Bush press conference: I guess they kind of view it as an isolated group of people that occasionally kill

Cheney today: “Some have suggested that the war is not winnable, a few seem almost eager to conclude that the whole struggle is already lost.” Prick.

Bush speaks. Always a bad move.



"[F]or every act of violence there is encouraging progress in Iraq that’s hard to capture on the evening news." So it’s a one-for-one deal?

He welcomes the Iraqi decision to bypass the constitution we wrote for them and create a council with more powers than those of the cabinet.



Asked again whether Iraq was in a civil war or just a crapfest, he says, "the way I look at the situation is that the Iraqis took a look and decided not to go to civil war." He makes it sound like Newark. "No question that the enemy has tried to spread sectarian violence." He makes it sound like margarine. "They use violence as a tool to do that." He makes it sound like a socket wrench. "The reports of bound Sunnis that were executed are horrific." He makes it sound like a Quentin Tarantino movie. Which may be about right. By the way, horrific is a word coined by the movie industry, I believe in the 1950s, to advertise horror flicks.



By the way, Brando helpfully provides some good news from Iraq.

Back to Bush: "[I]f the Iranians were to have a nuclear weapon they could blackmail the world. If the Iranians were to have a nuclear weapon they could proliferate." He makes it sound like a marital aid. "This is a country that’s walking away from international accords". Um, yeah, Iran is.



Helen Thomas asked, since all the reasons he gave for invading Iraq were untrue, "why did you really want to go to war?" Bush says he didn’t want to go to war. He makes it sound like he took a wrong turn on Elm Street.



A reporter asked about a well-planned attack on a prison in Miqdadiya (the reporter wrongly said Baghdad), in which 17+ police were killed and 30 prisoners released. Chimpy:

Thirdly, in spite of the bad news on television -- and there is bad news. You brought it up; you said, how do I react to a bombing that took place yesterday -- is precisely what the enemy understands is possible to do. I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t talk about it. I’m certainly not being -- please don’t take that as criticism. But it also is a realistic assessment of the enemies capability to affect the debate, and they know that. They’re capable of blowing up innocent life so it ends up on your TV show.

"Your tv show"? You mean, the news? Or is there a show on, say, UPN, called "Blowing Up Innocent Life"? Or, if I know UPN "Extreme Blowing Up Innocent Life." Later, he adds that the enemy’s use of IEDs "creates a sense of concern amongst our people."

"I fully understand the consequences of this war. I understand people’s lives are being lost." Have you noticed how many times lately he claims that he understands things, like after all this time, he just realized that people think he’s stupid?



"A democracy in Iraq is going to inspire reformers in a part of the world that is desperate for reformation." He makes it sound like the US military is tacking some Theses to a mosque door.

"Our foreign policy up to now was to kind of tolerate what appeared to be calm. And underneath the surface was this swelling sense of anxiety and resentment, out of which came this totalitarian movement that is willing to spread its propaganda through death and destruction, to spread its philosophy. Now, some in this country don’t -- I can understand -- don’t view the enemy that way. I guess they kind of view it as an isolated group of people that occasionally kill. I just don’t see it that way. I see them bound by a philosophy with plans and tactics to impose their will on other countries."



Fox reporter Carl Cameron: "What, sir, do you think the impact of the discussion of impeachment and censure does to you and this office, and to the nation during a time of war, and in the context of the election?" Bush: "I did notice that nobody from the Democrat Party has actually stood up and called for getting rid of the terrorist surveillance program. ... They ought to take their message to the people and say, vote for me, I promise we’re not going to have a terrorist surveillance program. That’s what they ought to be doing. That’s part of what is an open and honest debate."



Back to Iraq:

Q Do you now have in mind a target date for forming the [Iraqi] unity
government and --

THE PRESIDENT: As soon as possible. Next question.

Oo, sensitive.

Q How much of a factor do you think that will be -- in turning around, or at least improving the situation in the public opinion?

THE PRESIDENT: Here in America?

Q Right.

THE PRESIDENT: That’s a trick question, because you want to get me to talk about polls when I don’t pay attention to polls.

Technically, the question was about public opinion, not polls. The next time he does that I don’t pay attention to polls thing, someone should ask what he does use to measure the will of the American people on any given subject, or if he just doesn’t give a shit.



Rhetoric creep alert: I believe Shrub first used the obnoxious term "Islamo-fascism" last October, but it was always in the "some people call it Islamo-fascism" form. Today he used it without the qualifier.



Here GeeDubya neatly and totally fairly sums it up for us: "The -- it’s an interesting debate, isn’t it, about whether or not this country of ours ought to work to spread liberty. It’s -- I find it fascinating that -- to listen to the voices from around the world as to whether or not it is a noble purpose to spread liberty around the world."

He adds that when the enemy was "given a chance to govern or to have their parasitical government represent their views... [t]here was no such thing as being able to express yourself in the public square. There was no such thing as press conferences like this." He makes it sound... kind of attractive.

