He’d also like Santy to bring him a pony

Bush refuses to criticize the pork-laden spending bill, but does say, “I hope the Congress will give me a line-item veto.” Moron Boy evidently doesn’t know that Congress can’t do that, that the last time they tried it was struck down by the Supreme Court (in 1998) as unconstitutional. How can he not know that?

What’s wrong with this picture: the WaPo buries the story about the alleged assassination attempt on Bush on p.24, in World in Brief. Dunno which page it’s on in the NYT, but they don’t seem to take the story seriously either, noting that the Colombians made the claim “without offering details or proof.”

The attempted coup plot in Equatorial Guinea, in which Margaret Thatcher’s idiot son Mark is implicated, was known in advance by the British and American governments, neither of which told the...whatever you call residents of Equatorial Guinea (2 stories in the Observer).

Michael Kinsley states the obvious, but he states it well: all the talk about “values” is a way of putting a thumb on the scale in favor of one’s own views by making it literally an act of bad taste to challenge them: “a value just seems inherently more compelling than a mere opinion. ... the holder of a value is held to be more sensitive to slights than the holder of an opinion. An opinion can’t just slug away at a value. It must be solicitous and understanding. A value may tackle an opinion, meanwhile, with no such constraint.”

Bush meets Dr. No

A WaPo story about the US decision not to attend an international conference on land mines claims, “At present, the United States does not maintain land mines anywhere in the world.” Actually, we use millions of the things in Korea.

For some reason only the BBC has this: the Colombian government is claiming that it thwarted a guerilla plan to assassinate Bush when he visited there Monday. Me, I wouldn’t trust anything the Uribe gov told me without tons of corroboration. Hopefully this thing gets disproved quickly, so that one day we won’t have President Jenna invading Colombia because “they tried to kill my dad.”

Bush tried to help the Northern Ireland peace process today, which should ensure another 300 years of civil war. Specifically, the most stubborn person in the US (that would be Bush) telephoned the Rev. Ian Paisley, the most stubborn human being on the planet. Oh how I’d love a tape of that conversation.

What, no “defenestration?”

The city of Carmel, California passes an emergency ban on new art galleries. The town has one gallery for every 34 residents, so you can see how that would constitute an emergency.

The German police shoot Santa Claus dead, after he robs a bank.

Sold on eBay for $26: this picture of the Virgin Mary eating a grilled cheese sandwich with an image of herself on it. I think I can guess what the next item for sale will be.




The British Council conducted a survey of non-native-English-speakers of their favorite English words:

1 Mother
2 Passion
3 Smile
4 Love
5 Eternity
6 Fantastic
7 Destiny
8 Freedom
9 Liberty
10 Tranquillity
11 Peace
12 Blossom
13 Sunshine
14 Sweetheart
15 Gorgeous
16 Cherish
17 Enthusiasm
18 Hope
19 Grace
20 Rainbow
21 Blue
22 Sunflower
23 Twinkle
24 Serendipity
25 Bliss
26 Lullaby
27 Sophisticated
28 Renaissance
29 Cute
30 Cosy
31 Butterfly
32 Galaxy
33 Hilarious
34 Moment
35 Extravaganza
36 Aqua
37 Sentiment
38 Cosmopolitan
39 Bubble
40 Pumpkin
41 Banana
42 Lollipop
43 If
44 Bumblebee
45 Giggle
46 Paradox
47 Delicacy
48 Peekaboo
49 Umbrella
50 Kangaroo
51 Flabbergasted
52 Hippopotamus
53 Gothic
54 Coconut
55 Smashing
56 Whoops
57 Tickle
58 Loquacious
59 Flip-flop
60 Smithereens
61 Oi
62 Gazebo
63 Hiccup
64 Hodgepodge
65 Shipshape
66 Explosion
67 Fuselage
68 Zing
69 Gum
70 Hen night

Yes, but is it art?

