skip to main |
skip to sidebar
In a speech to the Veterans of Foreign Wars, George Bush, a veteran of hanging out in Houston bars wearing a Texas Air National Guard uniform, is still talking about how a free, democratic Iraq will deal a decisive blow yadda yadda, totally disconnected from the events taking place in the actually existing Iraq, the one that exists outside of Bush’s chimp-like head. “We admire their thoughtful deliberations; we salute their determination to lay the foundation for lasting democracy amid the ruins of a brutal dictatorship.” Yeah, thoughtful deliberations, lasting democracy. Sure.
Which brings us to today’s caption contest:
Let go of my damned hand, old man.
How did I miss this detail before? The Metropolitan cop in charge when Jean Charles de Menezes was shot is named Commander Cressida Dick. Anyhoo, Sir Ian Blair, in an interview with the News of the World (not a permanent URL), complains that “this part of the story is concentrating on the death of one individual when we have 52 dead people from all faiths and communities in London and from abroad. ... It seems the balance of reporting is in the wrong place.” Well thank heavens the guy responsible for the death of that one individual and the cover-up that followed is here to put it all in proper perspective.
It was inevitable: a Fort Qualls to counterpoise Camp Casey, and named after another dead soldier, one whose father is pro-war and can’t wait for his other, 16-year old, son to come of age so he can sign up. The “Fort” consists, according to the AP, of a “large tent with ‘God Bless Our President!’ and ‘God Bless Our Troops’ banners and a life-size cardboard cutout of Bush.” What do those banners have in common, besides the religiosity? That they say nothing about the war and in fact have almost the minimum amount of content possible to still count as communication, barely above the content level of a chant of “USA! USA!” Cindy Sheehan wants answers. These people have none; they can provide only a life-size cardboard cutout Bush and life-size cardboard cutout patriotism.
Pope Benedict XVI suggests to Muslim leaders that they should really crack down on terrorists and steer young Muslims away from “the darkness of a new barbarism” through proper religious instruction, that is, instruction in Islam, which I assume would be the old barbarism in Pope Benny’s eyes. Pope Benny knows a lot about steering young people away from extremism from his days in the Hitler Youth.
Ariel Sharon, that’s Ariel fucking Sharon mind you, accuses the settlers of playing politics and causing unnecessary suffering. Presumably as opposed to necessary suffering, which is when Palestinians do the suffering.
Robert Fisk mentions a news release from the US military in Iraq entitled “Comics Bring Barrels of Laughs to Baghdad.” But does he quote from it? Depressive sod that he is, of course not. Evidently the comedians “touched on the funnier side of military life in a combat zone”. It will help, when you read the story, to imagine it spoken over the MASH public address system. That is all.
Good article by Andrew Arato, posting on Juan Cole’s site, on the constitution-writing process in Iraq.
Bill Frist says that intelligent design should be taught in public schools so as not to “force any particular theory on anyone. ... I think in a pluralistic society that is the fairest way to go about education and training people for the future.” I can only assume that when he’s practicing medicine, he tells patients, “I recommend heart surgery and I am a doctor, as you can tell by my degrees, handsomely displayed in the cat-fur-lined picture frames, but in a pluralistic society it’s fair that I also tell you about the options of faith-healing, crystals, sacrificing a goat to Odin...”
Excuse the longish (by my standards) silence. I was feeling stale and uninspired and didn’t wish to blog just for the sake of blogging. At one point I got as far as “John Roberts turns out to have been quite the snide little shit, doesn’t he?” before giving it up as a bad job. Not that he isn’t a snide little shit, but the various quotes from his old memos speak for themselves.
Jonathan Steele’s op-ed on the “theatre of the cynical” playing out in Gaza notes the settlers’ inability to understand how they, and Israel, are seen, epitomized in their obnoxious chant “Jews do not expel Jews.” The settlers mean to imply that “Jews do not expel Jews; Nazis expel Jews,” but what most of us actually hear is, “Jews do not expel Jews, they expel Arabs.”
