Democratic Debate: I can’t tell who I’m running against sometimes

I didn’t watch, just read the transcript (part 1, 2, 3), but I thought Obama came off whiny when he complained that Hillary and Bill were both attacking him and it wasn’t fair. “Well, I can’t tell who I’m running against sometimes.” Barry: Hillary’s the one with the pearls.


Later, he is asked if Bill Clinton was the first black president. Says he would “have to, you know, investigate more of Bill’s dancing abilities.” Hillary says that could be arranged. At least then Obama would probably be able to tell them apart.

Hillary later says, “I believe that this campaign is not about our spouses.” Yeah, but only because CNN didn’t allow the short guy with the hot spouse into the debate.

Obama notes that Hillary was a corporate lawyer on Wal-Mart’s board, she notes that he was lawyer for a slumlord.


Edwards rather neatly skewers Obama’s explanation for voting against a 30% limit on credit card interest:

EDWARDS: You voted against it because the limit was too high, is that what you just said?

OBAMA: That is exactly what I just said, John, because...

EDWARDS: So there’s no limit at all.

Obama explains that he voted “present” 130 times in the Illinois state senate because that’s how they do things in the Illinois state senate.

Hillary notes, “It is very difficult having a straight-up debate with you, because you never take responsibility for any vote, and that has been a pattern.” She kinda has a point, but she was taking quite a risk that he wouldn’t bring up her circumlocutions about her vote authorizing the Iraq war. Which he didn’t.


I think I’m actually with Obama on not making it mandatory to get for-profit health insurance, but his explanation kind of sucks: “every expert that’s looked at this has said there is not a single person out there who’s going to want health care who will not get it under my plan.”

Favorite exchange:

EDWARD: Let me be really clear about that. It’s amazing now that being the white male...

OBAMA: You’re feeling all defensive about it, John. It’s all right, man.

EDWARDS: ... is different.

Obama says he is a proud Christian. He says D’s should go after the evangelical vote: “And when you don’t show up, if you’re not going to church, then you’re not talking to church folk.” I’m pretty sure they’re allowed out of the church from time to time. Also: folk?

I had a line about “carny folk,” but I thought better of it.

Edwards asks Hillary to take a pledge not to employ any corporate lobbyists in the White House. She says she doesn’t know. But “I’m independent and tough enough to be able to deal with anybody.” Isn’t that a well-expressed answer? The wrong answer, of course, but well-expressed.

Edwards responds that “When somebody gives you millions and millions of dollars, I think they expect something. I don’t think they’re doing it for nothing.” She says that trial lawyers are giving him lots of money. He says, “And what they expect from me is they expect me to stand up for democracy, for the right to jury trial, for the right for little people to be heard in the courtroom.” Rarely has the moral high ground been lost so fast and so ludicrously. Also: little people?


Final question: who would Martin Luther King endorse? On this, everyone is in agreement: Fred Thompson. Obviously.

Democratic debate: Is America ready for a president with a messy desk?

Democratic debate, in Nevada, with poor Dennis Kucinich losing a court case to force MSNBC to let him in, not 90 minutes before the start time.

Transcript.

Our pictures today illustrate the many hand gestures of the Democratic Party (except the last picture, which I couldn’t resist).

Obama is asked if what happened in New Hampshire was that people in the privacy of the voting booth were unwilling to vote for a black person. He said no, “you know, at any given moment, people are going to be making judgments based on who they think is best speaking to them about the urgent problems that they’re facing in this country.” I can understand his unwillingness to look like he’s whining about being victimized, but to deny the continuing salience of race in America is going rather too far in the other direction.


Later, Brian Williams asks him about those “Obama is a secret Muslim” emails. Obama says, “the American people are I think smarter than folks give them credit for.” Sure they are, Barry, sure they are.

Obama says that when he said Hillary was “likeable enough” during the last debate, he really meant to say that she was plenty likeable. Sorry, Barack, there’s no way to call Hillary likeable without sounding like it’s meant ironically. Can’t be done.


