Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the Pentagon website puts up a picture of a new plane, not at all photographed to look like a penis.

Now you have to sit down and decide whether you want this relationship to continue

Tony Blair, who is so much less popular than the party he leads, admits to past arrogance in an arrogantly humble speech, if you know what I mean, and says he hasn’t listened to the British people enough. He creepily compares his relationship with the British people to a marriage, saying that they can “go off with” Michael Howard or Charles Kennedy if they like, but “now you, the British people, have to sit down and decide whether you want this relationship to continue”. Why does that require sitting down, I wonder? I’m sure Charles’s proposal to Camilla was more awkward (“Mummy says it’s alright”), but Blair seems once again to have forgotten that he is not a president but a prime minister, answerable to Parliament.

Once again, life is imitating “The Prisoner.”

A large black ball, originally designed by Swedish scientists for use on Mars, could be the latest weapon in the war against burglars.

The device, developed at the University of Uppsala, acts as a high-tech security guard capable of detecting an intruder thanks to either radar or infra-red sensors. Once alerted, it can summon help, sound an alarm or pursue the intruders, taking pictures. ...

Serbian President Boris Tadic goes to Kosovo in an echo of Milosevic’s visit to the province 16 years ago, and tells an audience of ethnic Serbs, “This is Serbia.” No it isn’t, and fuck off out of it.

Iraqi elections

After two weeks, and no explanation for what the problem was with those 300 ballot boxes or how the problem was resolved, the Iraqi election results have finally been released. Figures on how many people were killed on election day still haven’t been added up, for some reason.

I’ve been assuming that the Iraqi ballot boxes would be stuffed, at the very least to increase voter turnout to make the election look more legitimate. So in one sense, it’s a good sign that the official turnout figure for Anbar province (including the rubble fields of Fallujah) was an uninflated-sounding 2%. In another sense, of course, a national election is not legitimate when that many people are not represented.

It’s also nice to see a politician spend huge amounts of money from mysterious sources, monopolize the airwaves, and then be thoroughly trounced, as Iyad “Comical” Allawi has been. It will be interesting to see if the secret police thugs and torturers he has recruited transfer their loyalties to whoever replaces him.

Some years ago San Francisco, which like Iraq had at-large elections, had a polling station which for some years was in an upscale bakery, which gave away pastries to voters. Voter turnout in that precinct was nearly 100%, giving that precinct disproportionate, um, weight in the board of supervisors, so the bakery was quite rightly told to stop. That is how these things should work. In Iraq, that 2% turnout was matched by 92% turnout in a Kurdish region.

The Indy says that US officials are having “are you now or have you ever been” discussions with Iraqi politicians to see how close they are to Iran, and how the Iraqi government will react when the US attacks Iran.

Way out there

So the US was sending spy drones over Iran, and the Iranians assume not that they’re from the Great Satan, but that they’re UFOs. Infidels from Alpha Centauri, no doubt. The truth is out there.

A couple of entries to a New Statesman competition last month, which asked for updated sayings:

It’s a short road that has no Starbucks.

Look before you invade.

Three exemplars of democratic values

Schwarzenegger tells a Republican group that Democratic members of the state legislature are “addicts” who “cannot stop spending money.” But the LAT buries the lead by focusing on that quote. The key line is actually his most explicit statement yet of the führerprinzip: “Now,” he said, “we have a governor who represents the people’s interests instead of special interests.” D’s didn’t “get the message” of the recall of Gray Davis in 2003: “If they had been on the ballot, they all would have been recalled.” So Ahhnuld considers himself the only genuine representative of the people (notwithstanding the 2004 elections).

After all the talk about spreading freedom, Bush has had to send Henry Kissinger to Moscow to reassure Putin that he doesn’t mean a word of it. Because if you want to send a message about how important ideals and democracy are to you, the messenger you choose would just have to be Henry Fucking Kissinger.

Speaking of bad representatives of democratic values, Dexter Filkins’s NYT story about Achmad Chalabi’s attempt to wheel ’n deal his way into the office of prime minister takes seriously the line that Chalabi is out of favor with the Americans. Actually, it’s hard to tell; the position of the Bushies on Iraq’s future has become curiously opaque over the last few months. Did his Pentagon backers really back away from him? If so, Filkins gives a singularly unlike reason for it: “Mr. Chalabi’s footing in the Bush administration steadily eroded as it became clear that much of the intelligence he had turned over to the American government, which was used to justify an invasion, turned out to have been exaggerated or false.” Sure, everyone else who produced false intelligence is promoted, but Chalabi is dropped for doing the same, and if you buy that, I’ve got some Nigerien yellowcake to sell you.

