Washington Post says that after the invasion of Grenada, the US found Maurice Bishop's body and had it secretly buried to prevent it being a rallying point.
Whenever British Home Secretary Jack Straw decides to release Pinochet, the Chileans will try to race him to the airport before the Crown Prosecution Service can file its appeal. Worse, Straw's decision is based on medical tests he will not release, or even say what is supposed to be wrong with Pinochet. And the head of the medical team just came out and said that they were misrepresented by Straw.
Y'all remember that state prosecutor in Moscow, investigating Yeltsin family corruption, of whom possibly faked videos, naked and with teenage prostitutes, were aired on state tv? The man in charge of that particular operation, which was blackmail at the very best, was Vladimir Putin. The prosecutor has a book coming out shortly.
Those suspicious apartment bombings were also probably Putin's doing, one month after he got the KGB job. This past week they just found three more explosive devices, right about the time the media started getting critical of the stalled war.
Friday, January 14, 2000
Salon says that the Drug Kaiser actively hid his office's subsidizing of anti-drug messages on tv from congress. And that it's almost definitely illegal to run those programs without disclosure under the 1950s payola laws, that require the "Ted Koppel's shoes were provided by Hush Puppies" disclosures.
Last night on Nightline, they were discussing Elian Gonzales with his father. "When Elian comes home, will you allow him to bring that puppy?" "Yes, he looks delicious." My favorite Bad Transition moment was that right after the line "And then things got ugly", or something like that, they switched to the image of Janet Reno.
Last night on Nightline, they were discussing Elian Gonzales with his father. "When Elian comes home, will you allow him to bring that puppy?" "Yes, he looks delicious." My favorite Bad Transition moment was that right after the line "And then things got ugly", or something like that, they switched to the image of Janet Reno.
Wednesday, January 12, 2000
This morning Chris called me up to tell me to watch Jerry Springer. They had midget KKK members on. In the upper left corner there was a little box that said "exclusive." I should bloody well hope so. This provoked a theological debate, with Chris saying that America would be punished for this program, while I said that this was the punishment for some past misdeed, possibly the genocide of the Amerinds.
Speaking of midget KKK members, the Republican party in South Carolina, which evidently pays for and administers its own primary (the New York Times thinks that SC is the only state where primaries are run by the parties, but didn't bother to do the research), is not bothering to have many polling stations in black precincts.
In Britain, a professional footballer is playing wearing one of those prison monitoring ankle bracelets.
From the obits page comes news that Bob McFadden, the voice of the parrot who said "Ring around the collar" in those 1970s commercials you all remember no matter how much you drink to block out the memory, has died at 76.
An interesting article in Salon. In 1997 Congress authorized a 5-year, $1 billion buy of tv commercial time for anti-drug messages. Part of the deal was that it would pay half price. As the economy improved and all those dot.coms started advertising, the networks wanted to get out of the deal, so the office of the Drug Tsar is letting them buy their way out by negotiating insertions of anti-drug messages into programs. This is not just on the little shows, and it is all the networks, and the Drug Caesar is literally negotiating script changes, as in, a story line on Beverly Hills 90210 is worth $500,000-750,000. This is evil, and must be stopped.
Speaking of midget KKK members, the Republican party in South Carolina, which evidently pays for and administers its own primary (the New York Times thinks that SC is the only state where primaries are run by the parties, but didn't bother to do the research), is not bothering to have many polling stations in black precincts.
In Britain, a professional footballer is playing wearing one of those prison monitoring ankle bracelets.
From the obits page comes news that Bob McFadden, the voice of the parrot who said "Ring around the collar" in those 1970s commercials you all remember no matter how much you drink to block out the memory, has died at 76.
An interesting article in Salon. In 1997 Congress authorized a 5-year, $1 billion buy of tv commercial time for anti-drug messages. Part of the deal was that it would pay half price. As the economy improved and all those dot.coms started advertising, the networks wanted to get out of the deal, so the office of the Drug Tsar is letting them buy their way out by negotiating insertions of anti-drug messages into programs. This is not just on the little shows, and it is all the networks, and the Drug Caesar is literally negotiating script changes, as in, a story line on Beverly Hills 90210 is worth $500,000-750,000. This is evil, and must be stopped.
Tuesday, January 11, 2000
First, I want to announce that I have been bought out by Time-Warner-Turner-AOL-Satan.com. My next e-mail will concern the need to eliminate the capital gains tax.
