Today -100: March 14, 1912: Of stupid and fantastic stories

President Taft is (finally) planning to get Congress to ban the sale of arms and munitions to the combatants in the civil war in Mexico.

Some of the British suffragettes who broke windows are sentenced to 4- and 6-month prison terms.

The Cuban government asked its ambassador to get a statement from President Taft about “rumors” that the US planned to invade it again (those rumors possibly caused by Secretary of State Knox having threatened that very thing in January). Taft responds: “The United States cannot be expected to take the trouble to deny all the foolish gossip which is, unfortunately, spread about its foreign relations. It should be understood in Havana that whenever the United States has anything to say about her relations with Cuba it will be said by the President or the Secretary of State. ... I am astonished to learn from you of the stupid and fantastic stories which are being circulated in some circles in Havana to the effect that intervention is being planned... [rumors which are] all the more surprising and reprehensible in view of the transparent politics of the United States. The Government of the United States, as an act of friendship, has indicated where dangers are and has adopted what has been well called a ‘preventive policy,’ that is, a policy which consists in doing all within its power to induce Cuba to avoid every reason that would make intervention possible at any time.” Yeah, I can’t see how stupid and fantastic stories about American intervention could start.

Striking corset workers (which sounds like something out of some sort of historical porno) in Kalamazoo, hit with a court order against picketing, are instead praying outside the factory (praying that scabs join the strike).

NY Governor John Dix, a Democrat, “has put on war paint” in preparations for battle with the Democratic/Tammany machine, which has just defeated his nominee for a position on the Public Service Commission for the 2nd district, which was I guess Boss Murphy’s attempt to show Dix who really runs things.

The huge Lawrence, Mass. mill strike is finally over, after two months, the IWW agreeing with textile mill owners to a pay increase of 5 to 25% (the lower-paid workers getting the largest increases).

Headline of the Day -100: “20th Century Goes into River.” Not a metaphor, apparently: the 20th Century was the train between Chicago and NYC.

Caption contest

Barack Obama, having evidently borrowed Romney’s Casual Shirt, took British Prime Minister David Cameron to a basketball game today. Did they shove phallic-shaped food-adjacent objects into their mouths? Yes, yes they did.

Today -100: March 13, 1912: Of feathers in France

Headline of the Day -100: “France Won’t Ban Feathers.”

Today -100: March 12, 1912: Of young suffragists and doggies

The Tennessee Legislature (which in 8 years will be the state that puts the 19th Amendment over the top) hears its first speech in support of women’s suffrage. It’s by Anna Hooper, the 9-year-old daughter of the governor. She notes that ignorant men are allowed to vote (as long as they’re white, she doesn’t say), but educated women are not. (Except for the fact that Anna was the youngest delegate to the 1924 Republican convention and that she died at age 100, I can find out nothing about her.)

Headline of the Day -100: “Peary’s Opinion of Dog Meat.” Admiral Peary thinks the... catering... on the Amundsen expedition, while “not a regular item on the polar bill of fare... comes enough as a matter of course not to be thought of either as a delicacy or as particularly hard rations.” And dogs have the advantage over ponies that when one dies, its body can be eaten by both men and dogs, while ponies can be eaten by the men but not by thee surviving ponies.

Today -100: March 11, 1912: Of coal and mules

With Prussian and French colliers about to join their British brethren on strike, and an anthracite miners’ strike threatened in Pennsylvania, the coal strike is rapidly going global.

Headline of the Day -100: “Cabinet on Mules Goes to See Knox.” The Honduran cabinet, taking a five-day round trip out of their no doubt busy schedules, because for some reason Secretary of State Knox couldn’t get from the port of Amapala to the capital. The NYT notes that Knox “had no special mission” in Honduras. He is now on his way to Salvador, which is evidently what gringos called El Salvador back then.

Today -100: March 10, 1912: Of the higher interests of art, spanking suffragettes, and ignoring primaries

A Munich jury acquits French dancer Adorée Villany of giving an immoral performance, deciding that she danced nekkid in “the higher interests of art.”


The Kentucky Legislature passes a bill for women’s suffrage for school board elections. Unlike male electors, women would have to be able to read and write.

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times), on the subject of the British suffragettes: “‘Spank Them,’ Is Cry in London.” Or at least, that’s the cry “in first-class smoking compartments” (the equivalent of Thomas Friedman’s wisdom-spouting taxi drivers, I guess).

Sen. Leroy Percy (D-Miss.) refuses the Mississippi Legislature’s demand that he resign his seat. He says that his offer to resign if he lost a primary was restricted to 1910, and the primary was held in 1911.

Today -100: March 9, 1912: Of lynchers of nations, poles, and tyranny & confusion

Secretary of State Philander Knox is still touring Latin America, and while reporting is spotty, the trip doesn’t seem to be going that well. Nicaragua had to deploy troops to keep him safe and Costa Rica’s leading newspaper called him “the lyncher of nations.”

The NYT publishes Amundsen’s account of his polar expedition, with stern warnings for anyone who even thinks of violating their copyright. Warning: many dogs are killed and eaten in this story (Amundsen says they were delicious).

Norwegians may have discovered the South Pole, but under international law they don’t own it unless they also occupy it.

President Taft gives a speech in Toledo attacking Roosevelt’s idea of recall of judges as leading to tyranny and confusion.

Today -100: March 8, 1912: The whole world has now been discovered

The Senate passes the arbitration treaties with Britain and France, after gutting them to the point of making them meaningless. The NYT blames Roosevelt.

The Ohio constitutional convention votes to put women’s suffrage on the ballot in November.

A NYT editorial on British suffragette Christabel Pankhurst compares her disappearance to that of the Mona Lisa, and refers to her no fewer than three times as “little” (or “diminutive but tremendously aggressive”). It says that “No sane person can sympathize with the recent violent actions of the British suffragettes” at a time when there are a lot of strikes in Britain.