How to become smart and go straight to heaven

Turkmenistan’s totally batshit insane dictator Niyazov says that anyone who reads his book will become smart and go straight to heaven.

A student group in Plano, Texas is suing the school district for preventing them posting info on the district web site. Can I be the only one wondering why a Christian group chose a name, Students Witnessing Absolute Truth, with acronym SWAT?

UNESCO held a meeting to discuss protecting World Heritage Sites such as the Tower of London, the Great Barrier Reef, the prehistoric megalithic temples of Hagar Qim, and Angelina Jolie from the effects of global warming. The US objected that UNESCO has no right to consider global warming because it is unproven that there is global warming.

They wonder what I see that they don’t

Bush gave another of those “Crapfest? What crapfest?” speeches, at the Cleveland City Club. AP headline: “Bush Explains Confidence in Iraq Progress.” (Update: which they later changed to “Bush Asks U.S. to Look Past Iraq Bloodshed.” Jesus, when have Americans not looked past Iraq bloodshed?). Lots of sound-bites channeling Ronald Reagan channeling John Wayne: “America has never retreated in the face of thugs and assassins, and we will not begin now.” Actually, this contradicts the Cheney line, which is that the US did retreat after the Lebanon Marines bombing, the USS Cole etc etc, and that was responsible for letting Al Qaeda think it could get away with 9/11.

He’s beginning to have a rhetoric problem, because the usual “bring it on” stance doesn’t fit well with his new emphasis on the “long war.” Patience and deferred gratification aren’t exactly Bush traits.

Speaking of which, I must interrupt became I am impatient to mention comments on Americans’ lack of patience by one Brig. Gen. Robert Caslen, the Deputy Director for the War on Terrorism. Caslen says that it takes 9 years to beat insurrections, but Americans get bored after 3, for which he cites the dubious historical precedents of a rise in anti-war sentiments 3 years into Korea, the Civil War, and Vietnam. Which, he says, leaves a 6-year gap. So if there’s been a recent uptick in opposition to the Iraqi war, I guess he’s saying, it’s not because of any objective analysis of the situation but because it’s just that time of the month phase in the historical cycle.

Back to Chimpy. He allows as how “in the face of continued reports about killings and reprisals, I understand how some Americans have had their confidence shaken. Others look at the violence they see each night on their television screens, and they wonder how I can remain so optimistic about the prospects of success in Iraq. They wonder what I see that they don’t.” Notice how he tries to make the violence more distant and abstract: our confidence is shaken not by killings and reprisals, but by reports about killings and reprisals, not by violence, but by violence seen on tv. Notice also how he suggests that our natural, normal state is one of confidence, which has been shaken. He makes it sound like a slight head-cold, from which we will soon recover. That’s not confidence, that’s complacence. And yes, we do wonder how you remain so optimistic, but assume it’s some combination of profound ignorance and strong medication. And we have a pretty good idea of what you see that we don’t, too.


To explain his seemingly unwarranted optimism, “I’m going to tell you the story of a northern Iraqi city called Tal Afar”. It isn’t as riveting as My Pet Goat....


but then, what is?

Anyhoo, terrorists moved into Tal Afar, used propaganda (the bounders!) to foment hostility towards the occupying troops, exploited the weak economy to recruit (just like Wal-Mart), and took over the city. So we invaded and drove them out. “Our strategy at the time was to stay after the terrorists and keep them on the run. So coalition forces kept moving, kept pursuing the enemy... Unfortunately, in 2004 the local security forces there in Tal Afar weren’t able to maintain order, and so the terrorists and the insurgents eventually moved back into the town.” In other words, we chased them in a big ole circle. They then took over the mosques and schools to spread “the terrorist message of hatred and intolerance”. Oh, and they behead the guys who interpreted for the coalition troops. “In Tal Afar, the terrorists had schools for kidnapping and beheading and laying IEDs.” And interpretive dance.

So this time, we wouldn’t just kick the terrorists out, but practice “clear, hold and build,” which I think has something to do with the neutron bomb. They built a wall around the city, Iraqi troops controlled their own battle-space (a phrase everyone is suddenly using; I assume it has something to do with “marking” their territory), and yadda yadda. And we know we’ve won their trust (and this is something else I’ve heard a lot lately) because they started phoning in tips. We’ll have succeeded in Iraq when every last Iraqi is a nark and/or tattle-tale. Anyway, Tal Afar is now a paradise on earth, with purple-fingered voters and not so much violence after the Samarra mosque de-domeification, and it all shows how Bush’s strategy is working. But it doesn’t show up on tv:

The kind of progress that we and the Iraqi people are making in places like Tal Afar is not easy to capture in a short clip on the evening news. Footage of children playing, or shops opening, and people resuming their normal lives will never be as dramatic as the footage of an IED explosion, or the destruction of a mosque, or soldiers and civilians being killed or injured.

