The authorities in Turkey are looking askance at a boxing match held last week between two four-year old girls.
The Moscow Times says that Bush's mouth is where words
go to die.
A hunt saboteur in Britain rescues a fox. Which bites him. The hunters are pretty impressed that he was able to pick up the fox. They still think he's an idiot.
I noticed in the New York Times website that one can click on an icon to "personalize your weather." Now does that mean that it will make up a nickname for it--there's a cold front coming in from the north, which you can call Joe--or does it mean you get your own personal weather, like that character in Lil Abner with the rain cloud over his head? Or is it a revenge thing: the rain is back, and this time---it's personal!
Friday, February 02, 2001
The governor of Vladivostok, facing corruption questions,
fakes a heart attack.
2 more Korean War soldiers, South Koreans, escape from
slavery in North Korea. There are some people in the South who think that before further concessions are made to the North, it might at least be persuaded to let go POWs it has held for 50 years.
New Zealand soldiers were used as extras in the filming
of Lord of the Rings, playing hobbits before going on to peacekeeping duties in East Timor. There's a good joke in there somewhere, no doubt.
fakes a heart attack.
2 more Korean War soldiers, South Koreans, escape from
slavery in North Korea. There are some people in the South who think that before further concessions are made to the North, it might at least be persuaded to let go POWs it has held for 50 years.
New Zealand soldiers were used as extras in the filming
of Lord of the Rings, playing hobbits before going on to peacekeeping duties in East Timor. There's a good joke in there somewhere, no doubt.
Thursday, February 01, 2001
Headline of the day: "Adoption Couple Risk Jail to Go on Oprah."
Runner-Up: “Boy banned for chicken 'gun'”
Runner-Up: “Boy banned for chicken 'gun'”
AN eight-year-old boy was suspended for three days from a Kentucky school for pointing a chicken drumstick at a teacher and saying "pow, pow, pow".
Teachers at the school said they had "zero tolerance" of guns after two boys in a nearby town shot dead four pupils and a teacher in March 1998. The suspended boy's mother said the punishment was severe. Simon Davis, Los Angeles
Wednesday, January 31, 2001
South Dakota has had to scrap a law against fondling children's bottoms.
There's something creepy about the way George the Younger talks about "faith-based" as opposed to religious organizations. Is that supposed to fool someone? Anyway, the theory behind his policy (about which very little was said during the election, you'll notice) is that if you give someone a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you give it to a "faith-based organization," he'll have to sit through a talk about how Jesus loves him if he wants to eat fish. And then it'll taste suspiciously like cat food.
In 1985 Helena Greenwood, a British biochemist who moved
to LA to work on DNA identification, was murdered. Last week, her murderer was finally convicted, by DNA evidence.
There's something creepy about the way George the Younger talks about "faith-based" as opposed to religious organizations. Is that supposed to fool someone? Anyway, the theory behind his policy (about which very little was said during the election, you'll notice) is that if you give someone a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you give it to a "faith-based organization," he'll have to sit through a talk about how Jesus loves him if he wants to eat fish. And then it'll taste suspiciously like cat food.
In 1985 Helena Greenwood, a British biochemist who moved
to LA to work on DNA identification, was murdered. Last week, her murderer was finally convicted, by DNA evidence.
Sunday, January 28, 2001
For an account of the Florida over-votes, click here.
http://orlandosentinel.com/news/orl-asecvotes012801.story
Just a few more ways to waste your time:
Movie reviews by blind people.
Groin holsters.
www.web.aec.at/nextsex/spermrace Yes, a sperm race.
In Austria (you can click on English language)
Air fresheners in the shape of Jesus on the cross. Now in crucifix-citrus scent.
I didn't make that up, either.
The Museum of Menstruation. Watch where you step.
http://orlandosentinel.com/news/orl-asecvotes012801.story
Just a few more ways to waste your time:
Movie reviews by blind people.
Groin holsters.
www.web.aec.at/nextsex/spermrace Yes, a sperm race.
In Austria (you can click on English language)
Air fresheners in the shape of Jesus on the cross. Now in crucifix-citrus scent.
I didn't make that up, either.
The Museum of Menstruation. Watch where you step.
Saturday, January 27, 2001
A website features links to losers on the Net. Categories include hobbyists, trekkies, and rednecks. Of course if you're looking at this particular site on a Friday night with a cat in your lap, you might just find that the site consists solely of a mirror. Oh the irony.
A piece in the Saturday Washington Post analyzes the Florida ballots in some detail. And yes, Gore won.
