The United States is not stingy

Ron Suskind refers to the Bush cabinet as an “anti-meritocracy.” Spread it around.

YOU’RE SO VAIN, YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS IMPUTATION OF STINGINESS IS ABOUT YOU: Colin Powell asserts that “The United States is not stingy,” in response to a comment by the UN Emergency Relief Coordinator that didn’t actually mention the United States. Bush, by the way, hasn’t said a word about the disaster in public. (Update: the White House says it doesn’t want to be all touchy-feely like Clinton, and that “actions speak louder than words.” For example, Bush expressed his concern with the victims today by riding a bicycle and clearing brush.)

On the one hand, Russia is saying that it could work with Yushchenko, provided he not get too uppity, but it’s also claiming that Sunday’s re-run was as fraudulent as the first two rounds, and has failed to acknowledge Pock-Faced Mr. Y as the winner.

Detail from a story in the London Times about life in Baghdad:

When the vehicle was 15m away, the soldier opened fire and shot the two occupants dead. The children down the street did not even stop their game.

After World War II, Pope Pius XII opposed returning Jewish children whom the church had protected to their families unless they promised to bring up as Christian those who had been baptized.

Missouri legalizes fishing with bare hands (and feet).

Appropriate

Bush’s immediate response to the earthquake + tsunami (does anyone have a name for the disaster yet? I haven’t been watching CNN, but they must have a name and graphics and theme music by now, that’s what CNN is there for) was to offer “all appropriate assistance”. Turns out, this was just $15 million. Will some intrepid reporter ask Scottie McClellan to give the administration’s definition of “appropriate”? (Later: they’ve added another $20 million. Color me unimpressed.)

Election fun ’n games

The largest Sunni party in Iraq is very careful to state that is withdrawing from the election, not boycotting it. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean either. With barely a month left, Americans are still talking about tinkering with the system so that the Sunnis won’t feel left out. They might have seats set aside in the “transitional assembly” (which in practice would give vastly disproportionate influence to the few Sunni voters who were both willing and able to vote, like they were Vermont or something), or they might be given a share of seats in the administration, in which case why bother having an election at all? Either way, January 30 is likely to be run on the basis of an election law written on the back of an envelope the night before, which doesn’t inspire that much confidence, even if it’s a really nice envelope.

Yanukovich is refusing to accept that he lost the Ukrainian election, claiming there were at least 5,000 irregularities, not counting the ones he was responsible for. He’d be a bit more credible if he hadn’t announced before the first vote was cast that he wouldn’t accept any results which didn’t show him winning. He clearly thinks he can do the “people power” thing that Yushchenko did, but he lacks a color. Orange did so well for Yushchenko, but he doesn’t even seem to have thought about his color.


Maybe he can hire Tom Ridge; he’s got a lot of free time now.

I don’t expect it to be nobody at all

The White House issued a statement that Bush expressed his “sincere condolences” over the earthquake + tidal waves disaster. Isn’t it nice that they specify when he’s being sincere? Wonder how they know?

9.0! I mean, I live in California, where the state sport is guessing the exact magnitude of earthquakes within the shortest time possible after they occur, but 9.0, shit.

Dave Barry’s year in review.

The WaPo has a story about the US increasing its aid for Laos’s efforts to clean up unexploded bombs from “laughable” to “a pittance.” Now when I last wrote about this, nearly 6 years ago, I had the tidbit that the US (whose bombs these are, not only because we made Laos the most bombed nation in the history of the world but because American pilots that aborted their bombing runs to North Vietnam simply dropped their bombs on Laos so they wouldn’t have to land with bombs on board) had consistently refused to tell Laos how to defuse the bombs, making the process that much more difficult.

Uzbekistan’s elections were today and were very exciting, except for the no-opposition-parties-allowed-on-the-ballot thing. But according to President-for-Life Karimov, there is no “real” opposition anyway: “When someone artificially argues that we have not registered some opposition parties that were claiming to do something, let’s be objective.” Think that would work in Iraq?



Asked about the Sunni boycott, which seems to be increasingly worrisome to the very American officials who wrote the very Iraqi election laws that are creating all the problems (distributing seats not according to population but according to votes cast), Colin Powell voices his optimism: “If it was nobody at all [voting in Sunni regions], I think that would be problematic. But I don’t expect it to be nobody at all.” They really don’t know how to respond to a boycott that was predictable. Here’s one unnamed US official: “The Sunnis would have to live with their own decisions if they boycott. Do they really want … a civil war against a Shia population that outnumbers them 3 to 1?” They’re willing to take on the US military, so yeah, I don’t think they’re that worried about, say, the guys we’ve recruited into the Iraqi police and military.

