Berlusconi’s usual generosity

Silvio Berlusconi explains that his giving large sums of money to prospective witnesses in his trial for paying a underage prostitute for sex, including 100,000 to showgirl slash dental hygienist slash regional councillor slash pimp Nicole Minetti was an example of his “usual generosity,” (update: correction, that’s his lawyer speaking) and that “When someone in difficulty asks for help, you don’t ask what for.” Of course since she’s about to go on trial for procuring prostitutes for him, he probably didn’t need to ask what for. “When I am confronted with dramatic and touching cases, I don’t hesitate to intervene whether it be for individuals or for charities.” Yeah, touching... cases.

Berlusconi is finally on trial for the underage prostitute thing. Evidently his parties featured women, including Lombardy regional councillor (that’s roughly the equivalent of a US state legislator) Minetti, dressed as nuns, stripping. Also, a stripper dressed as AC Milan footballer Ronaldhino. Also, twins.

Misc

White House petition news: A petition asked Obama to acknowledge that extraterrestrials have visited the earth. The White House refuses. The cover-up continues.

Charles Pierce describes Twitt Romney as “a man who could be mugged for his wallet through the mail”.

Every day now I see stories about Berlusconi denying that he’s about to quit. This is ridiculous. Berlusconi’s whole strategy for staying out of prison is to hold onto political power and abuse it to distort the already distorted Italian criminal justice system. Of course he won’t leave power voluntarily.

Hugo Chavez calls Carlos the Jackal “a dignified bearer of the biggest struggles,” because if there’s one thing Hugo Chavez is an expert on, it’s dignity.

I’m always of two minds when “missing” film footage turns up, unless it’s from Greed or Metropolis. That said, 17 extra minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey is one thing, the missing “flaming nipples” scene from Blue Velvet quite another.

Headline of the Day Not Involving Herman Cain (AP): “Peacocks, Prostitutes Found Inside Acapulco Prison.”

At various times today, AP headlines on Cain spoke of his “bold sexual advance” or more specifically “Woman Accuses Cain of Reaching for Genitals,” boldly. The Guardian daintily refers to “sexually inappropriate conduct.”

Herman Cain Accuser #4, Ms. Bialek, is white. NOW he’s over. #LikeYouWeren’tThinkingTheSameThing

Because nothing empowers women like telling them what they can and can’t wear

Italy is joining other European countries in planning to ban the burqa with a new law requiring women’s faces to be visible. Since the proposal comes from Silvio Berlusconi’s party, it will probably also require their breasts to be visible.

Because nothing says austerity like Silvio Berlusconi

The Italian cabinet approves an austerity budget. Henceforth, Berlusconi will throw simple bunga parties.

An exciting time for African democracy

Italians voted this week on several national referenda on Silvio Berlusconi’s policies, put on the ballot by his opponents. Berlusconi’s policy towards the election, therefore, was to tell his supporters not to vote, since referenda fail if they don’t get a 50% turnout (before this week, none had for 16 years), and use his dominance of the state and private media to stifle discussion of the election. But there was a high turnout, and c.94% votes to overturn his plans to build new nuclear plants, privatize water, and give immunity to government officials such as himself who are just too busy to be bothered by corruption trials.

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A couple of days ago, Hillary Clinton gave a speech to the African Union in Addis Ababa.

SAY, HILLARY, WHAT TIME IS IT? “Let me begin by saying this is an exciting time for African democracy.”


Indeed, “we do know that too many people in Africa still live under longstanding rulers, men who care too much about the longevity of their reign, and too little about the legacy that should be built for their country’s future.” She did not say how many people in Africa is the right number to still live under longstanding rulers, men who care too much about the longevity of their reign, and too little about the legacy that should be built for their country’s future, but apparently the current number is too many.

The Arab Spring (er, didn’t that lead to a military coup, several bloody crackdowns, and an ongoing civil/international war?) sent a message: “The status quo is broken; the old ways of governing are no longer acceptable; it is time for leaders to lead with accountability, treat their people with dignity, respect their rights, and deliver economic opportunity.” So evidently in the past, until earlier this year, I guess, the old ways of governing were perfectly acceptable and it was not time for leaders to lead with accountability, treat their people with dignity, respect their rights, and deliver economic opportunity.

The Arab Spring “has particular significance for leaders in Africa and elsewhere who hold on to power at all costs, who suppress dissent, who enrich themselves and their supporters at the expense of their own people. To those leaders our message must be clear: Rise to this historic occasion; show leadership by embracing a true path that honors your people’s aspirations; create a future that your young people will believe in, defend, and help build.” So evidently democracy will come about by leaders who hitherto have held on to power at all costs, suppressed dissent and enriched themselves and their supporters at the expense of their own people, changing their minds and “showing leadership.” Maybe it’s me, but I’m wondering if we haven’t seen quite enough leadership from people who have held on to power at all costs, suppressed dissent and enriched themselves and their supporters at the expense of their own people.

