Chimpy Votes!

The notoriously susceptible George W. Bush casts his vote...




...for Dr. Pepper.

Hey, I understand there’s an election of some sort today....

Why couldn’t somebody have called me up to inform me of that fact? They could even have used some sort of robotic calling machine.

And as you go to the polls, remember, we’re at war

Unclear on the concept: hundreds of applicants to join the police in Uttar Pradesh, India rioted to protest an application test they considered too hard.

In a rally in Florida, Bush appeared with his brother Jeb, who he pretended to hug, while swiping his wallet. What, like your family dynamic isn’t complicated?


He began by predicting, “We’re going to win because we have a hopeful, optimistic agenda” – and then launched into the usual fear-baiting crap. The first person plural in that sentence obviously refers to the Republican party. We’re so used to this that it may need pointing out: for every moment of the election campaign, the president of the United States spoke as a Republican, to Republicans. He made no attempt to persuade his audiences because he never spoke to a group of just-plain citizens. This may be how things are done these days, but it is not healthy for a democracy, and it is not okay.

Bush described the Dems’ strategy thus: “They don’t have a plan, but they’ve got a principle around which they’re organized, which is, it’s too tough, get out before the job is done.” He also deployed his ability to express complex political philosophies in insultingly simple terms when he spoke about “a brutal enemy that has an ideology, an ideology so backwards that many of our citizens can’t possibly comprehend it.” And yet he gamely attempted to make it comprehensible for them: “See, we believe in basic freedoms; they don’t.”

He ended with this advice: “And as you go to the polls, remember, we’re at war.”

It is hard to plot and plan America when you’re hiding

Another Bush rally, woe is me, in Nebraska. Which sort of explains the corn stalks.


And the corn hats.



Incidentally, all these events have the word victory in the title, Nebraska Victory 2006 Rally, Montana Victory 2006 Rally, etc. Which is also the word Bush uses over and over in relation to Iraq: “And we got one goal in Iraq, and that is victory”, “We got a strategy for victory that will work”, Dems “have no plan for victory,” and so on. A coincidental wording, you say? Maybe, but it’s not the only place he borrows rhetoric from his war speeches. At this rally he said, “You know if you’re wondering what -- where the Democrats stand on a major issue, there’s an easy formula to figure it out: No matter what the issue, if the Republicans are for it, they’re against it.” And how does he describe the Enemy in The War Against Terror, just a couple of minutes later? “They believe the exact opposite of what we believe.”

Which is so not the case. He and Osama both believe, loudly, that God is on their side. Here’s a paragraph he’s used in every recent speech, which creeps me out every time: “You know when nearly 12 million Iraqis voted, I was pleased, but I was not surprised, and I’ll tell you why I wasn’t surprised. I believe there is an Almighty. I believe a great gift of the Almighty to every man, woman, and child on Earth is the desire to be free. And so when the Iraqis said we want to be free, it is part of my belief in the universality of freedom.” That either creeps you out too, or it doesn’t, I suppose.

I’m almost getting bored with the mangled Bushisms, but what the hell:

“the Democrats believe they can spend their money better than you can.”

“It is hard to plot and plan America when you’re hiding.”

Ain’t it the truth.

That says to them that their strategy is working

We’ve now got the transcript of Cheney’s ABC interview, bits of which I commented on yesterday. As ever, I’m amazed what he’s able to get away with unchallenged. For three months, the Bushies have been using the word “purged” to describe Lieberman’s defeat on August 8th, which I seem to recall involved 146,587 people voting for another candidate and not, say, a Moscow show trial. In the interview, Cheney uses that purge as an example of exactly the sort of thing the terrorists are trying to influence the American voters to do. “That says to them that their strategy is working.”

Another thing they’re always allowed to get away with is the “I haven’t read that article/report, so I can’t comment on it.” This was not a live interview, it was taped days ago, so why couldn’t Stephanopoulos have said, “Oh, well I happen to have a copy of Vanity Fair right here, why don’t we stop the cameras while you read it, and resume when you’re ready”?

Cheney says if a Democratic Congressional committee subpoenas him, he will refuse to testify.

Cheney, by the way, will be spending election day hunting. There’s probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

The martyrs of Iraq now have the right to smile

Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to be hanged by the neck until dead dead dead. PM Maliki says, “The martyrs of Iraq now have the right to smile,” adding, “Maybe this will help alleviate the pain of the widows and the orphans, and those who have been ordered to bury their loved ones in secrecy, and those who have been forced to suppress their feelings and suffering, and those who have paid at the hands of torturers.” Yes, thank god those days are long behind us.

