I think we need to just keep doing what we’re doing

Secretary of War Robert

had breakfast (the most important meal of the quagmire) with some of the troops, who he described as “representative of those who are serving our country here”. Unlike the generals, they all supported a “surge” in troop levels, saying, “We’ll never finish all these scrambled eggs by ourselves.”

One such totally representative soldier was Spc. Jason Glenn of the 101st Military Intelligence Battalion, who said, “Sir, I think we need to just keep doing what we’re doing,” thus proving the old line (by this blog’s patron saint) that military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Sez the Pentagon website, “Other soldiers offered different pieces of advice to Gates. One told him to keep an open mind, while another urged him to seek answers from people on the ground.” This level of gritty candor was reciprocated: “He gave soldiers a glimpse into his goals for Iraq. ‘We’re trying to put together a package of new ways of doing things that will lead to more progress,’ he said.” Ooo, a package. But they can’t open it until Surgemas.

Here are some of those representative troops. See if you can guess which one’s nickname is “Bookworm.”



The first Marines have finally been charged in the Haditha Massacre (there is now a label for my Haditha posts in the right-hand column).

Wherein is found an icky picture. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Batshit Crazy Dictator of Turkmenistan Saparmurad Niyazov has died. The B.C.D. has long been a favorite of this blog, and you can click on the label at the bottom of this post to find out why.







I suspect B.C.D. Niyazov would have enjoyed the handover ceremony in Najaf yesterday. This rabbit maybe not so much.



Hey, a record number of dead bodies were found in Baghdad yesterday, so don’t complain to me about the poor bunny rabbit. Also, I used the most tasteful of the pictures of this part of the ceremony, which also featured lip-synching and the biting off of frogs’ heads. And there was this display.



The original caption reads, “Iraqi army soldiers simulate a self defence combat routine”. I thought they were supposed to be standing up so we could stand down.

Bush press conference: you can do better than to have somebody try to rewrite history

Bush gave a press conference this morning, a dull affair called for no obvious reason, a placeholder for the delayed new way forward (TM), any questions about which were deemed “dangerous hypotheticals.” He used the phrase “an Iraq that can govern itself, sustain itself and defend itself” no fewer than four times (although he left out sustain itself one of those times).

Asked about Sistani’s position, Bush dismissed him: “he lives a secluded life”. Is that so, Bubble Boy?



Switch grass, he mentioned switch grass again! Oh switch grass, how we’ve missed you.

He said over and over, the “Iranian people can do better,” as in, “My message to the Iranian people is you can do better than to have somebody try to rewrite history.”

Asked if this was a time of painful realization, whether he questioned any of his decisions, he said no. This has been another edition of simple answers from simple presidents to simple questions from simple reporters.

Surprise

The Miami Herald has a story about a Haitian teenager who had a 16-pound tumor on her face (ew!), which was just removed in Florida, allowing her to speak for the first time in 6 years. Her first words were “Thank you.” It truly is a Christmas miracle: a teenager who says thank you.

Robert

is in Iraq for what the Pentagon website actually calls a surprise visit....

... so what do you think? Instead of a nickname, I could do different pictures of gates in place of his name. Actually, that sounds like I’d be doing a lot of work to give Gates the illusion of being interesting, which is more than he’s ever done (as Groucho said to Margaret Dumont), so maybe not.

AP says “His trip so soon after taking office underscored the Bush administration’s effort to be seen as energetically seeking a new path in the conflict,” failing to mention that he delayed taking office so he could attend Texas A&M’s commencement ceremonies. It also, rather oddly, informs us that “It is Gates’ first trip to Iraq as defense secretary.”

He went with the alliterative Peter Pace John Abizaid (oops) who seems to have a backpack or a parachute or something.

There was sex and all kinds of issues

Talking Points Memo quotes the Jewish Telegraphic Agency, which quotes the president of Yeshiva University, who was at the menorah-lighting ceremony at the White House yesterday, quoting Bush that “Terrorists can’t be God-believing people.” Also, at the event he talked to everyone who would listen about the need to confront Iran.

Iraq today: guards at a Baghdad bank decided that a funeral procession was fraudulent, part of an attempt to rob the bank, and shot it up. They were wrong.

The WaPo says Maliki would only go along with a “surge” if it was combined with a purge, that is if the American forces attacked Sunnis rather than Shiites in Baghdad. According to Maliki, this would result in reduced activity by Shiite militias, because American troops and the Iraqi army would make them redundant by killing Sunnis for them. The logic is impeccable, you have to admit.

Back to the WaPo interview with Bush I started talking about in the previous post, this time with a complete transcript. The big news, evidently, is his admission that we’re not winning in Iraq, or more specifically, and attributing the formulation to the alliterative Peter Pace, “We’re not winning, we’re not losing.” So he’s 50% correct, which is a 50-point improvement, so well done, George.

He denies that the election was about the American people wanting to leave Iraq: “There’s not a lot of people saying, ‘Get out now.’ Most Americans are saying, ‘We want to achieve the objective.’” Are they saying that? Let’s make a completely fair, totally objective test of that, with a poll of the readers of this blog. Remember, if you’re not American, you can’t vote.