Edwards says he’s a fighter, that growing up in mill towns he had to literally fight to survive. Literally, huh?


Edwards says that his chief weakness is his powerful emotional response to the pain he sees around him.

Hillary says her chief weakness is that sometimes she gets impatient when people don’t understand what we can do to help each other, and this can come across as pushy.

Obama’s chief weakness is that he tends to lose papers and has a messy desk.


Questions for each other. Edwards: what do insurance and pharmaceutical companies expect for their donations? Obama: they’re inspired by my message. Wait, let me get the exact quote: “What happens is, is that you’ve got - if you’ve got a mid-level executive at a drug company or an insurance company who is inspired by my message of change, and they send me money, then that’s recorded as money from the drug or the insurance industry, even though it’s not organized, coordinated or in any way subject to the problems that you see when lobbyists are given money.” Okay, that’s less believable than when he said that no one voted against him on racial grounds or that Hillary is likeable.


Hillary will continue the Bush policy of punishing colleges that exclude military recruiters and ROTC. Those darn schools “disrespect” people who want to serve. Obama and Edwards would also punish them (Obama goes on about the disproportionate burden on poor and rural types, while Edwards is a little embarrassed and skips quickly to talking about veterans).


Everyone is weak to point of pathetic about guns, although Hillary is against “illegal guns.” Even Obama says “it is very important for many Americans to be able to hunt, fish, take their kids out, teach them how to shoot.” Er, why are blood sports so very important?


Obama says that we should make sure No Child Left Behind “is not a tool to punish people”. The very center of NCLB is high-stakes testing, which literally does not work if it is not a tool to punish people.


Edwards opposes building new nuclear power plants. I didn’t know that.


Plenty likeable:

Democratic debate: Likeable enough

Dem debate. This time I’m just reading the transcript, because enough really, and life is too short to listen to Bill Richardson.

Charlie Gibson says there will soon be a terrorist nuclear attack on an American city, he’s sure of it, and how would the candidates respond to one. Edwards says that he would find out who was responsible and go after them, “because if someone has attacked us with a nuclear weapon, it means they have nuclear technology”. Also, the US should “react strongly, but to do it in a way that is calming for the American people and calming for the world”. Edwards is really really off his game.

Obama said, “I am the candidate of change, and if a nuke went off, I would immediately change my underwear.” No, what he said is that he is also for retaliating. Honestly, did Gibson expect this question to lead to any major revelations?

Hillary adopts the Bush policy: the hypothetical perps may be stateless terrorists, but “the stateless terrorists will operate from somewhere.” So we should bomb the shit out of that country.


Obama is against mandatory health insurance because many people are without health insurance because they can’t afford it. Boy, that’s not what the R’s said in their debate.

Then Hillary criticizes him for wanting to make it mandatory for parents to insure their children. I guess it shows he’s a hypocrite, or something.

Edwards says that he and Obama are powerful voices for change, and “Any time you speak out powerfully for change, the forces of status quo attack.”

Hillary, who for some reason seemed to think someone had said her name, attacked responded, “I want to make change, but I’ve already made change. I will continue to make change.” She then gave Bill Richardson three quarters, two dimes and a nickel for a dollar bill.

I’m a little off my game too.

She said that is an agent of change and embodies change and a woman president would be a nice change and did I mention change at all?


Gibson said that the Surge is working (“were it not for the surge, instead of counting votes we’d be counting bodies in the streets”) and tried to get the candidates to agree. Hillary said, “unfortunately, I don’t see any reason why they [American troops] should remain beyond, you know, today.”

A local ABC reporter told Hillary that NH voters “are hesitating on the likability issue.” Only a reporter would think that likability is an “issue.” So why are you so unlikeable, senator, or at least less so much less likeable than Barack, who is quite likeable? Hillary says she too thinks Barack is likeable but “I don’t think I’m that bad.” Obama tells her she’s “likeable enough.” How much is enough? Anyway, I don’t really see her adopting that as a campaign slogan.