Dude, you should totally start a cable channel. I’m sure “Shops Opening” could beat anything on CBS.

And then, the questions:

Q: Do you believe... that the war in Iraq and the rise of terrorism are signs of the apocalypse? And if not, why not?

THE PRESIDENT: The answer is -- I haven’t really thought of it that way. (Laughter.) Here’s how I think of it. The first I’ve heard of that, by the way. I guess I’m more of a practical fellow.

He seems to be having some age issues. Two quotes: “The people of [Tal Afar] still have many challenges to overcome, including old-age [sic] resentments”. “We need to apply the same rigor of No Child Left Behind, particularly in middle age [sic] for math and science”.

Asked how Iran today differs from Iraq three years ago in terms of the preemption policy, he says that there had been a bunch of Security Council resolutions against Iraq, while “the Iranian issue is just beginning to play out... The issues are different stages of diplomacy.” Cuz Bush is all about the diplomacy. In other words, we will invade, but not quite yet. Maybe he has learned something about deferred gratification after all.

In which I propose a solution to the civil war over the civil war

It’s official: asymmetrical breasts are a bad thing.

In new fledgling beacon of light and liberty and freedom, Afghanistan, a man, Abdul Rahman, is being charged with converting to Christianity, which is a capital offense.

The AP (and Nedra Pickler, no less) points out that in Bush’s statement on the 3rd anniversary of the war in Iraq, he never used the word “war.” Evidently what the soldiers are doing over there is “implementing a strategy” and “liberating Iraq.” And he certainly didn’t mention civil war.

But Iyad “Comical” Allawi, the former puppet prime minister, did. Now, I don’t really care that Allawi says that Iraq is in a civil war, and neither should you. Don’t fall into the trap of quoting self-aggrandizing liars just because they have for once said something that happens to be true. Even for liars, the truth sometimes coincides with their self-interest.

Actually, the whole “civil war” thing is beginning to bore me a little. Why don’t we settle on a compromise term we can all live with? I nominate “crapfest.”

If you don’t make them bleed, they can’t prosecute for it

Robert Baker, inventor of the chicken nugget, has died. He was buried... no, I can’t do it, I won’t do it.

LAT:

In a radio address the day before the third anniversary of the U.S.-led invasion, President Bush said the violence in Iraq ‘has created a new sense of urgency’ among Iraqi leaders to form a government.

Those leaders ... were taking a break from negotiations to observe Monday’s Shiite holiday and Tuesday’s Kurdish New Year.

No doubt they took St Patrick’s Day off as well.

Secretary of War Rumsfeld has an op-ed piece in the WaPo entitled “What We’ve Gained In 3 Years in Iraq.” “Gained” is an interesting choice of word. He begins with what he no doubt thinks is a clever rhetorical trick:

Some have described the situation in Iraq as a tightening noose, noting that "time is not on our side" and that "morale is down." Others have described a "very dangerous" turn of events and are "extremely concerned."

In the second paragraph, he reveals that those “some” are in fact the enemy, the terrorists, “Zarqawi and his associates,” describing their own situation. See what he did there? Did he blow your mind? Those are their “exact words” – you can tell by the quotation marks, though he doesn’t say how he knows them or who actually said them or why they weren’t speaking in Arabic, but boy he sure showed those nay-sayers, didn’t he?

He says history will show he was right, although since history is written by the victors, I wouldn’t look for much love in that quarter if I were him. “Fortunately,” he added, “history is not made up of daily headlines, blogs on Web sites or the latest sensational attack.” Blogs on Web sites. He’s really down with the kids, isn’t he?

That’s followed by much of the usual crap, which I can’t be bothered to make fun of, sorry. The money quote: “Turning our backs on postwar Iraq today would be the modern equivalent of handing postwar Germany back to the Nazis.”

Bush also celebrated our three glorious years in Iraq.

Got some quagmire on muh tie.



Shrub’s word of the day: encouraged. “I encouraged the Iraqi leaders to continue to work hard to get this government up and running. ... Now the Iraqi leaders are working together to enact a government that reflects the will of the people. I’m encouraged by the progress. The ambassador was encouraged by it.” He ended his statement, “My God continue to bless our troops in harm’s way.” Continue?



Cheney celebrated the anniversary by shooting Bob Shieffer in the Face the Nation. Like Rumsfeld, he believes the terrorists have “reached a stage of desperation from their standpoint.” Indeed, “Zarqawi himself was quoted two years ago saying that if the Iraqis ever achieve that objective, put together a democratic government, that he’d have to pack up his bags and go elsewhere.” You get the feeling he’s being a little liberal with the paraphrasing? Shieffer noted that the administration, and Cheney in particular, have tended to be “optimistic” about Iraq (indeed, the Dickster said later that “the evidence is overwhelming” that we’re winning). Here’s Cheney trying to look optimistic:



Cheney pushed the 9/11 button more than Rummy or Bush, saying, “That kind of aggressive forward-leaning strategy [invading Afghanistan, invading Iraq, that sort of thing] is one of the main reasons we haven’t been struck again since 9/11 because we’ve taken the fight to them.”