So Iraqi “democracy,” which was fresh and young and hopeful two weeks ago has, before the votes are even counted, become so decrepit, debased and cynical that Chalabi, a man with no discernible principles except self-interest, could be a major player in the backroom intrigues which will establish an Iraqi administration, with no particular reference to how Iraqis actually voted. Maybe they could be persuaded to take Arnold Schwarzenegger instead, cuz I hear he supports the people’s interests rather than the special interests. Maybe they could take Kissinger as well.

America is in fact a land of liberators, not a land of occupiers

The Czech parliament rejects gay marriage by a single vote.

Secretary of War Rumsfeld, in Iraq, tells American troops occupying Iraq, “You have shown that America is in fact a land of liberators, not a land of occupiers.” And has been ever since we liberated it from the Indians.

Rep. Louise Slaughter has written to the White House asking how “Jeff Gannon” was allowed to use a pseudonym as a White House “reporter” when she is forced to continue calling herself Louise Slaughter, it just isn’t fair.

ATTENTION (TO SPELLING) MUST BE PAID: A word to the Daily Telegraph: entitling the obituary of Arthur Miller “Death of a Playright” might have made you seem cleverer if the word were not actually playwright. You might as well have gone with your first instincts: “Guy Who Shagged Marilyn Monroe Fifty Years Ago Dies.”

But the Telegraph almost redeems itself with the headline “Gays Angry at Penguin Plan.”

A plan by a German zoo to test the sexuality of a group of suspected homosexual penguins by bringing in females has sparked outrage among gay and lesbian groups, who fear keepers might force them to abandon their male partners.

Bremerhaven zoo saw the male penguins trying to mate and hatch stones.

Isolated

Don’t expect to get much sense out of the British newspapers today: two middle-aged unemployed people announced their engagement.

The reason I quoted a chunk of North Korean verbiage in my last post, and linked to their statement about nukes, was to suggest that North Korean leaders do not think in the same way as we do. This is why dealing with them is so dangerous and requires such care and expertise. Unfortunately, the US is now ruled by folks who share both George Bush’s complete inability to comprehend people who don’t view the world the same way he does, and his complete lack of curiosity about the thought patterns of other peoples and cultures, and who portray their own ideals as universal ideals, meaning there really is no reason to attempt to understand other ideals, which are by definition less than universal. So when Condoleezza Rice says that North Korea’s rejection of the 6-party talks (which were always a fig-leaf for our unwillingness to talk directly with North Korea) will just isolate them further, you have to wonder how she’s failed to notice that North Korea’s rulers like being isolated and work very hard indeed to maintain their isolation.



Asked about North Korea’s belief that the US was coming after it, Condi says, “Well, I’m not quite sure to what the North Koreans are referring.” Can’t you?

Condi also praises Saudi Arabia’s municipal elections, while hoping that “at one point [they] would include women.” She failed to add that half the local council seats, and mayors, would still be appointed by the monarchy, and would have no defined powers.

Are you aware of the reason the Saudis give for the exclusion of women? Nothing religious or ideological about women being stupid or impure or whatever, but the somehow more insulting, because so completely dismissive, excuse that it would have been too much work to build all those (separate, naturally) polling stations and ballot boxes



for women. I mean, even in Iraq we managed...



...well ok, bad example. You’ll notice no one ever suggests that if they can only manage polling places for half the population, the men could sit this one out.

Revealing the wicked nature and brazen-faced double-dealing tactics of the U.S. as a master hand at plot-breeding and deception

The Axis of Evil is acting all axis of evilly today. Both Iran and North Korea issued statements saying they’ll be keeping their nuclear programs, thank you very much.

The North Korean government is always hard to interpret, because it speaks entirely in badly translated jargon which it may actually believe. Sometimes this is entertaining, and when I’m bored I surf to the NK news agency website for stories like “Japan Termed Wicked Trickster.” But the problem is that, believing in their own over-blown jargon, sometimes they believe in our over-blown jargon as well--axis of evil, regime change, outpost of tyranny, etc etc--and think we’re about to go to war with them. Their statement today said, yeah we got nukes (“nukes for self-defence”) and whaddya gonna do about it, denouncing American attempts to push regional diplomacy as “a far-fetched logic of gangsters as it is a good example fully revealing the wicked nature and brazen-faced double-dealing tactics of the U.S. as a master hand at plot-breeding and deception.” Uh, yeah, and what’s your point?