In case you thought that the Virgin Mary & grilled cheese sandwich story was the only news story involving old white bread this week, the artist Antony Gormley is exhibiting at the Tate this piece, in which he chewed (or as he would doubtless put it, sculpted) his own body weight out of 8,000 pieces of bread, preserved in wax.

(OK, I’ve looked at his website, and some of his non-bread-related sculpture is rather good, or at least it is when put in interesting surroundings and photographed)(Oh, he’s the guy who did the Angel of the North, I thought the name was familiar).

Action on locusts

The Czech Republic approves pensions for former political prisoners, pro-rated.

Headline of the day: “Israel Demands Action on Locusts.” (Locusts are crossing the border from Egypt)

From the Daily Telegraph:

An Italian judge has ruled that an elderly married couple can divorce but should continue to live under the same roof - with the husband’s lover.

The decision by the high court in Pordenone near Venice was made after the wife filed for divorce, and asked for the marital home. But the judge said the house was big enough for “everyone to live in comfortably”.

Jonathan Steele has a cautionary article about Yushchenko personally, and about the forms of intervention by the US and EU in Ukraine’s election. And he’s correct that Mr Y is not the liberal reformer or democrat he’s being portrayed as, but it’s about the democratic process, not the candidate. And Steele’s suggestion of power-sharing is ridiculous.

A bunch of diplomats went to the Thanksgiving dinner of the US Ambassador to the UN food agencies in Rome, which right off sounds like a not-too-bright thing to do. They drew tickets at random, which divided them into 3 groups, 1 of which got a gourmet meal, 1 got some rice and beans, and 1 was shoved out of the house into the garden with a little bit of cold rice.

The Bush admin wanted to more than double federal spending on abstinence-only “education,” but only got a 30% increase. Studies of the programs at the state level have shown that they don’t work, but the Bushies have delayed releasing a national evaluation until 2006, saying that if Congress really loves and respects them, it won’t mind waiting. The assistant secretary of Health and Human Services in charge of abstinence funding is named...wait for it...Wade Horn. Oh, and a HHS spokesman is named Bill Pierce, which could also sound dirty.

I’ve just looked up Mr., um, Horn, and there are bigger problems with him than the funny name. The abstinence thing is part of his larger fatherhood (i.e., anti-feminist) agenda: he really hates the idea of single women bringing up children, and has advocated having the government pressure them to give up their children to be adopted by two-parent couples, for example by denying them housing, welfare and other benefits.

No moral right to push a major European country to mass mayhem

Ha’aretz headline: “Soldiers Force Palestinian to Play Violin at W. Bank Checkpoint.” At least they didn’t shoot at his feet to make him dance at the same time. Ha’aretz doesn’t tell us what music he was forced to play.

Favorite story of fraud in the Ukrainian election: voters being given pens with invisible ink with which to mark their ballots.

I’ve been wondering about the geography of the political divide in Ukraine (I swear I’ll support whichever candidate restores the The to The Ukraine, it just seems naked without it). This Indy article explains it.

Putin urges on EU countries the restraint he hasn’t shown on Ukraine: “We have no moral right to push a major European country to mass mayhem.” Can’t we do it just for fun?

Wherein I give thanks for a Bush Turkey Day Proclamation to make fun of

Bush’s Thanksgiving Day Proclamation is stuffed full of God-y goodness. “We are grateful for our freedom, grateful for our families and friends, and grateful for the many gifts of America. On Thanksgiving Day, we acknowledge that all of these things, and life itself, come from the Almighty God.” I thought it was from my parents fucking.

Oo, a history lesson: “Almost four centuries ago, the Pilgrims celebrated a harvest feast to thank God after suffering through a brutal winter.” No, they would have thanked God for SURVIVING the winter, not for the suffering; they were Puritans, not masochists thanking their dominatrix. Also, did the Puritans settle in South America? because up here, winter usually comes AFTER November (and the 1621 wingding was actually in October).