Visible minority ethnics

After a day without British newspapers (they all took Xmas off), I was just panting for the Boxing Day resumption, so this post is entirely British.

The Queen’s Christmas message today was all about tolerance and how wonderful diversity is. I assume she’s planning to keep Prince Philip locked in the basement this year.

And to fuck that message up, Britain is having a “white” Christmas. Brits who placed bets on a white Xmas (I gave the odds in a previous post) are expected to take more than £500,000 off the bookies.

As part of the new tolerance, London’s Metropolitan police will now officially refer to the, um, tolerated ones as “visible minority ethnics.” However this PC term is being challenged by the Queen’s English Society for its grammatically incorrect attempt to pluralize an adjective.

Still, this brand-new racial euphemism is my gift to you all, because you can never have enough racial euphemisms. Or socks.

Planted

Rummy went to Iraq to show that his soft gooey heart indeed bleeds for the wounded troops (Americans, anyway; with all the talk of the Coalition of the Willing, you never see an American political or military leader visit the wounded of other COW countries--don’t forget Poland!), but gave the game away when he observed that a softball question from one of the troops certainly hadn’t been “planted” by reporters. Yes, Rummy’s alleged heart bleeds only for himself, the true victim of a sneaky Improved Explosive Question (IEQ). He does not GET to dismiss Spc. Wilson’s question as “planted.” Prick.

Santa’s retarded brother goes to Iraq

The Pentagon website has a story with the least likely headline ever: “Rumsfeld Cheers Troops.”

Tells those troops, “you will look back when you are about my age, and you will be proud.” And they should ignore the “naysayers and the doubters,” keeping in mind that there have been doubters “throughout every conflict in the history of the world”, and you gotta figure they’re right only about half the time.

The Pentagon denied that this trip had anything to do with the armor thing or the autosigner thing, and denies that the Rumsfeld seen in Iraq was actually a robot.

Rummy, who didn’t even bother putting on the red costume, gives Sgt Chris Scott, who had been hoping for a pony, a Purple Heart.

Double standards

Bush, in an act of typical imperial arrogance (oddly combined with furtiveness, since he announced it when most people are celebrating Festivus), will renominate 20 of his crappiest failed judicial appointments. I’ve previously written about Priscilla Owen here and William Pryor here and here (see also this Salon article on Pryor). Press secretary and constitutional scholar McClellan insists that, “The Senate has a constitutional obligation to vote up or down on a president’s judicial nominees,” but failed to specify where in the Constitution that “obligation” is to be found.

France has outlawed insulting homosexuals (as a group) and sexist comments. There goes the whole basis of French culture. The Guardian notes that the law could mean that “devout Christians who denounce homosexuality as ‘deviant’ would be prosecuted; comedians can no longer make mother-in-law jokes; the producers and distributors of the camp comedy film La Cage Aux Folles could end up in the dock; and parts of the Old Testament might be banned.” So, yeah, I support free speech and shit, but wouldn’t that be just cool?

Putin complains that the US has double standards for saying that occupied Iraq is ready for elections but occupied Chechnya is not. OK, fair enough, Vlad, but how does your saying exactly the opposite not mean that you also have double standards?

He also accused the West of fomenting “permanent revolution” in Ukraine and elsewhere in the ex-Soviet Union. Dubya = Trotsky?

And Putin says he can work with Yuschenko, as long as he doesn’t appoint any “people who build their political ambitions on anti-Russian slogans” to his administration. So by “work with,” he means “dictate to.”

Ricky Gervais of “The Office” will write an episode of The Simpsons.

Rummy’s core

Rumsfeld says he is “truly saddened” that anyone thinks he isn’t doing his very best to protect the troops in Iraq. In fact, when you think about it, being attacked by those criticisms is just the same as those troops being blown up and shit. “You get up in the morning and you think about what our troops are doing, and I must say, if they can do what they’re doing, I can do what I’m doing.” I’m sure the troops felt equally inspired by watching you survive the suicide attack by that guy who asked you about the lack of adequate armor on humvees. Prick.

He says that the “grief [of relatives of dead troops] is something I feel to my core.” Oddly enough his “core” is composed of the same material he will find in his stocking this Xmas: hard, black coal.

Conducting offensive operations to target specific objectives

In response to the bombing/rocket attack/whatever it was in Mosul, the entire city is shut down, with residents banned from the bridges, schools closed, etc. US military spokesmodel Lt. Col. Paul Hastings gave us this example of military-speak: “We are conducting offensive operations to target specific objectives.” So informative.

