Friday, February 19, 1999

3 top members of the Greek government have to resign over the Greek role in the Turkish capture of Ocalan. Don’t hold your breath waiting for Madeline Albright to resign for the same reason. The Turks have already denied his lawyers entry into the country and refuses to let the trial be monitored. Oh, and some of those strange comments he made after his arrest suggest to me that they drugged him.

Kurd who most needs to be bitch-slapped: the guy who is so proud of his 15-year old daughter’s setting herself on fire in protest.

The Secret Service secretly funded a private company’s efforts to gain access to state driver’s license photos and create a Big Brother database without the states being aware of the fed involvement. Not that such a db in private hands is any better, of course.

The Czechoslovak divorce isn’t going that well after all. It seems the Slovak intelligence service has been busy stirring up anti-NATO and anti-Gypsy sentiment in the Czech Republic (the latter to make it seem less acceptable for NATO and EU membership).

Yesterday the US and Serb negotiators at that conference took a little break and flew to Beograde to talk with Milosevic. What the press didn’t bother mentioning is that this was a violation of the ground-rules which said that everyone stays there, and incommunicado, until a deal is reached. The Kosovar and I believe Russian delegations literally engaged in a car chase trying to head off the others as they drove to the airport.

Tuesday, February 16, 1999

Death of an honest man

John Ehrlichman’s obit says that he’s been a VP in a firm that does hazardous waste handling. You can take the boy out of the Nixon White House, but I guess you can’t take the Nixon White House out of the boy.

Monday, February 15, 1999

Washington’s birthday

Ah, the simpler days, when “interns” came not from the West Coast of North America but from the West Coast of Africa, and when... well, it’s a holiday, why don’t you all just write your own joke, utilizing the following elements: wooden teeth, oral sex.

Sunday, February 14, 1999

oops (Valentine Day’s story)

The South African government has handed out tens of thousands of condoms--stapled to a helpful pamphlet.

Saturday, February 13, 1999

According to the Sunday Times, after the US offered the use of its U2 spy planes to Unscom to monitor Iraq, the first thing it did was to refuse to tell when and where photos were taken and deliberately fuzzy them up to disguise the U2’s capabilities.

Trent Lott says that Clinton is untrustworthy. This from a man with the least trustworthy hair in the US Senate, bar none, including Strom Thurmond.

Real estate notice from Halifax Property Services: First floor bedsit in generally good order. Drug dealers next door.

Thursday, February 11, 1999

Tough justice

An article in tomorrow’s Washington Post says that the Chinese are solving their girl-shortage problem by buying brides from North Korea.

The Italian supreme court rules that a woman wearing tight denim jeans can’t be raped. The all-male judges, never having heard of a zipper, insist that a woman must cooperate to get them off, especially Italian women with large asses. Alright, they didn’t say the last part. They reject the idea of threats possibly being a component of rape, because there is nothing worse than rape with which to threaten women. In protest, women MPs and a lot of other women will be wearing jeans until the court of cassation, tired of seeing fat Italian asses, reverses itself.

Today Pluto passed beyond Neptune’s orbit, resuming its position as the 9th planet, having escaped an impeachment resolution and removal from office as a planet. If anyone is asking my position, I haven’t considered Pluto to be a planet since Charon was discovered.

And yes, I do have a position on Pluto being a planet. I have a position on everything, haven’t you noticed?

George Dubbya knows foreign affairs like Dan Quayle knows spelling

A “Draft George W. Bush” campaign opens. They think he has the principles, the something, and the something else to win the next election. He’s also an ignoramus. William Hague, leader of the British Tory party, is visiting the US including Texas. And while the Washington Post was too polite to mention it, it was clear that Dubbya had no idea who he was, first confusing him with Alexander Haig, and then evidently thinking that Hague was something in the current British government.

Although Monica is still on Starr’s leash, not allowed to speak to the press, Linda Tripp, who also has an immunity agreement with the Office of Independent Council (motto: We’re not holier than thou. We’re holier than you) (from Matt Groening), is somehow allowed to go on tv. Must have been the same oversight where they forgot to tell her not to talk with Paula Jones’s lawyers.