The NYT says of the Amundsen Antarctic expedition, “The whole world has now been discovered.” The head of the University of Chicago geology department says the discovery of the South Pole means that long-term weather predictions are now possible.

Headline of the Day -100: “Telephone Lines at War.” Rivalry between telephone companies leads one to cut off Hope, Blairstown and Belvidere, NJ.

The LAT reports under the headline “Disposing of a Leper” that John Early (we have encountered him before) will be “allowed to find a refuge” on tiny Eagle Island, Washington, by a federal government which feels no obligation to pay for his maintenance while he is involuntarily confined in this refuge. Also, he can’t cut down the trees, which help steamers in the fog somehow.

Today -100: March 7, 1912: Of airships, fugitives, and poles

Another advance in civilization: dirigibles are used in warfare for the first time, as Italian airships drop bombs in Libya.

The British police have so far failed to find and arrest suffragette leader Christabel Pankhurst, and will continue to do so (“They seek her here, they seek her there... that damned elusive Christabel”), possibly because when they raided WSPU headquarters yesterday she was on the roof. She is, in fact, now making her way to Paris, from where she will continue to general the militant wing of the suffrage movement (some of the militant wing; they were rather prone to splits) until the Great War begins.

Remember Capt. Lux, the French spy who escaped from a German fortress at the end of last year? He has been cited to appear at a local court in Germany for failure to pay a baker for the cakes he ate as a prisoner. Lux says he left a check in his cell which should more than cover it.

In honor of the forthcoming visit of US Secretary of State Philander Knox, Nicaragua locks up 100 opposition types, including the editorial staffs of two newspapers, which had suggested that an appropriate welcome for Knox would be dynamite.

Capt. Roald Amundsen has returned from the South Pole. The NYT seems to think that instead of having their sleds pulled by dogs, the Norwegians had trained polar bears.

Loaded term

I was gonna analyze Eric Holder’s state-sponsored-assassination-is-not-only-perfectly-legal-but-also-way-cool speech, but I ran into the problem that it was filled with words and terms I thought I knew the meaning of, but which Holder either stripped of meaning entirely or used to designate something entirely different from my understanding of those words: clear authority, robust oversight, due process, core Executive functions, and so on. It’s hard to debate with someone when you don’t share a common language (although seek out – because I need a nap and don’t feel like looking up the URLs – the responses of Glenn Greenwald, Charles Davis, Charles Pierce, and the ACLU).

My favorite bit, because it was so very like George Bush insisting that the US does not torture because when the US does it, it’s called something else, was where Holder insisted that the killing of people in foreign countries is not “assassinations.” “They are not, and the use of that loaded term is misplaced. Assassinations are unlawful killings.” Instead, this is “use of lethal force in self defense”.

So that’s okay then.

Today -100: March 6, 1912: Of primaries, retired presidents-for-life, and raids

Both houses of the Mississippi Legislature pass a resolution asking US Senator Leroy Percy (D) to resign, which he had promised to do if he lost the primary, which he did, last August, to racist pig and former governor James Vardaman. Of course, this is before the 17th Amendment, so the primary was entirely advisory, and Percy had proposed holding it in the first place. There was only a primary, no general election, so only the Democrats – the white Democrats – were asked to express their opinion.

The chairman of Roosevelt’s campaign committee, Sen. Joseph Dixon, challenges Taft’s chair (William McKinley, evidently no relation to the president) to primaries in every state to see just which candidate Republicans in the country actually prefer. McKinley asks whether Dixon has authority from TR to issue such a challenge.

Former Mexican dictator Porfirio Díaz, in... retirement... on the French Riviera, denies that he plans to return to take a role in the ongoing revolution: “I have no intention of intervening in the strife of the parties, especially while they have not recovered their reason.”

London police raid the headquarters of the Women’s Social and Political Union, the suffrage organization responsible for all the window-breaking, and arrest all the leaders they can find (including Christabel Pankhurst, the NYT mistakenly reports). Public buildings, including the British Museum, have been closed, because who knows what the suffragettes will break next. Insurance companies are issuing special window-breaking-by-suffragettes policies (damage from riot is not ordinarily covered by insurance, so those department stores are shit out of luck). The London Times suggests that the government seize the WSPU’s funds. The Daily Express says, “We are all tired to death of the Suffragists.” One of the 150 or so suffragettes apprehended for window-breaking is American sculptor Alice Wright. The NYT asks a class-mate of hers at Smith if she’s pretty. Yes. As pretty as Inez Milholland (American suffragist pin-up)? No.

Oh, and today is evidently the 100th anniversary of the Oreo.

Better to be a dic.... tator than to su... oh, never mind

Berlarus dictator Lukashenko says “it’s better to be a dictator than gay.” Though, to be fair, being a dictator is probably pretty awesome.

Today -100: March 5, 1912: Well, he was pretty young to be stabbed

The House Rules Committee hears witnesses from Lawrence, Mass. about the conditions in the mill town that led to the current strike, which has been going on for seven weeks. The witnesses included 13 children, who testified about police beatings of women and children during the strike. Rep. Thomas Hardwick (D-Georgia) demanded that one witness, Samuel Lipsom, an immigrant from... somewhere... provide names of victims of police violence. Lipsom said that a Syrian boy had been stabbed. “Is that boy here?” “He’s stabbed – dead – to death. He was running away when the soldier stabbed him.” “How old was he?” “He was 16 to 20 years old.” “Then he wasn’t a child?” “Well, he was pretty young to be stabbed.”