Protecting you and your cowboy hat

In Colorado, Bush used his “it’s good to be in country where the cowboy hats outnumber the ties” line in the third state this week (Nevada, Montana). Yippee ki yay.

He keeps pushing the twin messages of taxes and terror, which sort of point in opposite directions. He presents tax cuts as increasing personal freedom, but combines it with the deeply disempowering, not to say infantilizing, argument that the government and its “professionals” need all sorts of augmented powers in order “to protect you” (a phrase that he used seventeen times in this speech).

This time, he had the audience chant “What’s your plan?”, directed at the Democrats, who he is accusing of being unclear on their “plan for victory.” Bush, of course, is the master of clarity:

I can’t look at the mothers and fathers and husbands and wives of those who wear our uniform who may be in Iraq, and say, it’s noble, but not think I can -- we can win the -- the only way we can win is if we leave before the job is -- I mean, the only way we can lose is if we leave before the job is done. That’s the only way.

Full speed ahead

In his most recent campaign speeches, Bush has been accusing Dems of not having “a plan for victory” in Iraq (no one ever wonders whether we have a plan for victory in Afghanistan, have you noticed that?), just as if every member of his administration hasn’t made it clear repeatedly that the opinion of Congress, and indeed of the American people, is irrelevant. Cheney, even while repeating the they-don’t-have-a-plan talking point in an interview to air on ABC Sunday, made that position clear yet again: “It may not be popular with the public. It doesn’t matter, in the sense that we have to continue what we think is right” (which he says is to go “full speed ahead” in Iraq). What the American people as a whole might think is right does not – you heard it hear first – matter. I’d love to be able to force the Bushies to sit down and write an essay on what they believe is the meaning of representative democracy, the will of the people, and all that Poly Sci 101 stuff. But I think we get a pretty good sense in the binary opposition Cheney created in his next sentences: “That’s exactly what we’re doing. We’re not running for office; we’re doing what we think is right.”

We’re not running for office; we’re doing what we think is right.

See, if he ordered the first attack, he might know something about another attack

Mind-boggling statement of the day: a spokesmodel for the Israeli military attacked Hamas for calling on women to protect besieged Hamas fighters, “knowing the IDF would not shoot at women and children”.

Except of course they did. With machine guns. Killing two. Wounding 17.

Bush rally Iowa: “The interesting thing about campaigns, if somebody is going to raise your taxes, they don’t want you to know about it.”

He reminisced about his experiences in the high-stakes, wheels-within-wheels world of international intrigue: “One day the -- came in the Oval Office and said, Mr. President, we have captured Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. ... I told the CIA that I think it’s important for them, the professionals, to figure out what he knows. See, if he ordered the first attack, he might know something about another attack.” George Smiley, eat your heart out!

“Oh, I’ve heard them in Washington; they say Iraq is a distraction from the war on terror. Well, we just have a difference of opinion. I believe Iraq is central to the war on terror. Our troops believe Iraq is central to the war on terror. And so does Osama bin Laden. ... But they think differently in Washington, particularly the Democrats.” So it’s not just the Democrats, it’s “Washington” that’s all gooey-headed on The War Against Terror (TWAT). Also, he claims to be speaking on behalf of the troops, telling us what they “believe.” Stop that. Just fucking stop that.

And from earlier in the day, here he is campaigning for Sen. Jim Talent, or making fun of Talent’s glasses, or whatever the hell he’s doing.

Speed bumps and blobs of paint

Julian Borger in the Guardian covers Gen. William Caldwell, Military Moron, exquisitely, starting with the headline: “Iraq a ‘Work of Art in Progress’ Says US General After 49 Die.”

“Every great work of art goes through messy phases while it is in transition. A lump of clay can become a sculpture. Blobs of paint become paintings which inspire,” Maj Gen Caldwell told journalists in Baghdad’s fortified green zone.

Dude, those blobs... they’re not... paint.

Caldwell says the final test won’t be these “isolated incidents” (Borger notes there were 1,272 isolated incidents of Iraqi deaths reported in October), but “the country that the Iraqis build.” In another not-entirely-felicitous metaphor, Caldwell added, “A transition is not always a pleasant thing to watch as it happens. But when common goals are achieved, speed bumps and differences of opinion along the way are soon forgotten.” Speed fucking bumps.

Extracting blackmail

Bush was in Montana today, campaigning for firefighter-hater and general schmuck Conrad Burns in another of his Just-Say-No, Hey-Did-You-Hear-About-The-Time-I-Went-To-Graceland-With-The-Japanese-Prime-Minister rallies. He’s confining his campaigning entirely to traditionally Republican states, and I’m not sure how much of that is the Republicans being on the defensive, and how much is Bush’s unwillingness to look like a lame duck by campaigning for a lot of people who then lose.