“By seeking out those who are hurting and by lending a hand, Americans touch the lives of their fellow citizens and help make our Nation and the world a better place.” You’ll notice that nation gets an initial cap but the world doesn’t.

“We are grateful to the homeland security and intelligence personnel who spend long hours on faithful watch. And we give thanks for the Americans in our Armed Forces who are serving around the world to secure our country and advance the cause of freedom.” Yes, don’t forget to thank the Lord Jesus for the Department of Homeland Security and the spooks of the CIA.

Why the killing of intelligence reform, and proper subject-verb agreement, matter

NYT headline: “Data on Deaths From Obesity Is Inflated, U.S. Agency Says.” Let me explain this again: one datum, two data. Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. Also, “inflated?” Is that a pathetic attempt at a joke?

Liberal Oasis reminds me of a subject I had meant to write about but forgot: this week Hastert killed the intelligence bill (whose worth I’m still agnostic on, by the way), refusing to allow a vote on it because although it would have passed with the support of D’s & R’s, it did not have a majority of Republicans. Commanding the support of a majority of Congress is no longer enough, for Hastert. The corollary of this is that Democratic lawmakers can just stay home, their opinions no longer count. This is a new reading of the constitution, a small but significant revolution.

Anything that’s mobile, that moves in the zone, even if it’s a three year old, needs to be killed

From the Guardian: “An Israeli army officer who repeatedly shot a 13-year-old Palestinian girl in Gaza dismissed a warning from another soldier that she was a child by saying he would have killed her even if she was three years old.” He is charged with conduct unbecoming an officer and illegal use of his weapon, i.e., emptying a 10-round magazine into her. When this incident happened, the Israeli military claimed that her book bag was mistaken for a bomb. In fact, the tapes show they thought no such thing, knew she was a little girl (they thought even younger), who was heading away from, not towards the army post. The officer who went to check on her reported back “I confirmed the kill,” meaning not that he checked her pulse, but that he shot her ten times, adding “Anything that’s mobile, that moves in the zone, even if it’s a three-year-old, needs to be killed. Over.” Over, indeed.

Gearing up for a probable spring general election on the slogan: “Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid,” Tony Blair announced his program in today’s Queen’s Speech: authoritarianism, authoritarianism, authoritarianism. Compulsory identity cards, compulsory drug testing of arrestees, with prosecutions for “possession” for those with drugs in their bloodstream, trials without juries for alleged terrorists, a British FBI. The only thing they’ve left out--so far--is color-coded alert levels. They think that “Middle England,” like “Middle America” and “Middle Earth,” just want security, and believe that if a terrorist tries to shoot them, the bullet will bounce off their ID cards. And just to ramp it up a little, “someone” leaked a story, almost certainly untrue, that the gov stopped Al Qaida flying planes into London skyscrapers a while back.

Various municipal and regional governments in Ukraine are lining up behind one or the other of the two Mr Y’s. Doesn’t look good. The US has finally decided to pick a side, warning the Ukrainian government not to certify the elections until investigations of the massive voter fraud, and warning the government “not to use or incite violence, and to allow free media to report accurately on the situation without intimidation or coercion.” Would have been nice if they’d said anything about violence, fraud and free media before and during the elections. Now, it’s a little late. This is the problem with being the sponsor of unfree elections in Afghanistan and Iraq: we have set the bar for “democratic elections” so low that we are not credible advocates of democracy in places like Ukraine. (Good set of Ukraine photos here.)

Russia has made particularly strong statements against American and European “interference” in the elections, although Putin himself went to campaign for Yanukovych. Mr Y and the other Mr Y are being described as pro-Russian and pro-Western, as if the Cold War had revived, stripped of any ideology, centered on power and trade and nothing more.

An online casino bought a 10-year old grilled cheese sandwich with an image of the Virgin Mary for only $28,000, with no mold, proving its divine nature, and a bite taken out of it, proving that the Virgin Mary is delicious.

