David Cameron’s statement the spot of bother in London: We will not let a violent few beat us

With riots on the mean streets of Tottenham and elsewhere in England (Scotland informs me that it would prefer if everyone stop talking about rioting in the UK), David Cameron returned from his vacation, where his biggest problem was that he was caught stiffing a waitress, recalled Parliament and made a statement to it today.

NOT JUST A LITTLE UNACCEPTABLE: “What we have seen on the streets of London and in other cities across our country is completely unacceptable”.

WHAT WE WILL NOT ALLOW: “We will not allow a culture of fear to exist on our streets.” What exactly is a “culture of fear” when it’s at home?

SIMPLY PREPOSTEROUS (IT’S JUST NOT A TORY SPEECH UNLESS SOMETHING IS DESCRIBED AS SIMPLY PREPOSTEROUS): “It is simply preposterous for anyone to suggest that people looting in Tottenham at the weekend, still less three days later Salford, were in any way doing so because of the death of Mark Duggan.” I’m not going to psychoanalyze people based on some CCTV footage, but I don’t see anger over the police shooting yet another dark-skinned man and then lying about it, and opportunistic thieving as being mutually exclusive. Both are the result of alienation, social exclusion, state hostility and “austerity” measures.

WHAT STEALING FLAT-SCREEN TELEVISIONS WAS ABOUT: “The young people stealing flat screen televisions and burning shops was not about politics or protest, it was about theft.”

He defended publishing photos of looters and “no phoney human rights concerns” will stop him. Phew, because I was worried that phoney human rights concerns would stop him.

140 PUNCHES OR LESS: “And when people are using social media for violence we need to stop them.” He is considering “whether it would be right to stop people communicating via these websites and services when we know they are plotting violence, disorder and criminality.”

“I have also asked the police if they need any other new powers.” I’m guessing they’ll say no. Cops always think they have quite enough powers, thank you very much.

WELL AND TRULY: “The fight back has well and truly begun.” We will fight them in the Miss Selfridges, we will fight them in the Boots... Every British prime minister thinks he’s bloody Winston Churchill.

COL. PICKERING: HAVE YOU NO MORALS, MAN?
ALFRED DOOLITTLE: CAN’T AFFORD THEM, GOVERNOR. NEITHER COULD YOU IF YOU WAS AS POOR AS ME. (George Bernard Shaw, Pygmalion, 1912)
“[T]here is a major problem in our society with children growing up not knowing the difference between right and wrong. This is not about poverty, it’s about culture.” There’s that word again.
“A culture that glorifies violence, shows disrespect to authority, and says everything about rights but nothing about responsibilities.” Because it just wouldn’t be a Tory speech about the lower orders without some mention of how everyone talks about rights and no one talks about responsibilities. “In too many cases, the parents of these children – if they are still around – don’t care where their children are or who they are with, let alone what they are doing.” Says the man who’s been merrily cutting every youth and sports program in sight.

WHAT WE NEED: “We need more discipline in our schools.” I didn’t see the speech, but I’m assuming every male Tory MP put a paper over his lap to disguise the stiffy brought about by any mention of the word “discipline.”

“In short, all the action necessary to help mend our broken society.”

TERRITORIAL, HIERARCHICAL AND INCREDIBLY VIOLENT – ISN’T THAT THE TORY PARTY MOTTO? “At the heart of all the violence sits the issue of the street gangs. Territorial, hierarchical and incredibly violent, they are mostly composed of young boys, mainly from dysfunctional homes.” David, for example, was sent away to Eton.

AND IF THERE’S ONE THING WE ENGLISH HATE, IT’S EMOTIONS: “Mr Speaker, in the past few days we have seen a range of emotions sweep this country: anger, fear, frustration, despair, sadness – and finally a determined resolve that we will not let a violent few beat us.”

FOR EXAMPLE, MANY OF OUR YOUNG PEOPLE ARE DESTROYING PROPERTY AND PERPETRATING VIOLENCE IN THE BRITISH ARMY IN AFGHANISTAN: “We need to show the world, which has looked on appalled, that the perpetrators of the violence we have seen on our streets are not in any way representative of our country – nor of our young people.”

OR WE COULD PLAY TO OUR STRENGTHS AND INTRODUCE ARSON AND LOOTING EVENTS IN THE OLYMPICS: “And a year away from the Olympics, we need to show them the Britain that doesn’t destroy, but that builds; that doesn’t give up but stands up; that doesn’t look back, but always forwards.” Really? He really had to mention the Olympics? At least he didn’t use the phrase Big Society.