NOT THAT IT’S A CONTEST OR ANYTHING: “The women of Africa are the hardest working women in the world.”


WELL, NOT THE TIDE OF LIBYAN HISTORY: “There is little question that the kind of activities that, unfortunately, have affected the Libyan people for more than 40 years run against the tide of history.” I don’t think the threat of being “against the tide of history” or “on the wrong side of history,” as she says elsewhere in the speech, is one that really has ever had anyone quaking in their boots. All this “history” talk is the 21st century version of saying that Africans are at a more primitive stage of civilization.

HAS HE CHECKED BEHIND THE SOFA CUSHIONS? “But it has become clearer by the day that [Qaddafi] has lost his legitimacy to rule, and we are long past time when he can or should remain in power.” She does not say when he lost his legitimacy to rule or when and how he acquired that legitimacy in the first place. She says that the AU nations should expel Qaddafi’s diplomats and “increase contact and support for the Transitional National Council.” Maybe the council found the legitimacy that Qaddafi so carelessly lost. Or maybe not, since Clinton doesn’t suggest that African nations recognize it as Libya’s one and true government.

Awkward.

WHAT HILLARY HAS NEVER MET: “We welcome to our shores immigrants from every country represented here... But I have never met an immigrant from Africa who has not said he or she wished they could have done the very same in their own country, among their own people, close to their family, eating the food, smelling the flowers, seeing the sights that are in their blood. I want to see that for Africa, where people are coming home to Africa because this is where opportunity for the future resides.” I believe she’s saying that she wants Obama to go back to Kenya and let her be president.

Oh, and “seeing the sights that are in their blood”? Unless she’s talking about something involving Raquel Welch in a miniaturized submarine, that comes across just a bit racist.

And then she left early, because of a volcano in Eritrea. Volcanoes always seem to be chasing Obama officials out of countries lately, don’t they?

They experienced difficulties

The British, who I’m given to understand used to run an entire empire, sent what Foreign Secretary William Hague calls “a small British diplomatic team” to Benghazi by helicopter, equipped, as all diplomatic teams are, with guns, explosives, and false passports. Given that no one was expecting armed SAS soldiers to drop from the sky, the anti-Qaddafi rebels they were supposed to be making contact with immediately took them prisoner (Hague: “They experienced difficulties”), and subsequently expelled from the country (“which have now been satisfactorily resolved”).

Meanwhile, a former aide of Qaddafi claims that the reason Qaddafi was elected head of the African Union in 2009 was that Silvio Berlusconi got the leader of an unnamed nation who was opposing him to change his vote by sending two prostitutes to... convince him.

A healthy lay status

The pope criticized Silvio Berlusconi for fucking all those prostitutes, saying, “The singular vocation that the city of Rome requires today of you, who are public officials, is to offer a good example of the positive and useful interaction between a healthy lay status and the Christian faith.” Um, yeah.

As such

Berlusconi says he couldn’t possibly have paid all those young women and under-aged girls to have sex with him, because he has been in a stable relationship with one woman since his wife divorced him for having sex with women he paid money to. Quod erat demonstrandum.

Former dictator Baby Doc Duvalier returns to Haiti “to help the people of Haiti,” and is not immediately tossed into prison (or torn apart by angry mobs).


Prime Minister Bellerive says Duvalier “is a Haitian and, as such, is free to return home.” He’s also a mass murderer and, as such, shouldn’t be free to do anything but rot in a cell. I have nothing funny to say about this.

Jean-Bertrand Aristide is still in exile.

Headlines of the day from the greatest newspaper ever

The Daily Telegraph today brings us these journalistic gems:

“Silvio Berlusconi Buys 37 Rings for His Leading Ladies.” Meaning $1,850 gold & diamond rings for women MPs. I believe they had to take them from his penis.

“Japanese Woman Sues Google for Displaying Images of Underwear.” Google Street View strikes again. “I could understand if it was just a picture of the outside of the apartment, but showing a person’s underwear hanging outside is absolutely wrong,” she says.

“Hospital Hired Models in Lab Coats and Heels ‘To Attract Men.’” UMass Memorial Health Care hired the models to flirt with men in malls and coax them into having swabs taken for a bone marrow registry. And then billing their insurance $4,300.

“Swedish Medical Students Get Teacher’s Body at First Autopsy.”

