Tuesday, September 02, 2014
The tsar changes St. Petersburg’s name to Petrograd, which sounds less, you know, German.
Headline of the Day -100: “Kaiser Prepares Turkey for War.” The Turkish army is supposedly being mobilized, with German officers integrated into it. This is taken as proof that Turkey will soon enter the war on the German side, although German officers seconded to the Turkish army is nothing new.
It is suggested that if Turkey enters the war and stirs up the Muslims of India, Britain’s ally Japan might send troops to India.
The French introduce a delightful innovation: “steel arrows” dropped from airplanes onto the enemy.
Russia will allow Jewish doctors and students to take Red Cross courses, which they previously were not.
The four richest men in Belgium guarantee the $40 million “war tax” imposed by Germany on Brussels, so the city isn’t destroyed.
Headline of the Day -100: “French Aviator Cheers Brussels.” He drops pamphlets saying “Deliverance Soon.” The Belgians love that movie; “Squea’ lakh ah piggeh!” they shout along with the movie in their delightful Belgian accents.
George Bernard Shaw says that Britain, France and Germany are jointly “committing a crime against civilisation for the benefit of Russia,” “half-civilized Eastern legions to whom we have taught the art of killing by machinery.” He calls the war an “insane cause,” which we have to fight with all our might. Whatever, dude.
Sir Edward Carson offers the use of the Ulster Volunteers – you know, the group formed to violently resist the British Army if Home Rule was implemented – for use in the war.
The NYT gleefully insists that “Senator La Follette and his doctrines received a smashing blow today in the [Wisconsin] State primaries”. Actually, it sounds more like too many of his supporters entered the gubernatorial primary, dividing the vote and allowing old-line Republican Emanuel Philipp – a railroad tycoon, no less – to win the primary.