Thursday, May 05, 2011
Random quotes from the first Republican presidential debate:
Tim Pawlenty: “I love the Huck.”
Pawlenty complained that none of the big names showed up at this debate, evidently worried that he was being totally eclipsed by Herman Cain, the Godfather’s Pizza dude, instead of by Palin or “The Huck.” His greatest dream is to be totally eclipsed by Donald Trump. “One of the things about leadership is that you’ve got to show up,” he said, desperately hoping that no one would ask him what the other things about leadership are.
Pawlenty: “I think the momentum is on my side.”
Pawlentum™ is the new Joementum.
Pawlentum™ says he is the child of a “working-class family in a meatpacking town.”
Speaking of meatpacking, Rick Santorum (see what I did there?) (what did I do there?) said: “Anybody [i.e. Mitch Daniels, who wasn’t there] who would suggest we call a truce on moral issues doesn’t understand what America’s all about.” Moral panics and telling women what they can do with their hoo-hahs?
Ron Paul came out in favor of legalizing heroin. SUGGESTIONS FOR BUMPER STICKERS IN COMMENTS, PLEASE. There was great applause from all the audience. He is so our next president.
T-Paw on the shooting of Bin Laden: “But that moment is not the sum total of America’s foreign policy.” It kind of is.
T-Paw-Canoe-and-Tyler-Too attacked Obama for letting the UN tell us what to do in Libya because the UN is “a pathetic organization.” Now you’re just hurting its feelings.
Santorum: “It’s not just checking the boxes. It’s having the courage to lead.”
Ron Paul, asked why he supports the Defense of Marriage Act despite having said that government shouldn’t dictate who people can and can’t marriage, said oh, he didn’t mean state governments. Or water and sewer district boards, community college districts...
Paul said Americans “vote from their bellies.” Or from their inner thighs under their ball sacs, in the case of his new heroin-addict fanbase.
Wait, that wasn’t the line I started writing. Paul said Americans “vote from their bellies,” glancing nervously at the pizza guy.
(I didn’t see the debate and there’s no transcript, so I’m piecing this together from various sources. One has that quote as “Americans vote with their bellies,” which is an image I could have done without.)
He went on: “Because it’s whether they’re hungry, or have jobs or need things, that’s why they vote.” Oh, I thought I was the only one who ate my “I voted” sticker.
Everyone except the pizza dude would totally release the dead-Bin Laden pictures.
Santorum, the pizza dude, and Pawlenty would all resume waterboarding. Paul opposes it simply because it’s ineffective.
They were all in favor of lowering taxes.