Cheney says of his own veepship, “I didn’t ask for this job. I didn’t campaign for it. I got drafted”. I forget, who was it that drafted you again, who was the guy responsible for picking Bush’s running mate in 2000?

Many trees fell in a forest to make the Sunday edition of the New York Times. Did they make a sound? If so, it was not heard by Bob Shieffer, who didn’t ask Cheney about its article on Task Force 6-26 and the Black Room (motto “No Blood, No Foul,” because “If you don’t make them bleed, they can’t prosecute for it.”) Even the CIA and the DIA didn’t want to be associated with the goings-on there and pulled their people out of Camp Nama, although, like the memo from Under Sec. Stephen Cambone to William “They’re after us because we’re a Christian nation” Boykin (remember him?), one could be excused for seeing the move as pure CYA, since the CIA continued to provide T 6-26 the intel.

The sole task of the task force was to get Zarqawi.

Which they didn’t do.

But along the way they did torture quite a few people, play paintball with the prisoners, dumped prisoners found to be innocent deep in the desert, and had little ceremonies, like presenting outgoing members with a detainee hood.

Boykin, by the way, whose god is bigger than your god, said he didn’t find a “pattern of misconduct” by the task force. An army investigation ended last June, having accomplished nothing because task force members... used false names. I mean, what can you do when they use false names? Oh, and 70% of the unit’s computer files were “lost.”

Their base, until they moved somewhere even more secretive, was called Camp Nama, which the NYT says “stood for a coarse phrase that soldiers used to describe the compound.” Does anyone know what that means?
(Update: evidently Nasty Ass Military Area. Guess they reserve all their originality for devising new torture methods. Still -- that’s the phrase the Times was afraid would offend our precious delicate ears?)

Brutality, fear and terror

Belarus: denim revolution? Denim?

A note to any readers I might have in Tennessee: although the 6th Circuit is allowing the state to issue “Choose Life” license plates without issuing any counterbalancing pro-choice plates, it would be wrong to keep a supply of pro-abortion bumper stickers at all times to slap on cars with those plates. Entirely wrong. Really quite wrong.

Cute AP piece on Bush’s war against the straw men.

Bush, in today’s radio address: “The security of our country is directly linked to the liberty of the Iraqi people”. This according to the new National Security Adviser, Rube Goldberg.

And the White House website provides a helpful “fact sheet” for the 3rd anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. Did you know that “Life in Iraq under Saddam Hussein was marked by brutality, fear, and terror,” whereas now it is marked by terror, fear, and brutality?

Did you know that achieving a “lasting victory” in Iraq will make America “Stronger by demonstrating to our friends and enemies the reliability of U.S. power, the strength of our commitment to our friends, and the tenacity of resolve against our enemies”? So we’re fighting this war pour encourager les autres. Like when you go to prison and immediately pick a fight with the biggest MF you can find (this must be good advice, it’s in all the movies), to show you can’t be fucked with.

Did you know that “Immediately after the attack on the Golden Mosque of Samarra, the Iraqi people looked into the abyss and did not like what they saw”? Evidently, it was too abyssy.

Did you know that under Saddam Hussein, “Those out of favor were denied the simplest public services, with hunger and essential services used as weapons of tyranny,” whereas now, there are no functioning public services!

Denim?

I’m proud to accept the bowl of shamrocks as a symbol of our friendship

Shouldn’t the Irish prime minister (or, as they so quaintly insist on calling him, Taoiseach) be in Ireland on St Patrick’s Day? Anyway, here Ahern is giving Bush a bowl of weeds shamrocks. And, oh dear, they’re both wearing green ties. How embarrassing; they should have called each other first to coordinate.


The AP supplies the no doubt enormous demand for a closeup photo of the bowl of weeds shamrocks.

This idea of forming a government is coming across loud and clear in spades today

A correction to my previous post on Operation Swarmer: the aircraft involved were not dropping bombs or firing missiles, they were merely helicopters transporting troops. What’s interesting is that the Pentagon early in the day was doing everything shy of playing “Ride of the Valkyries” to mislead everyone into believing there had been air strikes, and that the whole thing was bigger than it was. Why? And in the Gaggle, Little Scottie made it clear that Bush had not only not given permission for Op Swarmer, but hadn’t been informed of it in advance (“No, this was not something that he needed to authorize.”).

Bush has named the governor of Idaho, one Dirk Kempthorne, as secretary of interior. All of our national parks will now be planted with potatoes, and the Grand Canyon filled with cooking oil, the better to make delicious Freedom Fries.

