What is the capital of Nelsonia?

As part of the deal Harry Reid cut with Ben Nelson, Nebraska will henceforth be known as Nelsonia. Adjust your maps accordingly.

The Case of the Funnel Cake Hit-Man

Harry Reid on Max Baucus: “Max is a good friend and an outstanding senator and he has my full support.” This is why people distrust the ethos of Washington: Reid sees nothing inappropriate in citing personal friendship as a reason for him to ignore a scandal. The NYT mentions something I’m kind of curious to hear more about: “Ms. Hanes handled a number of high-profile trials, including a double murder at the Iowa State Fair in 1996, where a husband and wife who operated a funnel cake stand were killed in a murder-for-hire case.”

(Update: Hired by the couple’s daughter and her husband, looking to inherit their property and of course the lucrative funnel cake business.)

Farewell, Big Bill Lister, “Radio’s Tallest Singing Cowboy,” we hardly knew ye.

Something fairly obvious occurred to me while reading Thomas Friedman’s column today, in which he says, “You can’t train an Afghan Army and police force to replace our troops if you have no basic state they feel is worth fighting for.” Indeed. And since there is in fact no basic state in Afghanistan, worth fighting for or otherwise, it follows that the army we’re building is by definition an army of mercenaries.

This is the chance to show it

Today Bush spoke to the cameras to demand from Congress yet another supplemental spending bill for his various and sundry wars, a mere $46 billion on top of the $150 billion he already asked for for this fiscal year. Ever the master of subtlety, he squeezed his appearance in between a Medal of Honor ceremony for a dead Navy Seal


and a meeting with “veterans and members of military support organizations, the family of the fallen. ... These patriots have come to the Oval Office to make sure -- and to make clear -- that our troops have the full commitment of our government. And I strongly agree that we must provide our troops with the help and support they need to get the job done.” See, it’s not him asking for that $46 billion, it’s the family of the fallen. He’s agreeing with their position.

Bush added, “I know some in Congress are against the war, and are seeking ways to demonstrate that opposition” but those ways should not be, you know, effective in any way. “I often hear that war critics oppose my decisions, but still support the troops. Well, I’ll take them at their word -- and this is the chance to show it, that they support the troops.” He’s so good to us.

Harry Reid says, “President Bush should not expect the Congress to rubber-stamp this latest supplemental request.” What a kidder!

And here’s Laura Bush at a breast cancer awareness event in Abu Dhabi. She looks very aware.

Gumption!

We’re back. Evidently this isn’t a spam blog after all. Who knew?

Karzai says that in Afghanistan, “the war has been won. It is the finishing touch that we are getting at now.” And Afghan institutions will be “standing on their own feet in a few years.” Maybe you’d get to that finishing touch faster if you weren’t sitting down.

At the Wyoming Boys State Conference, a group dedicated to the eradication of the apostrophe, Dick Cheney, who attended the conference as a lad, answers a question: “How is my relationship with Harry Reid? Well, it’s better than my relationship with Pat Leahy.”

He also said that what we need in Iraq is “gumption.” “[W]e’ve got to have the gumption to stay in the fight and to get the job done.”

Can’t have too much gumption.

If you’re playing a Little League game in 1926 in the field behind Old Man Potter’s place.

There was a little dust-up at the OAS General Assembly today, with Condi Rice attacking Hugo Chavez for shutting down RCTV. And just because she more or less agrees with me on this one doesn’t mean she shouldn’t shut the fuck up. Venezuela responded by mentioning the border fence and Guantanamo. She said those issues are fully discussed on American tv, adding, “That is the point of press freedom, that in a democracy, the citizens of a country should have the assurance that the policies of their government will be held up for criticism by a free and independent press, and then we’ll just fucking ignore them, because who gives a shit what a bunch of pansy journalists think, George is the Decider, the Decider I tell you!” I may have made up that last part. Then again, I may not have.

This is the picture the NYT is using for a story about Romney’s business career:


Separated at birth?

Well, I can’t worry about it. I don’t think about it.

Former Director of Central Intelligence George Tenet says that the “enhanced interrogation” of prisoners – which he says is not the same as torture, but won’t say in what way it differs – provided more intel than the FBI, CIA and NSA put together. Tune in to 60 Minutes Sunday to find out if that means our enhanced interrogators are really, really good, or that the FBI, CIA and NSA are really, really bad.

In an interview with Larry King, John McCain called for Alberto Gonzales to resign to restore the integrity of the Justice Dept. Okay, no he didn’t, he said he should leave out of “loyalty to the president.” Wasn’t appointing someone whose only qualification was loyalty to the president exactly the problem with Gonzales in the first place?

Asked what happens if the “surge” doesn’t work, McMaverick said, “Well, I can’t worry about it. I don’t think about it.” Maybe he can put that on his bumper stickers. Wasn’t a refusal to think about what would happen if everything didn’t go exactly according to plan exactly the problem with the Iraq war in the first place?

Asked about Don Imus, McCain said, “I believe in redemption. I believe in forgiveness. And I -- I forgave my North Vietnamese captors, who didn’t treat me very well. I forgave the anti-war movement and reconciled with them.” Larry King did not ask him about his remarks in 2000: “I hated the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live.” He was against forgiveness before he was for it.