The king of Swaziland has ended one year early his 5-year ban on teenagers having sex, which was supposed to end AIDS in Swaziland, a year early. Girls will no longer be required to wear a tasseled scarf to indicate their virginity (I assume they wore other clothes as well).
We now know that Sir Ian Blair, the least competent commissioner of the Met since Sir Charles Warren (a little bone for all you Jack the Ripper fans to gnaw on, you know who you are), tried to prevent investigation of the Menezes shooting, that the Met tried to bribe the Menezes family with $1 million in “compensation” (yes, that’s US dollars, the currency of choice for cover-ups, not British pounds), that the pathologist was given the same false information the public was, and that Blair does not intend to resign.
The 9th Circuit rules that when Congress banned abortions being performed at military bases, along with other measures intended to prevent service members and their families exercising their right to abortion, it actually intended that the Navy’s insurance not pay for a woman with a fetus lacking most of its brain to terminate her pregnancy. The government, in a brief written by some future John Roberts, argued that this case represented a “slippery slope.”
Pfc. Willie Brand, convicted of a variety of crimes in relation to a prisoner he beat to death in Afghanistan in 2002 by hitting him in the knee thirty times (one of two prisoners he beat to death: he was acquitted for the other one), including assault, maiming, and making a false statement, but not murder, is sentenced to diddly squat, that is, a reduction in rank to private, no jail time. That’ll show him. Brand told the jury, “We were trained on these things and when we implement them we were condemned; if we asked questions we are condemned.” Yup, damned if you beat two prisoners to death, damned if you don’t. And here’s what his lawyer said, with no trace of irony: “For Willie Brand, the war on terror ends today.”
NYT headline: “Rumsfeld’s Tour of South America Is Directed at Promoting Stability.” Because when you think stability, you think Rummy.
While in Peru, we are informed, Rummy visited a museum featuring the arts and crafts of the Indios. Something tells me the Secretary of War isn’t much of a museum person, possibly this quote about the looting of the Iraqi museums in 2003: “It is the same picture of some person walking out of some building with a vase and you see it 20 times. And you think, my goodness, were there that many vases? Is it possible that there were that many vases in the whole country?”
When Rumsfeld et al accuse Venezuela of being “unhelpful” about drug trafficking, perhaps they had in mind its failure to participate in the “Air Bridge Denial Program,” under which Bush just reauthorized helping Colombia shoot down planes suspected of carrying drugs. Bush claimed the Colombians are working to “minimize the loss of innocent life,” although evidently not by refraining from shooting at airplanes. Best way to minimize loss of life, innocent or otherwise: stop with the shooting.
This is just a little reminder that Americans have been sent by our government to help kill people, without trial, for something that is not a capital crime in our country. The AP story mentions the incident in which a plane full of missionaries was shot down over Peru in 2001 by a Peruvian fighter “guided by US intelligence operatives” who nevertheless “couldn’t stop the Peruvians from shooting.” For what AP left out about who those “operatives” were and why they couldn’t stop the missionaries’ deaths (hint: they didn’t speak the fucking language), read my 2002 post here. It would also have been nice if the AP had mentioned how many planes have been shot down under this program; I know dozens have been in Peru but I’ve never seen a number for Colombia.
Rumsfeld deployed his word of the day a second time yesterday, calling the delay in adopting an Iraqi constitution “unhelpful,” adding that the sooner it was done, “the fewer Iraqis will be killed and the fewer Americans and coalition forces will be killed.” But no pressure or anything. He couldn’t find WMDs, but he can sure keep finding new scapegoats to blame for the continuing violence in Iraq, anyone and everything except his own incompetence.
Singapore once again cancels its presidential elections, because all candidates (3 of them) except the incumbent were disqualified. To qualify, one must evidently be a cabinet member, chief judge, speaker of the parliament, a civil servant, the head of a company with $60m in capital, or an elderly impotent figurehead.