Although it just came out this week that Janet Reno is planning to investigate some of Starr’s abuses of power, including lying to her, the decision was evidently made in mid-January. Now here’s something: it didn’t leak. That was before the trial started in the Senate and details might certainly have affected it, but Reno didn’t leak it. The Justice Dept didn’t leak it. And Starr’s office didn’t leak it. So it is possible for something not to leak: it just has to be helpful to William Jethro Clinton.

Wednesday, February 10, 1999

Hasn’t even cleared her throat yet

Henry Hyde said over the weekend that it isn’t over until the fat lady sings, and she hasn’t even cleared her throat yet. Now the first part of that quote I myself used as a subject line a couple of weeks ago when Monica was called, and felt a bit cheap in so doing, but even my mind wasn’t filthy enough to think of the second part. Guess it takes a Congressman.

When they were debating whether to make their speeches in open session or not, Daschle suggested that grandstanding could be cut down by limiting the speeches to 10 minutes instead of 15. My suggestion: for all the value any of this has, we could save still more time by leaving the speeches at 15 minutes, but having all 100 Senators recite them at the same time.

Phil Gramm, in opposition to censure, notes that Andrew Jackson’s censure was expunged from the record an election or two later, and that Jackson is now on the twenty dollar bill.

Meanwhile, the Treasury Department has announced plans for a sixty-nine dollar bill....

The 4th Circuit eliminates Miranda rights.

In the “why do we bother to vote” department, California’s new more caring Democratic governor fries his first felon.

Yeltsin almost makes it to King Hussein’s funeral, but has to go home early, tired, as the Daily Show put it, after handing out invitations to his own upcoming funeral. Back in Moscow airport, Yeltsin’s plane clips the plane with the Italian prime minister, and spokesmen rush forward to say that Yeltsin wasn’t trying to fly it, like that bizarre conducting incident.

Saturday, February 06, 1999

Clichés in the Trial of the Century

The New York city police shoot an unarmed Sierra Leonean 24 times. Almost as worrisome to the city’s innocent bystanders, they also missed 17 times.

The surgeon who amputated the wrong leg a while back in Florida, and was assessed a jolly big fine ($2,500, probably less than he tried to charge Medicare for the operation), who then missed the target by an even larger margin by putting a chest catheter in the patient in the wrong bed, is back at work.

The anti-abortion web site ordered to pay $107 million in a questionably constitutional decision for almost advocating the deaths of doctors, announces plans to install web-cams at abortion clinics. Its provider then pulls it.

In her deposition, Monica Lewinsky objects to her affair being described as “salacious”. The Daily Telegraph says she’s lucky she wasn’t asked to spell it.

Thursday, February 04, 1999

o

The municipal employee who used the word “niggardly” is hired back in D.C., but you’ll notice it took a week for it to be realized how stupid that was. I also didn’t notice any black leaders standing up to say that of course blacks aren’t so stupid that even if they didn’t already know the word they couldn’t have it explained to them, and that it was an insult to suggest otherwise.

Oklahoma executed the guy who committed the murder when he was 16, a new low in the death penalty biz. His was the 12th or 13th execution of the year. The Philippines resumes the death penalty tomorrow.

After the Senate today voted not to let the White House know in advance what clips from the depositions the prosecutors are planning to use on Saturday, Tom DeLay had to have explained to him twice the suggestion that there be a break before the defense responds to this surprise evidence, as if the whole idea of fundamental fairness was alien to him. But then often enough in this farce the White House was supposed to respond to charges not even made yet. I kept waiting for David Kendall to put on his Karnak hat but he never did. DeLay may have been distracted by Newsweek reports that he himself lied under oath in a civil suit deposition.

Wednesday, February 03, 1999

Testimony

The lower house of the Dutch Parliament has voted to legalize brothels, which is a surprise to everyone in the universe, who thought they already were.

Today Sidney Blumenthal, the chief proponent of the vast right-wing conspiracy, will have his deposition overseen by Arlen Specter, who invented the single-bullet theory.

Monday, February 01, 1999

Bossy

Margaret Thatcher says that Tony Blair is too bossy.

The 1st Circuit appeals court upholds the idiotic federal law outlawing computer kiddy porn created by computer manipulation rather than by using actual naked children.