He said several times that he was “disappointed” with Harry Reid, adding, “But to declare the war lost, then I think it’s incumbent upon Senator Reid to say who won. Is that al Qaeda? Is that the militia? Is that -- is that the forces of terrorism and radical Islamic extremism that are dedicated to destroying the United States of America?” I’m not sure by what logic Reid needs to say who won, except that McCain wants to implicate Reid in some way for losing the war simply because he pointed out the fact that it has in fact been lost.

As does Joe Lieberman, who writes in an op-ed piece in the WaPo, “When politicians here declare that Iraq is ‘lost’ in reaction to al-Qaeda’s terrorist attacks and demand timetables for withdrawal, they are doing exactly what al-Qaeda hopes they will do, although I know that is not their intent.” I think Holy Joe shows a true generosity of spirit in suggesting that Harry Reid is only an unwitting dupe of Al Qaida.

NATO is holding talks with the Russian foreign minister about our plan to base Star Wars systems in eastern Europe. So naturally right before those talks start, Condi called Russian concerns “purely ludicrous.” Our chief diplomat, ladies and gentlemen, our chief diplomat.

Robert Parry on Posada.

Riverbend is going into exile.

Wherein Dick Cheney defines cynicism (in fact, when you look up cynicism in the dictionary...)

The Bushies are trying to make Harry Reid, who is so harmless that he may be made entirely out of nerf, into a hate figure. Today, Cheney spoke to the press about Reid’s “defeatism.” Cheney speculated about the motives that could be behind such dark deeds: “Maybe it’s a political calculation. Some Democratic leaders seem to believe that blind opposition to the new strategy in Iraq is good politics. Senator Reid himself has said that the war in Iraq will bring his party more seats in the next election. It is cynical to declare that the war is lost because you believe it gives you political advantage. Leaders should make decisions based on the security interests of our country, not on the interests of their political party.”


Note the rhetorical slide there: he starts from “maybe” it’s political calculation so that he never makes the accusation directly, but every subsequent sentence is predicated on the assumption of political calculation.


Reid responded, “I’m not going to get into a name-calling match with the administration’s chief attack dog,” which is technically species-calling rather than name-calling. For some reason, he failed to respond to the implied claim that he doesn’t really believe that the war in Iraq is lost and is just claiming that it is for party political advantage. I think he should take a lie detector test, don’t you? Up next: Cheney accuses Reid of hating dogs.

I thank you very much for the Bleed Blood Blue Drive

Bush met with the Indianapolis Colts today. That’s a football team, I gather. He recited the Colts’ history of the last football season, how they started out strong, then had a losing streak in which some doubters wrote them off, then they came back to win, because they had “heart.” Everything in the world is a metaphor about him, isn’t it?

Speaking of the circulatory system, he thanked the Colts for their various good works: “I thank you very much for the Bleed Blood Blue Drive’ [sic] -- that’s hard for a guy from West Texas to say -- (laughter) -- ‘Bleed Blood Blue Drive’ [sic] in which you’ve encouraged 2,000 people to donate blood.” (I googled it: Bleed Blue Blood Drive.)

And it’s not a true White House event without a stupid-looking cowboy hat.



Every so often the White House website has “Setting the Record Straight” articles, which are usually attack pieces on some Democrat. Today they may have reached the pinnacle in gratuitous insult with “Reid vs. Reid: A State Of Confusion,” in which “corrections” to statements by Harry Reid are each snidely introduced “In Case Sen. Reid Missed It.”

My last post mentioned the Baghdad wall(s), which the US seems be calling barriers. In comments, JustZisGuy suggested the Bushies might name it The Great Wall of Democracy or The Freedom Fence. I hereby call a NAME THAT WALL CONTEST. Entries in comments. Winners will receive a souvenir piece of the wall after the Iraqis take sledgehammers to it.

He joined the Navy to see the world, and what did he see...?

Bush is evidently going to give Admiral William Fallon the CentCom job currently held by John Abizaid, overseeing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, despite the fact that he is an admiral in the Navy. The “surge” will evidently involve battleships and submarines. It’s that element of surprise that makes this a stroke of pure genius.

So the Democrats are in charge of both houses of Congress, and in a historic breakthrough, Harry Reid, a middle-aged wealthy white guy, has become Senate majority leader. The marble ceiling has indeed been broken. Congratulations, Harry, you are a role model for middle-aged wealthy white guys everywhere.

If they want to do that, hook it up

The NYT has an article on how “Newt Gingrich has set his sights not on the presidency, but on the restoration of God to a central place in American government and culture.” And when he says God, he of course means Newt Gingrich. Newton is forming a committee called American Solutions for Winning the Future (or ass-woof for short).

As I write, Newtie is supposed to have a program on God and politics on Fox, but is being preempted by some sort of rescue operation on Mt Hood. Maybe there is a God.

Harry Reid says he’ll “go along with” a “surge” increase in troops in Iraq and “give the military anything they want.” Leadership, ladies and gentlemen, leadership.