Russia’s president is not an elderly impotent figurehead, but he does love playing dress-up, putting on both air force and navy uniforms yesterday to attend, ahem, missile launches. As always, captions are welcomed in comments. No Village People references.
Ariel Sharon says the sight of Gaza settlers being removed from their homes is “heartbreaking” (although his heart is composed entirely of lard – does lard break?) and “It’s impossible to watch this without tears in the eyes.” I know, I’ve been laughing pretty hard too.
Really, just pure...
...comic genius.
After the London Metropolitan Police shot the Brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes to death July 22, everything they said to justify the shooting was, it turns out, a lie. He did not run or jump a turnstile. He was not wearing a bulky jacket. Not only did he not refuse orders to halt, but he was already under restraint when they shot him in the head, seven times. This was an extra-judicial execution. And the reason they thought he was a terrorist at all was because the cop who was supposed to have identified the people who left his apartment building was, um, busy relieving himself instead. No information has been released on whether it was onesies or twosies, but I expect them to lie about that as well. Details in any British newspaper, and Lenin’s Tomb is all over it too. It’s not just that they lied, but that they knew that at least some of those lies would inevitably be exposed. They decided, in a move we Americans know all too well, to lie in order to survive the initial news cycle of the story. After that, the damage would be less, and the public is used to be being lied to. I’ll be interested to see if Met Commissioner Sir Ian Blair is hounded from public life as he deserves.
It’s been fun watching the Bushies, who cared so much more about getting an Iraqi constitution by the 15th than about getting it right, spin the postponement. Ambassador Khalizad said not to “take seriously the posturing that goes on outside”. Condescend much? Those are the Madisons and Jeffersons of Iraq, you know. And Condi says there is “considerable momentum.” Suddenly I’m reminded of “Joementum.”
Rumsfeld accuses Cuba and Venezuela of involving themselves in Bolivian politics “in unhelpful ways,” without elucidating or offering any proof. They never do. He also insisted that South America’s problems “don’t lend themselves to single-nation solutions.” In other words those countries require somebody – but who, oh who? – to become involved in their politics in, you know, helpful ways.
A reader from South Korea has informed me that Blogspot and Typepad blogs were mostly inaccessible in that country for several days, coinciding with the visit of a North Korean delegation for Liberation Day. He surmises that the blackout was part of a general sucking up process that including banning South Korean flags and slogans from a soccer match between teams from the two Koreas; so they might have been afraid that some blogger would cause an international incident by being beastly to the North Koreans. This happened once before. While some Korean blogs are following this, a news.google search shows no news stories at all.
Back in America, reporters from the free press ask George Bush the hard-hitting questions... about mountain biking:
Q: Your shorts are torn there, Mr. President. Tell us about that.
Q: Do you have now in your possession, or have you ever had a pair of form fitting lycra shorts?
They also asked whether he shaves his legs.
He does not.
WaPo headline: “Roberts Unlikely To Face Big Fight: Many Democrats See Battle as Futile.” Funny, that’s how many of us would describe the Democrats. Evidently they’re saving up their energy for the next nominee. Or possibly the one after that.
Also from the WaPo, re Iraq: “State television, poised to air the historic National Assembly session, instead broadcast seldom-seen footage of torture and executions carried out by the government of President Saddam Hussein.”
If I understand this correctly, the Iraqi “National Assembly” didn’t quite break the rules in voting themselves another week to come to a deal, but since the rules were written by Americans anyway, who cares. The thing is, there is no consensus on any of the fundamentals, and I don’t know how you construct a state without that. You compromise on where to go for lunch, not on whether to have a federal form of government or not. These people simply do not want to be in the same state; the Shiites hate the Sunnis, the Sunnis hate the Kurds, the Kurds hate the Turkmen, and everybody hates... well, the Tom Lehrer fans know who everybody hates. As long as they’re all stuck in the same state together, it looks like political divisions will all break down along ethnic lines, and that always works so well.