Consecutive story headlines on the Pentagon website: “Iraqi, Coalition Forces Launch Air Assault” and “Operation Aims to Curb Violence in Iraq.” Isn’t an air assault a little bit, you know, violent? The second “operation” is called Operation Scales of Justice, and is actually intended to provide security for the parliament, which formally met for the first time since it was elected more than 3 months ago, and which then went away after half an hour without having done anything, and then adjourned with no date scheduled for a resumption. Sez Gen. Rick Lynch: “This idea of forming a representative government is coming across loud and clear in spades today”.

After a refrigerator failure, a Frenchman had to cremate the bodies of his parents, who died in 1984 and 2002. His father had recouped the costs by showing off his late wife to paying tourists.

Condi is in Australia. She evidently tried to get Australia to supply uranium to India, but they said no, as long as India did not sign the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. She went to visit American sailors on the USS Port Royal, where she wore the traditional baseball cap and pearls. What I like most about this Reuters pic is the caption, whose author seemed to think Rice would be hard to pick out of this crowd and so added the words “black cap” in parentheses after her name. At the end of her remarks, she said, “Thank you for welcoming me here and I look forward to saying hello to some of you.”

“Hello, sailor.”

The Global War Against Ambiguity (GWAA)

The US launches “Operation Swarmer,” which sounds like one of those crappy movies the SciFi Channel runs, and which involves many many air strikes near Samarra (the military operation, not the SciFi movies). See if you can follow the logic:

The BBC’s Adam Brookes in Washington says a major show of force is being carried out in the hope of breaking a cycle of escalating violence which it is feared could lead to civil war.

First, fifty plus aircraft dropping bombs is not a show of force, it actually is, you know, force. Second, fifty plus aircraft dropping bombs is not breaking a cycle of escalating violence, it actually is, you know, escalating violence. Third, the idea is, what? to misdirect attention away from the civil war towards the ongoing imperialist war. No, sorry, I just don’t follow.
(There’s a correction in my next post).

Read the updated National Security Strategy, now with at least one guaranteed bitter laugh on every page. Did you know that “Since 2002, the world has seen extraordinary progress in the expansion of freedom, democracy, and human dignity”? It must be true, they have a graph showing the expansion of human dignity.

You just clicked that link to see if there was really a graph, didn’t you?

Did you know that you can’t have freedom of religion without free-market capitalism? It’s true: “In effective democracies, freedom is indivisible. Political, religious, and economic liberty advance together and reinforce each other.”

Did you know that we didn’t invade Afghanistan, we “joined with the Afghan people to bring down the Taliban regime”? Evidently there was some sort of popular uprising against the Taliban which has gone unmentioned until now.

Did you know that Bush’s policy is the “path of confidence,” while everyone else supports the “path of fear,” which “appeals to those who find our challenges too great and fail to see our opportunities”?

The US “will, if necessary, act preemptively in exercising our inherent right of self-defense,” indeed, “we do not rule out use of force before attacks occur, even if uncertainty remains as to the time and place of the enemy’s attack,” but “no country [i.e., no country not named the United States of America] should ever use preemption as a pretext for aggression.” As for our preemptions, “We will always proceed deliberately, weighing the consequences of our actions. The reasons for our actions will be clear, the force measured, and the cause just.” Well, that’s okay, then.

Did you know that it was Saddam’s

refusal to remove the ambiguity that he created that forced the United States and its allies to act. We have no doubt that the world is a better place for the removal of this dangerous and unpredictable tyrant, and we have no doubt that the world is better off if tyrants know that they pursue WMD at their own peril.

What we’re saying is, we really really really hate ambiguity. It makes our head hurt. And you can see by the repetition of “we have no doubt” that we succeeded in eliminating the threat posed by Saddam’s Weapons of Mass Ambiguity.

Like Greenspan, but marginally less destructive

I’ve held off on the Jericho jail storming because I was hoping for more clarity from the US and Britain over what the alleged security concerns were that they’re claiming led them to withdraw their monitors. You do have to wonder what American policy towards Palestine is now, or if there is one. I had thought the US was trying to get Abbas to seize unconstitutional powers and run a parallel administration, but this move, before Hamas has even formed a government, just undermines Abbas’s standing, so I’m thinking the current idea is to support Israel in wrecking the PA, declaring it a failed state (which was always likely when the pop quiz was written by Likud), and with a great pretense of regret, supporting Israel intervening in whatever ways Israel feels like intervening.

In Israel, they consider the raid to be a wag-the-dog election stunt by Olmert.

In the rev-up to the Iraq invasion, we were flooded with dodgy dossiers and UN Power Point presentations chock full of made-up evidence about Iraqi weaponry and perfidy (yes, I just used “chock full” and “perfidy” in a single sentence; live with it). The Bushies have learned their lesson and no longer cite anything resembling evidence when making accusations, as we’ve noted with accusations that Iran is sneaking IEDs and Revolutionary Guards into Iraq. Condi on Wednesday (well, it was in Australia; with the time difference it could have been tomorrow or last week or next August or the Mesozoic) called Iran the “central banker of terrorism”. They give out free toasters for every account your cell opens. Evil toasters!

