Reigniting the promise of America

Ted Cruz announced his imaginary candidacy for president (that is, he used the word “imagine” many times during the speech, which he gave at an institution which firmly believes that imagination is the tool of Satan, Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University (which, following the proud tradition of the Holy Roman Empire, is not a university and does not have liberty).

AREN’T THERE HAIRSTYLES RIDICULOUS?: “Imagine your parents when they were children.”

UM, WHY ARE THE NICE BAPTISTS LAUGHING AT CRUZ’S CUBAN FATHER?  “Imagine a teenage boy, not much younger than many of you here today, growing up in Cuba. Jet black hair, skinny as a rail.
(LAUGHTER)”

OF COURSE WHEN JEFFERSON TALKED ABOUT CHAINS AND MISCHIEF, HE MAY HAVE HAD SOMETHING ELSE IN MIND:  “the purpose of the Constitution, as Thomas Jefferson put it, is to serve as chains to bind the mischief of government.”

BUT IF EVERYONE FOLLOWS US, WON’T WE STOP BEING “EXCEPTIONAL”?  “And then the American exceptionalism that has made this nation a clarion voice for freedom in the world, a shining city on a hill.”

BURN, BABY, BURN! “I want to talk to you this morning about reigniting the promise of America”.

IMAGINE: “I want to ask each of you to imagine, imagine millions of courageous conservatives, all across America, rising up together to say in unison ‘we demand our liberty.’” Because nothing says liberty like millions of people speaking in unison.

The interesting part of that sentence is actually the word “our.” “We demand liberty” would be a much more idealistic battle-cry, but he’s positioning liberty as something that belongs to those “courageous conservatives” who are demanding it, and who presumably don’t have it now, or why would they be demanding something that belongs to them, which means that someone, someone or ones who are something other than courageous conservatives, must have stolen it. So what starts out as a call for liberty is transformed by that “our” into a whine of victimization.

WELL, THAT’S WHERE ALL THEIR SELF-FLAGELLATION EQUIPMENT IS:  “Today, roughly half of born again Christians aren’t voting. They’re staying home.”

BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS INNOVATION AND OPPORTUNITY LIKE FUCKING COMCAST:  “Imagine innovation thriving on the Internet as government regulators and tax collectors are kept at bay and more and more opportunity is created.”

Five years ago today, the president signed Obamacare into law.
   
AUDIENCE: Boo.
   
Within hours, Liberty University went to court filing a lawsuit to stop that failed law.

How can you call something “failed” only hours after it’s initiated, before it’s even... Oh yeah, the “Ted Cruz Presidential Campaign.” Never mind.

IMAGINE: “Imagine abolishing the IRS.” And Coca-Cola in the drinking fountains.

IMAGINE: “imagine repealing every word of Common Core.” And not being able to spell any of them.

IMAGINE: “that every single child, regardless of race, regardless of ethnicity, regardless of wealth or ZIP Code, every child in America has the right to a quality education.” Unless their ZIP code has a 7 in it; those people piss me off.

SOME OF US DO SEEM TO BE HALF-BAKED: “God’s blessing has been on America from the very beginning of this nation, and I believe God isn’t done with America yet.”

In case you’ve been staring at Ted Cruz trying to figure out who he looks like, Princess Sparkle Pony and I worked that out.

Don't see comments? Click on the post title to view or post comments.

That's on us

Yesterday, Obama spoke about the ObamaCareTron3000 failures. (And yes, it would help if I actually posted these things after writing them).

But first, he talked about last week’s typhoon in the Philippines:

IN THE REPUBLICAN RESPONSE, TED CRUZ DENIES THAT LIFE IS FRAGILE, SO WHY WOULD ANYONE NEED HEALTH INSURANCE?: “It’s a heartbreaking reminder of how fragile life is, and among the dead are several Americans.” Wait, several Americans? Does that mean we have to pay attention now?

TED CRUZ DENIES THAT THIS IS ONE OF OUR CORE PRINCIPLES: “One of our core principles is, when friends are in trouble, America helps.”

Obama admitted that “the rollout has been rough so far.”

SO WE’RE DOOMED: “Doing more will require work with Congress.”

TOTALLY DOOMED: “We can always make this law work better.”

IF I HAD HUMAN EMOTIONS: “And I understand why folks are frustrated. I would be, too.”

EXCEPT OUR I.T. PEOPLE, OBVIOUSLY: “But we always knew that these marketplaces... that that was going to be complicated and everybody was going to be paying a lot of attention to it.”

He admits that the “If you like your insurance plan you can keep it” thing “ended up not being accurate.” Actually, it pretty much started up not being accurate and then continued not being accurate. If the ACA didn’t include regulation of insurance plans, and if it forced insurance companies to continue offering plans against their wills, and if it didn’t exempt smaller businesses from the obligation to provide insurance for their employees, then it might have been accurate. “We put a grandfather clause into the law, but it was insufficient.” Fucking grandfathers, always letting us down. And being racist.

He says that sure some insurance companies are hiking rates by 30% or dropping prescription drug coverage, “But that’s in the nature of the market that existed earlier.” Ah, so you’re saying the ACA hasn’t failed, it was simply never intended to deal with the ways insurance companies find to screw us over. I for one feel much better about Obamacare now.

But just in case you think Obama can’t do anything right, there’s one area where he crows that he’s completely crushing it: the quality of life of Iranians. “Iran’s economy has been crippled. They had a minus 5 percent growth rate last year. Their currency plummeted. They’re having significant problems in just the day-to-day economy on the ground in Iran.” And we as a nation can all be proud of that.

FAIR TO SAY: “And I think it’s fair to say that we have a pretty good track record of working with folks on technology and IT from our campaign where, both in 2008 and 2012, we did a pretty darn good job on that.” So... you’re saying... if it’s important to you, you get it right?

At one point, he went on about the decision to require seatbelts in new cars. “Well, the problem with the grandfather clause that we put in place is it’s almost like we said to folks, you got to buy a new car, even if you can’t afford it right now. And sooner or later, folks are going to start trading in their old cars. But we don’t need -- if their life circumstance is such where, for now at least, they want to keep the old car, even if the new car is better, we should be able to give them that option.” So we’re waiting for the transmission to go out on crappy insurance plans? What becomes clear about his announced “fix” of grandfathering in more policies is that he thinks people are utter idiots for keeping those policies and that he’s only letting them because he over-promised/lied when he was selling ACA. He may well be right, but that tone of contempt will not go over well.

On immigration reform: “But my working assumption is people should want to do the right thing.” So he’s learned nothing.

Don't see comments? Click on the post title to view or post comments.

Republican Convention: Does not compute

In the Up-and-Coming-Wingnuts portion of the Convention, Texas senatorial candidate Ted Cruz just said that Democrats are telling Hispanics they’re not welcome here.

---

Herman Cain says he’s hired investigators to find the source of those stories about his sexual indiscretions during the primaries. I can say you the money, Herman: it was your dick.

Don't see comments? Click on the post title to view or post comments.