The office of Massachusetts Governor Foss responds to a NYT inquiry about this testimony and admits that the not-child was killed by a bayonet stab; he was “in a mob which refused to disperse.” The reply blamed the violence against women on the strikers, who put them in the front. It says that some of the strikers have “slapped the soldiers in the face and thrown pepper in their eyes” and that the soldiers have not used undue force or clubbed any women or children.

Today -100: March 4, 1912: Of war dead, child’s garments, quiet suffragettes, women in trousers, and oddies

Italy admits to 536 dead in its little imperial war in Libya and 324 missing (note: the story’s headline gives a total of 660 instead of 860, suggesting either the Times’s math sucks or one of those numbers is a typo).

Woodrow Wilson calls the Republicans’ beloved protective tariffs “a child’s garment, not that of a man. We have outgrown it.”

Headline of the Day -100: “6,000 Police to Keep Suffragettes Quiet.” As if. British suffragettes in prison for the last bit of window-breaking have been breaking the windows in their cells.

For no particular reason, the LAT gives a list of the privileges women are granted in Kansas. They can keep their maiden names, own her own property, hold any government office, and can wear men’s trousers, as long as she doesn’t pretend to be a man (men cannot wear dresses in public).

The governor of Nevada in 1912 was named Tasker L. Oddie. That is all.

Today -100: March 3, 1912: Of non-interference, negro terror and rice, losing it at the movies, and whippings

President Taft issues a proclamation ordering everyone in the United States to refrain from interfering in Mexican affairs (except for the people selling arms to both sides, obviously, because capitalism is capitalism), and to be prepared to evacuate the country.

Headline of the Day -100: “Negro Terror May Shorten Rice Crop.” The “negro terror” is due to the voodoo sacrifice cult killing people in Louisiana and eastern Texas. A cop just killed a “negro faker” selling charms to ward off the cult’s killers. The NYT often uses local stringers for stories like this; you can tell by the use of the phrase “superstitious darkies” and the fact that the headline focused on agricultural matters and not on, say, the 31 murdered African-Americans. The Times notes that white planters are worried that the blacks are arming themselves against the axe killers and that after the sect fades away, the blacks “will be left with weapons any time the so-called race question bobs up.”

The NYT claims that a 3-year-old boy in New Orleans died due to over-excitement from an exceptionally stimulating cowboys-and-Indians movie.

French missionaries are massacred in the fighting in Beijing.

A Delaware man convicted of burglary is sentenced to 14 years and 70 lashes (40 yesterday, the other 30 a week later).

The prime minister does not have meetings on horses

In Britain, Horsegate continues, hilariously. David Cameron finally admits to having ridden Raisa the horse. Here are just some of the quotes from various people in The Guardian story about this:

“I think my staff have had to answer a lot of questions about horses.”

“I don’t think I will be getting back into the saddle any time soon.” (Update: the full quote is actually “I am very sorry to hear that Raisa is no longer with us and I think I should conclude that I won’t be getting back into the saddle any time soon.” Although David Cameron trying to ride a dead horse would be a good metaphor for something or other.)

“The prime minister does not wear pyjamas on the back of a horse.”

“The prime minister does not have meetings on horses.”

(The Independent deserves special mention for using the phrase “mounting criticism” in a headline).

Jumping the gun a little bit there

At a campaign event at ABC Home and Carpet in New York City yesterday, Obama was interrupted by a heckler right after he claimed that the US is “leading, again, by the power of our moral example,” give or take a few hundred drone strikes. The White House transcript has the heckler just saying “No more war!” although reporters say (and it’s what I hear too) it was “No war on Iran” – an interesting alteration.

He responded, waggling his finger, “None of this -- nobody has announced a war, young lady. (Applause.) But we appreciate your sentiment. (Applause.) You’re jumping the gun a little bit there. (Applause.)”

So remember, the time to oppose a stupid war is always after it has already started.

Today -100: March 2, 1912: Of maenads and parachutes

British suffragettes (“Mrs. Pankhurst and her maenads” as the London Times calls them) break windows in the West End of London. Lots and lots of windows. Shops, clubs, government offices, you name it. The London Times says it is a sign of despair, given the “obvious movement of public opinion from indifference to hostility”.

For the first time, someone parachutes from an airplane. Capt. Albert Berry, who has experience parachuting from balloons, is the son of balloonist Capt. John Berry. In a heartwarming sidebar, father and son were reunited after 20 years when John read in the newspapers about Albert going on trial for his part in the Coatesville lynching last year. So okay, maybe not that heartwarming.

Daily Telegraphy: The Witches of Windsor

Tomorrow’s Telegraph brings us one of the odder British political scandals: “David Cameron ‘Likely’ to Have Ridden Rebekah Brooks’ Ex-Police Horse, Number 10 Says.” The cosiness between the Metropolitan Police and Murdoch’s News International (elsewhere we learn that the assistant commissioner who refused to reopen the phone hacking investigation was fed expensive meals and lots of champagne at posh clubs by his good friend, the deputy editor of the News of the World) extended to the Met “lending” NoTW editor Brooks a retired police horse named Raisa and now it seems that Cameron probably rode Raisa but not, he insists, after he became PM. I especially like the triptych that accompanies the article:


In Mannheim, Germany, Google Street View captured the image of a naked man climbing into a car trunk, but really, who hasn’t done that?


But the Daily Telegraph Headline of the Day has to be “Witchcraft Is Growing Threat to Children in Britain, Warn Police.” A Congolese family in London killed a 15-year-old family member because he was a witch. Given the “Satanic ritual abuse” panics of the 1980s, I’d take police warnings about this with a grain of salt, but what really makes this the Headline of the Day is the layout of the front page:

Today -100: March 1, 1912: Of censors and partitions

British playwright Lawrence Cowen, after having his play Tricked banned by the official censor (the Lord Chamberlain), resubmits it under the title Quits, with new character names but otherwise exactly the same, and has it approved.

