Republican debate: Just because you didn’t find every Easter egg didn’t mean that it wasn’t planted

Florida debate. No transcript that I can find.

McCain denies having said that he still needs (at age 72) to be educated on economics. Which he did say. Claims he is “well-versed on economics”.


Ron Paul says that we are literally spending ourselves into oblivion. Brian Williams a couple of minutes later says that American banks are turning to foreign investors literally to stay afloat. If I hear the word literally misused one more time my head will figuratively explode.

Sorry. Pet peeve.

McCain brings up the “bridge to nowhere” over and over.


The Huck says that just because we didn’t find WMDs in Iraq “doesn’t mean they weren’t there. Just because you didn’t find every Easter egg didn’t mean that it wasn’t planted.” Although sooner or later those Easter eggs, like Bush’s justifications for the war, do start to rot.


The Huckster is allowed to get away with claiming that his proposed “fair tax” is 23% rather than 30%. He also says that more money you earn, the more the IRS and the government want from you. No one came forth to defend the principle of progressivity, of those able to pay more paying more.

Romney (in a blue suit with a blue tie against a blue background which over the course of the evening he seemed to melt into) (why does the suit look so much darker in all these pictures?) says that all the great progress in Iraq did not come from “General Hillary Clinton.” Which sounds like barely disguised sexism, but not in a way you could quite pin down, so he’ll get away with it.


McCain says the D’s would “raise the white flag” in Iraq, says it was totally worth every single dead American soldier.

The Huck, in a question to Romney about gun control, refers to “so-called assault weapons.” Romney promises never to support gun control legislation again.

Mittens flat out refuses to say how much of his fortune he’s putting into the race.


Just like Obama said in the last D debate that no one in all of America would refuse to vote for him because of his race, Mittens says no one in all of America would refuse to vote for him because of his religion. The Constitution says there shall be no religious tests, so it’s against the law for any voter to consider his Mormonism. Or something.

Romney says “the idea of Bill Clinton back in the White House with nothing to do is something I can’t imagine.” Which sounds like a barely disguised crack about Bill’s likin’ for the ladies, but not in a way you could quite pin down, so he’ll get away with it.

Mittens: Hillary takes her inspiration from the Europe of old (or possibly the Europe of Olde), Big Brother, Big Government...

Huckleberry says that he didn’t object when Chuck Norris said that McCain is too old to be president because Chuck can kick him in the head.

McCain says he’ll send Sylvester Stallone (who evidently just endorsed him, and has a new Rambo movie coming out) to beat up Chuck Norris. And by gum he’ll send Norman Schwarzkopf too.


McCain, in response to a question about his temper, which I think came from an email and not from the fact that McCain just threatened to send a 61-year old and a 73-year old to beat up a 67-year old, says temper what temper and claims to have lots of friends and adds that he admires the way Giuliani “led this country” after 9/11.

He’ll be gotten by a president

Bush tells Fox that it would be nice to capture Osama bin Laden “If we could find the cave he is in,” because “For the country, it’s a matter of closure in many ways for those who suffered under the attacks”. He says this closure will happen, you know, some day: “He’ll be gotten by a president.” Evidently Bush no longer thinks that he will getten have gottened begotten gottendamerung capturate bin Laden himself.

However, he says of bin Laden, “He’s isolated. He’s not out there leading any parades.” Yeah, George, imagine how that must feel.

Leading economic indicator

This morning, Bush announced an agreement on an economic stimulus package, which I believe entailed taking the Democrats’ lunch money and distributing it to the rich. This brings us to episode 3 of Everything You Need to Know About the Economy You Can Tell By the Expression on Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s Face.

Tom Toles

Click for larger.

Strike

This picture from the BBC website


is captioned, “In Lebanon, a protester holds up a piece of bread during a strike by agricultural and transport unions to protest against the rising cost of living.” Only in Lebanon could a strike by agricultural and transport unions to protest against the rising cost of living look quite so much like the Apocalypse.

Quiet normality

The Guardian says that the Afghan reporter sentenced to death was not the real target, that warlords were using the case to shut up his brother, who is also a journalist who has written about, among other things, warlords sexually abusing teenage boys. Given Afghanistan’s history, I’m not sure if blasphemy charges being used hypocritically by paedophile warlords isn’t an improvement over blasphemy charges being used sincerely by Taliban fanatics.

Olmert says of Israel’s blockade of Gaza: “Does anyone seriously think that our children will wet their beds at night in fear and be afraid to go out of the house and they [Palestinians in Gaza] will live in quiet normality?” Quiet. Normality. In Gaza. Prick.

Israel’s vicious collective punishment policy has once again made Hamas look like heroes, champions of the under-dog, and tricksters who out-witted the Israelis. The Israeli government is left sputtering that the Egyptians should help starve the Gazans into submission, while Abbas is left on the sidelines, impotent and irrelevant; once again an Israeli effort to isolate Hamas has instead succeeded in undermining Fatah.