Speaking of offensive operations, the documents the ACLU has released reveal that prisoners in Guantanamo were wrapped in an Israeli flag. Clearly, this required someone actually to plan this bit of psychological pressure in advance, and transport an Israeli flag to Gitmo (I presume US military bases don’t have Israeli flags just lying around). Someone really put some thought and some work into this childishness.

Not a nation of quitters

Leftist FARC rebels in Colombia have rejected the government’s deal/threat that if they didn’t release 63 hostages, including 3 US “contractors,” their leader would be extradited to the US. FARC denounces this as blackmail, and it’s always so good to hear kidnappers taking the moral high ground, isn’t it?

Speaking of the moral high ground, Israeli settlers in Gaza have taken to wearing Stars of David, orange rather than yellow, in protest at the possibility that they might some day be forced out of the land they stole.

Blair went to Iraq today, unexpectedly, and enunciated the strongest reason for not leaving Iraq (British troops not leaving Iraq, obviously; Tony himself left Iraq almost immediately): “Whatever people feel about the conflict, we British are not a nation of quitters.”


Trying just a little too hard.



I can fly!



Here I just find the plastic forks amusing for some reason.

The pride is back

Putin, visiting Schleswig, Germany, tells protesters against the war in Chechnya, “There has been no more war in Chechnya for three years. It is over. You can go home. Merry Christmas.”

Hey Putin, shouldn’t that be happy holid... ah, fuck it.

Actually, a word of compromise to the Christers: you can say Merry Christmas all you like, provided you only do it on fucking Christmas itself. 24 hours, that’s it. I’ll just hide under the blankets that day.

Brig. Gen. Carter Ham, possessor of the most WASPy name in all Christendom, puts a positive spin on the bombing of the US base in Mosul, in which at least 24 US & Iraqi soldiers, as well as contractors, were killed: “In the chaos that followed that attack, there was no differentiation by nationality; whether one wore a uniform or civilian clothes, they were all brothers-in-arms taking care of one another. And I think that’s something that all Americans and, indeed, all Iraqis can be very proud of.”

Evidently the British Parliament only has 93 Luddites

The 9th Circuit upholds a Clinton-era law criminalizing people giving funds to “terrorist” organizations. The Court ruled that no one can challenge the State Dept decision to list an organization as terrorist, a decision that in recent years has often been made as a gift to America’s good liberal friends like Putin, or as part of a quid pro quo.

I had forgotten that Germany was allowing Jews to immigrate from the former Soviet Union--not Germans, so this is a penance thing, and really the least they could do. This year more Jews went there than to Israel. But now after 15 years Germany has decided to scale back the program and only admit those who know German, are under 45 and self-supporting. So was it necessary for the Daily Telegraph to report this under the chilling headline, “Jews to Face New Rules in Germany”?

Bark mitzvah.

The new British home secretary, Charles Clarke, described by the Times parliamentary sketch writer as “arrogance on legs,” calls opponents of compulsory ID cards “Luddites.” Yes, they oppose ID cards because they are against the mechanization of cotton spinning. Clarke added that it would make renting videos easier, which is probably why Parliament passed the bill 385 to 93.

The Bill Clinton Presidential Library is negotiating a joint tourist package with Graceland. Plan your vacations accordingly. You know, that could be an entirely different experience just depending on which one you went to first.

Speaking of vacations, a French magistrate went to the Conference of European General Prosecutors in Germany, where he delivered an hour-long speech on ethics, and then stole a German prosecutor’s credit card and used it in a brothel.

At today’s Ukrainian presidential debates, square-headed Mr. Y told icky-faced Mr. Y, “If you think you can win and be president of all of Ukraine, you are deeply mistaken. You will be president of part of Ukraine. I am not struggling for power; I am struggling against bloodshed.” Damn self-sacrificing of ya, square-headed Mr. Y!

It’s in our long-term interest that we succeed: I watch Chimpy’s press conference so you don’t have to

Transcript.

GeeDubya started off with a lie, “Now I’ll be glad to answer some questions,” and just continued lying from there.

On Kerik, “We -- we’ve vetted a lot of people in this administration, and we -- we vetted people in the first term. We’re vetting people in the second term. And I’ve got great confidence in our vetting process.” It just sounds so dirty when he says it.

Asked who he’d pick as national intelligence director: “I’m going to find somebody who knows something about intelligence.” Sorta like Diogenes. Which raises the question how Shrub, of all people, would recognize somebody who knows something about intelligence.