“Barack Obama Scoops Bo’s Poop.” Hey, he’s getting off lightly. John Boehner is going to make him eat his.

This was at an elementary school. No one asked him about dog poop. Some student asked how much fun is it running around the White House all day, and he brought up the poop thing all by himself. The children’s response, as recorded by the White House transcript: “Ew!”

One kid asked him for an autograph. He said no.

“Surgeon Made Dominatrix Blush.” Dr. W masturbated after giving Mistress J botox injections at a clinic in, um, Maidenhead.

“Model’s Hair Catches Fire at Rapper Diddy’s Party.” And there’s a video you can watch (I didn’t), because he was webcasting the album-release party. “Diddy has apparently been told not to return to the hotel.”

“Winona Ryder Claims Mel Gibson Called Her an ‘Oven-Dodger.’” I assumed it was some sort of sexist thing, but it was an anti-Semitic thing. Charming.

All the news the Daily Telegraph sees fit to print

Today’s paper tells us that Sarah Palin really admires Simon Cowell.

And that the world’s tallest couple (she’s 6'6, he’s 6'10.4") live in Stockton.

And that Silvio Berlusconi ordered a new penis for a 2nd century statue of Mars, at a cost of 70,000. It’s attached with a magnet. “Experts studied statues of male nudes from the same period in order to determine what the dimensions of the prosthetic penis should be”. (One of the commenters on the article heard the story on the BBC, reported by David Willy.) He also had a hand restored to Mars and one to the Venus statue with which it’s paired. I suppose we should be thankful he didn’t give Venus a boob job.

Before & after:


Speaking of Berlusconi and art, here’s a picture (which I cropped) from yesterday’s NYT, showing a horse’s ass and a painting.

Daily Telegraphy, and the return of bunga bunga

News from the Daily Telegraph: a 10-year-old gives birth in Spain.

“Sicilian Bandit King’s Skeleton Is Too Short” (Salvatore Giuliano, supposedly killed and buried in 1949, evidently faked his death).

“Harry Potter Blamed for India’s Disappearing Owls” (for children’s parties and, sigh, sacrifices).

And I’ve been remiss in not mentioning Silvio Berlusconi’s latest scandal, intervening to get a 17-year-old illegal immigrant Moroccan bellydancer (and not a prostitute at all, she says) who goes by the nom de bellydance “Ruby” released from police custody after she was arrested for theft. He told the cops she was the granddaughter of Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak. She is not. Evidently she and the PM met at a “bunga bunga” party, which refers either to some sort of sex act (possibly imparted to Silvio by Qadafi)(!) or to a dirty joke, evidently involving a pair of his political enemies and the sexual practices of a tribe of African cannibals. I’d hoped to find the exact sex act/joke before posting, but we can’t have everything.

This is the second time the term “bunga bunga” has appeared in this blog; the last time it was uttered by Virginia Woolf and friends in a rather different context.

Ruby (who says she never had sex with Berlusconi) is writing a book.

Berlusconi says, “I have a gruelling work schedule and if I happen to look pretty girls in the face now and then, it’s better to be passionate about beautiful women than to be gay.” She’s 17 years old. He’s 73.

And, not surprisingly, Berlusconi’s package catches on fire.

Confidence man

Silvio Berlusconi wins another vote of confidence.


He followed it up with a speech to the Italian Senate in which he took credit for persuading Bush to bail out the banks, persuading Obama to negotiate a nuclear treaty with Russia, and persuading Putin not to conquer Georgia in 2008, thus saving President Saakashvili being “hanged from the highest tree.”

Caption contest!

Minetti is back!

The famous pressure Obama is putting on Netanyahu is for a 4-month construction freeze in East Jerusalem. For which Obama would not only pressure Abbas to hold talks with Israel, but direct rather than indirect talks. Four full months. That’s like tipping your waiter a nickel.

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Berlusconi, annoyingly, did well in regional elections (although the racist Northern League did better), and he got a judge to overturn the little fake-signatures problem in Lombardy, so showgirl slash dental hygienist Nicole Minetti can add another line to her resume: regional councillor.