During that exchange, Bill Richardson was making puppy eyes at everyone, hoping someone will say that he’s likeable too. They didn’t. Poor Bill Richardson.

Edwards: “When I see these lobbyists roaming around Washington, D.C., taking all the politicians to cocktail parties, I mean, the picture I get in my head is my father and my grandmother going in that mill every day”. Well, the lobbyists could take all the politicians to mills, or all the mill-workers to cocktail parties...

Later he added that politicians go to cocktail parties “every single day.” Maybe they just really like cocktails. He compared himself with another crusader: “Teddy Roosevelt took them on, busted the monopolies, busted the trusts. That’s what it’s going to take.” Only in Edwards’s case, he’ll be busting the cocktail parties. “You cannot nice these people to death,” he added.

Obama said he had banned lobbyists buying meals for members of Congress. The reporter pointed out that they can still feed them at those cocktail parties, as long as they’re standing up.

Shorter Democratic debate: Change. Change change. Change change change. Change.

Change.

Democratic Debate: Asbestos Pantsuits for everyone!

A debate in Las Vegas (transcript). Sadly, Wolf Blitzer did not come dressed as Elvis.

Hillary: “this pantsuit is asbestos tonight.” I just had an extremely disturbing mental flash explaining why she would need an asbestos pantsuit.

Extremely disturbing.


Hillary: “the Republicans are not going to vacate the White House voluntarily.” Cool, I recommend nerve gas. Although it may not work on Cheney.

Biden: this is not about experience, it’s not about change, it’s about action! Although he does have 35 years of experience (which is exactly the same figure Hillary throws around).

Oddly enough, Chris Dodd is also wearing an asbestos pantsuit.



Another question on which no voter will make their decision: will you support the Democratic candidate, no matter who they are? Kucinich says it depends on their war position, everyone else says yes, silently mouthing, “Unless it’s Kucinich.”

I can’t believe the big issue of the 2008 election is going to be driver’s licenses for illegal immigrants. Obama says illegal immigrants aren’t coming here to drive or go to the In-N-Out Burger. Suddenly I want a chocolate milk shake. Kucinich insists on the word undocumented instead of illegal, and tries to talk about creating a path to legalization, but Wolf refuses to let him (or anyone else) avoid the real issue, which is, of course, should they be allowed driver’s licenses, yes or no, yes or no dammit. And if so, should they be required to be organ donors? Okay, he didn’t ask that, but none of the candidates supported driver’s licenses – wait, I think Richardson did, but I don’t really feel obligated to listen when Richardson is talking, I just go to my happy place.


5:33 I just noticed Gravel isn’t here.

Starting with Pakistan, Wolf again interrupts whenever anyone tries to give a more nuanced answer, insisting they respond to his simplistic, dualistic framing of the question: which is more important, human rights or national security? Dodd, by the way, disappointed me by opting firmly for the latter. As did Clinton, but you expect it from her. Biden makes much of the fact that he spoke with both Musharraf and Bhutto, and did so before Bush. Biden’s new motto: “Vote for me, I have a telephone – with speed dial!”

I keep hearing about Biden calling Musharraf, but somehow never hear what Musharraf said to him, although I’m guessing, “Joe Who?”


Free trade agreements, and here comes Wolf with another either/or: NAFTA, good or bad? Hillary wants a “time out” on trade treaties, while they think about what they did. Obama is okay with a free trade deal with Peru because it’s a small country, but not South Korea.

Hillary is happy to be attacked by the other candidates, which she says isn’t because she is a woman, but because she is ahead. Also, she is very comfortable in the kitchen. Must be the asbestos pantsuit.

Wolf again asks the important question: is Hillary playing the gender card? For some reason, though, he only asks this of Edwards, presumably because he is the most “girly” of any of the candidates, as opposed to Wolf, who is manly and is named Wolf and has a beard.