I don’t. We do. You do. I do. The country.

Go listen to the Glaucoma Hymn.

As Eli of LeftI notes, the Bushies have been claiming that Iran has been aiding Iraqi insurgents by, among other things, providing what Bush called “IEDs and components that were clearly produced in Iran”. Whatever “clearly” might mean. Since they never say how they can identify these objects as Iranian-produced, it’s safe to assume that it’s not really all that clear. And that if it were, they were evidence of anything more than a porous border and a robust local smuggling tradition. Rumsfeld also claims there “has been evidence” of Iranian Revolutionary Guards in Iraq, again without presenting any of that evidence. And he suggested that they’re coming into Iraq in the guise of pilgrims.

A reporter asked Rummy what he meant when he said that Amb. Khalilzad had had a “good day” yesterday, and how he squared that with all the car bombings and executions which took place that day....

Q: But how do you balance the two? It seems like --

SEC. RUMSFELD: I don’t. We do. You do. I do. The country. We all look at it and make a judgment... There is violence in the country, and if every time I answer every single question I’ve got to box the compass, we’re never going to get anywhere.

Asked how we would know if Iraq entered a civil war, he said he doesn’t know, but “I don’t think it will look like the United States’ Civil War,” adding, oddly enough, that it would smell like the United States’ Civil War.

Fun London Times parliamentary sketch on a debate on whether to ban the docking of dogs’ tails. (And did so, except for police dogs and the like.)

Saddam Hussein denounces the court trying him as a “comedy.” Kangaroo courts are easy; comedy courts are hard.

Masks

Tonight, Laura will be wearing this mask,



But George will still be thinking of...

Self-criticism

Bush’s latest war-selling speech, which, despite being billed as one of three speeches that’ll really convince the American people what a great idea this war was, and still is because we’re winning it, you know, is just like every other speech he’s given on the subject, but with an extra section on IEDs.

He’s against them.

I meant to blog this when I read it, and now I can’t remember where I read it, but in China, where party members and others are required to write periodic self-criticisms, many are now swiping them off the internet. There’s probably a moral in there, somewhere.

What would Bush do if he had to make a self-criticism?

Optimistic

The abortion issue really makes the antis feel okay with expressing their normally better-hidden contempt for women. SD state Rep. Roger Hunt, for example, said that the SD law didn’t provide for the prosecution of women who have abortions because “the woman may be getting so much pressure she’s not thinking clearly,” while the doctor “should be operating in a calm and collected manner, have identified all the risks to the woman; he’s counseling the woman. We think it’s appropriate to place a greater burden upon the doctor.” You will have noticed which gender Hunt assumes the doctor belongs to, because the boys become doctors and the girls become... incubators.

Speaking of condescending attitudes towards your citizens, China’s Supreme People’s Court votes to retain capital punishment because, they say, China has a low level of socialist development, and much of the population supports an eye for an eye (of course, a pretty good percentage of death sentences are for non-violent crimes such as corruption). But appeals court cases involving the death penalty will, so they say, henceforth be held in open court.

Bush met the prime minister of Slovakia today. Big, big news event, as you can imagine. Here’s Reuters’ take: “Bush Challenges Slovak Leader to Foot Race” (Dzurinda has a broken leg from a skiing accident). And Bush has basically stopped changing the statement he makes whenever he meets some national leader, in the same way that he can never meet a mayor without advising him to “fix the potholes” (that one never gets old):

Thank you for coming. I always enjoy being with you because you’re an optimistic, upbeat believer in the people of your country and the possibilities to work together to achieve peace. And so thanks for coming.

Speaking of optimistic, Bush said Saturday about Iraq: “I’m optimistic that the leadership recognizes that sectarian violence will undermine the capacity for them to self-govern.” So a civil war would make governing more difficult, huh? You’ve really got that post-presidential teaching gig at the Harvard School of Government nailed down, don’t you, oh master of the fucking obvious?

Robert Parry says of Bush’s aforementioned optimism about Iraq, “For Bush, the Iraq glass is always one-tenth full, not nine-tenths empty.”

The jealousy is palpable

Suicide bombers tried to assassinate current Afghan senate head and former president Sibghatullah Mujaddedi (say that ten times fast). Karzai says, “The attack shows enemies of Afghanistan are jealous of its peace and stability.” Yes, I’m sure everyone is jealous of the peace and stability of... Afghanistan.

Milosevic died of “heart failure.” Nope, nope, I just can’t think of a single sarcastic thing to say about that.