Prince Charles finally goes public with Camilla. Mr. Lucky’s photo op was ruined by too much flash photography, making it impossible to air on tv for more than 5 seconds at a time without sending epileptics into spasm.

A piece in today’s Wash Post talks about Barbara Durham, who was forced on Clinton as a nominee to the 9th Circuit in exchange for his getting a judge he actually wanted. Durham broke the Washington state canons of individual conduct during her election in 1996 to the state supreme court by running a partisan campaign (Republican, if you hadn’t guessed), and by having the state attorney general as her campaign’s co-chair--no, no conflict of interest there. And she endorsed Dole on the grounds that he would get the executions moving.

Netanyahu’s election slogan is causing some controversy: “A strong leader for a strong people.” It probably sounded better in the original German.

Saturday, January 30, 1999

Dennis Miller says that the Senate is trying to figure out a form of punishment for Clinton that won’t make him hard.

The majority of federal wiretaps are now issued by a secret intelligence court.

Did you know that since 1996 civil rights settlements are taxable? What incredible nerve Congress has. On the up side, Paula Jones gets screwed again.

Thursday, January 28, 1999

Sex addiction

The pope in St. Louis speaks against abortion and assisted suicide, arguing for the dignity of human life. He then put on one of his many funny hats, and drooled.

44 Senators, if you read both votes together, said that they’ve heard enough to dismiss the charges, while 0 say they have heard enough to convict and need to see more.

Oklahoma plans next week to execute someone for a crime committed when they were 16, the first such since 1977.

Evidently Sidney Blumenthal is the right’s bete noir, the dark prince in its conspiracy theories, its Richard Mellon Scaife if you like. This is why he wound up on the witness list and not Betty Currie. Of course the last time he was questioned, it was by Starr’s people last June. They asked him whether Bill Clinton believes that oral sex is sex, does Bill Clinton’s religion include sexual intercourse, whether he ever discussed with Hillary whether Bill had a sex addiction....

Wednesday, January 27, 1999

Woody Woodpecker in a KKK cap

One of the defendants in the Jasper, Texas murder-by-dragging trial has a tattoo of Woody Woodpecker in a KKK cap.

Speaking of Woody Woodpecker in a KKK cap, the House impeachment “managers” today announced their list of witnesses, described by Bob Barr as two Jews and a niggra.

Tuesday, January 26, 1999

1 year on

The Wash Post’s impeachment coverage has recently included a “one year ago today” section, and today is the anniversary of the finger-wagging episode.

Normally there is no more fervent supporter of freedom of the press than myself, but sometimes there is an exception. Whatever reporters were briefed by Senators about what was said in closed section today should be hauled in and have electrodes attached to their genitals until they name the offending Senator, who should be expelled from the Senate under the standing rules. I didn’t support the decision to go behind closed doors, but I want a scalp. The hypocritical assholes can’t have it both ways.

Lindsey Graham’s speech arguing against dismissal was an exercise in televised nervous breakdown, and very entertaining as such. Henry Hyde, looking more than ever like Willie Loman, did his sorrowful-at-the-ways-of-the-wicked-world routine. Of course Saturday he supported the civil rights of Paula Jones in the same speech as he mentioned his opposition to abortion, just in case anyone had forgotten that he’s a prick.

As I write, the Senate is hearing arguments about hearing witnesses. No it isn’t, it just went to break. This is all rather problematic because there are good political reasons why Clinton’s people can’t put on a proper defense. If Monica testifies that she understand that Clinton wanted her to lie, without his actually having said so, someone needs to ask her whether she also believed that he would leave his wife for her and that Linda Tripp was her bestest friend. McCollum said that it is not he said, she said because she told other people at the time. She needs to be asked whether she also told them that she slept overnight at the White House and her other tall tales. None of this is possible.

Friday, January 22, 1999

I haven’t made any comments on the impeachment trial of William Jethro Clinton in the last couple of days, so here are my thoughts on developments in that period:

That Cheryl Mills sure has a sexy voice, doesn’t she?

On to other things.

I saw a bit of a clip on the Daily Show yesterday of Dan Quayle in a classroom. The teacher introduces him and explains to the tykes that he is President Clinton’s vice president. She is told that he isn’t and asks who is. Does anyone know where this took place?