Taking advantage of Gore's sloppy language on "litmus tests" on gays in the military for appointments to the Joint Chiefs of Staff (and by the way isn't Joint Chiefs of Staff the most homoerotic name of any government organization?), when it should have been obvious to everyone that all he meant was that his appointments should carry out his policies, the Republican National Committee is running commercials attacking him saying "The only litmus test ought to be patriotism." In future on-line dictionaries--doubtless sponsored by my new sponsor, the media giant which I understand celebrated the deal by putting the names of all the executives involved into a hat, and whoever's name was picked out got to go home with Jane Fonda--under the word "irony" there will be a link to that commercial.
Taking advantage of Gore's sloppy language on "litmus tests" on gays in the military for appointments to the Joint Chiefs of Staff (and by the way isn't Joint Chiefs of Staff the most homoerotic name of any government organization?), when it should have been obvious to everyone that all he meant was that his appointments should carry out his policies, the Republican National Committee is running commercials attacking him saying "The only litmus test ought to be patriotism." In future on-line dictionaries--doubtless sponsored by my new sponsor, the media giant which I understand celebrated the deal by putting the names of all the executives involved into a hat, and whoever's name was picked out got to go home with Jane Fonda--under the word "irony" there will be a link to that commercial.
Monday, January 10, 2000
A German newspaper says that Vladimir Putin was expelled from West Germany for spying in the 1970s, when he was pretending to be a Tass reporter.
4 debates down, 1,996 to go. At last Friday's debate, Gary Bauer was asked the question that tripped up Dan Quayle, about what he'd tell a family member who had been raped and got pregnant, and wanted an abortion. Fortunately, it seems that it wouldn't arise, because under a Bauer presidency, there would be no rape. Yes, he actually said that.
Stupid criminal of the week, so far: the guy who robbed a bank in Connecticut and was caught behind the bank, where he'd stopped to count his money.
At a performance of Aida in Italy, the lead tenor's flu made it impossible for him to continue half-way through, so they called up someone sitting in the audience, another tenor I hadn't heard of either, who finished it. Is there a tenor in the house?
China has banned the perfume Opium, because it encourages spiritual pollution and reminds them of their humiliating defeat in the Opium Wars.
4 debates down, 1,996 to go. At last Friday's debate, Gary Bauer was asked the question that tripped up Dan Quayle, about what he'd tell a family member who had been raped and got pregnant, and wanted an abortion. Fortunately, it seems that it wouldn't arise, because under a Bauer presidency, there would be no rape. Yes, he actually said that.
Stupid criminal of the week, so far: the guy who robbed a bank in Connecticut and was caught behind the bank, where he'd stopped to count his money.
At a performance of Aida in Italy, the lead tenor's flu made it impossible for him to continue half-way through, so they called up someone sitting in the audience, another tenor I hadn't heard of either, who finished it. Is there a tenor in the house?
China has banned the perfume Opium, because it encourages spiritual pollution and reminds them of their humiliating defeat in the Opium Wars.
Saturday, January 08, 2000
911 calls of the week: actually 999 in Britain, where a woman watching wrestling on telly called the police because the one she supported was losing. And god knows what they dial in Denmark, but someone there set off a whole sea rescue operation, although it seems it was his toy boat that sank in the bath tub. Alcohol is believed to have been involved in that one.
During the funeral for Jordan's King Hussein, there was a joint Israeli-Jordanian secret service operation to collect Syrian President Assad's pee to find out how sick he was.
A document released under Britain's 30-year rule suggests that the Cold War actually came to an end right after the invasion of Prague in 1968. Russia was contemplating following up with an invasion of Romania, where Ceaucescu had criticized the Czech invasion. Had it done so, Yugoslavia would have defended Romania, Britain would have defended Yugoslavia, and god knows where it would have ended.
Florida speeds up its death penalty appeals process, with an eye to reducing the time spent on death row to 5 years. Of the 87 people released from death row, and prison, since 1973 because of innocence, the average stay on death row was 7 1/2 years. In the words of Jeb Bush's death penalty adviser, "let's rock and roll!"
If the reporters won't hound Dubya about his cocaine use (and a reporter who asked a seemingly innocuous question at yesterday's debate, what their biggest mistake of their adult life was and what did they learn from it, was roundly booed), they should make him say who he thinks goes to heaven. He refused to exactly say that non-Christians don't, but it was clearly what he thought. I think voters should know what he thinks of them.
Asisi bans feeding the pigeons.
What on earth is going on in Chechnya?