Freedom and liberty, if you have a penis and don’t mind it being flaccid

Thursday there will be municipal elections in Saudi Arabia, and women will not be allowed to vote. Has anyone heard any outrage from the United States government, as part of its new mission to spread freedom and liberty and still more liberty and yet more freedom everywhere?

A bill is being proposed to ban Medicare from covering Viagra. But was it necessary for the WaPo to say that such coverage “could strain the already strapped program”?

The coup in Togo has been condemned by ECOWAS and other African organizations. This is a good sign, and compares well with the toleration given to Zimbabwe’s deepening fascism.

There’s a better future, and I want to take a risk toward that future

Truly leaving no child behind, a public elementary school in Sutter, California (north of Sacramento) required students to carry Radio Frequency Identification tags (RFIDs) to track their movements. This will be overturned, but only because pedophiles can also use readers to track their movements, not because it is degrading and creepy.

Juan Cole points out that once Iraqi election results are announced, the winners will no longer be anonymous and will be subject to assassination. Fortunately the proportional representation system the US imposed on Iraq should mean that replacements come from the existing party lists. Imagine being subjected to all those clichés about brave Iraqis defying the blah blah blah every time there was an election to fill a suddenly vacant seat.

I’m getting a certain amount of traffic today from search engines because Monday I mentioned mud-wrestling contests among American women MPs at one of our prison camps in Iraq. People want to see the pictures. You’ve gotta love the assumptions the Internet has created that if there is such an event, there will be pictures (in fact there are) and they will be posted to the internet (not yet). Information wants to be free, especially when it involves women mud-wrestling.
(Update: my mistake. Tex at UnFairWitness has a couple of pictures posted for your unfair-witnessing pleasure. It seems that the NY Daily News ran pictures a few days ago.)

As much as I depend on the White House website for sources of humor, I found it impossible to do more than skim “President Participates in Class-Action Lawsuit Reform Conversation.” I see he doesn’t know the real word for “baby doctor.” Bush does explain that “A capitalist society depends on the capacity for people willing to take risk and to say there’s a better future, and I want to take a risk toward that future. And I’m deeply concerned that too many lawsuits make it too difficult for people to do that.” Of course what he doesn’t explain is that he wants to make it easier for capitalists to get their better futures by risking other people’s lives.

Wooing Old Europe, Condi-style

Kamen at the WaPo quotes State Dept spokesmodel Tom Casey, who objected to Cuba and Zimbabwe being on a UN human rights panel: “The United States believes that countries that routinely and systematically violate the rights of their citizens should not be selected to review the human rights performance of other countries.” But when the US does it, it’s just a few bad apples, and mostly we violate the rights of citizens of other countries and blah blah hypocrisy Abu Ghraib naked human pyramids Alberto Gonzales detention without trial blah blah blah blah....

Sorry, I just had a vision of 4 more years of sanctimonious Bushies pretending to be spreading freedom throughout the world, and I went into blogger automatic pilot.

Kamen points out that Saudi Arabia, another exemplar of human rights, is also on that panel.

Condi Rice was in Paris, “wooing” the French, as all the news sources put it. It somehow comes as no surprise that her style of “wooing” is actually the issuing of marching orders, thinly disguised. An Independent editorial (not available for free online) points out (as does Eli at Left I On the News) that when she said, “America stands ready to work with Europe on our common agenda -- and Europe must stand ready to work with America,” “it sounded very like a command - and if not a command, then a threat.” (The arrogance of power is never far from the Bushies; Chimpy himself today said that Congress “needs to” pass his budget.)

Elsewhere in that speech, she suggests a single historical line from Rosa Parks to the fall of communism to the elections in Afghanistan and Iraq. Must be Black Propaganda History Month.

People accused Bill Clinton of running a permanent campaign, of electioneering rather than governing. Well what do we make of the promotion of Karl Rove, a man who has spent his career running slimy campaigns on behalf of slimy candidates, to the policy position of deputy chief of staff?

Stopping all acts of violence everywhere

Bush describes his budget as one that “reduces and eliminates redundancy.” Also eradicates, extinguishes, annihilates and wipes out redundancy. He adds that he will hold “federal programs to a firm test of accountability,” but does not say if this test will involve Western-style accountancy.

21 are killed in Baghdad. Care to guess what they were doing? Yes, waiting on a line (to join the military), which is behaviour abhorrent in the eyes of Allah.

Denmark returns its Center-Right government to power, on a strong anti-immigrant platform. That’s the theme of European elections this year, with Tony Blair and Michael Howard also engaged in a bidding war on who can be more beastly to Johnny Asylum-Seeker.