Also on the Daily Show yesterday was a piece about a church in whose stained glass people have spotted the image of... Bozo the Clown. And there it was, too, clear as day. The pastor said sorrowfully that, yeah, once it’s pointed out to you, it’s impossible afterwards not to see it.

I think it was on the Daily Show that it was said that the only mention of the impeachment trial during the State of the Union Address was the bit about protecting our children from tobacco.

Tuesday, January 19, 1999

State of Union/impeachment & whatnot

So Bob Barr didn’t go to the State of the Union speech (see below). I’m guessing it’s for a reason similar to that of Andrew Cuomo, the single Cabinet member who traditionally doesn’t go, so that if the Capitol blows up, after the partying dies down, the Department of Health and Urban Development can go on. Similarly, Barr didn’t go so that even if Clinton, Gore, all but one member of the Cabinet, and most of the House and Senate and Supreme Court get blown up, the impeachment hearings can continue.

In 1940 a German firing squad executed a French horse that kicked a German soldier to death.

The Supreme Court lets stand a 25-year sentence under the Calif. 3 Strikes law for someone who shoplifted some vitamins.

During the Address, there seemed to be applause for everything. Who but a politician would applaud “putting a human face on the global economy”?

A quick read through Salon, the free parts of Slate and the Washington Post show no one else making the obvious observation, so I will: Clinton said that Boomers like himself have a fear of becoming a burden on their children, which is why Social Security should be shored up by investing a lot of money in the stock market. An interesting sentence for someone who last week sent a large chunk of Chelsea’s inheritance to Paula Jones.

In the speech and in today’s impeachment hearings, the day was surprisingly abject-apology free. Maybe we’re done with all the groveling. Today, Ruff pointed out two obvious holes in last week’s case: the call from Betty Currie to Lewinsky that proved there was a Clinton conspiracy to hide gifts, actually occurred after the gifts were given to Currie, not before. And Vernon Jordan’s meeting with Lewinsky that proved the job assistance was a bribe in exchange for false testimony because it occurred immediately after the judge in the Jones trial ruled that testimony from other girlfriends was admissable, actually occurred before--Jordan was on a plane to Europe by the time the ruling came down.

Quick excerpt from a Washington Post story:

There were tricky moments. At one point, Ruff found himself explaining that Clinton could not possibly have been obstructing justice when he lied about his affair to various top aides. Why not? Because he was lying to everyone else too. If you had a television, the president lied to you. The aides were nothing special.

He said it so calmly, so smoothly, that it passed by entirely unremarkably.

Monday, January 18, 1999

State of the Union?

The House impeachment wranglers made the point over and over yesterday that Clinton was being accused of stuff that the Senate has previously impeached judges over. I think that presidents in the future should wear uniforms so that they may be easily distinguished from other people in uniform. If Billy Clinton were a judge, he’d be wearing a black robe and no pants and he would serve for life upon good behaviour. If he were in the military he’d wear another kind of uniform and he could have been thrown out for the adultery alone (or for being gay or for sending a bunch of Italian skiers to their deaths). If he were in the Boy Scouts, he could have been thrown out for any of this, or for being an atheist. But he isn’t any of these things. Get over it.

A British judge rules that a house is not haunted. The owners were trying not to pay it off.

Sunday, January 17, 1999

Motto: “And sleep like a Senator during an impeachment trial”

A piece in the Monday Washington Post points out that Clinton is in one sense not above the law at all, that the abuses perpetrated by Starr are the ones that US attorneys inflict on average Americans every day. Indeed, Reno has been lobbying against a bill to make US attorneys comply with state ethics rules and not interrogate people who have lawyered up (as they say on NYPD Blue).

On the talk show circuit today, 19% of the “jury” has spoken its mind, if any. D’s are fighting back on the witness issue, threatening to interrogate Starr and Tripp. It could be a long winter.

This year South Africa will legalize polygamy, as long as it is performed according to traditional rituals and so on. There will be no legal limit on bride-price, so this should hold the incidence down. Interestingly, whites will be able to take advantage of the law. No discrimination in the new South Africa.