Misuse of power of the week: Rep Dan Burton for subpoenaing Elian Gonzales. I think he should be made to carry it through and actually call the kid to the stand. What could he ask him, who his favorite power ranger is?
During the funeral for Jordan's King Hussein, there was a joint Israeli-Jordanian secret service operation to collect Syrian President Assad's pee to find out how sick he was.
A document released under Britain's 30-year rule suggests that the Cold War actually came to an end right after the invasion of Prague in 1968. Russia was contemplating following up with an invasion of Romania, where Ceaucescu had criticized the Czech invasion. Had it done so, Yugoslavia would have defended Romania, Britain would have defended Yugoslavia, and god knows where it would have ended.
Florida speeds up its death penalty appeals process, with an eye to reducing the time spent on death row to 5 years. Of the 87 people released from death row, and prison, since 1973 because of innocence, the average stay on death row was 7 1/2 years. In the words of Jeb Bush's death penalty adviser, "let's rock and roll!"
If the reporters won't hound Dubya about his cocaine use (and a reporter who asked a seemingly innocuous question at yesterday's debate, what their biggest mistake of their adult life was and what did they learn from it, was roundly booed), they should make him say who he thinks goes to heaven. He refused to exactly say that non-Christians don't, but it was clearly what he thought. I think voters should know what he thinks of them.
Asisi bans feeding the pigeons.
What on earth is going on in Chechnya?
Misuse of power of the week: Rep Dan Burton for subpoenaing Elian Gonzales. I think he should be made to carry it through and actually call the kid to the stand. What could he ask him, who his favorite power ranger is?
Friday, January 07, 2000
A weird lite news day. This is an edited-down version of the table of contents to the Daily Telegraph's international section.
[21]War crimes suspect met by protests in Australia
KONRAD KALEJS, the suspected Nazi war criminal, returned to Australia
from Britain yesterday amid angry protests by Jewish students
demanding further investigations into allegations against him.
[did anyone catch the I think justice minister of Australia saying that they wouldn’t put him on trial because Australia doesn't do "show trials"? Incidentally, I don't think a Latvian should be called a Nazi war criminal, since he's unlikely to have been a member of the party.]
[24]Internet threat to Israel, say rabbis
ISRAEL'S leading orthodox rabbis have issued a ruling banning the
internet from Jewish homes, arguing that it is "1,000 times more
dangerous than television" and threatens the survival of the country.
[27]Head of foot cult is stepping down
THE leader of a Japanese cult who read his followers' fortunes in the
soles of their feet said yesterday that he was resigning on advice
from God.
[28]Bungee ride rebounds on counsellor
THE screams of thrill-seekers on an inner-city bungee ride are proving too much for the patients of a trauma therapist whose consulting rooms are next door.
[29]News in brief
* Rapist and victim, 11, both guilty, says judge
[this was in Maryland--the rapist is 24]
* Red card for women's football
[one of the I believe 3 Nigerian states that have now adopted sharia law finds women's footie to be unIslamic]
* Mob attack after circumcision
[Kenya--the circumcision (male) was performed at a hospital instead of by a witch doctor]
* Farmer kills drunken pigs
[Somewhere Eastern Europe, Bulgaria maybe. He thought they had a horrible disease, but they'd been getting into the waste of a distillery]
[21]War crimes suspect met by protests in Australia
KONRAD KALEJS, the suspected Nazi war criminal, returned to Australia
from Britain yesterday amid angry protests by Jewish students
demanding further investigations into allegations against him.
[did anyone catch the I think justice minister of Australia saying that they wouldn’t put him on trial because Australia doesn't do "show trials"? Incidentally, I don't think a Latvian should be called a Nazi war criminal, since he's unlikely to have been a member of the party.]
[24]Internet threat to Israel, say rabbis
ISRAEL'S leading orthodox rabbis have issued a ruling banning the
internet from Jewish homes, arguing that it is "1,000 times more
dangerous than television" and threatens the survival of the country.
[27]Head of foot cult is stepping down
THE leader of a Japanese cult who read his followers' fortunes in the
soles of their feet said yesterday that he was resigning on advice
from God.
[28]Bungee ride rebounds on counsellor
THE screams of thrill-seekers on an inner-city bungee ride are proving too much for the patients of a trauma therapist whose consulting rooms are next door.