I get to be part of the solution

It’s great to live in a country where anyone can grow up to become president, and then have their horrific assassination turned into a video game, “JFK Reloaded.”

Soldiers at Fort Lewis, Washington, training to be guards, have been playing Guantanamo Reloaded, throwing chocolate pudding and lemon-lime Gatorade (to resemble bodily fluids) at each other. Said Lt. Col Warren Perry, “I feel good about this mission. I get to be part of the solution.”

Article on the White House website: “Mrs. Cheney Tops the National Christmas Tree.” So the stick up her ass is huge, but it’s festive.

His father threw up on the Japanese prime minister, and now he’s preparing to urinate on the Mr. Koizumi. They have real issues with Japan, don’t they?

Nuclear issues are not polite dinner conversation

The Indy on Iraqi Kurdistan, trying not to get fucked over again.

Tom Burka gets Bush’s duplicity on the intelligence bill exactly right: “I am very disappointed that I stopped the intelligence bill from making its way of out committee and I vow to work harder to see that that bill goes farther before I once again make sure that it never becomes law.” More.

One story about the Istook Clause (allowing Congressional committee chairs and their designees full access to income tax records without privacy protections) is that the IRS itself wanted it. That’s just one cow pat in the storm of bullshit, but if it’s true, there might be a reason: every few years the R’s in Congress have hearings into abuses of power by the IRS, which is one of the reason they now only audit poor people who can’t fight back. In those hearings people testify about how they were victimized, and some of those people are major tax shirkers trying to pressure the IRS to drop their cases, and the IRS can’t fight back with the truth, because those records are private. So that’s why the IRS might want this.

But Josh Marshall has the larger question right: “What does it say about the majority’s management of the legislative process in Congress at present that it’s been two and half days since this line item was discovered and no one has been able to determine who wrote it or who put it in the bill?”

What if the whole Iraqi resistance is just a fiendish conspiracy by Iraqi cabbies to drive up the price for a trip to Baghdad airport, reported as now costing more than $5,000.

At the international conference on Iraq, Colin Powell accidentally wound up seated at dinner next to the Iranian foreign minister, suggesting that Egyptian caterers are as sneaky as Iraqi cabbies. Sample dialog:

“Would you pass the salt?”

“We possess salt for peaceful purposes and will never give it in to the demands of arrogant imperialists that we give it up!”

We are told that they did not discuss nukes because, says a State dept flak, quoting Martha Stewart: “nuclear issues [are not] polite dinner conversation.”

Meanwhile, Bush, who was not at dinner at the time, did talk about Iranian nukes, working the word verify or verification into every single sentence. That “word of the day” calendar is really paying off for him. Now if he could just verify the actual pronunciation of nuclear...

Then Bush went to Colombia, protected by 15,000 troops, more than were involved in the invasion of Fallujah, and said that Colombia now had much less murder and kidnapping than it used to. He promise to continue giving the country lots of money in order to combat drug traffickers, or possibly terrorists (he pretends not to know the difference, or that right-wing groups also traffic in drugs).

Places of atrocities

A WaPo article on the alleged finding of sites in Fallujah where hostages were held goes into irony overload in quoting US military types:

“They had a sick, depraved culture of violence in that city.” Lt. Col. Daniel Wilson, an operations officer with the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force.

“These thugs depended on fear and control.” Maj. James West, Marine intelligence officer

“places of atrocities”. ditto

Incidentally, have you noticed how no one is talking about how important it is to capture/kill Zarqawi anymore?

Ponchopallooza

A group of Greek lawyers will sue Oliver Stone if he releases his film depicting Alexander the Great as gay.

After two incidents at the Asia-Pacific summit in which Bush and the Secret Service trampled on local law enforcement, and a state dinner was cancelled when they insisted they would put Chilean diplomats and plutocrats through metal detectors, Bush still fell for it when they gave them this, snicker, example of local, muffled guffaw, fashion to wear. It’s unclear if Putin was in on the practical joke.