Wolf interrupts Kucinich while he is calling for impeachment, because heaven forfend anyone be allowed to say anything interesting.

Hillary accuses Obama of wanting to raise Social Security taxes on fire fighters and school supervisors.


Biden wants to appoint to the Supreme Court someone who ran as dogcatcher. Not a joke, he says. And his first nominee will be a woman. A woman dogcatcher.

Are elections actually held for an office of dogcatcher anywhere in the country?

Kucinich will appoint aliens from that UFO he saw that time to the Supreme Court.

Someone in the audience asks Hillary if she prefers diamonds or pearls. She said it depends on who what Bill did this time.

Democratic Debate: Rocky XXVIII

Obama says that his fight with Hillary is the most hyped fight since Rocky fought Apollo Creed (hint: he’s Rocky in this scenario). That is some damned disturbing imagery there.

(Later: oh, I get it, he thinks a Rocky reference will go over big because he’s in Philadelphia, where, I believe, that movie was set.)


John Edwards was then invited to pile on Hillary (I believe that makes him Mr. T), which he did, accusing her of “double talk,” although I would say that her evasiveness and over-caution makes it more half talk or quarter talk.

Hillary asks, if she’s so like the Republicans, why are they all attacking her, huh, huh? Um, is that a trick question? She says it’s because she’s stood up against George Bush and his failed policies. Doesn’t mention any of his failed policies she’s actually hindered in the tiniest way. Edwards later says that the R’s keep attacking her because she’s the one they want to run against. Ouch.


Hillary says she will solve Social Security without raising any taxes through “fiscal responsibility,” whatever the hell that means.

After Russert invited the candidates to beat up on Hillary, he invited them to beat up on Iran, because he thinks it will make the debate more exciting. He is wrong.

Biden says the Kyl-Lieberman vote played into the “urban legend” that the US is in a crusade against Islam. I think he means that’s a legend in urban areas like Baghdad, Fallujah, you know, the urban areas with bomb craters.


Hillary, like all of them, says she will try diplomacy on Iran. Says sanctions are a part of diplomacy. I don’t think she knows what the word “diplomacy” means.

Oh, pardon me, she said “vigorous diplomacy.” Well, that’s entirely different.


Edwards says, correctly, that Kyl-Lieberman gave Bush and Cheney everything they wanted and that it looks like it was written by the neo-cons. Dude, what do you think Joe Lieberman is if not a neo-con?


(Long gap here where I lapsed into a hypnotic state, but I’m pretty sure no one said anything interesting.)

Biden on Giuliani: “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, a verb, and 9/11.” Nice. Of course Biden mentions about 173 things in each of his sentences.

Asked about Twitt Romney twice “confusing” his name with Osama bin Laden’s, Obama says he never pays attention to Romney, who’ll probably say something different next week. Man, he needs to hire Biden’s gag-writer.

When did Kucinich start talking about impeaching Bush & Cheney?

And then they said stuff about the alternative minimum tax. And hedge funds.

Lightning round. Can any candidate answer any question in 30 seconds? Surprisingly, no. Honestly, if they can’t solve education in America in 30 seconds, how can they possibly expect to be president? Gravel wasn’t allowed on the stage today, but moron blowhards Tim Russert and Brian Williams were allowed to run this debate.

Only Chris Dodd says illegal immigrants shouldn’t get driver’s licenses, as NY is now debating. He said solemnly that it’s a privilege, not a right. Then played a short film strip about road accidents and pedestrian right-of-way. Hillary... seemed to have 3 or 4 positions on the subject – sometimes 30 seconds is actually too long.


Kucinich confirms that he did indeed see a UFO. Obama dodges question on whether there is life on other worlds. Did I mention that answers on education were confined to 30 seconds?

Only Dodd wants to decriminalize marijuana.

