Chimpish ignorance and superstition

Language Log takes Bush to task for selectively quoting from a Thomas Jefferson letter in his July 4th speech yesterday in a way that distorted its meaning. Here’s the full quote, with the words Bush for some reason skipped highlighted:

May it [the United States] be to the world, what I believe it will be — to some parts sooner, to others later, but finally to all — the Signal of arousing men to burst the chains under which monkish ignorance and superstition had persuaded them to bind themselves, and to assume the blessings and security of self-government.

Today, Bush’s Indy-Day-themed weekly radio address claimed that “human freedom is the birthright of all people and a gift from the Almighty” and concluded, “And with the protection of Divine Providence it will continue to shine brightly for generations to come.” He may talk about liberty, but it’s always in that tone of monkish ignorance and superstition. People who don’t believe in liberty as being maintained solely by the thoughts and efforts of mere mortals, as opposed to “Divine Providence,” do not understand liberty.

Wherein is revealed who was an unwavering champion of those struggling for liberty

Bush describes the late Jesse Helms as “an unwavering champion of those struggling for liberty.” I don’t think that word means what George thinks it means. He adds that “we pray he finds comfort in the arms of the loving God he strove to serve throughout his life.” I pray he finds that God is a pissed-off black lesbian.

Speaking of politicians who were friends to blacks, women and especially to black women, Bush celebrated the Fourth of July at Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello, which he’s evidently never bothered to visit before. Jefferson was a godless heathen, you know.

Jefferson, he said, “was known to have read five books at a time on a revolving book stand.” Whereas Bush has been known to spin five times on a revolving book stand until he gets dizzy and falls off.

Symmetrical simpleton
HOW WE HONOR JEFFERSON’S LEGACY (HINT: IT INVOLVES INVADING OTHER COUNTRIES): “We honor Jefferson’s legacy by aiding the rise of liberty in lands that do not know the blessings of freedom.”

Monticello hosted, as it does every year, a naturalization ceremony.

DUDE, THEY RAISE ONE HAND. UNLESS THEY’RE FRENCH, OF COURSE: “When you raise your hands and take the oath, you will complete an incredible journey.”

HEY, I’M JUST SURPRISED HE CAN COUNT THAT HIGH: “These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people.”

It’s our calling to keep the pressure on these people

It’s the 4th of July, and George Bush gave a little speech about the need to kill foreigners thousands of miles away. I’m pretty sure Jefferson put something about that somewhere in the Declaration of Independence. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of Osama bin Laden.

Remember, no matter how many times words like freedom and liberty vomit from the chimp-like mouth of George W. Bush, they’re still good things. It may, however, be a while before we can hear them without flinching.

Bush gave his speech in West Virginia, where for some reason he spends most of his 4ths of July (if that is the correct plural). He says it’s because “I love coming to your state because it’s a state full of decent, hardworking, patriotic Americans, unlike those losers in Vermont.” I may have made up that last bit. Bush, by the way, has never been to Vermont as president.

For symbolic reasons, he always addresses military audiences, in this case the West Virginia Air National Guard. He spoke in a maintenance hangar, which I like to think was also symbolic.


He said, “I enjoyed reciting the Pledge of Allegiance with some of the children from our military families. I thought they handled their task quite well.”


And then he asked them who that Richard Stands fella was.

IN OTHER EXACTLY THE SAME WORDS: “More than two decades [sic] later, it is hard to imagine the Revolutionary War coming out any other way – but at the time, America’s victory was far from certain. In other words, when we celebrated the first 4th of July celebration, our struggle for independence was far from certain.”

SOME? NAMES, WE WANT NAMES: “Because in this war, we face dangerous enemies who have attacked us here at home. Oh, I know the passage of time has convinced some -- maybe convinced some that danger doesn’t exist.”