Of course Talabani and the Bushies are making it sound like they’re just checking for typos, split infinitives, that sort of thing (the American ambassador blamed that darned sandstorm). Bush himself said that the “heroic efforts” of the negotiators “are a tribute to democracy and an example that difficult problems can be solved peacefully through debate, negotiation and compromise.” Well, it’s August, and we know he never reads his briefing papers in August.
(Update: Ah, Billmon wrote everything I did, but better and earlier, and some stuff I didn’t think of. Some days are like that.)
At Justice Sunday II, James Dobson, the master of oblivious irony, called the Supreme Court “unelected, unaccountable and arrogant.” “All wisdom does not reside in nine persons in black robes,” said Tom DeLay, the man in the black toupee. And Robert Bork, the poster boy for advice and consent, said, “once homosexuality is defined as a constitutional right, there is nothing the states can do about it, nothing the people can do about it.” What on earth does he mean by “homosexuality as a constitutional right?” A right for homosexuals to physically exist? Ass-fucking? Daring to speak the love that dare not speak its name? Bork is living proof that one can also be driven mad by lack of power.
JS2 was supposed to be a pep rally for the Roberts nomination, but with news of his youthful indiscretion, experimenting with pro, ahem, bono work on behalf of gay rights, they reverted to their default position of court-bashing, engaging in anti-judicial-activism activism. Most of them weren’t that happy with a man whose church is the Whore of Babylon anyway.
I believe the adjective most often applied to the Supreme Court at JS2 was arrogant, this from people who claim to know God’s will because he told it to them personally.
John McCain defends Bush’s threat to use military force against Iran. McCain is living proof that you can experience some of the worst tortures of war and still be a warmonger.
And in what’s evidently big news, because I see it everywhere, the White House has hired its first female head chef. The National Organization for Women has declared that its work is now done and announced its immediate dissolution.
Saturday’s NYT’s front page sports a lovely example of a two-faced head, a headline with more than one possible meaning: “G.I.’s Deployed in Iraq Desert With Lots of American Stuff.”
Cute Carl Hiaasen column on FEMA paying for supposed hurricane-related funerals in, ahem, Florida.
I hadn’t realized that when Bush oh-so-casually threatened Iran with war, the Iranian president was in the process of picking a new cabinet. I’m not saying they wouldn’t have been hardline and pronuclear before Bush’s little intervention, but it still wasn’t very smart, even by Chimpy’s standards.
And here’s a surprise: no women cabinet members.
You’ll probably have seen this elsewhere, but this is what Bush said yesterday about Cindy Sheehan: “But whether it be here or in Washington or anywhere else, there’s somebody who has got something to say to the president, that’s part of the job. And I think it’s important for me to be thoughtful and sensitive to those who have got something to say. But I think it’s also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life.” So thoughtful, so sensitive. And then he went on a two-hour bike ride. He insists that all the exercise and outdoors stuff (he also went fishing) is essential so that he can make “good, crisp decisions.” The reporter did not ask for any examples of his having ever made a good, crisp decision.
Mrs. Sheehan must be overjoyed that he can “go on with my life.”
As I predicted yesterday, Bush’s threat of military force against Iran was ignored in the US. It didn’t appear anywhere in today’s NYT, although to be fair it was a heavy news day, with “FDA Imposes Tougher Rules for Acne Drug” appearing above the fold on the front page (no, no link, my pimply-faced readers). However it was noticed by eagle-eyed German Chancellor Schröder, who criticized it strongly, and said that Germany would not participate in military action, not that anyone was asking. More astonishingly, Britain issued a statement that “We do not think there are any circumstances where military action would be justified against Iran.”