US Attorney General George Wickersham is trying to get the American Bar Association to rescind its decision to expel Assistant Attorney General William Lewis for the malfeasance of being a negro. When he was elected to membership, “His color was not the subject of inquiry.” Some Southern members of the Bar Association have been saying that he applied under false pretenses. Mind you, he didn’t say that he was white, so the false pretenses are presumably that any negro must under all circumstances announce themselves as such.

Germany, Britain, Russia and Japan have agreed to principles proposed by US Secretary of State Philander Knox regarding China: no power is to grab territory from China or make loans to it (the main non-gunboat means of gaining control over a country’s policies) without agreement from the other powers. There is some fear that China’s weakness due to its revolution (there is currently shooting in Beijing) will lead to a scramble to partition it.

Today -100: February 29, 1912: Of routs and leather minorities

Headline of the Day -100: “CAVALRY ROUTS WOMEN.” At the Lawrence, Massachusetts mill strike.

Kinky Headline of the Day -100: “Leather Minority Ignored.” Minority shareholders of the Central Leather Company.

Today -100: February 28, 1912: Of cowboys and Mexicans

The new Sun Yat-Sen government in China has lost no time in threatening to start a war, with the Netherlands yet. Evidently Dutch soldiers in the Dutch East Indies (Indonesia) killed some Chinese people, and China will send ships to bombard Batavia (Jakarta) if it doesn’t receive an indemnity.

Headline of the Day -100: “Cowboys Rout Mexicans.” Some Mexican rebels who crossed the border in a cattle-stealing raid.

Rebels have captured Juarez. President Madero says yeah, whatever.

The NYT absolutely will not shut up about Roosevelt’s promise in 1904 not to seek another term, which TR now says meant another consecutive term.

9 Republican governors come out in favor of Taft. 7 support TR, 1 LaFollette, which leaves 5, of whom the Tafties claim 3.

Today -100: February 27, 1912: Down with the fools!

Two near casualties of the turmoil in Mexico: employees of a London phosphate company on Clipperton Island, a French possession (which Mexico also claimed) in the Pacific Ocean 600 miles off Acapulco (today it’s uninhabited). The Mexican government forgot to send a scheduled supply ship.

Charles Maurras, editor of the far-right newspaper L’Action Française, duels (with swords) the editor of L’Autorité, Paul de Cassagnac. When French editors edit, they fucking edit! Maurras is wounded in the arm but sadly is not hurt more seriously. He will duel Cassagnac’s brother Guy next.

Someone leaks the private letter Roosevelt sent Taft a year ago offering to raise and lead a cavalry regiment if the US went to war with Mexico.

A man dressed like a clergyman fires a gun in the lobby of the British Houses of Parliament, shouting “Votes for women! Down with the fools!” Samuel Henry also claimed the government had suppressed his book, “Tolstoy on the Messiah.” At his trial he said that firing a gun in the air is “a simple, straightforward way of drawing attention to a fact.” The magistrate replied, “That is not the proper way to do it.”

Wicky fwows up

Rick Santorum: “What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can come into the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up.”

People of non-faith?

Today -100: February 26, 1912: Of hats and rings

Theodore Roosevelt finally responds to a letter from 8 governors asking him to run for president (the cynics among you will rightly suspect that he asked them to write the letter), and says that why yes he will accept the Republican nomination, if it should happen to be offered to him.

Woodrow Wilson is asked by a reporter if he will fight his opponent for the Democratic nomination Beauregard “Champ” Clark’s monopolizing of the “dog song,” which the reporter describes as making a universal appeal to the spirit of Democracy (i.e., the Democratic Party). Wilson asks to hear the song. It goes a little something like this:

Every time I come to town
The boys keep kicking my dog aroun’
Makes no difference if he is a houn’,
Gotta quit kickin’ my dog aroun’.

Wilson decides the song is not worth fighting over.

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times): “Taft Showing Rapid Strides.” I would have thought more like waddles.

I’m an elite snob, and I vote, motherfucker

Prick Santorum has gotten some attention for saying that Obama is a snob for wanting Americans to go to college, which are to Santorum’s mind giant de-christianization factories. But it’s not just knowledge that Frothy despises, it’s smarts: “Barack Obama’s view of America is the same view, well, that the sovereigns of old had, which is that Americans are better off being ruled by smart people, the elite snobs.”

It’s not often that politicians will come right out and brag about not being smart, although most politicians know that Americans largely share Santorum’s suspicion of smart people, the feeling that smart people are laughing at them behind their backs (as well they should be). You never heard Bill Clinton talking about his Rhodes Scholarship.

The WaPo article contrasted the bumper stickers at Santorum & Romney rallies:

Santorum’s was a car-decorating crowd: “Abortion is NOT Healthcare.” “Warning — In Case of Rapture, This Car Will Be Unmanned.” At the Romney rally, the most you got was “My Child Is an Honor Student”.

If Santorum’s supporters had a child who was an honor student, they’d shackle her in the basement and whip the book larning out of her.

Today -100: February 25, 1912: Of bombardments, booze, co-education, and decolletage

Italian warships bombard Beirut, killing 60, because why not.

The LAT reports that “official circles” in Constantinople believe Italy is trying to provoke “Moslem fanatics” to massacre Christians in Beirut.

Woodrow Wilson supports local option on liquor, but he says that because the issue is so divisive and cuts across normal party loyalties, he prefers to avoid the Democratic Party taking a position. Wilson had to make a public statement because a letter of his advocating prohibition in Texas last year just became public. He says statewide prohibition is okay in Texas because that state is so homogeneous.

Virginia’s state senate votes down a proposal to establish a women’s college associated with the University of VA.