Rummy shouldn’t be fired because he provides “comfort and solace” to the soldiers who his policies put in Walter Reed in the first place. And I’m guessing he even signs their casts with an autosigner. Shrub believes Rummy’s job is complex: “It’s complex in times of peace. And it’s complex even more so in times of war.”

“We have a vital interest in the success of a free Iraq. You see, free societies do not export terror.” Afghanistan is free now, according to Shrub, I believe, and it exports what again?

I like the idea that asking him to speak in other than vague generalities about Social Security is a trick question, trying to get him to “negotiate with myself in public, to get me to negotiate with myself in public, to say, you know, ‘What’s this mean, Mr. President, what’s that mean?’” Yeah, heaven for-fucking-fend anyone ask him what he means. He won’t negotiate with himself but he will negotiate with Congresscritters, he said. Implicit in this answer is that the American people have no part in these decisions, which will be made behind closed doors and presented to them as a fait accompli.

Reporters really have to stop with the multiple-part questions, which Bush uses to answer neither. One asked a two-parter about Social Security, the first part being something fairly general about how he could fix it without raising taxes or cutting benefits, and the second part a good specific one about how he defines people “near retirement” whose benefits he’s promised to preserve. Shrub whittered on for a bit, but given the opportunity to follow up, the reporter didn’t press him on the specific one. Better to have asked only that one, and followed up on it.

And I defy anyone to find any meaning in this:

Now the benefits, as far as I’m concerned, of the personal savings account is, one, it encourages an ownership society. One of the philosophies of this government is if you own something, it is -- it makes the country a better -- the more people who own something, the country’s better off. You have a stake in the future of the country if you own something.

On Iraq, Americans watching tv see thousands--he quickly backtracked to hundreds--of innocent Iraqis getting killed, many of them not by indiscriminate US bombing, but they don’t see small businesses starting.

About Guantanamo hurting America’s reputation, he pointed to the court decisions requiring hearings as proving that America is “a nation of laws,” without saying that those decisions overturned his policy of not being a nation of laws. But there’s a “dilemma”: “And I want to make sure before they’re released that they don’t come back to -- (laughs) -- kill again.” Amputation, I’m guessing.

Donating cigarettes to monks is a sin

Time magazine chooses Bush as man of the year for “sticking to his guns (literally and figuratively)”. I’m pretty sure that’s a metaphor having something to do with masturbation.

In his interview with Time, Bush as ever chooses his word-thingies with the utmost care, saying “we’ve got a shot” for peace in the Middle East. I’m pretty sure this gun reference is not a metaphor.

The pope warns against getting caught up in the materialism of Christmas, speaking from a window in his big honking palace.

Three election workers were killed in Iraq. Presumably someone recognized their feet. A spokesmodel for the electoral commission responds: “Every day the people are dying, okay. If there are no elections, are they going to stop? No, so we have to make it.” I’m pretty sure he was quoting the preamble to the US Constitution or Magna Charta or something.

Some of the electoral lists for the Iraqi elections: the Assembly for the Grandchildren of the Twentieth Revolution, the Niche Martyr Foundation for Islamic Notification, the Movement of Farmers and Oppressed Peoples of Kurdistan. The London Times observes that some of them haven’t gotten the whole campaigning thing down yet:

Asked by The Times about his manifesto, the leader of one small group, The Justice and Democratic Advancement Party, refused to divulge any information. “There are some people who want to steal our programme and I can’t give this to anybody,” he said.

Saddam Hussein’s lawyer passes on a message that Iraqis should boycott the elections. You’d think Saddam would support elections, since the last ones held in Iraq went in his favor 11,445,638 to 0, with a 100% turnout.

Speaking of elections, in Ukraine Yanukovych’s wife has been saying that Yushchenko’s supporters have become addicted to “narcotic-injected oranges” passed out to them.

I’ve said it before: the English will bet on anything. That said, the current odds on there being a white Christmas have been cut to 11:4 for London, so get your bets in.

Thailand will add a new warning to cigarette packages: “Donating cigarettes to monks is a sin.”

You know what they say: big feet, big election

Iraqi judges question “Chemical” Ali. Possibly about the Periodic Table.

Pinochet has a really conveniently timed “stroke.”

Telling detail: “Iraqi television shows only the feet of election officials rather than their faces, because they are terrified of their identity being revealed.”

The American Muslims have stripes

Yeah I’ve seen the Cornell study (pdf file) about attitudes to Muslims, and I’d be a lot more worried if I trusted the methodology more. But I don’t, so I’d advise the leftyblogosphere (I just made that up) to chill.