From News of the Weird, quoting the Washington Blade, the feds have been going after assets that Enron executives put in the names of their spouses, all except for one guy, who plead guilty to illegally obtaining $16.5m but put assets in the name of his same-sex partner.

Guantanamo hunger-strike update: 3 hunger strikers still being force-fed. Guard commander Col. Wade Dennis says of them, “If they want to do that, hook it up.”

Today’s must-read: the NYT on the Iraqi legal system, which is not legal or a system or wholly Iraqi, and it’s worse than you think.

The problems haven’t gone away

Bush and Cheney met with Senators Harry Reid and Dick Durbin today. Afterwards, Bush said, “The elections are over, the problems haven’t gone away.” Reid and Durbin refrained from saying, “No kidding, dickwad, we just met with two of them.”

Speaking of dickwads, if I announce a caption contest, can I trust you people to refrain from pointing out that both Bush and Reid brought a Dick to the meeting?

Overzealous

How dare CNN run anonymously a quote as provocative as “It’s beginning to look like the Marines were overzealous.” Other than that, their story about the cover-up of the Haditha massacre has nothing new, and rather than less than was known in March.

The $100 oil-price bribe may be a transparent gimmick, but I want to put myself on the record as being willing to be given $100. I am in fact solidly in favor of being given money. Harry Reid unwittingly revealed himself to be part of the problem today when he said something about $100 not even being two tank-fulls. Um Harry: we don’t all drive SUVs.

Slow news day. In absence of better raw material I’m tempted to make fun of the headline “Bolivia: Morales Defends Gas Grab,” but I think I’ll just let it go.

(Update: No I won’t. Gas grab. Heh.)

Candid council -- is that what they’re calling it these days?

Harriet Miers has sacrificed herself to preserve the separation of powers, sez Bush. “It is clear that Senators would not be satisfied until they gained access to internal documents concerning advice provided during her tenure at the White House - disclosures that would undermine a President’s ability to receive candid counsel.” There won’t be more than six people in America who’ll buy that one.

Harry Reid assigns responsibility for the failed nomination to radical right-wing Republicans, adding “I mean, it must be them, because we just stood around with our thumbs up our ass. Again.”

But I wonder who George Bush really blames for this fiasco? Not himself, of course, and probably not Miers. Reid may now think that the Dems’ quiet about Miers was a brilliant strategy, but who will Bush feel a need to appease with his next nominee? Or will he go the other way, in a snit, and petulantly refuse to appease a faction that failed to give him the loyalty he feels is his birthright?

From the Guardian:

A hospital has removed a staff unicycle from its children’s ward after a mother complained that her six-month-old baby had to wait for treatment while his doctor learned to ride it up and down corridors. ...

The South Tyneside NHS Foundation Trust said: “On a children’s ward, we strive to combine professionalism with an air of informality and fun aimed at putting children at ease. On this occasion we did not succeed in achieving this compromise.”

The BBC is closing down its broadcasts in Bulgarian, Czech, Greek, Hungarian and other Eastern European languages in order to pay for a new Arabic tv service in the Middle East. Could anything say more clearly that the BBC functions as the propaganda arm of British foreign policy?

Michael Brown is not only still on FEMA’s payroll as a “consultant,” a gig just extended for another month, but he’s getting the same salary as when he (supposedly) ran the agency.

I do not rise for party, I rise for principle.

Dana Milbank has a lovely, must-read article about the Senate fight over judicial nominations. It starts with Frist astonishingly unprepared to answer why he supported filibusters of a Clinton judicial nominee: “Mr. President, the, in response, the Paez nomination, we’ll come back and discuss it... It’s not the cloture votes, per se. It’s the partisan leadership-led use of cloture to kill, to defeat, to assassinate these nominees.” Later the R’s claimed that he’d meant character assassination (keep in mind that one of the key players is Ted Kennedy, who has a little bit of experience with both kinds of assassination) (and Frist has a little bit of experience with assassinating kitty cats). Later, Harry Reid accidentally called Dick Cheney a “great paramour” of virtue. He corrected himself to “paragon,” which doesn’t seem right either. Maybe he meant paramecium. Or parasite.

Frist claimed “I do not rise for party, I rise for principle.” (I assume that by “rise,” he does not mean “get sexually aroused”). But you’ll notice he didn’t take any chance that the D’s might let the first judge through by picking one with bipartisan support. No, he started with Priscilla Owen, an arch anti-abortionist. When a politician starts talking about principle, it’s time to clench your ass-cheeks very tightly, cuz he’s gonna try an’ fuck ya.

The Post also attributes to Ted Stevens the idea that would become the “nuclear option:” simply ruling that filibusters would no longer be permitted. The same Ted Stevens who secured for Anchorage $1.5 million for a bus stop. A single bus stop. Outside the, I believe, Anchorage Museum of the History of Snow. Oh, it’ll be a very nice bus stop. Enclosed, heated, possibly with a pool, a masseur, who knows.

I know I didn’t connect those two Ted Stevens stories, but the line between them is on the Anchorage bus line, and who wants to leave the luxurious bus stop and get on a crappy ol’ bus?