Biden is asked if he would advise people not to buy toys from China for Christmas. Did I mention that answers on education were confined to 30 seconds?

Only Obama is asked what he’ll go dressed as for Halloween, dammit. He’ll wear a Mitt Romney mask, which will have two faces. Anyone have any costume suggestions for the other candidates?

Democratic debate: words do matter

The head of the OSCE election monitors in Kazakhstan says yesterday’s parliamentary elections “continue to move Kazakhstan forward in its evolution towards a democratic country.” Hell, maybe next time an actual member of a party other than Nazarbayev’s might even be elected. Just one, there’s no need to go crazy.

I’m sure absolutely every one of you was riveted to your television during this morning’s Democratic debate, so I don’t have to tell you about it, because you’re still in a coma.


Short version:

If you’re tired of the backbiting in Washington, Obama is your guy (I assume any reader of this or any other blog actually rather enjoys a bit of backbitery).

Most of them think it will take a long time to pull the troops out of Iraq.

Hillary’s against hypotheticals, because words do matter.


Edwards also doesn’t like hypotheticals, because he might want to nuke someone.

Biden made a mention of Vlad the Impaler, which would have been a welcome first in a debate, except he seemed to think Vlad Draculya had something to do with Yugoslavia.

The most decisive moment in Edwards’ life was coming downstairs and seeing his father watching public television. Also, he doesn’t believe in the power of prayer.

Democrats discuss gay issues: semantics may be important to some

Some of the Democratic presidential candidates went to a Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transgender/whatever-the-term-is-for-“I’m not really gay, I just offered that guy twenty bucks to blow him ‘cause I’m afraid of black people” forum, which turned out not to be an actual debate. (For anyone reading this in another country or twenty years from now, here’s a link to explain that reference.)

Biden and Dodd skipped the event, then decided that skipping was itself kind of gay and decided to hold their own belching contest to prove who is the more manly. Jeez, between the hair plugs and the fathering a child in your sixties, I think you two have the over-compensation thing pretty well covered.

Since Dodd claimed a scheduling conflict, I hope someone tracks down what he was actually doing last night.

Obama is playing the race card for all it’s worth, and quite a bit more. Evidently he understands everything the LGBTW community goes through because he’s black and his name is “Barack Obama” and his parents couldn’t have gotten married in some states. (Later he says that isn’t what he was saying and that he’s not into “comparisons of victimology.”) But he is not in favor of letting gay people marry, says civil unions, “As I’ve proposed it, it wouldn’t be a lesser thing, from my perspective,” and the difference is just “semantics.” “Semantics may be important to some,” he said dismissively. He says he would have advised civil rights leaders in the 1960s not to bother trying to end miscegenation laws, but to focus on issues that have “real consequences.” And he reassured churches that no one would force them to perform gay marriages. In retrospect, I think he was saying that as long as everyone gets full legal rights, the state shouldn’t really have an opinion about what constitutes a marriage because the bond of marriage is a purely religious one. Maybe someone should ask him if atheists should be allowed to marry.

He even repeated the famous sentence from his 2004 convention speech, about which I wrote, “You’ll notice his ‘We coach Little League in the blue states and have gay friends in the red states’ line carefully avoided creeping out the homophobes of Middle America by keeping the Little Leaguers and the gays in separate states.”


As John Edwards walked in, the camera focused on an audience member with weird hair. He also understands what it’s like to be different, because he’s so pretty. Lord, right after I wrote that, he did actually say that he understands it because he grew up in the segregated South.

He repudiated his previous statement that he opposes same-sex marriage because of his religious views. But he still opposes same-sex marriage. “All I can tell you is where I am today.”

Asked what he’d do if one of his staff said they were trans-gendered and thinking about making the “transition,” Edwards says he’d help them “in every possible way.” Fine, you hold the penis while the doctor cuts it off.

He said he’s perfectly comfortable around gay people, no matter what you’ve heard.