[29]News in brief
* Rapist and victim, 11, both guilty, says judge
[this was in Maryland--the rapist is 24]
* Red card for women's football
[one of the I believe 3 Nigerian states that have now adopted sharia law finds women's footie to be unIslamic]
* Mob attack after circumcision
[Kenya--the circumcision (male) was performed at a hospital instead of by a witch doctor]
* Farmer kills drunken pigs
[Somewhere Eastern Europe, Bulgaria maybe. He thought they had a horrible disease, but they'd been getting into the waste of a distillery]
Thursday, January 06, 2000
As I write I am watching the hilarious Republican debate. At the start of yesterday's Dem debate, Peter Jennings said "This is the first debate of 2000." So after today, it'll be 2 down, 1,998 to go. Read the Jacob Weisberg report on this debate in Slate, it's hilarious reading.
Alan Keyes is a loon. I don't have anything funny to say about that, it's just sad.
Dubya referred to the little Cuban kid as Alien Gonzales.
The first millennial baby is already undergoing open-heart surgery in New Zealand. Always a good sign.
Alan Keyes is a loon. I don't have anything funny to say about that, it's just sad.
Dubya referred to the little Cuban kid as Alien Gonzales.
The first millennial baby is already undergoing open-heart surgery in New Zealand. Always a good sign.
Wednesday, January 05, 2000
The "Secret Society of Happy People" has announced its holiday, National Admit You're Happy Day.
It's on my fucking birthday.
It is now legal for California drivers not to use hand signals when making turns and stops. You were all using hand signals, weren't you? Besides the obvious one?
In Scranton, a billboard for a shoe store, Shoestrings, the billboard measuring 14 X 48 feet, said on it "Bring in this ad, and you'll get a free pair of shoes." Presumably intended as a joke, but some people did. The store gave them their shoes in exchange for getting the sign back.
A story for former Manhattan Beach residents, who will understand: a gym that opened there this year advertised "Join before 3-7-99 and we will pay your next parking ticket."
Alan Greenspan, economic dictator for life. Why is it that in order to be credible, Democratic presidents have to appoint Republicans to the Supreme Court, Republicans to the Fed and Republicans to head DOD?
So John Anderson will probably be on the California ballot. I might just vote for him, since I was too young to in 1980 (although I was a Barry Commoner fan that year). Of course now he's too old, but what the hell. I'd like to vote for Bill Bradley's wife for First Lady without actually having to vote for Bill Bradley. I think we should get the Constitution amended to allow for this. Of course in 1992 this would have meant that Bill Clinton would have been elected president and Barbara Bush first lady. Sounds like the makings of a sitcom. Oh well, don't mind me, it's way too late at night.
It's on my fucking birthday.
It is now legal for California drivers not to use hand signals when making turns and stops. You were all using hand signals, weren't you? Besides the obvious one?
In Scranton, a billboard for a shoe store, Shoestrings, the billboard measuring 14 X 48 feet, said on it "Bring in this ad, and you'll get a free pair of shoes." Presumably intended as a joke, but some people did. The store gave them their shoes in exchange for getting the sign back.
A story for former Manhattan Beach residents, who will understand: a gym that opened there this year advertised "Join before 3-7-99 and we will pay your next parking ticket."
Alan Greenspan, economic dictator for life. Why is it that in order to be credible, Democratic presidents have to appoint Republicans to the Supreme Court, Republicans to the Fed and Republicans to head DOD?
So John Anderson will probably be on the California ballot. I might just vote for him, since I was too young to in 1980 (although I was a Barry Commoner fan that year). Of course now he's too old, but what the hell. I'd like to vote for Bill Bradley's wife for First Lady without actually having to vote for Bill Bradley. I think we should get the Constitution amended to allow for this. Of course in 1992 this would have meant that Bill Clinton would have been elected president and Barbara Bush first lady. Sounds like the makings of a sitcom. Oh well, don't mind me, it's way too late at night.
Tuesday, January 04, 2000
Now Barak wants $14 billion in US arms, including cruise missiles, and real-time access to US spy satellites. I don't think the US can afford for there to be peace in the Middle East. Alternately, those countries could just sign a peace deal because peace is good for their countries, without extorting the massive bribes.
Monday, January 03, 2000
So who was it who, out of the goodness of their heart, paid for Linda Tripp's plastic surgery? Off the top of my head I can think of only a few million better causes, but that's me.
Speaking of fatsos, who would have thought Helmut Kohl was corrupt? The president of Israel has also just been found to have taken a rather large bribe.
But on the integrity side, the parents of Britain's millennium baby did not accept the hundreds of thousands of pounds they could have done. They want their baby to have privacy. Some day the kid will look back and become deeply depressed.
