Sarah Palin is excited to hear voices

Sarah Palin won’t speak at the Republican Convention: “This year is a good opportunity for other voices to speak at the convention and I’m excited to hear them.”

People, Sarah, I know it’s hard to conceive of there being other people than yourself, but those would be people speaking, not voices.

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Oh, just take her to the vet and have her put down already

Sarah Palin (who’s more or less endorsing Gingrich): “the mistake made in our country four years ago was having a candidate that was not vetted to the degree that he should have been”.

Putting aside the irony of Little Miss Self-Aware complaining about the 2008 vetting process, there’s another irony in Little Miss I Read All the Newspapers basically accusing the United States electorate of ignorance. Also, it’s generally considered bad manners in a democracy to say that the voters made a “mistake.”

Adding to the sum of world knowledge, no doubt

Do you know where Sarah Palin is right now? The World Knowledge Forum, in Seoul. That is all.

It’s just kind of _____, is what I’m saying.

Leonard Stern, creator of Mad Libs, died this week, just before the release of the Sarah Palin emails. Coincidence? Conspiracy? Discuss.

And I know my American history

Sarah Palin’s national tour somehow took her into an interview on Fox News Sunday (oddly enough, she was in Arizona. That bus sure does get around). Note that the Fox transcript isn’t very good.

SOMEONE TAUGHT HER THE PHRASE “QUANTITATIVE EASING.” IF SOMEONE ASKED HER TO DEFINE “QUANTITATIVE EASING,” YOUTUBE WOULD EXPLODE: “And you add, too, the fact that this quantitative easing, one and two, hasn’t worked and we’re talking about Q.E. 3 already and the devalued dollar is an addition to this problem.”

SO THE UNEMPLOYMENT NUMBERS WERE “SKEWED” BY PEOPLE BEING HIRED? “The month of April was tough, too. There were jobs added to the marketplace, Chris, but remember, that was McDonald’s out there with their big push to hire 50,000-some people. So, I think there were some numbers skewed last month, too.”

THOUGH OBVIOUSLY NOT AS NOBLE AS QUITTING HALFWAY THROUGH YOUR TERM: “And it’s very noble of President Obama to want to stay at the helm and maybe go down with this sinking ship.”

CROWDING OUT? “What President Palin would do is cut the federal budget, making sure that we’re crowding out private sector investment.”

SO THE ONLY THING THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD SPEND ITS INCOME ON IS SERVICING THE DEBT? “We rake in $58 billion a day, our federal government, via payroll taxes and or other revenue sources. If we prioritize and took that $68 billion a day and service our debt, we don’t have to raise that debt ceiling.”

“If I were in Congress, though, I would be a ‘no’ vote to raising that debt ceiling. I would send that message...” By ringing those bells and sending those warning shots, just like Paul Revere. “...that it is failed leadership in the White House and with our elected officials when they have allowed to us to get this breaking point, if you will, that Moody’s is warning about.” Actually, as Chris Wallace explained to you, Sarah, what Moody’s is warning about is Congress doing what you said you would do.

She’s “very frustrated” with the “spin” that Paul Ryan is trying to eliminate Medicare. “Now, what’s going to do away with Medicare is if we keep going down the road that we’re on. But Obama evidently wants us to go down because we will have a bankrupt Medicare system.” She does not explain why Obama wants to bankrupt Medicare.

On Afghanistan, it’s all up to David Petraeus: “Now, I have great faith in Petraeus and he -- his folks with boots on the ground and on the front lines, I trust that Petraeus will know of this timeline that makes most sense for America’s interest to be met in Afghanistan.” Four invocations of Saint David. Who is retiring in September.

TO PERHAPS WANT US THERE: “Take Afghanistan, conditions certainly have changed even in this last week or two when President Karzai comes out and acts like the host nation to perhaps want us there, or NATO. NATO, as we help lead NATO, we are still concerned about civilians and making sure that civilian casualties are not part of any kind of strategy. And yet, that kind of get thrown back in our face...” Don’t you hate it when they throw our killing civilians back in our face? “...and there -- it sounds like a message being sent to America...” Possibly by ringing those bells and sending those warning shots, just like Paul Revere. “...and to NATO today by President Karzai that perhaps we’re not wanted there.” And if there’s one thing Sarah Palin hates, it’s people who go where they’re not wanted.