Dennis Kucinich, who understands what it’s like to be different because he’s an elf and is the favorite of this crowd and of Melissa Etheridge, keeps talking about the power of love. He loves love (although he’s not in love with it).

This is not proving as entertaining as I anticipated.

Mike Gravel also loves love. Melissa Etheridge asks him how he can be so gay-friendly when he’s like really really old, and if there are many gay people in Alaska. Three, as it turns out, and they’re all in the front row.


He says all gays should come out of the closet. I don’t know why, but that’s the only thing I’ve heard so far that surprised me.

Do igloos have closets?



The non-debate format allowed me to fast forward through Bill Richardson (but not in a gay way). I put it back on play while I fed the cat, and he was so laughably out of his depth that I had to go back and listen to the whole thing. He said (sigh) he understands what it’s like to be different because he’s Hispanic. Asked whether homosexuality is a choice or inborn (sadly, no one else was asked this), he seemed never even to have heard of the issue before, first mumbling that it was a choice, then that it was a scientific matter and he doesn’t understand science. Gay people befuddle him (but not in a gay way). He refuses to say if he’d sign a gay marriage bill if one were passed by the New Mexico Legislature, just as Obama refused to say if he’d have voted for one when he was in the Illinois lege.

Hillary talked about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the Defense of Marriage Act as “transitional” policies to fend off far worse Republican moves, trying to make essentially anti-gay measures sound progressive. No one is buying. Although they’ll probably vote for her anyway, and then act surprised when she does little if anything for them. She opposes gay marriage, and calls that opposition a “personal position.” Like Edwards, she seems to think that’s relevant, but a presidential candidate’s positions on public policy issues are not “personal.” She said prefers to think of her position not as anti-gay marriage but as pro-civil union. Margaret Carlson prompted her to say, “I’m your girl,” just as she did to the AFL-CIO two days before. She said it (I could swear I heard Kucinich say it too), but she isn’t. Her and Obama’s sort of “pragmatism,” their willingness to compromise with other people’s rights... hey, I was expecting to blog this forum with nothing but double entendres!


I don’t think there was more than that one question about transgendered people, and I’m quite sure there were none about bisexuals.

Democratic debate: You shouldn’t always say everything you think when you are running for president

Tonight the Democratic presidential candidates not named Gravel debated in an AFL-CIO debate. I’ll go out on a limb and predict that the gay-themed debate two days from now will be less snooze-inducing. The candidates were all in favor of infrastructure and against mine cave-ins. All of which would have sounded a lot kinkier at the gay debate.

Obama would call the president of Mexico and the (non-existent) president of Canada to fix NAFTA. Biden, despite not representing a state actually bordering Canada, knows they have a prime minister.


Hillary said if you want someone to stand up and fight the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, “I’m your girl.” Does that mean she’ll fight like a girl?


Kucinich says he’s the Seabiscuit of this race. Or possibly Hillary said she’s Seabiscuit and Kucinich said he’s your girl – I wasn’t paying very close attention. All of which would have sounded a lot kinkier at the gay debate. Which will be on the Logo Channel, by the way, for the 3 of you who get that one. Last month I saw a very good 1972 tv movie on that channel with Hal Holbrooke as a divorced man coming out to his 14-year old son. His live-in boyfriend was Martin Sheen.


Asked about China, Hillary said she doesn’t want her children [sic] eating bad food from China, or playing with toys from China that will make them sick. Isn’t Chelsea a little old for Thomas the Tank Engine?


Everyone but Obama is so solicitous of General Musharaf. Jeez guys, does the opposite of “naive” (if threatening to invade a country can be so described) really have to be cynical and Kissingerian? Hillary lectured him, “You shouldn’t always say everything you think when you are running for president.” So, COMPETITION 1: What is she thinking that she isn’t saying?


COMPETITION 2: Edwards said that, unlike Hillary, “You’ll never see me on the cover of Fortune magazine”. What magazine cover will we see him on?

