Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The mad bomber strikes again

Today Obama made a three-minute statement to announce that he’s bombing yet another country.  Syria, if you’re keeping track at home.

“Today, the American people give thanks for the extraordinary service of our men and women in uniform...”  Extraordinary service?  Bombing Muslim countries could hardly be more ordinary

“We were joined in this action by our friends and partners -- Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, Jordan, Bahrain, and Qatar.”  He didn’t say which of these countries are our friends and which are our partners.

“the people and governments in the Middle East are rejecting ISIL”.  Well, the governments.  It’s not like any of those countries care what their people think, any more than Obama does.

“we will ... ramp up our effort to train and equip the Syrian opposition, who are the best counterweight to ISIL and the Assad regime.”  First, note that he refers to the Syrian opposition in the singular, like it’s one united band of brothers.  Second, note that the Manic Pixie Dream Insurgents (© Tom Tomorrow) aren’t being touted as a government-in-waiting for Syria, but as a counterweight, which I guess means their function is to keep the bloody civil war going without resolution for another few years.

“Last night, we also took strikes to disrupt plotting against the United States and our allies by seasoned al Qaeda operatives in Syria who are known as the Khorosan Group.”  ISIL, the Khorosan Group – do you ever feel like we’re being retconned?  “No, no we’ve been afraid of these guys for years, don’t know why you’ve never heard of them before, they’re like the Cardassians on Star Trek: The Next Generation.”

“I’ve spoken to leaders in Congress and I’m pleased that there is bipartisan support for the actions we are taking.”  Since there won’t be a vote, we’ll just have to take his word for it, because he’s “spoken to” leaders in Congress.  Come to think of it, he said “leaders” rather than “the leaders.”

“America is always stronger when we stand united” – and nothing says united like one man making decisions entirely by himself with no legal authority – “and that unity sends a powerful message to the world that we will do what’s necessary to defend our country.”  And quite a bit of shit that’s not necessary or advisable.  As usual.

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