Thursday, August 30, 2012

Romney’s acceptance speech: To do the really big stuff, you need an American

Transcript (as prepared, but I don’t think any quote I’m using varies by more than a word or two).

LESS SINCERE WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN: “I wish President Obama had succeeded because I want America to succeed.”

SOLES, SOULS, SEE WHAT I DID THERE? “The soles of Neil Armstrong’s boots on the moon made permanent impressions on OUR souls.”

WELL, WHEN THE WORLD NEEDS SOMEONE TO EAT THE REALLY BIG STUFF: “And I don’t doubt for a second that Neil Armstrong’s spirit is still with us: that unique blend of optimism, humility and the utter confidence that when the world needs someone to do the really big stuff, you need an American.”

SO EVERYONE IS MORE QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT THAN OBAMA, IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. “[Obama] took office without the basic qualification that most Americans have and one that was essential to his task. He had almost no experience working in a business. Jobs to him are about government.” You know, it’s not just that some of the worst presidents – Hoover, Bush – have had plenty of bidness experience, but how much of it did Eisenhower have? Reagan? Nixon?

THE CENTERPIECE: “the centerpiece of the President’s entire re-election campaign is attacking success. ... In America, we celebrate success, we don’t apologize for it.” Yeah, don’t know how you do things in Kenya...

OBAMA MUST WAKE UP EVERY MORNING BASKING IN THE GLOW OF ROMNEY’S GOOD-FAITH SUPPORT: “America has been patient. Americans have supported this president in good faith.”

I HOPE HE PUTS ON OLD CLOTHES BEFORE HE GOES OUT TO ASSAULT COAL AND GAS AND OIL: “His assault on coal and gas and oil will send energy and manufacturing jobs to China”.

OH SURE, LIKE HE’D LET YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ONTO HIS ARK: “President Obama promised to slow the rise of the oceans and to heal the planet. MY promise... is to help you and your family.” (The audience laughed at “rise of the oceans” like they’d never heard anything so crazy in their lives.)

THERE’S A GILLIGAN’S ISLAND JOKE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. NOT A GOOD JOKE, BUT IT’S IN THERE. “I will begin my presidency with a jobs tour. President Obama began with an apology tour.”

YEAH, I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO MIXED UP TOO. “America, he said, had dictated to other nations. No, Mr. President, America has freed other nations from dictators.”

WHY IS THE METAPHOR ALWAYS THAT ISRAEL IS BEING THROWN UNDER THE BUS? “President Obama has thrown allies like Israel under the bus, even as he has relaxed sanctions on Castro’s Cuba.”

BECAUSE PUTIN WILL TEAR YOUR SPINE OUT WITH HIS BARE HANDS? “Under my administration, our friends will see more loyalty, and Mr. Putin will see a little less flexibility and more backbone.”

PROBABLY IN THE FUTURE: “That future is out there.” Can the future be described spatially like that?


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1 comment:

Christopher said...

Most of that is dumb thoughtless garbage. This man wants to be probably the most powerful man in the world.

Apparently, a lot of people are happy with the fact that candidates for most powerful man in the world address them as though they're not particularly bright second graders.

This constantly irritates me.