The political games-playing re Elian whatsis, the Cuban boy, goes on. All 6 Republican candidates support his being kept in the US. The Clinton admin wants to make it go away without their ever having to take an actual decision, by getting the father to come to the US, at which point he has the legal right to leave the country with his son. Your mother has just died in front of you and you were found floating in an ocean, what will you do now? I'm going to Disney World! If he were Haitian he'd have been expelled as an illegal alien long since.
As part of the peace deal, if it ever comes, Syria wants to be removed from the US list of states which sponsor terrorism.
Dubya has presided over 113 executions. In the week following the Iowa primaries he is scheduled to execute 3 who were 17. Guess what else they all have in common? If you said, they are black, pat yourself on the back for your excellent understanding of the judicial system.
The Clinton Admin is calling on the Supreme Court not to hear an appeal of the discrimination in Alabama prisons (and others) against HIV-positive prisoners, who are barred from educational and religious and recreational programs, including work-release programs which would get them out of prison faster.
Speaking of fatsos, who would have thought Helmut Kohl was corrupt? The president of Israel has also just been found to have taken a rather large bribe.
But on the integrity side, the parents of Britain's millennium baby did not accept the hundreds of thousands of pounds they could have done. They want their baby to have privacy. Some day the kid will look back and become deeply depressed.
The political games-playing re Elian whatsis, the Cuban boy, goes on. All 6 Republican candidates support his being kept in the US. The Clinton admin wants to make it go away without their ever having to take an actual decision, by getting the father to come to the US, at which point he has the legal right to leave the country with his son. Your mother has just died in front of you and you were found floating in an ocean, what will you do now? I'm going to Disney World! If he were Haitian he'd have been expelled as an illegal alien long since.
As part of the peace deal, if it ever comes, Syria wants to be removed from the US list of states which sponsor terrorism.
Dubya has presided over 113 executions. In the week following the Iowa primaries he is scheduled to execute 3 who were 17. Guess what else they all have in common? If you said, they are black, pat yourself on the back for your excellent understanding of the judicial system.
The Clinton Admin is calling on the Supreme Court not to hear an appeal of the discrimination in Alabama prisons (and others) against HIV-positive prisoners, who are barred from educational and religious and recreational programs, including work-release programs which would get them out of prison faster.
Sunday, January 02, 2000
All those British couples competing to have the first kid of the millennium minus one and have it be on tv and stuff, and who wins but a premie. Actually I think they fixed it and that a black kid really won. Also in the running, someone who not only wasn't competing but didn't know she was pregnant.
Other millennial freaks: 3 pairs of twins in America and one in Bulgaria with the kids born in different centuries. First marriage, in New Zealand--televised. First massacre: Natal, South Africa.
On the millennium, the ashes of Graham Chapman of Monty Python were fired on a rocket over a Welsh mountain.
As in Britain, one of the contenders for first millenial baby in Germany was born to a woman who, at 11:30, didn't know she was baby, felt a pain, went to the hospital, and had the baby 15 seconds after midnight. But the probable winner was an unmarried 18-year old.
Some idiot who has officially changed his name to DotComGuy will live off of the Internet for the next year in Dallas. You can watch him on the web, assuming you have even less of a life than he does.
Other millennial freaks: 3 pairs of twins in America and one in Bulgaria with the kids born in different centuries. First marriage, in New Zealand--televised. First massacre: Natal, South Africa.
On the millennium, the ashes of Graham Chapman of Monty Python were fired on a rocket over a Welsh mountain.
As in Britain, one of the contenders for first millenial baby in Germany was born to a woman who, at 11:30, didn't know she was baby, felt a pain, went to the hospital, and had the baby 15 seconds after midnight. But the probable winner was an unmarried 18-year old.
Some idiot who has officially changed his name to DotComGuy will live off of the Internet for the next year in Dallas. You can watch him on the web, assuming you have even less of a life than he does.
Saturday, January 01, 2000
Australia and New Zealand are currently battling it out over who has the millennium baby.
Personally, at midnight I was watching a discussion over the future of Britain and the EU on C-SPAN, if anyone was wondering.
I got the first newspaper with the year 2000 on it and, as I was afraid, it just looks fake, not like a real year at all, rather like the new twenty-dollar bills.
Personally, at midnight I was watching a discussion over the future of Britain and the EU on C-SPAN, if anyone was wondering.
I got the first newspaper with the year 2000 on it and, as I was afraid, it just looks fake, not like a real year at all, rather like the new twenty-dollar bills.