He began, “It’s good to be in a part of the world where the cowboy hats outnumber the ties.” I had been planning to mention the fact that when he goes from the White House to Air Force One, his traveling attire is always formal...


(God, I can’t even look at him anymore) ...but he arrives at the rallies in his brush-clearing clothes (the hat is borrowed).



Increasingly, his bad grammar is grating on my nerves. “You see, we not only got great assets in our military, we got a fantastic asset in the power of liberty.”

He painted a dark picture of what would happen if we withdrew from Iraq: “I want you to envision a world in which extremists battle for power, in which moderate governments have been toppled, in which these radicals are then capable of using oil to extract blackmail from the West.”

Are you doing it? Are you envisioning radicals using oil to extract blackmail from the West?

It’s not just car bombs

On a visit to France, Iraqi President Talabani (seen below arriving at Orly) says that in only two or three years, Iraq will be ready to say “Bye bye with thanks” to American troops. Bye bye?

He also said, “There is no civil war. The media is focusing only on the negative side of Iraq. ... We need to give the real picture. It’s not just car bombs. Visit Iraq from the north to the south. Never mind Baghdad.” Iraq’s new motto: “It’s not just car bombs.” Iraq’s other new motto: “Never mind Baghdad.”


Bush characterized the chart that appeared here and in every other blog yesterday, showing the descent of Iraq into color-coded chaos, as “one of those mysterious charts that somehow appear.”

Force has kind of a negative connotation

Two of the Guantanamo prisoners are still on hunger strike, and still being forcibly fed. Although, because their torturers are nothing if not culturally sensitive, during Ramadan they were not force-fed during daylight hours.

The torturers are also sensitive about the term force-feeding, preferring “involuntary feeding,” because, as one nurse explained to Reuters, “Force has kind of a negative connotation.”

Prisoners not on hunger strike were fed the traditional Eid al Fitr feast at the end of Ramadan, although a second feast had to provided for prisoners who chose to fast an additional day, believing that the military lied about the date in order to trick them into breaking their fast early.

It didn’t sound like a joke to me

The closer we get to the elections, the more trivial the political discourse gets. When Bush denounced Kerry’s “joke” during a rally yesterday (note to Kerry: leave the jokes about Bush being stupid to those of us who have honed our craft by making jokes about Bush being stupid day after day after day), he alerted the media to exactly when he’d be doing it so they could run it live. Today Bush said, “It didn’t sound like a joke to me; more important, it didn’t sound like a joke to the troops.” It’s bad enough that he hides behind the troops at every opportunity, but when he purports to speak for them, to know their minds...

Elsewhere in that AP interview (I’ll include a link if I ever see the full transcript), he says the number of troops in Iraq won’t be increased: “They’ve got what they can live with.” I’m guessing that won’t sound like a joke to the families of the 104 soldiers killed in Iraq in October.

On Iraq and Afghanistan, “I’m pleased with the progress we’re making.” He couldn’t hear a joke but he can see progress in Iraq and Afghanistan; he clearly needs his hearing and vision checked out, pronto.

And Cheney and Rumsfeld “are doing fantastic jobs,” and he will keep Rummy in his fantastic job until 2009.

Bush was also interviewed today by Rush freaking Limbaugh, so he doesn’t really get to be morally outraged by anything Kerry has to say.

He says he has no plans for how to deal with a Democratic-led House and/or Senate, because it won’t happen. “So when I say that, you asked why I’m optimistic, because when I spell it out to the people I’m in front of, they fully understand. People come up to me all the time and say ‘Thank you for protecting us.’” Sarcastically?

What they really believe is they believe freedom is bad

From various pundits I was led to believe that there would be a stream of scantily dressed “vixens” coming to my door on Halloween. Once again I have been let down by the media.

Bush, at one of his Just Say No rallies in Georgia yesterday, described the enemy (the ones in Iraq, not the Democrats): “Make no mistake about it, they believe things. What they really believe is they believe freedom is bad.”

In a further victory for sophisticated analysis, CentCom has developed a method for charting precisely how close Iraq is to a complete crapfest. Juan Cole, Today In Iraq, you’ve been replaced; you can never compete with the awesome power of the chart. It’s color-coded and everything.



I’d be interested to know if Maliki “ordered” American troops to lift their siege of Sadr City yesterday before or after his meeting with Stephen Hadley.