We know that all US presidents have to have an embarrassing brother. Clinton just pardoned his; Neil Bush as far as I know has been locked in a cellar for some years. It seems that Raisa Gorbachev had one as well, a drunk. First they used the KGB to keep him out of the public eye and scare off all his friends, then they committed him, and never bothered visiting him. And there he stays.
The economic conference at Davos, Switzerland was met
by the usual protests, which were met by the usual water cannon.
But not by the method the Swiss police had intended--spraying protesters with manure. Swiss farmers don't like globalization either, and wouldn't sell them any.
A piece in the Saturday Washington Post analyzes the Florida ballots in some detail. And yes, Gore won.
We know that all US presidents have to have an embarrassing brother. Clinton just pardoned his; Neil Bush as far as I know has been locked in a cellar for some years. It seems that Raisa Gorbachev had one as well, a drunk. First they used the KGB to keep him out of the public eye and scare off all his friends, then they committed him, and never bothered visiting him. And there he stays.
The economic conference at Davos, Switzerland was met
by the usual protests, which were met by the usual water cannon.
But not by the method the Swiss police had intended--spraying protesters with manure. Swiss farmers don't like globalization either, and wouldn't sell them any.
Thursday, January 25, 2001
A slap on the ass may be quite continental, but diamonds are a girl's best friend
"President" Bush's first acts in office this week are 1) to reimpose the gag rule on international family planning providers, which he inaccurately describes as ensuring that taxpayers who are opposed to them don't have to pay for abortions, and 2) proposing vouchers so that other taxpayers have to pay for the private schools of the taxpayers that don't want to pay for abortions.
I don't believe it made the American papers, but an Israeli settler who beat an 11-year old Palestinian boy to death was sentenced to 6 mos' community service. And a fine. That'll teach him.
London Times story headlined "Signoras told to turn the other cheek": "ITALIAN feminists were in uproar yesterday after Italy’s highest appeal court ruled that it was not an offence for a man to pat or slap a female colleague on the bottom, provided it amounts to a one-off, fleeting action and carries no sexual connotation."
Thursday, January 18, 2001
Remember in the 1980s when PG & E doubled electricity rates so we could pay for the Diablo Canyon nuclear power plant? Now they want to triple them because they didn't get to build more nuke plants. There's a fault in that logic somewhere, I just know there is. But then again, "W" wanted a tax cut because the economy was good and now wants a tax cut because the economy is bad. Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
PG & E are evil fucks, so I say turn on every appliance you own, so long as they're paying more for electricity than they're allowed to charge. Then laugh maniacally. And pay your bills late; they can't charge late fees. I pay every two months and have for years.
Remember the protests over Diablo Canyon? A group from Santa Cruz went, but having a faulty sense of geography, first drove up here to Mount Diablo.
The rolling blackouts are expected to cripple the California economy, as millions spend hours trying to get their VCRs to stop flashing 12:00 at them.
Several months ago I mentioned a Texas death row prisoner who had been coerced into a confession. The real killer sent Governor Bush a letter several years ago. Which was filed and never sent on to anyone to be checked out. Well, the prisoner was just released, thanks to DNA evidence. The AP story, which ran in the NY Times, failed to mention W's role in the matter.
Oklahoma executes a gay, black, borderline-retarded woman. I believe that's a four-fer.
Palestine executes 2 of its citizens for collaborating with Israel. When did Palestine achieve actual independence, much less independence recognized as such by Israel? Did I miss something?
Indian eunuchs are launching a political party. No I don't know what its name will be.
Republicans say that John Ashcroft is very qualified to be attorney general by virtue of his long record as Missouri attorney general and governor, and US senator. In the next breath, they denounce Democrats who have already declared against him, saying they should ignore his long record as Missouri attorney general and governor, and US senator, and wait to hear what he says in the confirmation hearings. They also say denounce people who charge Ashcroft with bigotry in fighting the confirmation of Ronnie White, and charge them with religious bigotry in fighting his confirmation.
Laurent Kabila, the 450 pound dictator of Congo-Kinshasa (well, that's my guess) was executed this week. Anyone not picturing Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now should immediately rent the movie. He was succeeded by his son, although I doubt that will last terribly long. Interestingly, I can't think of any other case of a hereditary leadership being established in Sub-Saharan Africa since decolonization.
From the London Times: "KEN LIVINGSTONE met New York's feisty right-wing Mayor and the largest newt in North America yesterday. He seemed to be equally delighted by both."
Since then, Red Ken has had water thrown over him by the
head of PETA, in Washington, for having banned the sale of pigeon feed at Trafalgar Square.