NOT JUST A FACE FOR LIBERTY, BUT THE GREATEST FACE FOR LIBERTY: “In Afghanistan -- where I know some of you have been deployed and some of you are deployed -- we removed a regime that gave sanctuary and support to al Qaeda as they planned the 9/11 attacks which killed nearly 3,000 citizens. They found safe haven. That’s what they like. They like a place where they can plot and plan in relatively – in security, all aiming to come and harm the citizens of the greatest face for liberty in the world.”


WE DO? “We believe in an Almighty, we believe in the freedom for people to worship that Almighty. They don’t.”

A COLLECT CALL, NO DOUBT: “And it’s our charge, it’s our calling to keep the pressure on these people”.

He said that if the US leaves Iraq, Al Qaeda will be able to “establish their safe haven from which... to plan and plot attacks against the United States.” It’s always plan and plot (or sometimes plot and plan), isn’t it? Aren’t those pretty much the same thing?

They would also use Iraq’s oil to “exhort economic blackmail on those who didn’t kowtow to their wishes.” Another word Bush doesn’t know the meaning of: exhort.

What sort of timetable was it you didn’t like again?

Great minds think alike. Bob of Bob’s Links and Rants has done something I actually thought about myself but was too lazy to do: highlight the currently relevant bits of the Declaration of Independence.

Bush, speaking at Fort Bragg to the 18th Airborne, or, as he likes to call them, the 8th Airborne, has discovered the rhetorical device known as repetition:

Setting an artificial timetable would be a terrible mistake. At a moment when the terrorists have suffered a series of significant blows, setting an artificial timetable would breathe new life into their cause. Setting an artificial timetable would undermine the new Iraqi government and send a signal to Iraq’s enemies that if they wait just a little bit longer, America will just give up. Setting an artificial timetable would undermine the morale of our troops by sending the message that the mission for which you’ve risked your lives is not worth completing.

Then he adds, in case you were wondering:

We’re not going to set an artificial timetable to withdraw from Iraq.

Speaking of not completing one’s mission, the unit searching for Osama bin Laden was dissolved in December, and no one bothered to inform us. Says the first head of the unit (1996-9), “This will clearly denigrate our operations against Al Qaeda.” Is it elitist of me to wonder if there’s a hint to the reason he never caught Osama in the fact that he doesn’t know the difference between degrade and denigrate?

Bush ended his little pep talk with this comment, worthy of a Victorian empire-builder: “You’ve kept America what our founders meant her to be: a light to the nations, spreading the good news of human freedom to the darkest corners of earth.” And then killing everyone they see.

Soldiers, with a penis-substitute. And I don’t mean the cannon.

The wisdom and the blessing of Divine Providence

I trust everyone saw the July 4 event in which everyone inc Shrub shouted the words “under God” in the pledge of allegiance. Makes you proud to be a Christian, I mean American. Bush talked about how “the wisdom and the blessing of Divine Providence” have guided the nation. Oh good, I’d hate it to think it was you, George.

Japan’s farm minister says that whales cause (human) starvation by eating a lot of fish.

The US is planning to resume helping Peru and Colombia shoot down drug-smuggling planes, having passed the statute of limitations on fuckups just 14 months after participating in Peru’s little mishap with all the American missionaries. You may remember that the Americans working with the Peruvians at that time a) worked for a private contractor, b) didn’t speak very good Spanish. The contractor was actually a CIA front company, now defunct, which I assume means they were doing an end-run around Congressional undersight [see, I said I’d use that one at some point]. No one’s explaining why it’s a good idea to shoot down planes and kill people over drugs (it’s also against international law), as 38+ planes have been in Peru under this program, much less because they don’t respond to their radios; I mean, if I don’t answer your emails in a timely fashion, please don’t fire a missile at me. The CIA has taken its balls-up and gone home, so the State Department will be in charge of the resumed program and, once again, private contractors, mostly the same ones the CIA used. I don’t actually know which is worse, having the spooks telling foreigners when to shoot down planes, having diplomats do it, or having private contractors do it.

Those poor foreigners: we’re guided by the wisdom and the blessing of Divine Providence, all they get are lowest-bid contractors with bad Spanish-language skills.

I think I deserve some sort of credit for “taken its balls-up and gone home.”