Iraqi president Talabani says that a deal can be reached on the constitution ahead of schedule, tomorrow in fact. All they have to do is pull an all-nighter and resolve the piddling details of oil-revenuing sharing, federalism and the role of Islam. So except for the form of government, how it will be funded, and what principles will underlie its legal system, they’ve pretty much got it all worked out. Well, they’ve got the name down, Republic of Iraq, a compromise worked out (with only a few fatalities), which is good because up until now whenever somebody wanted to attract Iraq’s attention they’d have to call out “Hey, you,” which was a little awkward. Really, if a constitution doesn’t address the fundamental issues, it’s not actually a constitution at all, and its usefulness is exactly zero, it performs no function. You can hardly, for example, get a court to declare a law unconstitutional when the constitution itself consists of the only thing all the delegates were able to agree on, that last Tuesday’s lunch could have been better.
The state of play with Venezuela is this: Chavez accused DEA agents operating in his country of espionage and ends cooperation on drugs with the DEA. The US responded by revoking the visas of Venezuelan military officers it claims to suspect of drug trafficking, although if so you have to wonder why they waited to revoke the visas until this little tit-for-tat fest. Venezuela will now revoke the diplomatic immunity of DEA agents and may stop issuing visas to Americans altogether.
In that story, the NYT feebly attempts to implement its new policy on anonymous sources, explaining the reason for the anonymity:
"Venezuela is being stricken by drug trafficking," an American official in Colombia who is involved in fighting drugs, said in a recent interview on condition of anonymity because of agency policy.
Oh well, policy, that explains everyfuckingthing.
Sunday Times article on Israeli army plans to send in the psychologists and rabbis to convince Gaza settlers to leave.
“Normally we would storm a house killing everyone inside, whereas here we have to storm the house and keep everyone alive,” said one commander. “It’s not an easy job.”
Former New Zealand PM David Lange, who fought the US over his non-nuclear policy in the 1980s, has died at 63.
Yesterday, Bush gave an interview to Israeli television in which he did something which you’d think would be considered newsworthy: he threatened another country with military force. But this is what these last few years have brought us to. Everyone is so used to Bush dealing with the rest of the world through threats of military force that it’s viewed as completely unremarkable. Including by Bush; I saw a clip of it on the BBC, and he issues the threat completely casually, like it’s nothing.
Oh, you want to know which country? Iran, for its nuclear program.
THE PRESIDENT: Well, all options are on the table.
Q: Including use of force?
THE PRESIDENT: Well, you know, as I say, all options are on the table.
Then he goes on a bit about last resort blah blah blah. He also said in the interview that Abbas needs to “dismantle terrorists.” Drawing and quartering, I assume. And he was asked about the one time he visited Israel: “I’ll never forget waking up in the hotel and seeing this golden shine on the Old City. It was just -- and I remember waking up Laura, I said, ‘Laura, you’re not going to believe -- you’re not going to believe this fantastic sight.’” He really is easily distracted by shiny objects, isn’t he?
But not by signs because, well, he’s not much of a reader. His motorcade sped by Cindy Sheehan, who was holding up a sign reading “Why do you make time for donors and not for me?” Is that a trick question?
Gen. Richard Myers, in a declaration to the District Court in Manhattan, asks that the remaining Abu Ghraib pictures and video not be released. His declaration (pdf), not all of which has been released either, says the release would result in “riots, violence and attacks by insurgents” in both Iraq and Afghanistan and, hell, everywhere else too. It’s quite a chilling document, painting a picture of massive insurgency in both countries barely kept under control (which is funny, because that’s not what he says everywhere else) and how it would all turn to shit if these pictures came out, practically the end of the world, so the censorship they want isn’t about covering their asses at all but a noble effort to save the world from anarchy and bloodshed. Release of these pictures would be the first official release, as opposed to a leak, which he says would be ever so much worse because it would seem to be an official attempt “to further ridicule and humiliate the individuals depicted, their culture, or their religion.” Also, Myers still thinks that the residents of Afghanistan are called “Afghanis.”
I had been going to point out that the argument Myers was making to the District Court was pragmatic rather than legal. “It would cause bad things to happen” is not an objection based in legal principles, which are the things, the only things, courts are supposed to consider. But in fact, they’re trying to stretch a statute allowing non-release of law-enforcement records which might endanger a snitch (“could reasonably be expected to endanger the life or physical safety of any individual”) to cover this.
