At the Univision debate (transcript), which would have been a lot more fun if Tancredo had shown up, the Republican presidential candidates evoked a special bond (or “peculiar connections,” as Romney put it) between their party and Hispanics. Romney noted that “Hispanic Americans serve in the military and care about our military,” while Duncan Hunter compared JFK, a Democrat who failed to provide air support at the Bay of Pigs, with Ronald Reagan, a Republican who supported El Salvador’s government and death squads as they massacred peasants and nuns.
Everyone thought immigration should be more like a credit card. Huckabee: “If you can get an American Express card in two weeks, it shouldn’t take seven years to get a work permit to come to this country in order to work on a farm.” Don’t leave your hovel without it. Romney: “Isn’t it amazing in this country, with the fact that American Express or Visa or Mastercard can tell you that fast whether the card is authorized or not,” but there’s no system for employers to verify immigration status.
Everyone was asked whether it was right that children with American citizenship because they were born here should be separated from their parents. No one really answered, mostly suggesting that the issue should wait until after the border is secured or the Second Coming, whichever comes first.
Giuliani: “It’s no picnic to be living as an illegal immigrant.” Although many of the agricultural products utilized in a picnic are picked by illegal immigrants. That’s what we call a paradox.
Asked about foreign rulers, Giuliani said “I actually agree with the way King Juan Carlos spoke to Chavez.” McCain actually quoted the hereditary monarch in Spanish (“Por que no te callas?”) (yes, the king used the familiar tu form, as if speaking to a child). Fred Thompson, asked about Castro having survived 9 American presidents, said, “I’m going to make sure that he didn’t survive 10 U.S. presidents. (LAUGHTER)” Ha ha, assassination is funny!
McCain on health care: “Ronald Reagan said nobody ever washed a rental car. And that’s true in health insurance. If they’re responsible for it, then they will take more care of it.” So if the government provides health coverage, we’ll all stop washing, is that what you’re saying?
The Huck uses the health care discussion to offer that he wouldn’t mind shipping Michael Moore to Cuba. At the last debate, he said he’d put Hillary on the first rocket to Mars. I’m beginning to see a pattern here.
The Huck also sent this important message: I am wearing an orange tie.
On education, Thompson says “if families would stay together, if fathers would raise their children, especially young men when they get into troublesome ages, we would solve a good part of the education problem in this country.”
Asked what role Hispanics will play in the development of American society, most suggested that they stop being so Hispanicky and become more like reg’lar Amurricins. Only McCain, from Arizona, said that “We will be enriched by their music, their culture, their food, their language”. The Huck: “Our equality is not based on our ancestry, our last name, it’s not based on how much money we make.” Last name, Huckabee, you don’t need me to make a joke out of that one. Hunter said their role is to become Republicans. Fred Thompson praised Hispanics’ work-ethic. You don’t need me to make a joke out of that one either. He added, “The Hispanic community is known for their values. They know that marriage is between a man and a woman, for example.” Romney: “The Hispanic community, like all other communities in this great nation, need to come together and strengthen America. Because this is the land of the brave and the home of the free. And Hispanics are brave and they are free, as are all of the people of this great nation.” Just as long as they’re not free to bravely mow his lawn.
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