Friday, December 31, 1999
There is fighting in the Spice Islands in Indonesia. I’m not sure, since there hasn’t been much reportage on it, but I think it’s because they just found out that just because they’re the Spice Islands doesn’t mean they get the Spice Girls.
There was a secret plan to build Belfast’s millennium beacon out of decommissioned terrorist weapons. Unfortunately, no one turned any in.
I just ran another check on my computer and found that while it recognizes the year 2000, it does not recognize 2100, when I still plan to be using the computer, if only to piss Kevin off.
A goodbye to the oldest person in the world, who died just before the millennium minus one, at 119. And to anybody else who happens to be raptured.
And a big hello to President Putin, which is Russian for Gerald Ford.
There was a secret plan to build Belfast’s millennium beacon out of decommissioned terrorist weapons. Unfortunately, no one turned any in.
I just ran another check on my computer and found that while it recognizes the year 2000, it does not recognize 2100, when I still plan to be using the computer, if only to piss Kevin off.
A goodbye to the oldest person in the world, who died just before the millennium minus one, at 119. And to anybody else who happens to be raptured.
And a big hello to President Putin, which is Russian for Gerald Ford.
Thursday, December 30, 1999
Shouldn’t it be the bi-millennium? Anyway, for those not of the Christian faith, which as far as I know is all of us, the millennium, according to South Park, is the day every thousand years when Jesus comes out and if he sees his own shadow, we will have a thousand years of peace and contentment.
Jesus will appear on the Mount of Olives, and you can watch it on web-cam. Well, you can if your web-server isn’t an incredible wimp like mine, which is shutting down for a day just to be safe.
With increasing mutterings about whether the Russian apartment building bombings were just a Reichstag/Tonkin Gulf-type incident, the Russians miraculously arrested some of the culprits yesterday. Very believable.
So on Monday Turkmenistan abolishes the death penalty, and on Tuesday it names Niyazov president-for-life. I’m sure this amounts to some sort of collective statement about life imprisonment, but whatever.
Guatemala elects a president who is a confessed multiple murderer and, worse, a crony slash puppet of Efrian Rios Montt of evil memory. And it wasn’t even close. In Peru, Fujimori is also giving that president for life thing a go. And in Venezuela, the first thing former failed-coup leader and now elected-president Hugo Chavez does when there’s a national disaster is start wearing military fatigues. At least in the good old days immortalized by the movie Bananas, when these assholes seized power through coups rather than elections, you could kid yourself that the locals would probably prefer to live in a democracy.
A perhaps unfortunate headline in the Washington Post: “Tipper Gore Has Lump Removed.” But he’s still running for president, right?
Jesus will appear on the Mount of Olives, and you can watch it on web-cam. Well, you can if your web-server isn’t an incredible wimp like mine, which is shutting down for a day just to be safe.
With increasing mutterings about whether the Russian apartment building bombings were just a Reichstag/Tonkin Gulf-type incident, the Russians miraculously arrested some of the culprits yesterday. Very believable.
So on Monday Turkmenistan abolishes the death penalty, and on Tuesday it names Niyazov president-for-life. I’m sure this amounts to some sort of collective statement about life imprisonment, but whatever.
Guatemala elects a president who is a confessed multiple murderer and, worse, a crony slash puppet of Efrian Rios Montt of evil memory. And it wasn’t even close. In Peru, Fujimori is also giving that president for life thing a go. And in Venezuela, the first thing former failed-coup leader and now elected-president Hugo Chavez does when there’s a national disaster is start wearing military fatigues. At least in the good old days immortalized by the movie Bananas, when these assholes seized power through coups rather than elections, you could kid yourself that the locals would probably prefer to live in a democracy.
A perhaps unfortunate headline in the Washington Post: “Tipper Gore Has Lump Removed.” But he’s still running for president, right?
Saturday, December 25, 1999
NY Times headline: Scientists Place Jellyfish Genes into Monkeys. It’s good to have a hobby. And their hobby is Tampering in God’s Domain.
Britain discovered it first, because of their tradition of the Queen sending telegrams to people on their 100th birthday: the YXCX Bug. Computers made Y2K compliant no longer recognize the year 1900, which they now think is 2000. That sound you’ll be hearing a week from today is every computer in the world singing “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do...” in chorus.
Britain discovered it first, because of their tradition of the Queen sending telegrams to people on their 100th birthday: the YXCX Bug. Computers made Y2K compliant no longer recognize the year 1900, which they now think is 2000. That sound you’ll be hearing a week from today is every computer in the world singing “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do...” in chorus.