Ariel Sharon and Mahmoud Abbas come to an agreement “that all Palestinians will stop all acts of violence against all Israelis everywhere, and, at the same time, Israel will cease all its military activity against all Palestinians everywhere”. That line comes from Sharon, who evidently doesn’t acknowledge the possibility of Israeli citizens who are also Palestinians.

So we can now forget about the Middle East because, as we all know, cease-fire agreements are considered sacred in that part of the world and are never broken. So there’s no reason to bet on how long it lasts, because it will last forever, although if you’ve got a pool, put me down for 5..4...3...2...


And then Sharon ate him.

All the different shirts

From the LA Times:

"They’re all around there in the Capitol, as you know, the different special interests," Schwarzenegger said recently, "the purple shirts and the brown — all the different shirts."

The purple shirts refer to T-shirts worn by unionized state workers who have been holding protests around Sacramento over the governor's plans to change their retirement system and take away some of their holidays, among other things. As for the brown shirts, it was unclear to whom Schwarzenegger was referring.

When an Austrian politician starts having hallucinations involving brownshirts--run.

Rep. Jane Harman will introduce a bill to ban torture. One would have thought that was illegal already, but evidently one would have been wrong. The bill would also ban “rendition.” I’ll be interested to see how Harman defines torture, something no Bush official has been willing to do.

Now, a gay activist with a trimmed beard standing on line for a mud-wrestling contest....

The London Times presents an interesting juxtaposition. Tacked on to the end of a story about Iraqi Taliban-wannabes allegedly killing barbers for trimming beards contrary to the will of Allah is this: “An American military policewoman who took part in a mud-wrestling contest at an Iraqi prison was yesterday demoted and found guilty of indecent exposure.” See, we have our standards, they have their standards.

There must also be something in the Koran about standing in line also being contrary to the will of Allah. Two more queues were bombed today, one of Iraqi policemen waiting to collect their pay, another of applicants to join the Iraqi police. This is only the 853rd and 854th time respectively that this has happened, by my count.

A gay activist, Scott McCoy, is named by D party activists to replace a Utah state senator resigning on health grounds. Should be fun.

George Monbiot writes that we may hear less UN-bashing from the R’s on the subject of the oil-for-food program in Iraq, since the Volker report says that much bigger violations of sanctions occurred through illegal sales of oil--which the US knew about and did nothing to stop, because it benefitted allies we wished to keep sweet, like Turkey and Jordan. Monbiot also has more details of the money that the CPA lost through its non-Western accounting methods: “Some $800m was handed out to US commanders without being counted or even weighed. A further $1.4bn was flown from Baghdad to the Kurdish regional government in the town of Irbil, and has not been seen since.”

Social Security Privatization and the Permanent Republican Majority

Now that Bush has revealed more details of his Social Security privatization scheme, I must say I’m relieved to see how lame it is. This turkey could pass only if the D’s efforts to stop it reach a Kerryesque level of incompetence. Which is quite possible, of course: I never thought the Medicare drug benefit could make it all the way into law still containing that idiotic “donut,” which shows what I know. But with the government managing the investment funds, with the clawback of anything below a 3% return, and with those mandatory annuities, and with even the Bushies now admitting it won’t help the long-term stability of Social Security, even the gamblers with visions of stock market windfalls won’t find this very attractive. One can only hope Bush expends lots and lots of his “capital” trying to push this turd uphill.

So what was it about? Like tax cuts, Social Security privatization was fundamentally about “starving the beast,” circumscribing the powers of government. Connect pensions to the stock market, and any attempt to regulate pollution, raise the minimum wage, tax corporations, prevent them sending jobs oversees, etc etc etc would be denounced as threatening granny’s private personal retirement account. Almost every aspect of a progressive agenda would be measured against the Dow Jones and found wanting. The R’s would be practically assured of a permanent majority.

So maybe just as well the plan stinks up the joint.

Always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom

Rumsfeld revealed this week that he twice offered to resign over Abu Ghraib. But just as Rummy was more concerned about the leak of images of Abu Ghraib torture than with the actual torture, his faux-resignations offer the image of taking responsibility without actually taking responsibility. By offering to resign rather than simply resigning, he was signaling that he believed he had done nothing wrong, but if Bush thought otherwise, he could act. This wasn’t accountability, but passive-aggressiveness, the equivalent of asking “do these pants make my butt look big?”. Rather than treat torture as a moral issue, his actions indicate once again that he saw it purely in pragmatic terms--whether his political effectiveness had been damaged--the very same amoral stance that led his subordinates to consider torture a legitimate tool.