That said, I’d like to point to the part where 27% think that Muslim-Americans should be required to register and ask, what do those people think Muslims are? If this were a legal requirement, it would presumably be enforced by a punishment, so you’d have to prove that a non-registrant believed that there was no god but Allah and that Mohammed was his prophet etc etc etc. What’s worrying is that the 27% evidently do not think of Islam as a religion, a system of beliefs, but rather believe that there is something intrinsic and immutable about a person being “Muslim,” something which is visible, detectable by the authorities, like the sketches of Jews the priest shows the boyhood version of Woody Allen’s character in “Love and Death”: “Do they all have horns?” “No, those are Russian Jews; the German Jews have stripes.” Imagine the debates we could have if we passed the Compulsory Registration of Muslims Act of 2005: do we use the Nazi standards to determine who is a Muslim or the Old South’s “one drop” rule, do we subject people we suspect are “passing” to a test involving the consumption of pork products?

Strong leadership

In Britain, the Law Lords, the highest judicial body, ruled 8-1 that the law allowing indefinite detention of terrorism suspects violates their civil rights. No duh. The ruling is not binding, given parliamentary supremacy, so those locked up without trial under the law (12 of them) will not be released, although the British gov is thinking about reducing the standard of evidence, or making up new crimes, like “acts preparatory to terrorism” that these people could be tried for. Foreign Minister Jack Straw calls the decision “strident” and “simply wrong” and throws away Britain’s moral right to criticize the human rights record of any other country by adding, “On this dilemma of how to balance liberty and order, the most important liberty is the right to life. If that liberty is taken away by the terrorists, then we have not met our prime obligation as a government.”

And in the US, a federal district judge ruled that American courts have jurisdiction when the US has convinced foreign governments, in this case Saudi Arabia, to lock up Americans in their own prisons and torture them for information. The US government, in arguing the case, did not deny that it had done that, just that the legal system had no sway in such cases, or, in the words of the judge, “the United States is, in effect, arguing for nothing less than the unreviewable powers to separate an American citizen from the most fundamental of his constitutional rights merely by choosing where he will be detained or who will detain him.”

The US State Dept has designated al-Manar television, the Lebanese Hezbollah station France just banned, a terrorist organization. That’s right, a tv station = a terrorist organization. Insert obvious Fox News or Lifetime joke here. The real-life consequences of this designation is that any foreigner supporting it or associated with it can be banned from the US. The State Dept is using the word “incitement” to describe al-Manar’s nefarious, um, programming.

Hitler was a tax dodger. The bastard!

Earlier this month, I mentioned that Bush, whenever he meets a foreign leader, goes out of his way to describe him or her as a “strong leader.” He did the same with Berlusconi this week. But here’s a picture of “Comical” Allawi opening the election campaign with a bunch of candidates on the “Iraqi List,” keffiyah guys on the left, ill-fitting business suits and right-hand-holding-left-wrist guys on the right, with a big brotherish picture of Allawi behind them and the words “strong leadership” in Arabic.

I have directed that in the future I sign each letter

SCHIZOPHRENIC MUCH? Secretary of War Rumsfeld, caught using an autosigner in letters to the families of troops killed in Iraq, says “I have directed that in the future I sign each letter.” So he’s issued a directive to his right hand. But did he sign that directive personally, and wouldn’t his right hand feel as insulted as the families did not to receive a personally signed directive? Rummy’s statement adds, “I wrote and approved the now more than 1000 letters”. So he (or possibly just his right hand) wrote the letters and then he got his own approval for what he (or possibly just his right hand) had written. Get help, Rummy.



This is the banner the White House website has been using on every economic summit story, and it’s been driving me crazy. Does anyone have the faintest idea what’s supposed to be going on in the second image?

Challanges

How reassuring and, yet, not: article on the Pentagon website: “All Trucks in Iraq Have Some Form of Armor.” Some form.

The same article says that convoys are now called “combat logistics patrols.” We got us a combat logistics patrol, rocking through the night...

Speaking of jargon, I was evidently a little late in noticing the new practice of the mentally “challanged” one


calling Social Security an “unfunded liability.” Shrub of course is the biggest unfunded liability there is.

At the economic conference, Bush explained what he thinks about when he masturbates: “And I know that a million, a billion, a trillion sort of gets lost on the average listener, so I always like to explain that if you're looking at a trillion dollars, just imagine spending a dollar every second, and it would take you 32,000 years to spend a trillion dollars.”

The world’s tallest building, which will open in Taipei next year, will have the fastest elevator, capable of taking people to the top in 37 seconds.