Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The C student goes on a field trip

Entertainment is again to be found in the London Review of Books personals section:
Nihilist seeks nothing.

I’ll see you at the LRB singles night. I’ll be the one breathing heavily and stroking my thighs by the ‘art’ books. Asthmatic, varicosed F (93) seeks M to 30 with enough puff in him to push me uphill to the post-office. This is not a euphemism. Box no. 12/08

F 36, would like to meet LRB-reading M to 40 who plays darts professionally. Box no. 12/10

Male LRB readers. Drawing little faces on your thumbs, getting them to order meals, then shouting at them for not being able to pay is no way to win a woman. You know who you are. Men to 40 with working credit cards, reply to once bitten, twice bitten, three strikes and you’re all out F, 35. Box no. 12/12

The only item you’ll find in my fridge is soup. Forty litres of the stuff. Beat that. M. 46. Box no. 12/13

M, 34, would like to meet F to 30 able to scientifically prove the validity of the ten-second rule concerning dropped food. Box no. 12/14
[More of my LRB favorites here.]

Bush visited a nuclear nukyula power plant today, pushing for more nuke plans to be built. He dragged along his secretary of energy, Samuel Bodman, and made fun of the fact that Bodman has a doctorate but works for a C student. Then he said that “advances in sciences and engineering and plant design” — he didn’t say if those advances were made by PhD’s or C students — have made nuclear plants far safer” than in the 1970s, utilizing, as they do, nerf plutonium, so there was nothing to fear (although he did still wear a helmet to protect himself from any falling atoms).

They told me to keep my hands in my pockets when I’m in the control room, but I don’t gotta, I’m the preznit, see?

Fine words in support of science and technology, but when the Secret Service agent’s walky-talky went off, Bush thought it was the voice of God speaking to him. This happens at least twice a day.

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