Wednesday, December 22, 1999
A news update from my vacation period.
Texas removed a death row inmate from intensive care two days after he attempted suicide in order to execute him. Dubya’s 113th execution, I believe.
A Zimbabwe couple have a bet as to which of them is infertile. A judge allows the wife until Feb. 22 to have affairs without risking divorce in order to win the bet, which is I believe for $200.
Forbes accused Dubya of being weak on abortion because a stretch of Texas highway is named after a doctor who performed abortions (and whose son is in the state legislature).
A second and third Nigerian state adopt sharia law.
The US wished Panama a merry isthmus (I know, I know).
I said it in one of these very e-mails: Kenneth Starr’s office did not have the authority to waive Maryland law. Tripp and Starr’s people get into a he-said-she-said in court over the alleged promise of immunity, raising the question of why it wasn’t on tape. The members of the Starr Chamber say that what they told her is that they would make it almost impossible for Maryland to convict her, which sounds rather like obstruction. Fortunately for MD, Tripp bragged about taping Monica to her bridge group, and had an Xmas party to which Monica was invited so that all her bridge cronies could look her over.
A robber was caught after holding up someone at an ATM machine. The machine was located in the lobby of the 77th Street police station in LA.
India discovers a prisoner who’s been sitting in a cell since 1963. They postponed his trial due to his mental instability, and forgot to get back to it.
The pope apologizes for the execution of Jan Hus in 1415.
A new law bans crush videos, in which women in high heels crush small animals. Something else you probably read here first, back in 1996 or so.
Two Brits become the first gay couple jointly listed as father on a California birth certificate, with no mother. They hired one woman to bear the in vitro embryo from another woman--reproduction as three-card monte. You can tell they spent too long in Cal. because the kids (twins) are named (shudder) Aspen and Saffron.
Macau goes back to the Chinese, if you consider something that was a Portuguese colony for three plus centuries to belong to China. No one will miss the Portuguese, as ever the worst of all European colonialists. There are a lot of casinos, though, as befits a reservation.
If Barak manages to negotiate a peace deal with Syria, which would evidently cost the US tens of billions of dollars, he will have to use some of that money to bribe the Shas party in order for it to pass the Knesset. Shas’s religious schools have been going bankrupt and have been forced into such expedients as selling videos of a fake exorcism (I hadn’t even known that Jews had exorcisms; I’m picturing Linda Blair spitting up matzo ball soup).
As the Russian elections show, genocide is just good politics.
Texas removed a death row inmate from intensive care two days after he attempted suicide in order to execute him. Dubya’s 113th execution, I believe.
A Zimbabwe couple have a bet as to which of them is infertile. A judge allows the wife until Feb. 22 to have affairs without risking divorce in order to win the bet, which is I believe for $200.
Forbes accused Dubya of being weak on abortion because a stretch of Texas highway is named after a doctor who performed abortions (and whose son is in the state legislature).
A second and third Nigerian state adopt sharia law.
The US wished Panama a merry isthmus (I know, I know).
I said it in one of these very e-mails: Kenneth Starr’s office did not have the authority to waive Maryland law. Tripp and Starr’s people get into a he-said-she-said in court over the alleged promise of immunity, raising the question of why it wasn’t on tape. The members of the Starr Chamber say that what they told her is that they would make it almost impossible for Maryland to convict her, which sounds rather like obstruction. Fortunately for MD, Tripp bragged about taping Monica to her bridge group, and had an Xmas party to which Monica was invited so that all her bridge cronies could look her over.
A robber was caught after holding up someone at an ATM machine. The machine was located in the lobby of the 77th Street police station in LA.
India discovers a prisoner who’s been sitting in a cell since 1963. They postponed his trial due to his mental instability, and forgot to get back to it.
The pope apologizes for the execution of Jan Hus in 1415.
A new law bans crush videos, in which women in high heels crush small animals. Something else you probably read here first, back in 1996 or so.
Two Brits become the first gay couple jointly listed as father on a California birth certificate, with no mother. They hired one woman to bear the in vitro embryo from another woman--reproduction as three-card monte. You can tell they spent too long in Cal. because the kids (twins) are named (shudder) Aspen and Saffron.
Macau goes back to the Chinese, if you consider something that was a Portuguese colony for three plus centuries to belong to China. No one will miss the Portuguese, as ever the worst of all European colonialists. There are a lot of casinos, though, as befits a reservation.
