So many stupid Bush quotes, I can’t choose one for the post title, I love them all equally

Bush will be traveling to Europe soon, so he did a
bunch of quicky interviews with the European press yesterday.

“I am looking forward to my democracy speech,” he said. “I feel very strongly that the United States must take the lead in promoting democracy around the world -- even in places where it may not look like it could -- that it’s very hospitable, because I believe, ultimately, it is hospitable.”

He pooh poohed Pooty Poot’s objections to missile defense systems being installed in Eastern Europe: “My friend, Vladimir Putin, is making this to be a case where somehow this is going to jeopardize relations in Europe”. Somehow? You do know that the president of Russia has some say over the state of relations in Europe, don’t you? “The reason one advocates and works for a missile defense system is to protect free peoples from the launch of a missile from a hostile regime. Russia is not hostile. Russia is a friend.” Quod erat demonstrandum. “He thinks it’s aimed at him. It’s not. It’s aimed at rogue regimes that would use a missile to achieve political objective or to create unrest.” And in another interview: “and my personal message to Vladimir Putin is, there’s no need to try to relive the Cold War. It’s over. And we don’t view Russia as an enemy. We view Russia as an opportunity to work together.” And he castigated his old enemy, Mr. Some: “you know, some have suggested, well, there’s no need to have relations with Russia. Well, I strongly disagree with that.”

He also assured Poland that stationing Star Wars systems there won’t put it in danger: “I don’t view Poland as being under any military threat. I would hope the Polish people don’t, either. Obviously, there are differences you have with Russia over meat, and I’m very aware of that.” Very very aware.

He’s going to see the pope, who he called “His Holy Father.” “Sometimes I’m not poetic enough to describe what it’s like to be in the presence of the Holy Father. It is a moving experience. And I have not been in the presence of this particular Holy Father.”

He wants to talk to the pope about Cuba. He says that when Castro dies, “the world ought to work for freedom, not stability” and for “elections and free press, free prisoners.”

He wants to talk to the pope about China. “I would remind him that I have been to church in China, and actually found it to be a spiritual experience. It wasn’t, like, fake; it was real.”

He will also see Italian Prime Minister Prodi. “I can remember, fondly remember riding my mountain bike as hard as I could as he was jogging along the beaches in Georgia, needling him on the way by -- a sign of close friendship.” With Chimpy there’s a thin line between close friendship and bullying assholery. Speaking of bullying assholery: “He’s having to make difficult decisions in Afghanistan and I hope my visit will help boost his courage in doing the right thing in Afghanistan.”

Says former German Chancellor Schröder’s criticisms of the Iraq war “didn’t cause me to say, well, Germany isn’t worthy as a worthy ally.”

But Angela Merkel is better, of course: “she’s the kind of person that can get a fellow to talk freely and candidly”. Ewwww.

On energy: “My goal is to make us nearly totally independent from foreign sources of oil. And that ought to be the goal of a nation that worries from sole-source supplier, that you ought to figure out different ways to do it.”

An Albanian tv interviewer asked, “What is the reason of including Albania in this European tour this time?” Bush: “That’s a fascinating question. First of all, I want to make sure the Albanian people understand that America knows that you exist”.

Asked about whether there was a Plan B for Kosovo when Russia inevitably vetoes the plan for independence, Bush reflexively responded, “Well, plan A is to try to make plan A work.” I don’t think anyone’s explained the whole “veto” thing to him, or at least that other people than himself have the power to veto things. He also complained that the reporter was “asking me to think hypothetically.” Chimpy brain hurt.

Speaking of thinking hypothetically, he said of Iraq, “I think the people will look back 50 years from now and say, oh, I understand now why they were doing what they were doing, because democracies and liberties help yield peace”. It’s sort of the opposite of a Friedman Unit, isn’t it, the period of time it will take for everyone to understand what a genius Bush was.