Mexican President Madero orders Federal troops to take no prisoners in fighting the rebels.

The pope has banned ecclesiastics from attending any social functions (possibly just in France?) where women show too much cleavage.

Today -100: February 24, 1912: Of strikes, annexations, and heckling

Secretary of State Philander Knox is going to Colombia after all, and the ambassador who said he wouldn’t be welcome has been recalled.

The Lawrence, Mass. strikers plan to send their children away to NYC and Philadelphia. Lawrence police are determined to stop them.

The Italian parliament officially annexes Libya (Italian North Africa, as it is now known; the name Libya is some time in the future) by a vote of 431 to 38.

British Chancellor of the Exchequer David Lloyd George speaks, or tries to speak, at a meeting of moderate suffragists at the Albert Hall, but is heckled (London Times sub-hed: “A Much Interrupted Speech”) continually by less moderate suffragists.

And NY State Senator Harold Bayne is laughed at during a speech to the Woman’s Suffrage Party in which he says that “In time, the average woman will have the intelligence of the average man.” Sen. Bayne is a very average man indeed.

This must be some definition of honorable with which I was not previously familiar

Sgt Frank Wuterich, the only person involved in the Haditha Massacre the military managed to convict of anything, if not actually put in prison, has been given a general discharge under honorable conditions from the Marine Corps.

He gets to keep all his veterans benefits, because of course he does.

Today -100: February 23, 1912: The fight is on and I am stripped to the buff

Teddy Roosevelt is rumored to have told an Ohio politician who asked him about maybe possibly running for president again: “My hat is in the ring. The fight is on and I am stripped to the buff.”

There’s a taxicab drivers’ strike in Paris. Strikers have been leaving bombs in taxis, blowing up 20 so far.

Headline of the Day -100: “Fruit Man Attacks Court.”

(Update: Let’s pair that one – or should I say pear that? – no, no I shouldn’t – with a headline from tomorrow -100’s paper: “Butter Men Try to Stop Inquiry.”)

Republican Debate #20: Oh, look at him talking about these things

Transcript, part 1, 2, 3, 4.

CNN asked those of us watching at home to rise for the National Anthem. I did not, and surprisingly was not struck down by lightning bolts from Uncle Jesus and/or Uncle Sam.

BE VEWWY VEWWY QUIET: The CNN intro calls Ron Paul “the delegate hunter.”

HEH HEH, HE SAID BOTTOM: In their opening statements, Santorum says he wants to “include everybody from the bottom up,” because it’s always nice to start a debate off with a good snigger.

(Update: searching the transcript, I find that Santorum said Ron Paul is in the bottom half of Republicans by conservative voting record, he used the phrase “bottom line” 3 times, and no one else used the word bottom at all. Hmmm.)


MASTER OF HIS DOMAIN: Romney says the promise that if you worked hard, went to school and learned the values of America, you’d be rich and secure has been broken by Obama. Bad Obama, bad! Then he (mis)quotes George Costanza (when they’re applauding, stop) (I see Romney as more of an Elaine, what do you think?).

Gingrich promises $2.50 a gallon gasoline.

Ron Paul explains that the reason his commercial says that Rick Santorum is a fake is because Rick Santorum is a fake. Santorum offers to let Paul touch him.

SANTORUM: I’m real, John. I’m real.

PAUL: Congratulations.

SANTORUM: Thank you.

Paul: foreign aid goes to “all our enemies.”

For the second time, Romney says that if businesses don’t balance their budgets, they go out of business. Hey, have you noticed that that doesn’t happen with nations,* so that maybe that analogy is flawed?

*except Greece.

Santorum admits he was an “earmarker,” defends it by saying the government’s budget priorities aren’t always right and he had to redress them in Congress. And he would ban earmarks. Mittens says he didn’t follow that. Mittens admits he asked for earmarks for the Olympics, defends it by saying it’s traditional. And he would ban earmarks. Also, too, the bridge to nowhere.


Mittens keeps mentioning the Olympics, because surely Americans’ love of luge and bobsledding will propel him straight into the White House.

Gingrich’s attempts to smile avuncularly are astonishingly creepy.

Romney says Obama “gave” the auto companies to the UAW. Gingrich says the bailout was “an unprecedented violation of 200 years of bankruptcy law by Barack Obama to pay off the UAW”.

Paul: “I opt for the free market in defense of liberty. That's what we need in this country.”

GINGRICH ALWAYS WANTS TO BE CLEAR: Gingrich to moderator John King: “But I just want to point out, you did not once in the 2008 campaign, not once did anybody in the elite media ask why Barack Obama voted in favor of legalizing infanticide. OK? So let’s be clear here.”


LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT HIM!!! Asked about his opposition to contraception, Santorum complains about children raised out of wedlock, which would obviously cease to happen if we outlawed Planned Parenthood, or something. “The left gets all upset. ‘Oh, look at him talking about these things.’”

DON’T BLAME THE PILLS. Ron Paul says it’s not the pills (i.e., The Pill) that create immorality, “I think the immorality creates the problem of wanting to use the pills. So you don’t blame the pills.” He invokes the NRA slogan “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” So I guess pills don’t fuck people, sluts do. Or something. At any right, libertarian Ron Paul is no more in favor of women having sexual autonomy than anyone else on that stage.

Romney also hates out-of-wedlock births, which are especially high “among certain ethnic groups.”

Romney denies that the Catholic Church in Massachusetts was ever forced to provide Morning After pills to rape victims, that’s just crazy talk.

THE POWER OF FORCE: Gingrich says that’s not what he heard, and this just shows the problem with government providing services: “you inevitably move towards tyranny, because the government has the power of force.” Astonishing (well, no it isn’t, not at this stage in the degeneration of our political discourse) that Gingrich could talk about the power of force in this scenario and not be referring to that used by the rapist, whose victim Gingrich is trying to force to carry his baby, because otherwise you’d have tyranny.