Gaza settlers call on protesters trying to obstruct the pull-out to bring their children. “[W]e will reach our destination by use of our bodies and with our children.” Charming.
Via Josh Marshall, so maybe you’ve all read this already, this hilarious career-killing headline from the Cleveland Plain Dealer: “[Rep. Steve] LaTourette Attributes Flip-flop on CAFTA to Tariff No One Pays.”
Bush met at the ranch with the DOD “team” and “visited” with the State Dept “team,” and issued a statement replete with every lame cliché we’ve heard about Iraq. And let me just say here how annoyed I’m getting by Bush starting his sentences with “And” (“And we are a nation at war”) or with “In other words”. Really really annoyed. Here’s a two-fer: “And they kill indiscriminately. In other words, they don’t care who they kill.”
Evidently we have a strategy to succeed in Iraq. It consists of two parts. 1) “As Iraqis stand up, we will stand down.” 2) “The second part of our strategy is to help freedom prevail in Iraq.” A strategy is supposed to be a, you know, plan, not a bumper sticker.
“They kill because they are trying to shake our will,” he says. “They’re trying to drive free nations out of parts of the world,” he says. No, they’re not, they’re trying to drive our militaries out.
As for the possibility of reducing the number of American troops, “I think it’s kind of what we call speculation.”
Does anyone know which reporter is “Deb,” who asked Bush about the Iranian president’s involvement in the 1979 hostage crisis, a long-discredited smear?
This, I suppose, is his answer to Cindy Sheehan:
“I also know there’s a lot of folks here in the United States that are, you know, wondering about troop withdrawals. They’re concerned about the violence and the death. They hear the stories about a loved one being lost to combat. And, you know, I grieve for every death. It breaks my heart to think about a family weeping over the loss of a loved one. I understand the anguish that some feel about the death that takes place.”
Prick.
He does admit that Sheehan “has a right to her position.” Schmuck. The reporter didn’t ask when he planned to meet with her.
He also says, “And I know it’s tough and I know it’s hard work,” and then goes back to his vacation. Asshole.
More pictures to caption. I’ve only captioned two, crudely, leaving plenty of scope for you, my discerning readers. In comments, please, and specify pics 1,2,3,4 or 5.
Rummy: “If I don’t look at her, maybe she won’t notice my erection.”
Condi: “If I don’t look at him....”
Condi steps eagerly forward to help George go wee wee.
The WaPo quotes Army Brig. Gen. Karl Horst, the deputy commander of the 3rd Infantry Division: “If you look at the past few months, insurgents have not been able to sustain attacks, but they tend to surge every four weeks or so. We are right in the middle of one of those periods and predicted this would come.” A rather dismissive tone coming from someone who’s just lost a fair number of soldiers in his command. “Tends to surge every four weeks”; he makes it sound like a phenomenon of nature, a weather pattern or PMS. And, oo, they’re not able to sustain attacks, he says so belittlingly. Well, no, they’re not trying to, they’re fighting a guerilla war. What sort of war are you fighting, Gen. Horst?
Also from the Post: “Thrown on the defensive by recent revelations about Supreme Court nominee John G. Roberts Jr.’s legal work, White House aides are delaying the release of tens of thousands of documents from the Reagan administration to give themselves time to find any new surprises before they are turned into political ammunition by Democrats.” Yes, first things first. By all means let’s put the needs of the spin doctors ahead of those of the senators performing their constitutionally mandated duty to advise and consent. In fact, are the spin doctors, pardon me, “White House lawyers,” who the Post says “have been dispatched to the Reagan library in Simi Valley, Calif., where they are combing through documents that have not been released,” performing any legitimate governmental function at all? Why should the taxpayers be paying for this? If the Bushies want to run this like an election campaign, let them get their corporate buddies to foot the bill.