“Yes, those two factors, Chris, that you mention have got to be considered and revaluated. ‘A,’ the host nation ability to understand what it is that we are trying to do for them and with them in their nation; and the cost of war. Three wars that we’re going engaged in today and our country nearing bankruptcy, we have to rethink everything that we’re doing with foreign aid and with foreign intervention. We have got to make sure that it’s America’s interest first being met in each one of these nations.” So she’s complaining about Afghanistan’s “ability to understand” what we’re trying to do “for them and with them,” which she says is putting America’s interest first. What’s so difficult to understand about that, Afghanistan?

She is not on “some publicity tour,” she says in this umpteenth interview on her non-publicity tour. “I’m publicizing Americana and our foundation and how important it is that we learn about our past and our challenges and victories throughout American history, so that we can successfully proceed forward -- very heady days, rough waters ahead of us, Chris. We need to make sure that we have a strong grasp of our foundational victories so we can move forward.” Prepare to have your grasp of our foundational victories strengthened:

You know what? I didn’t mess up about Paul Revere. Here is what Paul Revere did. He warned the Americans that the British were coming, the British were coming, and they were going to try take our arms and we got to make sure that we were protecting ourselves and shoring up all of ammunitions and our firearms so that they couldn’t take it. But remember that the British had already been there, many soldiers for seven years in that area. And part of Paul Revere’s ride -- and it wasn’t just one ride -- he was a courier, he was a messenger. Part of his ride was to warn the British that we’re already there. That, hey, you’re not going to succeed. You’re not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our own well-armed persons, individual, private militia that we have. He did warn the British. And in a shout-out, gotcha type of question that was asked of me, I answered candidly. And I know my American history.

And now, so do we all.

(The gotcha type of question in question: “What have you been doing during your visit to Boston?”)

SHE MEANT TO RUN THEM OVER WITH HER BUS: “I apologize if I stepped on any -- any of that PR that Mitt Romney needed or wanted that day. I do sincerely apologize. I didn’t mean to step on anybody’s toes.”

Mommas, don’t let your fetuses grow up to be cowboy poets

I watch Sarah Palin on Hannity so you don’t have to: You can spin up anything out of anybody’s statements

Her hope for the families of the Tucson victims: “May He turn their mourning, somehow, supernaturally into joy.” Yeah, God, get right on that, wouldja?

She didn’t deny that those were crosshairs on that map, but said that for many years maps have been used to target certain districts. So that’s okay then. In fact, Democrats invented the use of crosshairs on maps.

Ah yes, the obligatory Martin Luther King Jr quote: “A lie cannot live.” The lies about her, of course.Because even Martin Luther King was All. About. Her.

She used the term “falsely accused” I think 4 times about the linking of her and talk show hosts and the Tea Party to the shootings. I’m not really sure why that term annoyed me so much, but it did.

At one point she referred to the mainstream media and quickly corrected that to lamestream. Phew, hate to make a gaffe like that.

Asked about Obama’s speech, she said “some parts” of it hit home, but that it was too much like a campaign rally.

Re “blood libel”: “You can spin up anything out of anybody’s statements”. That term has been used for aeons; it’s double standards to criticize her for using it. And if her enemies didn’t have double standards, they wouldn’t have any standards at all, she said twice as if she’d just come up with it.

One of the things that makes the US “exceptional” is that we have free speech. No other country in the world has free speech, evidently. Yay for us.

But not, you know, really

Boy it’s been a tough week for political metaphors, what with a congresscritter “targeted” by Sarah Palin actually being targeted by a loon with an automatic weapon. I mean, I’d hate for my metaphors to be taken as something I intended literally.

That said, fuck Sarah Palin.

That voodoo that you do

1) Sarah Palin’s latest “cause” is Haiti (through the odious Franklin Graham’s group). 2) Haitians have been killing voodoo practitioners in an effort to end the cholera epidemic. Coincidence?

I fear for our democracy

News Flash of the Day: WaPo headline: “GOP May Be Less Eager Than Obama for Bipartisanship.”