And as long as I’m talking about Rumsfeld’s amorality, I haven’t yet mentioned his push this week for research into “bunker-buster” nuclear weapons, but I don’t think the discerning readers of this blog need explained to them why developing usable nukes is insane.

The US has forced the UN drugs agency to stop giving clean needles to heroine addicts to prevent AIDS transmission.

A week ago I mentioned (and posted) the British Labour party poster accused of being anti-semitic. That one, and another which supposedly made Michael Howard look too much like Fagin, have been removed from the Labour website. So the latest thing is the new Labour slogan, “Britain Forward Not Back,” intended to show that Labour is too dynamic to use verbs or correct grammar. But the slogan turns out to bear a certain similarity to a Halloween episode of the Simpsons which showed Bill Clinton declaring, “We must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom.”

How socks can be a direct violation of human rights

Rumsfeld says there won’t be an Iranian-style theocracy in Iraq, run by “a handful of mullahs” (yes, those mullahs are a handful), because “The Shia in Iraq are Iraqis, they are not Iranians”. He does have a way of stating the bleeding obvious in a way that makes it sound like bullshit.

Rummy says “the great sweep of human history is for freedom.” The Bushies are beginning to talk about history being on their side the way “scientific Marxists” used to.

An Israeli military court releases the captain who emptied his gun into a 13-year old Palestinian girl last November, after one of the witnesses, another soldier, recants. This is insane, there are recordings of the bastard saying “I confirmed the kill” and there are ballistics from the ten bullets he used in the confirmation process. Previous posts here and here.

I trust my silence up until now about the royal coup in Nepal hasn’t been taken as tacit approval or anything. In the unlikely case that you’ve been waiting to hear from me before forming an opinion on the subject, here we go: authoritarian rule bad, democracy good.

The now censored Nepalese press has taken to running editorials on socks, how there are many types of socks on the market but if someone insists on wearing “the same pair of socks day in and day out, not even bothering to assess the detrimental effect of the overpowering stench... Isn’t it a direct violation of human rights?” This could just be a metaphor. There have also been editorials against chopping down oxygen-producing trees, on archery, women’s cricket, and how to enjoy sunshine.

If you need help making up your minds about the coup in Togo, here’s a hint: authoritarian rule bad, idiot son succeeding father bad, democracy good, “Togo” funny name for a country.

A Hong Kong firm is making feng shui underpants.

I don’t know what he said precisely or the context

From Secretary of War Rummy’s press conference Thursday: “The number of Iraqi security personnel who have died defending their country tells without question that they have the courage to do so.” Or just that they’re not very good at it.

Asked about Gen. Mattis calling shooting people fun and a hoot, Rummy declined to condemn the remarks. “I have not read his words. I don’t know what he said precisely or the context.” The reporter, who had actually just quoted the remarks in full, did not ask what possible context would excuse the remarks or whether Rumsfeld’s laziness about looking into such matters was indicative of his own permissive attitude to such assholery. Rummy pulled the same “haven’t read his words” thing with William “My God’s bigger than your God” Boykin, and was saying quite late in the game that he hadn’t read the report on Abu Ghraib torture (Maureen Dowd wrote, “Fire Rummy, or make him read faster.”) Clearly, DRummy has still not improved his literacy skills.

Consistent with our values

Condi says that the US’s Iran’s “behavior, internally and externally, is out of step with the direction and desires of the international community.”

Attorney Generalissimo Gonzalez says the Department of Justice will combat terrorism “in a way that’s consistent with our values.” Which is odd, because his previous dismissal of the Geneva Conventions as quaint and obsolete in the “new kind of paradigm” that is the war against terrorism suggests that he sees values such as civil and human rights as merely situational and revocable.

Speaking of combating terrorism in a way consistent with their miserable, vicious, desiccated values, the Iraqi police have taken to showing videos of prisoners confessing to their heinous crimes on tv. Totally voluntary confessions, I’m sure.

Loathed, loathed I tell you!

A day after Bush in SOTU said the US would work with our European allies to get Iran not to develop nuclear weapons, Condi Rice says we won’t do so because “I think our European allies agree that the Iranian regime’s human rights behavior and its behavior toward its own population is something to be loathed.” So until they change their human rights situation, they’ll just have to keep their nuclear weapons.

Condi did add that a US invasion of Iran is not on the agenda “at this point in time.” That’s a little too temporally specific to be reassuring.