See in this scenario, the Republicans see the Catholic Church as the real victim, not the rape victim.

Everyone talks about how they hate Planned Parenthood. As well as planned parenthood.


WHO KNEW? This is new: Romney says we once have Obamacare because Arlen Specter voted for it, and Arlen Specter (“the pro-choice senator of Pennsylvania”) was only re-elected because Santorum supported him, so Obamacare is all Santorum’s fault. “So don’t look at me. Take a look in the mirror.”

Gingrich would move half of Homeland Security personnel to the border with Mexico.

Someone was wondering who would be the first to talk about the threat of Hezbollah in Latin America. It was Romney.

Gingrich denies that Iran is a rational actor. And that if Israel, which presumably is a rational actor, wants to bomb Iran... (I put in the ellipses because he didn’t finish the sentence).

Gingrich: “I’m inclined to believe dictators.” Well, Santorum’s inclined to believe the voices in his head, so...

VOTE FOR OBAMA AND THE WORLD BURNS: Twitt Romney says Obama shouldn’t have removed Eastern European Star Wars sites without getting Russia to support “crippling sanctions” against Iran in exchange. And Obama shouldn’t oppose Israel taking military action against Iran. And we should take military action against Iran. If Obama is elected, Iran will have nukes “and some day, nuclear weaponry will be used. If I am president, that will not happen. If we reelect Barack Obama, it will happen.”

Santorum: Syria and Iran is an axis. And Obama is “afraid to stand up to Iran.”

The first thing Gingrich would do to deal with Syria would be drilling on federal lands and offshore and eliminating the EPA.

Gingrich and Romney say we should get our good buddies in the Middle East to arm the Syrian opposition.

Gingrich: “This is an administration which, as long as you’re America’s enemy, you’re safe. You know, the only people you’ve got to worry about is if you’re an American ally.”


I’LL BET HE DID, I’LL BET HE DID: Santorum voted for No Child Left Behind in the Senate even though it was against his principles, to “take one for the team,” even though he was always picked last for the team, I mean every single time. But he made a mistake and will never support education again in any way, shape or form. Also, he’s “a home schooling father of seven,” so for god’s sake give me a job so I can get away from the little fuckers.

Romney just wants to screw the teachers’ unions.

Gingrich says teachers’ unions don’t care about the kids. And something about schools teaching self-esteem.

(Somewhere in there, but it seems to be missing from the transcript, the candidates were asked to summarize themselves in one word, Gingrich said cheerful, Romney said sneezy, Santorum said dopey, and Paul said sleepy. Actually, Romney said resolute, although if you don’t like that word he’ll come up with another one.)


What’s the biggest misconception about you?

Paul: That I’m a hobbit That I can’t win. Why there was this one poll one time in Iowa that showed that I could maybe win.

Gingrich ignored the question. Romney did the same, except King called him on it. Romney: “You know, you get to ask the questions want, I get to give the answers I want” “Fair enough,” King responds. No, not really, but those words tell you everything you need to know about cable news.

Santorum says his campaign shows he’s “someone who can do a lot with a little.” The fact that he has a lot of children also shows that.

He has a tiny penis, is what I’m saying.

Actually, he is a tiny penis, is what I’m saying.

What’s your one-word summary?

Today -100: February 22, 1912: Of martians, recalls, and duels

Headline of the Day -100: “What Martians Are Like.” Edmond Perrier, the director of the French Botanical Society, says they’re tall, like Scandinavians, but twice the size of human beings, with big noses and white hair and thin legs and no necks.

Addressing the Ohio constitutional convention, Theodore Roosevelt endorses the recall of judges (as well as other progressive causes such as the initiative, referendum, and direct election of senators and presidential electors), flatly disagreeing with the view that “the American people are not fitted for popular government, and that it is necessary to keep the judiciary ‘independent of the majority of the people.’” Just like Newt Gingrich! Though he does not say it, everyone knows that keeping the judiciary independent of the majority the people is a strongly held view of President Taft, who vetoed statehood for Arizona until it removed a provision for judicial recall from its constitution. TR, however, says that “it is both absurd and degrading to make a fetish of a judge or of any one else.” Of course, Scarlett Johansson hadn’t been invented yet. He gives as an example of the sort of judicial behaviour the people should be able to reverse by referendum the recent NY court of appeals decision striking down a workmen’s compensation act. He’s saying, basically, that the final say on the proper interpretation of the Constitution should belong to the people.

The NYT declares that by this speech, Roosevelt has removed himself from the Republican Party. The editorial declares him a dangerous radical.

The commander of the Palatine Guard at the Vatican, a nephew of the late Pope Leo XIII, challenges Prince Alberi to a duel. The pope sends him a letter telling him to knock it off.

Today -100: February 20, 1912: Of justices, corruption, lynchings, and republican forms of government

President Taft nominates Mahlon Pitney to fill the vacant Supreme Court position. Pitney is a former congresscritter, a former justice of the New Jersey Supreme Court, and is currently Chancellor of New Jersey, whatever that means. He was also the great-grandfather of actor Christopher Reeve.

Sen. Isaac Stephenson (R-Wisc) is exonerated by a Senate committee of a charge of winning his seat through corruption. The minority report, however, signed by 2 Republicans and 2 Democrats, notes that he spent $107,793 on his 1908 campaign and that the state legislators who supported him also spent large sums, saying (actually quoting the majority report), “Such expenditures were in violation of the fundamental principles underlying our system of Government, which contemplated the selection of candidates by the electors and not the selection of electors by the candidate.” How quaint.

Secretary of State Knox has decided not to go to Colombia after all.