Katherine Harris may pull out of the Florida Senate race this week. She says, “I will continue to look to our Founding Fathers, who pursued their vision with integrity and perseverance”. She doesn’t mean Washington and Jefferson and that lot, she means Florida’s Founding Fathers, the real estate swindlers who sold swamp land to unsuspecting investors.

We face an enemy that will use explosive devices in order to shake our will

WaPo headline: “Crusader for Serb Honor Was Defiant Until the End.” Yeah, that was Milosevic all over: genocide with honor.

On Claude Allen’s criminal activity (theft through fraud, or some such term, not actually shoplifting, as many lazy media outlets are terming it), Scottie McClellan had this to say: “If it is true, no one would be more shocked and more outraged than the president.” And Bush himself: “When I heard the story last night I was shocked.” Let’s all say it together, shall we: No one could have anticipated...

In order to appear more engaged with the war in Iraq, Bush made a big deal of being briefed by the Joint Improvised Explosive Device Defeat Task Force, and then holding a press conference to say that he had just been briefed by the Joint Improvised Explosive Device Defeat Task Force (“We face an enemy that will use explosive devices in order to shake our will”). Sadly, though, this is George W. Bush trying to appear engaged:












Cheney looks so glum, like a man who’s just realized that he could have blown up Harry Whittington with an IED instead of shooting him in the face, and he wouldn’t even have had to get out of the car:

Have you checked all your pockets?

Bush said today, “I know we’re going to succeed [in Iraq] if we don’t lose our will.”

As Swopa of Needlenose points out in comments on my last post, Bolivian President Morales punked, as the kids say, Condi, presenting her with a charango (Andean stringed instrument) with coca-leaf inlay.


Needlenose has a caption contest. Wonder what Morales was on when he came up with the idea of pulling a practical joke on a woman with no sense of humor. Probably the same substance that inspired land-locked Bolivia to establish a navy.

A NYT editorial Wednesday had a rather good headline. About the innocent people incarcerated in Guantanamo, it was called “They Came for the Chicken Farmer.”

Vicious turd Slobodan Milosevic has died. Unlike, say, Hitler, it was never clear that Milosevic actually believed in the racist aggressive nationalism he utilized after the Communist Party of Yugoslavia ceased to provide a viable career path. Is that better or worse?

Some more personals from the London Review of Books (LRB). As always, the complete collection of my favorites is available here.

The uncomfortable mantle of guilt, the heavy cloak of ignominy, the coarse socks of denial, the iridescent trousers of doubt, the belligerent underpants of self-loathing. All worn by the haberdasher of shame (M, 34, Pembs.). Seeks woman in possession of the Easy-Up iron-on hem of redemption and some knowledge of workaday delicates. No loons. Box no. 05.06

146 is not only my IQ but also my waist size in centimetres. Lecturer in advanced maths and Mensa bore, 51. Bit of a porker but willing to low-carb for at least a fortnight for the right woman (pastry chef and trigonometry fetishist to 50). Box no. 05/09

I know more languages than the advertiser above. And I’ve been to jail fewer times. In his favour, I guess his mother doesn’t make his lovers sign a guestbook on their way out but two out of three ain’t bad, to quote both Meatloaf and my solicitor. Man, 45. Box no. 05/12

The actual advertiser above that one:

In the circus of life, I’m its very willing clown. You probably serve donuts in a kiosk outside. We could never have any life together, but sometimes a clown just needs donuts. Possibly coffee. Clown (M, 51), seeks F donut seller for donuts, possibly coffee. Box no. 05/11

This column is a ziggurat of heartache and I am its High Priest. Pork Belly-Eating Champion, Stroud, 1981 (M, 47). Box no. 04/06

Male otolarynologist (39) seeks woman with normal-shaped head. Box no. 04/07

To some, I am a world of temptation. To others, I’m just another cross-dressing pharmacist. M, 41. Box no. 04/08

What is your favourite preserved body part? Mine is the diseased bladder of Italian biologist, Lazzaro Spallanzani (currently on display in the Scarpa Room in the University of Pavia). This, and many more conversation killers available from librarian and failed travel agent F, 32, Northampton. Box no. 04/10

I’ve been using Vicks Vaporub for two years solid. What do you think about that? M, 58. Box no. 04/11

During intercourse, I can list Brian Eno’s ten favourite books in reverse order. Most women, however, only let me get to number 7 (Grooming, Gossip and the Evolution of Language – Robin Fox). M, 34, WLTM woman to 35 willing to let me get to at least number 3 (The Evolution of Cooperation – Robert Axelrod). Box no. 04/12

I think that that past is now behind us

Condi Rice went to Chile to attend the swearing-in of President Michelle Bachelet, saying, “I think it’s good to remember that it’s now been almost 20 years that the United States has been a friend and supporter of Chilean democracy.” And you want credit for that? How many points do we get for not having supported a murderous coup followed by a dirty war in 30 years? As for our actual support for the coup and Pinochet dictatorship until “almost 20 years” ago, “I think that that past is now behind us.” Or possibly buried in a mass grave. Or thrown out of a helicopter, screaming, into the ocean. Three quotes from that glorious past:

• “I don’t see why we need to stand by and watch a country go communist due to the irresponsibility of its people.”
• “International terrorism will take the place of human rights in our concern because it is the ultimate abuse of human rights.”
• “rightist authoritarian regimes can be transformed peacefully into democracies, but totalitarian Marxist ones cannot.”