The London Times: “Onlookers speculated that Mr Bush appeared particularly pleased with his because it is ideal for concealing his radio-controlled prompting device.”

I would hope that the Senate would take my word

Iraq’s parliamentary elections are now scheduled for Jan. 30. A BBC caption notes, “Violence in hotspots like Falluja threatens to disrupt the poll.” But no one ever asks if the poll threatens to disrupt the violence, the one utility we’ve succeeded in getting to run on time (little Mussolini reference there), with great efficiency. Fallujah may not have electricity or water, but it does have hot and cold running violence.

Meanwhile, back in the other imperialist war, the Catholic cardinal of Abidjan and Ivory Coast’s President Gbagbo have accused the French military of decapitating several young protesters. The defense minister of France, where the guillotine was invented, said the “outrageousness” of the claims “strips them of any credibilité.”

The Senate voted to buy Chimpy a presidential yacht, and Rising Hegemon is having a contest to name it. My entrees:

SS Shock and Awe

SS Mission Accomplished

SS Can’t Get Fooled Again

SS And I Can Start Drinking Again On It And No One Would Ever Find Out And Why Are You Writing That Down?

SS Freeance

I could do this all day. Go add your own.

Ted Stevens thinks that because he has given his word that he would never use his power to look at tax returns and then post them on the internet, they should just pass the bill. “I would hope that the Senate would take my word.” Ted, I don’t actually think you asked for this power or would use it, but I don’t want my privacy dependent on the “word” of anyone. Does the phrase “a government of laws, not men” mean anything to you? If we wanted government by unaccountable hereditary monarchs with unlimited powers we’d have... never mind.

In America, patience and fortitude will always lose to biscuits and gravy

The WaPo notes, in an editorial I can’t be arsed to link to, that Bush has made almost no use of the power of clemency, despite the fact that we’re all supposed to forgive and forget everything he did before age 40 because, you know, God did. The article worked in some reference to the annual Thanksgiving pardon of turkeys, which reminded me that last week I was at the White House website and saw a link to a page where one could cast a vote in that pardon process. Which sounded like it meant they’d show you pictures of various turkeys and you could vote on which ones to save, a bit macabre, but turned out to be voting to name the pardoned ones. To spare you further suspense, I will just say that “Biscuits” and “Gravy” won, with 19,581 votes, crushing Adams & Jefferson, Salt & Pepper, and what must have been intended as a sop to the Puritans: Patience & Fortitude. I did not vote, because there was no place to write in Shock & Awe.

Gene Weingarten, naming either liberals’ fears about the next 4 years, or Dick Cheney’s secret checklist:

They think that we will begin invading small countries for frivolous reasons, such as that we want their sorghum. They think we will so inflame global hatreds that we will destabilize the world the way a baseball bat destabilizes a flamingo. They think we will become a corporate kleptocracy -- that big businesses will no longer even have to go through the formality of getting tax breaks because the federal treasury will simply mail them cash. That the portraits of the presidents on our money will be replaced by portraits of famous robber barons. That it will be illegal to be black. That Planned Parenthood clinics will be allowed to issue only chastity belts and clothes hangers. That the pledge of Allegiance will include the phrase ". . . under our Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, King of the Patriarchs, Master of the Apostles, Redeemer of Souls, Shepherd of the Only True Way, Vanquisher of Islam . . ." That, in terms of puritanical zeal, we will come to resemble 17th-century Salem, with ritual stoning of heretics or potty-mouths. That we will be forced to use words such as "thee" and "thine." That it will be illegal to have sex unless you are wearing pajamas.

Auditions for the Baghdad Rep production of Chorus Line are not going well.