Democratic debate: You can now, John, go to Hanoi and get a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cone

Transcript.

Personally, I think if they were going to have a YouTube debate, the candidates should have had to respond to whatever the top 10 YouTube videos were today. We need to know what Kucinich thinks of the cat who plays the piano, what Christopher Dodd thinks of the trailer for the Simpsons movie, and everybody’s opinion of Jessica Biel’s butt.

Hillary is asked if she’s a liberal. She prefers the word progressive, which has “a real American meaning,” or did right up until the moment when she appropriated it and emptied it of any meaning.


Asked to demonstrate their bi-partisanship by naming a Republican they could choose as their running mate, if they were running for president in a wacky sitcom shown only on YouTube, Biden says Chuck Hagel. Sadly, no one else is asked. At the risk of sounding like those knuckleheads at unity08.com, where I’ve seen people seriously propose that Obama and McCain run together, what Republican would be a good – and by good of course I mean amusing – veep for Hillary, Edwards, or whomever? Include an explanation if necessary. And no fair everybody suggesting David Vitter for Hillary.


Reparations for black people (actually, “is African-Americans ever going to get reparations for slavery?” I guess no one posted a video on the subject using grammatical English, huh CNN?): Barack does not take the opportunity to mention that he probably wouldn’t qualify because his ancestors weren’t slaves. Kucinich is the only candidate who supports them (though he doesn’t say how much), making him the instant frontrunner among former slaves, assuming he wasn’t already.

Obama, in a haircut that makes his ears look huuuuuge from certain angles, says he is authentically black because he can’t get a cab in Manhattan.


Hillary says she is authentically female. We’ll take her word for it.

Edwards says he is authentically pretty.

Two underlit lesbians ask if the candidates would let them marry... each other. Kucinich says yes, making him the instant frontrunner among underlit lesbians, assuming he wasn’t already. Dodd says civil unions yes, marriage no. Ditto Richardson, with full marriage rights. Edwards says it is a very difficult issue for him. Poor baby.


Asked about Darfur, Biden said, “Those kids will be dead by the time the diplomacy [Richardson talked about diplomacy] is over. I’m not joking.” Thank you for clearing that up.

Gravel says the Vietnam War was in vain because you can buy a Baskin-Robbins ice cream cone in Hanoi. Ho Ho Ho Chi mint. Let’s see, 55,000 American lives divided by 31 flavors...

Wait, doesn’t that mean we won? Otherwise, Baskin-Robbins here would have only one flavor, rice.

Obama says that troops never die in vain.


Everyone says women should register for the draft. Asks Gravel, who you’d really think would have found out at his age, “What’s the difference?”

Hillary is asked if Arab leaders would take her, a woman, seriously. Yes, she says, pretty much everyone finds me scary.


The candidates are asked if they sent their children to public or private schools, and whether they told their children about sex with medically-correct and age-appropriate terms. Hillary said she just handed Chelsea a copy of the Starr Report.

A video from someone in their bathroom in wacky Berkeley (which CNN spells Berkely) asked something about compact flourescent bulbs. Edwards said their harsh light takes away from his prettiness. Yes, I’m totally making up the answers now. I lost interest about the time they were asked who their favorite teachers were.


I couldn’t quite see, but it looked like they all raised their hands when asked if they flew to the debate on a private jet, except Gravel, who took the train. Obama says he would have taken a cab from Manhattan, but, well, you know.

Asked about health care, Edwards talked about his three-day Poverty Tour (evidently you can see all of it in three days, if you’re using a private jet), in which he met a guy who couldn’t talk until he got his cleft palate repaired when he was 50. Everyone looked at Biden and sighed, for some reason.


A scary man asked if they would take away his semi-automatic (which he called his baby). Biden said yes. He will be missed.

I set the recorder for 5 minutes overtime but they went longer still. Just as it cut out, Edwards was criticizing Hillary’s coat. He will be missed.