A Shelby, Tenn. mob keeps trying to lynch three black men accused of killing a railroad cop who “had tried to quiet boisterous negroes in the ‘Jim Crow’ car.” In two separate attacks, the mob has killed one of the men and wounded the others.

The Supreme Court, in a case brought by the Pacific States Telegraph and Telephone Company, refuses to declare the provisions in the Oregon constitution for initiatives and referenda unconstitutional, although its ruling is on jurisdictional grounds, saying it is up to Congress to decide if they violate the Constitutional guarantee of a republican form of government.

Today -100: February 19, 1912: Of ignorant heathen masses, and dis-invitations

Mexican President Madero asks the Permanent Committee of Congress to suspend the free press. It says no.

A letter in the NYT from one “G.B.R.,” which is mentioned in an editorial which suggests that G.B.R. is someone famous, says the US can’t recognize the republic in China, that is, “the ignorant, heathen mass of China,” without calling into question its refusal to give independence to “the more intelligent Christian” Filipinos, which G.B.R. doesn’t want to do.

In response to Secretary of State Knox’s plans to visit Latin America, the Colombian ambassador says that Knox can fuck off. Still pissed off about the whole Panama thing, evidently.

Endowed

Oh fer... this is gonna be a Republican thing now, isn’t it?

At another point, as Santorum was talking about the Constitution, he uttered the words, “And endowed by –”

“Their creator!” the crowd shouted back, giving Santorum a standing ovation.

Today -100: February 18, 1912: Of the pleasures of joy riding

The NYT makes fun of a new California law taking away “one of the pleasures of ‘joy riding’” by making it a felony to have an accident while driving an automobile while drunk. However, a superior court judge has ruled the law unconstitutional because it discriminates between vehicles (i.e., it is not illegal to drive a horse-drawn wagon drunk). The case has been appealed to the CA Supreme Court.

Today -100: February 17, 1912: Of cavalries, queues, and warships

Congress votes to reduce the cavalry from 15 regiments to 10, and to increase the term of enlistment in the Army from its current 3 years to 5. The military and the Taft administration opposed both measures.

New Chinese president Yuan cuts off his pigtail.

The NYT says that the purpose of Secretary of State Philander Knox’s trip to Latin America will be “to bring about an understanding with Mexico and impress on the Mexican people the friendliness of this Government toward their republic. It is the belief that this may be best accomplished by sending the American Secretary of State in a warship with full honors as a special ambassador of peace and good-will.” Because nothing says peace and good-will like a warship.

The Parable of the Kosher Deli

One of the witnesses at Darrell Issa’s Sausage Fest Committee today was the Bishop of Bridgeort, representing the US Conference of Catholic Bishops. He recounted for the committee what he called “The Parable of the Kosher Deli.” In it, “once upon a time” a law mandated that any business serving food had to serve pork, including kosher delicatessens, which pisses off the Orthodox Jews but “those who support the mandate respond, ‘But pork is good for you. It is, after all, the other white meat.’ Other supporters add, ‘So many Jews eat pork, and those who don’t should just get with the times.’ Still others say, ‘Those Orthodox are just trying to impose their beliefs on everyone else.’”

What’s hilarious is that he goes on and on about this pork thing, without ever mentioning women or contraception. Here’s a bit more:

the question generated by a government mandate is whether the government will impose its belief that eating pork is good on objecting Orthodox Jews. Meanwhile, there is no imposition at all on the freedom of those who want to eat pork. That is, they are subject to no government interference at all in their choice to eat pork, and pork is ubiquitous and cheap, available at the overwhelming majority of restaurants and grocers. Indeed, some pork producers and retailers, and even the government itself, are so eager to promote the eating of pork, that they sometimes give pork away for free. In this context, the question is this: can a customer come to a kosher deli, demand to be served a ham sandwich, and if refused, bring down severe government sanction on the deli. In a nation committed to religious liberty and diversity, the answer, of course, is no.

The answer to a deeply stupid question, that is.

Today -100: February 16, 1912: Of presidents and forts

Sun Yat-Sen resigns as provisional president of China; National Assembly elects Yuan Shi-Kai.

A Turkish fort fires on a British cruiser, mistaking it for Italian. Oops.

Today -100: February 15, 1912: 48

Arizona is now a state. Evidently, the official national flag still has only 46 stars, because they only inaugurate new flags on July 4ths. George W.P. “Old Walrus” Hunt (D) is inaugurated as the state’s first governor.

41 people associated with the International Association of Bridge and Structural Iron Workers are arrested for complicity in a “vast dynamite conspiracy.” Many more have been indicted but not yet taken into custody.

The Georgia Republican Convention meets, and systematically excludes all Roosevelt supporters. c.300 of the 500 delegates were African-American (the delegates selected to be sent to the national Republican Convention, instructed to vote for Taft first, last and always, will be half white and half black).

The big mill strike in Lawrence, which I guess I haven’t written much about, is ending, and the employers are black-listing all their Italian workers.

Percival Roberts, Jr., a director of the US Steel Corp., tells the Congressional investigating committee that his workers actually prefer 12-hour days. Why, you can hardly find any workers willing to take up 10-hour jobs.

I know it was you, Barack. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

Obama and his li’l friend Al Pacino at the White House yesterday. But what are they saying? CAPTION CONTEST!

Today -100: February 14, 1912: Of missed wars, whuppin’s, and canals

Headline of the Day -100: “Europe Just Misses a War.” The LA Times reports that a war recently almost broke out between France and Italy. After Italy seized Turks on a French steamer (that only sounds kinky), a French destroyer approached Italian fortifications in Sardinia “with an air of defiance.” The Italians fired blank shots across its bows and it retreated, as is traditional.