My favorite quotes from the NYT Magazine article on Sarah Palin: “I just tweet; that’s just the way I roll.”

And: “Palin told me that because of the media’s unfairness toward her, ‘I fear for our democracy.’ She cited a recent Anchorage Daily News article that commented on her casual manner of dress at a rally for Joe Miller”. Yup, that’s it, democracy’s a gonner.

So what’s on the minds of the 2008 Republican ticket today?

The Passion of the Snooki, or something.

And if anyone can restore America’s honor, it’s Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin

Sorry, I just can’t. I didn’t read Beck’s speech and I got as far in Palin’s as “I must assume that you too know that we must not fundamentally transform America as some would want,” then I had to lie down.

So feel free to caption these here pictures:



(The Reuters caption says that Beck is introducing a representative Jew, a representative Indian, a representative guy unafraid to wear a pink shirt that in front of a bunch of people who think anyone wearing a pink shirt is a fag and must be killed, and a descendant of Protestant settlers.)





(Update: Palin tweets “So honored to be a part of the ‘Restoring Honor’ rally today in D.C.” Yes, Sarah, “restoring honor” meant restoring it to you, because it’s always all about you.)

Who hijacked term moron?

Sarah Palin’s Twitter feed:


What “singular issue” does she mean? Abortion? Also, Sarah, if you’re looking to be crowned the Queen of the True Feminists, you might not want to refer to a “cackle” of women.

(Update: and in other tweets today, she advises Dr. Laura “don’t retreat...reload!” which I think means she wants her to say nigger a bunch more times, and called opponents of Dr. L’s hate speech “Constitutional obstructionists” – “her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence ‘isn't American,not fair’”).

Speaking of lingering pains...

Sarah is at it again.


Those darn Muslims, always failing to show the proper tolerance of our intolerance!

Too

I’m not on Twitter, but for those playing along with #PalinAsShakespeare (caught making up words like refudiate, she compared herself to Shakespeare, who also made up words, except that he did it to communicate better), in which Shakespeare quotes are Palinated (To be or not to be? HEY, that’s a GOTCHA question! etc), I have an entry:

To be or not to be, too, also.

In interest of healing

Two Sarah Palin tweets today:


Silly Muslims, don’t you understand that your religion is an unnecessary, heart-stabbing provocation?

Are mooseburgers kosher?

Jewish Americans for Sarah Palin is evidently not intended as a joke, although its URL is jewsforsarah.com, which... really?

CONTEST: Clearly, Jews for Sarah needs a catchy slogan or possibly a song. Which is where you all come in...

Alaska’s powerful beauty

The cable channel TLC will bring us “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.” Peter Liguori, CEO of the TLC’s parent company, Discovery Communications, says the program will “reveal Alaska’s powerful beauty as it has never been filmed,” which I believe is Liguori’s attempt to make us think Palin will be naked.

I was about to suggest a contest along these lines: clearly, TLC can no longer stand for The Learning Channel, so suggest what TLC now stands for in its Palinolithic period. But then I checked what TLC is up to these days, and figured out why I haven’t watched anything on it in years an forgot that it existed: its current focus seems to be not so much learning as reality shows about families with lots of children (Jon & Kate, the Duggars, etc), plus programs such as What Not to Wear, Cake Boss, Policewomen of Maricopa County, Paranormal Court, Hoarding: Buried Alive, and Extreme Forensics. The Losers Channel? In fact, I think that TLC has been dis-abbreviated and no longer does officially stand for The Learning Channel, just as A&E no longer stands for Arts & Entertainment since that channel dropped both from its schedule. Don’t get me started on the inevitable dumbing-down trend of cable channels (see also Bravo, BBC America).

So, CONTEST: the TLC thing, or suggest a better name for the program than “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.” (Possibly “Look! A moose!”)

Reload

Helpful advice, or incitement to violence, whichever, from Sarah Palin:

Embracing the agenda

Right-wingers’ latest crusade is four SEALs who beat up an Iraqi prisoner of war and are being court-martialed. Here’s Sarah Palin’s tweeted contribution:


Yes, question that anti-beating-prisoners-up-and-lying-about-it agenda. Question it, I say!