Think about a system in which there’s tremendous document forgery

US ambassador to Iraq Ryan Crocker met with the Iranian ambassador to Iraq, and afterwards complained about Iranian interference in its neighbor: “Right now their actions are running at cross purposes to their stated policy.” And the US’s stated policy in Iraq is to create democracy, reconciliation and end terrorism, so what’s your point?

At the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Georgia, Bush gave yet another speech about immigration reform, a plan without amnesty, without animosity, and without anemones, a plan which “makes it more likely we can enforce our border and, at the same time, uphold the great traditions of -- immigrant traditions of the United States of America.” Cleaning toilets is just one of those immigrant traditions.

He claimed again that the reduced number of arrests of illegal border-crossers proves that the border is better defended. As we know, he said the same thing when the number of arrests went up.

The current system isn’t working, he says. “Think about a system in which there’s tremendous document forgery.” Yeah, think about it. Are you thinking about it?

See if this argument sounds at all familiar: “And my answer to the skeptics is, give us a chance to fix the problems in a comprehensive way that enforces our border and treats people with decency and respect. Give us a chance to fix this problem. Don’t try to kill this bill before it gets moving. Give us a chance to make it easier for the folks who wear the uniform along our borders to do their job.” Yes, and David Petraeus will report back in September...


He asked, “Who wants to pay a coyote hundreds of dollars, or thousands of dollars, when you can walk across, and say, I’m going to have a temporary job here in this country, and here’s my tamper -- my tamper-resistant card?” That may be a rhetorical question. Or a riddle.

He said, “Oh, I’m sure you’ve heard some of the talk out there about people defining the bill. It’s clear they hadn’t read the bill. They’re speculating about what the bill says, and they’re trying to rile up people’s emotions.” George, of course, has read every page, every clause, every footnote.

“This bill is not an amnesty bill. If you want to scare the American people, what you say is, the bill is an amnesty bill. It’s not an amnesty bill. That’s empty political rhetoric, trying to frighten our fellow citizens.” And if there’s one thing George Bush hates...

Indeed, to stay in the country, “illegal workers must admit they violated the law and pay a meaningful penalty, pass a strict background check, hold a job, maintain a clean record, and eventually earn English -- learn English. That’s how it works.” Earn... English... oh, just too damned easy. “If you want to be a citizen, you pay a fine, you touch base home to apply for a green card....” Wait, it’s Calvinball, isn’t it?