Get rid of

Bush: “the will is strong, that the effort is united and the message is clear to Mr. Kim Jong Il: Get rid of your nuclear weapons programs”. See, this is why we need a president who can speak the English language, because someone is going to have to explain that by “get rid of” he didn’t mean sell them on Ebay.

The new delicacy in Europe: horse milk.

Somebody tried to sneak a provision into the appropriations bill giving committee the chairs of the appropriations committees of the House and Senate access to anyone’s income tax returns. Ted Stevens, chair of the Senate committee, said it was all a mystery to him how that happened.

Rep. Jerry Weller has married a member of the Guatemalan parliament, the daughter of former dictator and genocidal maniac Efrían Ríos Montt. See this previous post for a rant on the subject.

Partisan stalker

Tom DeLay, who once said he supported the impeachment of Clinton because Clinton held “the wrong worldview,” calls Chris Bell, who successfully brought an ethics charge against DeLay, a “partisan stalker”.

Little known DeLay fact: he was expelled by Baylor U. for drinking and carousing.

A WaPo editorial suggests that Bush & Condi should “Watch Venezuela,” which it accuses of moving in an authoritarian direction. Which may be true, but after Bush supported a coup attempt against the democratically elected president, his administration now has no moral standing to say anything about Venezuela. The editorial, which mentions the coup attempt but not the American support, says, “It is difficult for the United States to respond to Mr. Chavez, in part because he has adopted Mr. Castro’s practice of portraying the United States as an enemy bent on imperial intervention in Venezuela.” Yeah, can’t imagine what reason Castro and Chavez would have to think of the US that way.

The AMA is considering going after the medical license of Kentucky Governor Ernie Fletcher. Doctors aren’t supposed to participate in executions--do no harm, you know--and he signed a death warrant. As much as I’d like to side with the AMA on this one, its job is to police doctors’ ethics only when they’re acting as doctors.

Not just for Christmas

Israel apologizes for its army killing 3 Egyptian border policemen. You’d never know from some of the press descriptions--the NYT writes that “an Israeli tank crew fired on an Egyptian patrol near the border with Gaza”--that the Israelis fired into Egypt which is another country. Also, the Israeli tank being on that particular road was a violation of the peace treaty between Egypt and Israel. Egypt is being very forgiving about the whole incident, which does legally constitute an act of war, including letting the Israelis investigate, although the deaths occurred, as I said, in Egypt.

Putin announces that Russia will soon build a totally awesome new nuclear weapon that none of the other cool kids have, only he can’t say what it is. He also totally has a girl friend, only you’ve never seen her because she goes to another school. Absent from the announcement: any hint as to why Russia needs new weapons, and against whom they’d be aimed.

Worthy charity of the week: http://www.adoptasniper.org/

Aware of information

On his way out the door, Colin Powell is turning up the heat on Iran, saying it’s working on delivery systems for nukes. Well, gosh, I’d sure hate for the smoking gun on that to be a mushroom cloud--I’ve heard that that’s bad. He says he has “seen intelligence” and is “aware of information that suggests” that Iran is up to mischief. Uh huh. Aware of information would be a step up for most Bushies, but it’s still not a ringing endorsement of the truth of the charge: “This is a date which may well live in infamy, if I have my facts straight.” “J’accuse, j’pense.”

A UN report says that opium production now employs 10% of Afghanistan’s population and is the “main engine of economic growth and the strongest bond among previously quarrelsome peoples”. Isn’t that sweet?

Divorce is legalized in Chile as of today. In the entire world, only Malta and the Philippines have no provision for divorce.

The Scottish Parliament legalizes public breastfeeding in any location where children are allowed, and makes trying to stop breastfeeding a crime. Plan your vacations accordingly. The Conservatives opposed the law, oddly enough using the phrase “nanny state.”

Molly Ivins has more on Tom DeLay and ethics rules. A must-read.

Canadian PM Paul Martin expels from the Liberal Party an MP, Carolyn Parrish, who appeared on a comedy show and stamped on an effigy of George Bush.