PG & E are evil fucks, so I say turn on every appliance you own, so long as they're paying more for electricity than they're allowed to charge. Then laugh maniacally. And pay your bills late; they can't charge late fees. I pay every two months and have for years.
Remember the protests over Diablo Canyon? A group from Santa Cruz went, but having a faulty sense of geography, first drove up here to Mount Diablo.
The rolling blackouts are expected to cripple the California economy, as millions spend hours trying to get their VCRs to stop flashing 12:00 at them.
Several months ago I mentioned a Texas death row prisoner who had been coerced into a confession. The real killer sent Governor Bush a letter several years ago. Which was filed and never sent on to anyone to be checked out. Well, the prisoner was just released, thanks to DNA evidence. The AP story, which ran in the NY Times, failed to mention W's role in the matter.
Oklahoma executes a gay, black, borderline-retarded woman. I believe that's a four-fer.
Palestine executes 2 of its citizens for collaborating with Israel. When did Palestine achieve actual independence, much less independence recognized as such by Israel? Did I miss something?
Indian eunuchs are launching a political party. No I don't know what its name will be.
Republicans say that John Ashcroft is very qualified to be attorney general by virtue of his long record as Missouri attorney general and governor, and US senator. In the next breath, they denounce Democrats who have already declared against him, saying they should ignore his long record as Missouri attorney general and governor, and US senator, and wait to hear what he says in the confirmation hearings. They also say denounce people who charge Ashcroft with bigotry in fighting the confirmation of Ronnie White, and charge them with religious bigotry in fighting his confirmation.
Laurent Kabila, the 450 pound dictator of Congo-Kinshasa (well, that's my guess) was executed this week. Anyone not picturing Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now should immediately rent the movie. He was succeeded by his son, although I doubt that will last terribly long. Interestingly, I can't think of any other case of a hereditary leadership being established in Sub-Saharan Africa since decolonization.
From the London Times: "KEN LIVINGSTONE met New York's feisty right-wing Mayor and the largest newt in North America yesterday. He seemed to be equally delighted by both."
Since then, Red Ken has had water thrown over him by the
head of PETA, in Washington, for having banned the sale of pigeon feed at Trafalgar Square.
Wednesday, January 03, 2001
A newly elected state legislator in New Hampshire is evidently in favor of shooting cops. This didn't come out in the election campaign. Better still, it sounds like it's because of his support for drugs. New Hampshire, live free or off a pig. He's a Republican, of course.
Last month a NY judge ruled that it is legal to curse at cops. I'd have thought it was mandatory. Giuliani isn't pleased.
Taiwan has banned the eating of dogs.
Putin hired the same guy who wrote the original pro-Stalin lyrics for the national anthem to replace them with religious language. There's a guy who's more ideologically flexible than Clinton. And a perfect personification of the "new" Russia.
Monday, January 01, 2001
OK, *now* it's the freaking millennium. That's one thousand years, not 999. I blame last year's premature celebrations on a miscount by Katherine Harris.
I went to a millennium dinner party last night and told the host there'd be a lot less clean-up if the meals came in the form of a single pill, like they were supposed to do by now.
This is not the future we were promised.
Open the pod bay doors, Hal.
I went to a millennium dinner party last night and told the host there'd be a lot less clean-up if the meals came in the form of a single pill, like they were supposed to do by now.
This is not the future we were promised.
Open the pod bay doors, Hal.
Sunday, December 31, 2000
Thursday, December 28, 2000
There is a piece in Slate about the first count, by the Orlando Sentinel, of ballots in one Florida county. I'd have mentioned this days ago, but I expected it to get wide coverage instead of no coverage. They looked not at the undervotes but at the overvotes, and in a heavily Bush county. A lot of people evidently marked the ballot for Gore, then came to the bit for write-in candidates, and wrote in his name as well. What do we learn from this? That such a count even in a Bush county gives Gore an additional several hundred votes, so what must it be like in Gore counties? This was an optical scanner county, so he had votes to be picked up by a recount even there. And that even if we ignore the subjective aspects of the chads.... Gore didn't actually need them!
Salon, incidentally, is selling Re-elect Gore in 2004
t-shirts.
Salon, incidentally, is selling Re-elect Gore in 2004
t-shirts.
Tuesday, December 26, 2000
Serbia, a little unclear on the concept, demands that the
UN clear ethnic Albanians out of the demilitarized zone in southern Serbia/Kosovo.
The tied Senate has meant that there are 17 Republican
senators in states with Dem. governors that cannot be given Cabinet jobs. So no Dick Lugar in DOD, no Richard Shelby at CIA and, thank God, no Jefferson Beauregard Sessions as Attorney General.
