Monday, January 23, 2006

We love you, we love your child, and we’re here to help you

And remember: it’s not a domestic surveillance program, it’s a terrorist surveillance program.

Speaking of phone calls nobody should be listening to, George Bush spoke to the “March for Life” by phone today. He said, “the self-evident truths of the Declaration of Independence apply to everyone, not just to those considered healthy or wanted or convenient. These principles call us to defend the sick and the dying, persons with disabilities and birth defects, all who are weak and vulnerable, especially unborn children.” Especially unborn children. Speaking of persons with disabilities, the weak and vulnerable, I’ve been waiting for Bush to say a single word about his failure to have the drug prescription plan up and running on time. “We’re sending a clear message to any woman facing a crisis pregnancy: We love you, we love your child, and we’re here to help you.” Man, how creepy is that?

About as creepy as the X Files Fanatics Against Abortion (from the 2001 march).

This guy is “overcome with emotion,” according to the Reuters caption, just like a little girl. But not like this little girl, with her little fetus dolly.

And these three men (the one with the stripy umbrella is Ralph Reed) agree that abortion hurts women, although they’re pretty sure that childbirth is quite pleasant.

8 minutes after delivering his little anti-choice message, he began a speech at Kansas State University, the theme of which was how the president has to make decisions, even if women aren’t allowed to: “I make a lot of decisions. I make some that you see that obviously affect people’s lives, not only here, but around the world. I make a lot of small ones you never see, but have got consequence. Decision-maker is the job description.” Hell, even terrorists make decisions: “They make decisions based upon their view of the world, which is the exact opposite of our view of the world.” I don’t know, Osama and George probably both think the earth is flat.

Here’s my favorite sentence: “And when the American President speaks, it’s really important for those words to mean something.” Would that they did, would that they did.

The other theme of the speech is that 9/11 Changed Everything, which if it were true, you’d think he wouldn’t have to keep repeating it. One change: “Threats must be taken seriously now, because geography doesn’t protect us”. Dammit, you mean I learned the difference between an isthmus and a peninsula for nothing?

Once again he defends invading Iraq, using that pin-point logic for which he is justly famous: “He was a state sponsor of terror. In other words, the government had declared, you are a state sponsor of terror. And, remember, we’re dealing with terrorist networks that would like to do us harm. There’s a reason why he was declared a state sponsor of terror -- because he was sponsoring terror.”

And of course that invasion was followed by... magic! “When somebody says, if you vote, I’m going to get you, sometimes people maybe say, well, maybe I don’t want to vote. Eleven million or so Iraqis went to the polls in defiance of these killers. (Applause.) It’s a magical moment in the history of liberty.” I’m going to get you? He’s been watching too many Dudley Do-Right cartoons.

And the US won’t reduce troops in Iraq until the commanders on the ground tell him he can:
You see, sometimes in the political process people feel beholden to polls and focus groups. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m going to be listening to the people that know what they’re talking about, and that’s the commanders on the ground in Iraq.
Yes, he just said that the American people, the ones who answer polls, don’t know what they’re talking about.

“I view it as a chance for an historic opportunity to make this place better for your children and your grandchildren -- ‘this place’ being the world.” Thank god he cleared that up. Now when can I move to Mars?

And then he opened it up to obsequious questions. The first one began thusly: “Mr. President, we salute what you have done, your aggressive stance on terrorism. But more than that, as you know, Kansas is a beef state. ...” It didn’t get much better, with questions (update: this one from someone in the Air Force ROTC, according to the WaPo) about how he withstands all those mean attacks on his character (through faith, family and friends) (and by friends, he meant Barney the dog, the “son I never had”), and how Laura contributes to his decision-making process (she brings “common sense,” at least when her common sense chip is activated), and whether he’s seen Brokeback Mountain yet (no). A student did manage to stump him on his education cuts (which he denied had been made).

Hookay, when I looked for pictures, I may have come up with the reason for the softball questions. When you’re busing in a claque to fill up the front rows, it might be less obvious that they’re not real Kansas State students if they changed out of their uniforms first.

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