(Kissinger, Haig, Kirkpatrick)

Bush meets the backbone of democracy

Today, Bush went to the National Newspaper Association conference. He called newspapers “the backbone of democracy.” Which is why he’s said in the past he never reads them. Someone asked which was the biggest threat to American security, Iran, North Korea, or China. He said Al Qaeda. He declared that Iran and North Korea were equal and he loves all the Axis of Evil countries equally.

Holden notes that Bush failed to answer questions about what American plans were in the oh-so-unlikely event of a civil war in Iraq, and what he thought of the South Dakotan anti-abortion law. I was going to say the same thing about a question asked of him during a Lebanese tv interview, “But so far, you’re not winning the hearts and minds of Arab people. Why not?” I suppose we should be thankful that he didn’t outright reject the premise that Arabs don’t love us, but after all this time, how can he not have a response, even a stupid soundbite, for such a basic question? Here was his answer: “Well, it’s -- there’s a lot of negative news on TV.” That’s all. Then he rambled on about terrorism being bad: “There’s a -- the enemy to democracy has got one tool, and that is the capacity and willingness to kill innocent people. And that shocks people.” So Arabs don’t heart Americans because they’re in shock? Still, for lack of credibility, it’s hard to beat this exchange:

Q Are you following the national dialogue that’s happening now in Lebanon?

THE PRESIDENT: I am.

I’m sorry I never spent more time on Claude Allen, failed Bush judicial nominee and then domestic policy adviser, since we now know he had to resign that position because he’d been caught ripping off department stores. But click here for my October 2003 post on him (the post also quotes Bush at a press conference refusing to answer a “trick question” about whether there would be fewer American troops in Iraq in a year. Some trick. Rumsfeld refused to answer the exact same question at the Senate Appropriations Committee yesterday, telling Dick Durbin he wouldn’t use Durbin’s term, “significant reduction,” because then there’d just be a debate on the meaning of the word significant, and he’d really prefer to use words that don’t actually have any meaning, like he always does).

Finally, a working link (reg./BugMeNot) to the letter to the Lancet against forcible feeding in Guantanamo, which notes that health-care workers opposed to the forcible feeding of prisoners are not allowed to work in Gitmo. The Pentagon’s response to the letter’s mention of the World Medical Association’s 1975
ban on forcibly feeding sane patients: “Professional organisation declarations by doctors, lawyers, dentists, etc. are not international treaties, therefore are nonbinding and not applicable to sovereign nation-states.” In your face, World Medical Association!

Say, do you think we could stop force-feeding in Gitmo as violating the First Amendment rights of Pentagon medical personnel? Someone call the ACLU. OK, I like the ACLU and despise the death penalty, but this (from AP) is just silly:

The American Civil Liberties Union claimed in a federal lawsuit Wednesday that California’s lethal injection protocol violates the First Amendment rights of execution witnesses by not allowing them to see if the inmate is experiencing pain before death.

Yes, I get the point: the paralyzing agent is intended to make executions look painless when they aren’t. But c’mon.

To the extent one were to occur

The Senate agrees not to take unreported free meals from lobbyists. Trent Lott is furious: “It’s totally ludicrous that we are doing this. I’ll be eating with my wife and so will a lot more senators after we pass this one.” Somehow I don’t think Mrs. Lott is too thrilled about it either.
(Update: wait, did Lott mean that a lot more senators will be eating with his wife or with their own wives?)

Rumsfeld unveiled his secret plan for Iraq: “The plan is to prevent a civil war and, to the extent one were to occur, to have the Iraqi security forces deal with it, to the extent they are able to.” For a start, it’s just good business sense. Rummy says American soldiers cost $90,000 a year to maintain abroad, while Afghan soldiers cost $11,000, Iraqis $40,000. The real problem, though, is that the enemy refuses to play fair: “These enemies cannot win a single conventional battle, so they challenge us through nontraditional asymmetric means with terror as their weapon of choice.” Right, they’re not fighting conventional warfare, and they’re also not using cavalry, they’re not marching in formation, they’re not carrying muskets. I know he had the Pentagon buy all those little plastic soldiers and was really looking forward to pushing them around a table while making “kapow” noises...

From the Indy, another in our series, Newspaper Headlines So Good That The Story is Bound to be Disappointing: “Mexico Enlists Sex Dolls in Battle Against Harassment.”