Midland, Texas: During a trial of some sort, a commissioner called the judge a liar, the judge announced that the court was adjourned until he’d “whipped” the commissioner, he did so, reconvened the court, and fined himself for fighting. Texas!

Tourists have been flocking to Panama to see the Canal before it’s filled with water next year.

Today -100: February 13, 1912: Of miscegenation, New York from above, perpetual motion, abdications, and political emotionalists or neurotics

Germany bans interracial marriage in its Samoan Island colonies.

Frank Coffyn flies over NY in the first attempt to film the city from the air. He and his cameraman weren’t up long, because it was really cold, and he plans to try again, so I’m not entirely sure if this footage (8½ minutes) is from today -100, but it is from Coffyn in 1912.



Disappointing Headline of the Day -100: “Perpetual Motion Victim.” Hans Edgar Friese spent all his money trying to invent a perpetual motion machine, which fails to work, then kills wife and himself.

China’s Boy-Emperor Pu-Yi abdicates in an edict which asks the question, “How can we oppose the desires of millions for the glory of one family?” How indeed.

New Chinese president Sun Yat-Sen is an American citizen, born in Hawaii. But where’s the birth certificate?

President Taft, speaking to the Republican Club dinner at the Waldorf (before going on to another dinner at the Dry Goods Association, because he’s President Fucking Taft and he will eat just as many dinners as he damn well pleases). He complains about the Progressive calls for initiative, referendum and recall, “the effort to make the selection of candidates, the enactment of legislation, and the decisions of courts to depend on the momentary passions of a people necessarily indifferently informed as the issues presented”. But, hey, vote for me in November, indifferently informed people! “Such extremists are not progressives – they are political emotionalists or neurotics”.

The rebellion in Chihuahua is reportedly defeated.

Today -100: February 12, 1912: Of electrocutions, bucks, and undesirable Hungarians

The Maryland Legislature is considering a bill to change the method of execution from hanging to electrocution, but the warden of the state pen suggests chloroforming prisoners to death.

The Treasury Dept. plans to start printing the money using power printing-presses. The unions are fighting these plans.

The governor (self-proclaimed) of rebel Chihuahua state, Aurelanio Gonzales, says “Mexico must rise en masse and resist the invaders.” He means the United States, which hasn’t actually invaded but is mobilizing troops on the border.

Gov. Woodrow Wilson is having some difficulty getting Hungarian-Americans behind his presidential campaign, due to a passage in his History of the American People describing Hungarian immigrants as a “coarse crew, bred in unwholesome squalor,” “less desirable than the excluded Chinese.” Wilson writes a letter of apology, which seems to say that he likes Hungary, just not Hungarians, or something.

Followers of this feature might be interested in a BBC radio program, available here for the next 6 or 7 days, about the British suffragettes of the Edwardian period, featuring interviews of suffragettes recorded in the 1970s by historian Brian Harrison (1 hour).

Today -100: February 11, 1912: Of blacklists, warplanes, accessions, and Futurists

Hearings on the steel monopoly are told that the steel trust kept a blacklist of union members, and that during a strike in 1909, the American Tinplate Company (a subsidiary of US Steel) advertised for Syrians, Poles and Romanians to work as scabs. The man whose job was to recruit these foreign laborers explained that he always tries to meet the wishes of employers. “I wouldn’t send an Irishman to a brewery, because he would probably be turned down.”

Frank Coffyn, the Wright Company aviator currently instructing US Army aviators in the use of Wright planes in Georgia, says there is no military need to fly above one mile, which should be high enough to keep them out of artillery and bullet range. But he does doubt that dropping bombs from planes can be accurate enough to be useful at that height. He says, “I believe that some day aeroplanes will fight aeroplanes and that there will be machines that may be called aeroplane destroyers, and maybe some day, still farther away, aeroplane-aeroplane-destroyers”. Dare to dream, Frank, dare to dream.

Arizona will soon be the 48th state, but when? There was talk of doing it on Lincoln’s birthday, but Taft will be out of D.C. and unavailable to sign the proclamation that day. And they want to avoid the 13th as unlucky (it’s not even a Friday). So they’re thinking about Valentine’s Day, which also happens to be the 50th anniversary of the day AZ was declared a Territory of the Confederate States of America.

A big exhibition of Futurist art, or, as the NYT puts it “‘art,’” opens in Paris. "The pictures bear such titles as ‘The Street Entering a House,’ ‘Those Who go,’ and ‘Those Who Remain,’ but no case has yet been reported of a visitor establishing a connection between the picture and the title attached to it.”

Today -100: February 10, 1912: Of state religions

The Japanese government has called a conference to decide on a national religion for Japan.

Cardboard Khomeini comes again

Don’t know how I missed this, but last week, for the 33rd anniversary of the Iranian Revolution, they paraded cardboard cutouts of the Ayatollah Khomeini along the route he took on his return from exile. This is the greatest thing ever.

Today -100: February 9, 1912: Of suffrage, escapes from Belfast, and slapstick

The Virginia Legislature votes down women’s suffrage. One representative, a Mr. Love, said he wanted women to remain in their present high realm and not have to mingle with negroes at the polls on election day.

Churchill gave his home rule speech in Belfast and was not torn apart by Unionists, although he was hit in the face with a flag by a suffragette. Then he escaped by a special train two hours before his announced departure time, because why take chances.

Headline of the Day -100 (LAT): “Pie Knocks Out Bandit.” A robber tried to stick up a restaurant in Denver. He told the night manager, coming out of the kitchen with hot custard pies in each hand, “Hold up your hands.” She said, “I won’t drop these pies for any villain like you.” He told her, “I don’t care what you do with the pies, but don’t move.” So she threw one of them at his face. Life back then really was exactly like it’s portrayed in silent films.

A note to liberals

who support Guantanamo and killing people with drones: you are not liberals. That is all.