If Barak manages to negotiate a peace deal with Syria, which would evidently cost the US tens of billions of dollars, he will have to use some of that money to bribe the Shas party in order for it to pass the Knesset. Shas’s religious schools have been going bankrupt and have been forced into such expedients as selling videos of a fake exorcism (I hadn’t even known that Jews had exorcisms; I’m picturing Linda Blair spitting up matzo ball soup).
As the Russian elections show, genocide is just good politics.
Monday, December 06, 1999
In one of the great public relations moves of the war, Russia creates a puppet Chechen militia unit under a puppet former mayor of Grozny, who they found, conveniently enough, in a prison serving a term for embezzlement.
Unity in Northern Ireland achieved at last: the first move of the new Stormont Assembly, literally the first, is to vote itself a 30% pay rise.
Emma Thompson has her first child, named, until she can come up with something better, Jane.com.
A church in Little Rock has set up a drive-through Nativity scene. Now normally I’m against drunk driving....
The Daily Telegraph has another of its odd little juxtapositions. One story says that paintballing war games has led to a rise in serious eye injuries. The next says that marijuana improves the vision, that scientists have discovered the ingredient that causes Caribbean fishermen who drink a rum & cannabis concoction to say that they can see in the dark. I think I may just cancel my Thursday opthamologist appointment.
Unity in Northern Ireland achieved at last: the first move of the new Stormont Assembly, literally the first, is to vote itself a 30% pay rise.
Emma Thompson has her first child, named, until she can come up with something better, Jane.com.
A church in Little Rock has set up a drive-through Nativity scene. Now normally I’m against drunk driving....
The Daily Telegraph has another of its odd little juxtapositions. One story says that paintballing war games has led to a rise in serious eye injuries. The next says that marijuana improves the vision, that scientists have discovered the ingredient that causes Caribbean fishermen who drink a rum & cannabis concoction to say that they can see in the dark. I think I may just cancel my Thursday opthamologist appointment.
Friday, December 03, 1999
Some of the best political news this year, in case you weren’t paying attention, is the Newt Gingrich divorce. It will give us lots of opportunities to hear about Newtie’s sex life (shudder shudder), but the political part is that his decision to contest it, and allow every sordid detail to be examined publicly, means that his political career is dead forever.
On the other hand, Bob Dornan’s son is thinking about running for Congress.
At the first debate he bothers showing up for, George Dubya says over and over that if Texas were a country it would have the 11th largest economy in the world. He also said that he was the only one of the candidates who had ever signed a tax-cut bill. Great, he signed a bill. He can sign his name on a piece of paper. That qualifies him to run the fries machine at McDonald’s or graduate from USC, but not be president. Still, if word leaked out that there was going to be a test on name-signing at some point in the presidential primaries, it would explain why Quayle dropped out.
On the other hand, Bob Dornan’s son is thinking about running for Congress.
At the first debate he bothers showing up for, George Dubya says over and over that if Texas were a country it would have the 11th largest economy in the world. He also said that he was the only one of the candidates who had ever signed a tax-cut bill. Great, he signed a bill. He can sign his name on a piece of paper. That qualifies him to run the fries machine at McDonald’s or graduate from USC, but not be president. Still, if word leaked out that there was going to be a test on name-signing at some point in the presidential primaries, it would explain why Quayle dropped out.
Wednesday, December 01, 1999
New Zealand has the world’s first transexual MP.
How nice that at the Seattle conference on world trade, the US got to display one of its best exports--crowd control weaponry.
Bumper sticker seen in Berkeley: The truly educated never graduate. I don’t think I’ll repeat that one to my mother. The bumper sticker was on a beat-up old Peugeot, if you were wondering.
For everyone on your Christmas list: a book called Meditation for Dummies.
The IRA now has control over education in Northern Ireland. Mostly Protestant education, actually, since the Catholics mostly go to private schools. The rumor is that truancy or throwing spitballs will now be punished by kneecapping.
How nice that at the Seattle conference on world trade, the US got to display one of its best exports--crowd control weaponry.
Bumper sticker seen in Berkeley: The truly educated never graduate. I don’t think I’ll repeat that one to my mother. The bumper sticker was on a beat-up old Peugeot, if you were wondering.
For everyone on your Christmas list: a book called Meditation for Dummies.
The IRA now has control over education in Northern Ireland. Mostly Protestant education, actually, since the Catholics mostly go to private schools. The rumor is that truancy or throwing spitballs will now be punished by kneecapping.
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