Cocktails, salad and quiddich at Guantanamo

The Pentagon website has an article about how guards at Guantanamo are hurt that they have been unfairly portrayed. Says one of these sensitive souls, anonymously of course, “I wish they could see how much we care for these individuals. We pay so much attention to these detainees. Our care for them is very extensive. If a guy’s salad isn’t right, I’ll make a phone call to try and get him the correct salad.” I’m not sure what “salad” means in the no-doubt-colorful Gitmo prison lingo.

Sadly, the prisoners are inexplicably ungrateful for all the care taken over their “salads,” and often throw various bodily excreta, mixed together in a “cocktail,” at the guards, who are the true victims in all this.

As in all such articles, Guantanamo officials like to mention that Harry Potter books are special favorites among the enemy combatant set. I haven’t read the books, but Hogwarts is basically a British public school, isn’t it?, Eton with magic, so I’m guessing Harry would know what “getting him the correct salad” means.