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The ANC is angry that a song, recently sung by the party’s Youth League leader, has been banned as hate speech (by a white High Court judge yet): “Shoot the Boer.” They say it’s part of their heritage. I can’t find this no doubt catchy ditty on You Tube, but here are the lyrics, in Zulu and English:

Ayasab’ amagwala [the cowards are scared]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
ayeah
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
ayasab ‘a magwala [the cowards are scared]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
awu yoh
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]

awe mama ndiyekele [mother leave me be]
awe mama iyeah [oh mother]
awe mama ndiyekele [mother leave me be]
awe mama iyo [oh mother]

aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]

Ayasab’ amagwala [the cowards are scared]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot ]
ayeah
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
ayasab ‘a magwala [the cowards are scared]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
iii yoh
dubula dubala [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]

awe mama ndiyekele [mother leave me be]
awe mama iyo [oh mother]
awe mama ndiyekele [mother leave me be]
awe mama iyo [oh mother]

aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]

Ziyarapa lezinja [these dogs are raping]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
ay iyeah
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Ziyarapa lezinja [these dogs are raping]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
ay iiiyo
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]

Aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Aw dubul’ibhunu [shoot the Boer]
dubula dubula [shoot shoot]

Ayasab’ amagwala [the cowards are scared]
Dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Ay iyeah
Dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Ayasab’ amagwala [the cowards are scared]
Dubula dubula [shoot shoot]
Ay iyeah

You won’t have Nicole Minetti in a gold bikini on a swing to kick around any more

Berlusconi’s party will not be running candidates in regional elections in 2 of the 13 regions voting later this month. In Lazio (around Rome), a party official failed to turn in the candidate list by the deadline. He says he was late because he was eating a panino sandwich. Or he was checking on his sick daughter. Or he was “distracted” by the Radial Party members. And in Lombardy, 500 of the necessary 3,500 signatures turned out to be invalid. This is a definite bump on the political road for showgirl slash dental hygienist Nicole Minetti, who was to have run in Lombardy. The Assemblea regionale’s loss is dental hygiene’s gain.

Berlusconi and the Silvioettes

Berlusconi has picked the latest batch of unqualified hotties as candidates for regional elections. Let’s meet them, shall we?

Nicole Minetti, a showgirl slash dental hygienist, who treated Berlusconi – I’ll bet she did, I’ll bet she did – after he was hit with that statue.


Former Miss Italy 2001 finalist Italia Caruso,


Giovanna Del Giudice, who Berlusconi “discovered” in a nightclub and made her a star, or at least a weather girl on one of his channels,


and model Graziana Capone, the “Italian Angelina Jolie.”


Minetti says, “I have my CV, I am prepared and I am up to fulfilling the role. Can you stop publishing photos from when I worked in TV?”

No, no we can’t.

Berlusconi is very concerned about food security

Silvio Berlusconi, in the middle of trying to change the law to throw out trials (such as those he’s about to undergo, but also 100,000 others) that take more than six years to complete (which may not sound unreasonable, but this is, you know, Italy we’re talking about, and it’s not like he’s doing anything about making the judicial trains run on time), is also trying to run out the clock under the existing rules by scheduling foreign trip after foreign trip after foreign trip so he can claim to be too busy to attend his own various trials. He just got a two-month delay on his tax fraud trial because it was very important that he attend a UN summit on food security. You know where you don’t have to worry about food security, Silvio? In prison, where you belong.

Meet the most persecuted person in the entire history of the world and the history of man

It’s Silvio Berlusconi. He said so himself, so it must be true: “I am without doubt the person who’s been the most persecuted in the entire history of the world and the history of man.”

For example, he said, he’s had to fork out 200m euros in legal expenses on “consultants and judges.” He then “corrected” himself to say “consultants and lawyers.”

Berlusconi versus the Red Judges of Doom

The law Silvio Berlusconi designed to give him legal immunity is overturned as unconstitutional (in that it was passed as a regular law rather than a constitutional amendment and it violated the principle of equality before the law) by “red judges,” as Berlusconi today called the Constitutional Court, adding, “Viva Italia, Viva Berlusconi!”, which wasn’t creepily fascistic at all.

His argument for demanding immunity was that being tried for bribing judges, bribing MPs, embezzlement, tax fraud, false accounting, witness-tampering, etc etc would be a “distraction.” He much prefers being distracted by, well....

First above equals

Silvio Berlusconi’s lawyer, arguing that he deserves immunity from prosecution: “He is no longer ‘first among equals’, but ought to be considered ‘first above equals.” “The law is equal for everyone, but not always in its application.” Especially if you bribe the judge, which is one of the charges he wants immunity from.

Boffo

Name of the Day: the editor of the Catholic newspaper L’Avvenire, who has had to resign after being exposed by a Berlusconi-owned newspaper as having been fined as a “sex pest,” in retaliation for the paper’s reporting on Berlusconi’s own sexual misdeeds: Dino Boffo.

After Berlusconi went after the editor, by the way, he had to cancel his appearance at that plenary indulgence mass, which means, if I understand these things correctly, that he will be going to hell after all.