Thursday, March 06, 2008

I call them evil


Today, Bush met with the last surviving American veteran of World War I, 107-year old Frank Woodruff Buckles,


and visited the Dept of Heimat Security to, um, celebrate its 5th anniversary with its head, 107-year old Michael Chertoff.


Doesn’t “Bush and Buckles” sound like an old vaudeville act? Anyway, Bush learned a great deal from Corp. Buckles. For example, did you know that before World War II, there was this whole other war?

“I asked him where he lived, and he said, that reminds me of what General Pershing asked me.” Holy shit, you know?

I wrote that line about um, celebrating the anniversary before reading his actual remarks: “I’m really pleased to join you on the fifth anniversary of the creation of the department of Homeland Security. Man, does time fly. (Laughter.)” People named Mohammed, not so much.

VERB TENSES – NOT THAT I NEED TO TELL YOU PEOPLE THIS – ARE NOT HIS FRIEND: “I don’t think we would have predicted that five years later there had not been another attack on us.”

However, this DHS employee couldn’t even stop an attack by President Inappropriate Touching.


LIFT AND SEPARATE: “[On 9/11] we found that oceans which separate us from separate -- different continents no longer separate us from danger.”

IN OTHER WORDS: “We saw the cruelty of the terrorists and extremists, and we glimpsed the future they intend for us. In other words, there’s some serious lessons on September the 11th that it’s important for all Americans to remember.”

FOR SOME PEOPLE – AND I’M NOT NAMING ANY NAMES HERE – ANY THOUGHT AT ALL IS INCONVENIENT: “At this moment, somewhere in the world, a terrorist is planning an attack on us. I know that’s inconvenient thought for some, but it is the truth.”

WHY HE CALLS THEM EVIL: “We’re in a battle with evil men -- I call them evil because if you murder the innocent to achieve a political objective, you’re evil.” Yes, but do they have devil horns? Do they?


IS SOMEONE FEELING UNAPPRECIATED? “And perhaps, on this fifth anniversary, the message will get through that there’s a lot of dedicated, decent, honorable folks working their hearts out to protect the country.”

NOT THE PORN, PLEASE LORD NOT THE PORN! “Our enemies understand that America’s economy relies on uninterrupted use of the Internet -- and that a devastating attack in cyberspace would be a massive blow to our economy and way of life.”

BUT NO PORN FOR AL QAIDA EITHER: “Our strategy is to deny the terrorists safe haven anywhere in the world -- and that includes a virtual safe haven on the Internet.”

A FREE SOCIETY DOES WHAT? WHAT DOES A FREE SOCIETY DO? WHY WON’T YOU TELL US? “Even all these steps -- with even all these steps, we know that a free society -- there’s no such thing as perfect security.”


Two sentences later: “To attack us, the terrorists only have to be right once; to stop them, we need to be right 100 percent of the time.” Dude, you can’t even form a coherent sentence, and we’re supposed to trust you to be “right” 100% of the time? And by the way, the terrorists don’t have to be “right,” they need to succeed; that’s one of those statements that sounds good without completely making sense.

MAYBE HE MEANT COMPACT ASSISTANTS: “We’ve helped establish mutual aid agreements within states, and strengthened the Emergency Management Assistant [sic] Compact among states”.

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