I’ve been in the Bible every day since I’ve been the President

Remember those hunger strikes by prisoners in Guantanamo Bay? Some of them are still on it, still being forcibly fed, one of them with a substance to which he is allergic.

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The White House has released excerpts of an oral history project in which George and Laura Bush were interviewed by his sister. It’s legacy time. Which is just like Miller Time, but with more beer belches.

TECHNICALLY, HE DIDN’T SELL IT, JUST TRADED IT FOR SOME “MAGIC BEANS”: “I would like to be a person remembered as a person who, first and foremost, did not sell his soul in order to accommodate the political process.”

JUST LIKE NEW, NEVER BEEN USED: “I came to Washington with a set of values, and I’m leaving with the same set of values.”

SURROUNDED: “I surrounded myself with good people”.

IS HIS SELF-DELUSION LAUGHABLE? OR JUST PLAIN SAD? “I’d like to be a president [known] as somebody who liberated 50 million people and helped achieve peace; that focused on individuals rather than process; that rallied people to serve their neighbor; that led an effort to help relieve HIV/AIDS and malaria on places like the continent of Africa; that helped elderly people get prescription drugs and Medicare as a part of the basic package; that came to Washington, D.C., with a set of political statements and worked as hard as I possibly could to do what I told the American people I would do.” Alternately, he’d settle for just being known as the second worst president ever.

Laura Bush showed that the secret of marriage is a shared inability to see reality: “Well, it’s certainly been very rewarding to look at Afghanistan and both know that the President and the United States military liberated women there; that women and girls can be in school now; that women can walk outside their doors without a male escort.”

George talked about his father: “I think that the gift our dad gave to all of us is unconditional love. It is the greatest gift a father can give a child. And it has made life so much easier in many ways, because if you have the ultimate gift of love, then the difficulties of life can be easier handled.” Difficulties of life like, say, grammar.

IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, he [Bush the Elder] was a great father before politics, a great father during politics and a great father after politics.”

HE’S A BIBLE CHARACTER, JUST LIKE DAVID AND GOLIATH, OR SPIDERMAN: “I’ve been in the Bible every day since I’ve been the President”.

WHAT HE’S BEEN AFFECTED BY: “and I have been affected by people’s prayers a lot.” Prayers, you say... and I’ve just been using that voodoo doll.

A DOUBLE “IN OTHER WORDS,” JESUSY VERSION: “I would advise politicians, however, to be careful about faith in the public arena. ...In other words, politicians should not be judgmental people based upon their faith. They should recognize -- at least I have recognized I am a lowly sinner seeking redemption, and therefore have been very careful about saying [accept] my faith or you’re bad. In other words, if you don’t accept what I believe, you’re a bad person.”