by saying he wasn’t doing so. So Trump showed his philo-Semitism by calling a Jewish reporter a liar and telling him to be quiet and sit down.

He asked a black reporter to set up a meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus when she sees them at the meetings all black people attend.

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