Do you want to achieve the objective?
	Yes
	No
pollcode.com free polls

So what was the election about, in Bush’s view? Well, “people are not satisfied with the progress being made in Iraq,” the fucking ingrates. Also, “look, you’ve got a guy using earmarks to enrich himself; there was sex and all kinds of issues”. He also says that “people are sick and tired of the needless partisanship in Washington.” Which is funny, because in 2000 he said people voted for him (a uniter, not a divider) because they hated partisanship, and now they voted for the opposition party for the same exact reason. Huh.

He said he wants to work with Democrats on Social Security, which he rather worryingly called an entitlement.

Asked whether the idea of invading Iraq was “not so great,” Bush said, “I’ve never really asked that question.” No kidding.

Reset

Bush was interviewed by WaPo reporters today (why just excerpts, WaPo?), and before they could even ask a question, he volunteered “I want to share one thought I had with you, and I’m inclined to believe that we do need to increase our troops”. He means overall, and permanently, not necessarily a “surge” in Iraq, but I think we know where this is headed. He says the military is not “broken,” as Colin Powell said, because the generals haven’t told him that it is; they also say, when asked to evaluate themselves, that their biggest flaw is that they care too much. Sheesh, what does he expect them to say?

Evidently, they don’t say it’s broken but they do say it’s “stressed.”

Shrub says, “we need to reset our military. There’s no question the military has been used a lot.” Reset? What does that mean? Like turning it off and turning it on again?

On Iraq itself, “I’m going to take my time to make sure that the policy, when it comes out, the American people will see that we are -- have got a new way forward to achieve an important objective, which is a country that can govern, sustain and defend itself,” adding, “Not Iraq, you understand, just a country. Possibly Sweden.”

He uses some variation of that phrase about showing/reassuring the American people three times in a short period of time. I’d say this was a sign of insecurity except it’s always been like this. Within a week or two of 9/11/01, they were talking more about reassuring the American people that air travel was safe than about actually making air travel safe.

By the way, have we completely abandoned the color-coded alert system?

I will show the authority of the government

American media have finally caught up to the firing of the governor in Afghanistan’s Helmand province, a week late. The spin they’re accepting is that it was because of increased opium production and not a direct order from the Americans, pissed at local peace deals with the Taliban, which the new governor says will not be repeated: “I will show the authority of the government.” Whose government, he did not say.

Although American government-produced propaganda is by law supposed to be aimed at foreigners and never at Americans, Radio Martí and TV Martí will buy time on stations in Florida.

Tony Blair, in the UAE, says there is a “battle between people of moderation, whether they are Muslim or Jew or any other religion, and people of extremism”. Try to work the phrase “people of enthusiasm” into a conversation today.

Contest: Name That Defense Secretary!

Secretary of Quagmires Robert Gates said at his swearing-in yesterday that losing in Iraq will be “a calamity that would haunt our nation”. It is this blog’s belief and policy that the faceless bureaucrats replacing more, shall we say, colorful Bushites, require nicknames to give them the illusion of personality. Since Gates probably considers “Bob” to be a little jaunty, a little daring, a little racy, if you will, it seems to be up to us. I nominate “Calamity Bob,” but then I thought that calling the press secretary “Tony Insert-Snow-Related-Pun-Here” as a running non-gag would never get old, so surely one of you can do better.

The people’s house

Nothing says awkward quite so much as Hanukkah at the White House (except maybe Kwanzaa at the White House). Bush says that this menorah is “a symbol that the White House is the people’s house, and it belongs to Americans of all faiths,” although he added that he hoped they wouldn’t “Jew it up too much.”







Earlier in the day he stuck the Indian ambassador next to a big ol’ Christmas tree, to show him whose God was boss.



Although, to be fair, you can’t actually go more than five feet in the White House before running into a Christmas tree or a Christmas wreath or some other form of Christmas decoration.

Nobody should have a veto on progress

Bush, at the swearing-in ceremony for Robert Gates says he “will be an outstanding Secretary of the Defense” and that Rumsfeld was “a superb leader at the Department of Defense.” Is outstanding better or worse than superb?


Tony Blair was in Palestine today, pretending that support for only one element of government, President Abbas, is support for democracy, and backed his unconstitutional plan to call new elections. Blair said, “nobody should have a veto on progress”. He meant Hamas, not Israel.


Then he moved on to Israel, where he held his hand over a candle flame, G. Gordon Liddy style, to prove how tough he is.

2006 in pictures

Tony Blair, who has made a surprise Christmas visit to British troops in Basra every year since the war started, made a surprise Christmas visit to British troops in Basra. It was quite a surprise. He signed an armored personnel carrier; he wrote, “Good luck! Tony Blair.”


Let’s move on from Blair looking kinda goofy to my annual selection of the best pictures posted on “Whatever It Is, I’m Against It” this year. I’ve looked through all the photos of 2006 and... shit have I over-indulged in “Bush looking goofy” pics. I know Bush looking goofy is the well that never runs dry, but... damn.





























There isn’t really a lot of overlap between my pics and those in the Republican National Committee 2007 calendar, although for June they have this snap


of Bush with a “snowflake” baby, similar to one I ran, and for October they feature one of my old themes, “Bush leaning on a black woman.”


My promise to you for 2007: wherever there’s a picture of Bush tripping, or being strangled by an old lady, or pinching Angela Merkel’s butt, wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there.