A few pictures of Bush and, um, friends, for your captioning pleasure:

They are, very, very cognizant of our schedule, if you will

Cheney, interviewed on Fox, repeats that attacks in Iraq may very well be intended to influence American elections.

I think they are, very, very cognizant of our schedule, if you will. They also -- you’ve got to remember what the strategy is of the terrorists. They specifically can’t beat us in a stand-up fight. They never have. But whether it’s al Qaeda or the other elements that are active in Iraq, they are betting on the proposition they can break the will of the American people.

So vote Democratic – if your will has been broken.

Another Bush rally, this one in Texas. Okay, George, just repeat after me: Charlie Rangel. Just four syllables, as opposed to “the man who would be the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee -- the Democrat, who will be the chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, if the Democrats were to take over the House -- which they’re not”.

Lieberman and Lieberman

Metaphor of the day, from Dan Gerstein, Holy Joe Lieberman’s communications director, responding to the NYT endorsement of Lamont: “You clearly wanted another finger-pointer in the Senate, and Ned Lamont wins that contest hands down.”

In news from other Liebermans, Unholy Avigdor Lieberman was sworn in as deputy prime minister of Israel and also, appropriately enough for a man who has repeatedly threatened to expel or execute Palestinians, as Minister for Strategic Threats. The Labor party went along meekly, the only resignation being the minister of culture and sport. There’s probably a joke in there, but I’m not in the mood to go looking for it. The only world leader who voiced an objection to the inclusion of this racist in the government was Germany’s Angela Merkel – in case the minister for strategic threats thing wasn’t bitterly ironic enough.

In other words, Congress voted on these tools

Bush attended another campaign rally today, in Georgia, for Max Burns: “I’ve been in Washington long enough to know that it makes sense to have people who live on a family farm in the halls of the United States Congress.” I wonder what they grow?

I mentioned that he never names Pelosi or Rangel when he’s attacking them. Maybe he should. Today he slipped and called Rangel “the man who is going to be running the tax committee.”

Elsewhere, though, he went out of his way to simplify: “recently, there were votes in the floor of the House of Representatives, in the floor of the United States Senate to provide these critical tools. In other words, Congress voted on these tools.”

I was so focused on the “in other words” bit that I didn’t notice until just now the part about the vote “in the floor of the United States Senate.” Also, “Iraq is the central front for the war on terror” and “I want the folks all throughout America to envision a Middle East where extremism are battling for power”.

He did another of those pep rally call & response things:

THE PRESIDENT: When it comes to trying the terrorists, what’s the Democrats’ answer?

AUDIENCE: Just say no!

Which Democrats opposed putting terrorists on trial? We want names. And what does Nancy Reagan think of all this “just say no” business?

You also have to wonder about the audience:

You know, in Washington you hear people say, well, Iraq is just a distraction from the war on terror. I believe it is a central part of the war on terror. (Applause.)

Applause. Yes, let’s give it up for a central part of the war on terror.

Pelosi (“a senior Democrat in the House of Representatives”) disagrees, though. “She said, the President says fighting them there makes it less likely we will fight them here. The opposite is true, she said, because we are fighting them there, it may become more likely that we have to fight them there [sic].”

According to him, “The Democrat goal is to get out of Iraq. The Republican goal is to win in Iraq.” So he’s finally admitted he doesn’t plan to get out of Iraq ever.

The principles we hold dear

My cat, who is on the Republican Party email list, has received an email from Newt Gingrich (if Bill Frist ever emails her I’m calling the police at once). Although they know my cat lives in California (they required a zip code so I, er, she, told them 90210, which she has somehow memorized despite the fact that neither of us have watched that show even once), Gingrich kept talking darkly about “San Francisco values”: “There is a very real chance that San Francisco liberal Nancy Pelosi could pound the Speaker’s gavel [is that some sort of gay reference?] next January -- the same Nancy Pelosi who said ‘I don’t really consider ourselves to be at war.’ Take a stand for the principles we hold dear by supporting the Republican Party in this fight with your contribution...” So the principles the Republicans hold dear = being at war.

Alternative slogans: “Beyond staying the course”; “Hey, you guys, look at the cool course over there. How ‘bout we go there instead of this course with the dead bodies on it?”; “Of course we’ll stay!”

They now want ammunition

Interesting London Sunday Times portrait of a “pacified” Iraqi town, where the police are so outgunned that when “they stop expensive cars... where once they demanded money, they now want ammunition.”

OHMIGOD, have you heard about this? Evidently some mad fools tried to literally save daylight, and we’ve all fallen backwards through time. They’ve broken the space-time continuum, people! AAAARRRRGH!

I’m going to Krispy Kreme while there’s still... time.