Speaking of racists, Salon has an article about John Ashcroft's connections with Southern Patriot magazine.
And the Washington Post has a piece (Wed.) on racial disparities in spoiled ballots in Chicago (one-sixth in Black districts, 0.3% in white). Up until 1997, people there could punch a "vote for all the Democrats" slot, so this is the first election where they had to vote for every single office. And the state Senate, with a Republican majority, prevented Cook County installing a device to alert voters to mistakes.
UN clear ethnic Albanians out of the demilitarized zone in southern Serbia/Kosovo.
The tied Senate has meant that there are 17 Republican
senators in states with Dem. governors that cannot be given Cabinet jobs. So no Dick Lugar in DOD, no Richard Shelby at CIA and, thank God, no Jefferson Beauregard Sessions as Attorney General.
Speaking of racists, Salon has an article about John Ashcroft's connections with Southern Patriot magazine.
And the Washington Post has a piece (Wed.) on racial disparities in spoiled ballots in Chicago (one-sixth in Black districts, 0.3% in white). Up until 1997, people there could punch a "vote for all the Democrats" slot, so this is the first election where they had to vote for every single office. And the state Senate, with a Republican majority, prevented Cook County installing a device to alert voters to mistakes.
Saturday, December 23, 2000
His Fraudulency appoints Christine Todd Whitman to head EPA, ensuring that all of America looks like New Jersey. And John Ashcroft, a Pentecostal who lost his bid for Senate to a far better candidate, will head the Justice Department; he has vowed to stamp out abortion. And dancing.
Quote from a NY Times story: In the end, Professor Guinier said, Mr. Clinton "became more consumed with winning than leading," and was "such a good politician that he began to believe that in winning he was actually leading."
Quote from a NY Times story: In the end, Professor Guinier said, Mr. Clinton "became more consumed with winning than leading," and was "such a good politician that he began to believe that in winning he was actually leading."
Thursday, December 21, 2000
An Israeli army intelligence general admits that there is
a shoot-to-kill policy operating against Palestinian guerillas. In recent weeks, assassination methods have included sniping, exploding mobile phones and exploding automobiles. In other countries, this would be called a death squad.
Guests at Madonna's wedding (hey, I look at a lot of British
media, you have to expect some of it to sink in) wearing kilts will have to be searched with mirrors, like tour buses at Checkpoint Charlie, to see that they are not smuggling in cameras.
a shoot-to-kill policy operating against Palestinian guerillas. In recent weeks, assassination methods have included sniping, exploding mobile phones and exploding automobiles. In other countries, this would be called a death squad.
Guests at Madonna's wedding (hey, I look at a lot of British
media, you have to expect some of it to sink in) wearing kilts will have to be searched with mirrors, like tour buses at Checkpoint Charlie, to see that they are not smuggling in cameras.
Wednesday, December 20, 2000
Today is Secret Police Day in Russia. No, I didn't know either, but I guess it's a secret. To celebrate, whatever-the-KGB-is-called-this-week has released a CD. Not available in any stores, but the London Times bribed someone with booze and got a copy. The CD is called Their Work is Tough, They Call it Spying, and includes such hits as From Kabul To Washington, I Obey Orders, and There Goes Your Friend on a Mission.
In important British news, an analysis by linguists of nearly 50 years of the Queen's Christmas broadcasts indicates that her accent has become progressively more... common.
Elsewhere in Britain, 3 rapists are let off for a Christmas holiday before they serve their sentences, and a man who robbed a store with a toy gun is only given probation and ordered to apologize to the clerks with a nice bunch of flowers.
In important British news, an analysis by linguists of nearly 50 years of the Queen's Christmas broadcasts indicates that her accent has become progressively more... common.
Elsewhere in Britain, 3 rapists are let off for a Christmas holiday before they serve their sentences, and a man who robbed a store with a toy gun is only given probation and ordered to apologize to the clerks with a nice bunch of flowers.
Tuesday, December 19, 2000
His Fraudulency (y'know, I'm getting tired of that faster than I thought I would) said when introducing his various minority friends it shows "that people that work hard and make the right decisions in life can achieve anything they want in America." Maybe, debatable, but how would he know?
He also joked about how life would be easier if he were
dictator. Well, one syllable out of three ain't bad, George.
That was my cheapest crack of 2000. The year 2000, not of 2000 cracks.
If Condi Rice is actually a lesbian, is she a threefer?
Bibi Netanyahu (which is definitely a more fun name to say even than Condaleeza) has failed to get everyone in Israeli politics
to roll over for him, so has (again) taken his ball and gone home. Shouldn't he be facing charges of corruption or something?
Thomas Friedman noted that at the Bush-Powell press conference,
George wasn't allowed to answer any of the foreign policy questions, and suggests that Powell is so strong, so respected, so, ya know, black, that Bush can't afford to overrule him or piss him off so he quits. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, although Powell's been overdoing the whole '80s revival thing: first Star Wars, then Iraq. Maybe we can invade Panama again, get our canal back. Incidentally, what does Star Wars have to do with being secretary of state, and shouldn't he shut up about it until a defense secretary has been picked? And speaking of that, Dick Cheney has been talking down Tom Ridge for the job, who the conservatives hate because he's pro-choice, and said that Ridge had turned down the job, which he had not in fact done.
Does anybody know anything about the judicial record of that hispanic guy who's going to be the next Supreme Court justice?
He also joked about how life would be easier if he were
dictator. Well, one syllable out of three ain't bad, George.
That was my cheapest crack of 2000. The year 2000, not of 2000 cracks.
If Condi Rice is actually a lesbian, is she a threefer?
Bibi Netanyahu (which is definitely a more fun name to say even than Condaleeza) has failed to get everyone in Israeli politics
to roll over for him, so has (again) taken his ball and gone home. Shouldn't he be facing charges of corruption or something?
Thomas Friedman noted that at the Bush-Powell press conference,
George wasn't allowed to answer any of the foreign policy questions, and suggests that Powell is so strong, so respected, so, ya know, black, that Bush can't afford to overrule him or piss him off so he quits. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, although Powell's been overdoing the whole '80s revival thing: first Star Wars, then Iraq. Maybe we can invade Panama again, get our canal back. Incidentally, what does Star Wars have to do with being secretary of state, and shouldn't he shut up about it until a defense secretary has been picked? And speaking of that, Dick Cheney has been talking down Tom Ridge for the job, who the conservatives hate because he's pro-choice, and said that Ridge had turned down the job, which he had not in fact done.
Does anybody know anything about the judicial record of that hispanic guy who's going to be the next Supreme Court justice?
Saturday, December 16, 2000
Some Florida counties are talking about selling off their ballots as souvenirs. How much for a butterfly ballot on E-Bay?
In Britain, the Mirror ran a picture of the globe, with an arrow pointing to Britain and a headline "Congrats on becoming president... p.s. we are here."
I must have missed the part where it was explained why a general would be a good diplomat.
In Britain, the Mirror ran a picture of the globe, with an arrow pointing to Britain and a headline "Congrats on becoming president... p.s. we are here."
I must have missed the part where it was explained why a general would be a good diplomat.
Thursday, December 14, 2000
image
Evidently when His Fraudulency went to the Texas legislature
yesterday to show how bipartisan he was, he "forgot" to invite almost any of the Democratic legislators to the event.
Speaking of dressing up mutton as lamb, it seems the CIA gave a new identity and a new penis to an SS lieutenant who commanded death squads in Treblinka in exchange for him spying on the East Germans. As you must have guessed by now, they turned him into a Jew, in more ways than one.
yesterday to show how bipartisan he was, he "forgot" to invite almost any of the Democratic legislators to the event.
Speaking of dressing up mutton as lamb, it seems the CIA gave a new identity and a new penis to an SS lieutenant who commanded death squads in Treblinka in exchange for him spying on the East Germans. As you must have guessed by now, they turned him into a Jew, in more ways than one.
Wednesday, December 13, 2000
concession
In his concession speech, Gore quoted Stephen A Douglas -- "Partisan feeling must yield to patriotism." And that holds true
as much today as it did in... 1860.
In his speech, His Fraudulency [and yes I do plan to keep calling him that for the next 4 years, like I intend to keep calling the next Chief Justice Antonin Scalia "Fat Tony"; the former comes from the Hayes-Tilden election, the latter of course from the Simpsons] quoted Thomas Jefferson. Bush quoting Jefferson is like a dog trying to sing.
And for this they pre-empted The West Wing?
as much today as it did in... 1860.
In his speech, His Fraudulency [and yes I do plan to keep calling him that for the next 4 years, like I intend to keep calling the next Chief Justice Antonin Scalia "Fat Tony"; the former comes from the Hayes-Tilden election, the latter of course from the Simpsons] quoted Thomas Jefferson. Bush quoting Jefferson is like a dog trying to sing.
And for this they pre-empted The West Wing?
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