We didn’t have a political discussion, we had a discussion on what’s best for America

An Afghan court has sentenced journalism student Sayad Parwez Kambaksh to death for blasphemy (after a rapid trial in which he had no lawyer) for downloading material about the role of women in Muslim societies. The re-Talibanization continues apace.

Speaking of re-Talibanization, Mike Huckabee compares “the seculars” to Nazis.

Bush met with a tammany of mayors today. “I’ve often said being mayor is a lot tougher than being President -- I don’t have to fill the potholes and empty the garbage.” I’ve tried to think of a joke about that without much success (the best being that if you think filling potholes is tougher than being president, you’re not doing it right). The problem is that I keep getting mental images of Bush emptying garbage and filling potholes, and I go to my happy place.

Bush said, “We didn’t have a political discussion, we had a discussion on what’s best for America, particularly given the economic uncertainty we face.” Yeah, “uncertainty,” that’s what it has. Here’s another picture (from yesterday) of Treasury Secretary Paulson’s “uncertainty”:


But here’s my point, George: if the #1 politician in America considers “a political discussion” as being the opposite of “a discussion on what’s best for America,” you’re not doing it right.

This is what a discussion on what’s best for America looks like

The point of the discussion (on what’s best for America) was to enlist the mayors in the push to ratify free-trade deals with Colombia and other countries because “It certainly doesn’t make any sense to say in a country like Colombia, your goods can come in our way, but our goods can’t come your way -- being treated the same way.” No, it certainly doesn’t make any sense to say that, George. Maybe if we try it IN OTHER WORDS: “In other words, they’re not treating us the way we’re treating them.”

What Fred did between naps today

Fred Thompson is plum tuckered out of the race. So sad. I had planned to use the words “plum tuckered out” many more times about His Fredness. He says, “I hope that my country and my party have benefited from our having made this effort.” Having made this what now, Fred?

Democratic Debate: I can’t tell who I’m running against sometimes

I didn’t watch, just read the transcript (part 1, 2, 3), but I thought Obama came off whiny when he complained that Hillary and Bill were both attacking him and it wasn’t fair. “Well, I can’t tell who I’m running against sometimes.” Barry: Hillary’s the one with the pearls.


Later, he is asked if Bill Clinton was the first black president. Says he would “have to, you know, investigate more of Bill’s dancing abilities.” Hillary says that could be arranged. At least then Obama would probably be able to tell them apart.

Hillary later says, “I believe that this campaign is not about our spouses.” Yeah, but only because CNN didn’t allow the short guy with the hot spouse into the debate.

Obama notes that Hillary was a corporate lawyer on Wal-Mart’s board, she notes that he was lawyer for a slumlord.


Edwards rather neatly skewers Obama’s explanation for voting against a 30% limit on credit card interest:

EDWARDS: You voted against it because the limit was too high, is that what you just said?

OBAMA: That is exactly what I just said, John, because...

EDWARDS: So there’s no limit at all.

Obama explains that he voted “present” 130 times in the Illinois state senate because that’s how they do things in the Illinois state senate.

Hillary notes, “It is very difficult having a straight-up debate with you, because you never take responsibility for any vote, and that has been a pattern.” She kinda has a point, but she was taking quite a risk that he wouldn’t bring up her circumlocutions about her vote authorizing the Iraq war. Which he didn’t.


I think I’m actually with Obama on not making it mandatory to get for-profit health insurance, but his explanation kind of sucks: “every expert that’s looked at this has said there is not a single person out there who’s going to want health care who will not get it under my plan.”

Favorite exchange:

EDWARD: Let me be really clear about that. It’s amazing now that being the white male...

OBAMA: You’re feeling all defensive about it, John. It’s all right, man.

EDWARDS: ... is different.

Obama says he is a proud Christian. He says D’s should go after the evangelical vote: “And when you don’t show up, if you’re not going to church, then you’re not talking to church folk.” I’m pretty sure they’re allowed out of the church from time to time. Also: folk?

I had a line about “carny folk,” but I thought better of it.

Edwards asks Hillary to take a pledge not to employ any corporate lobbyists in the White House. She says she doesn’t know. But “I’m independent and tough enough to be able to deal with anybody.” Isn’t that a well-expressed answer? The wrong answer, of course, but well-expressed.

Edwards responds that “When somebody gives you millions and millions of dollars, I think they expect something. I don’t think they’re doing it for nothing.” She says that trial lawyers are giving him lots of money. He says, “And what they expect from me is they expect me to stand up for democracy, for the right to jury trial, for the right for little people to be heard in the courtroom.” Rarely has the moral high ground been lost so fast and so ludicrously. Also: little people?


Final question: who would Martin Luther King endorse? On this, everyone is in agreement: Fred Thompson. Obviously.

McCain’s high regard for his supporters

The NYT Saturday quoted McCain saying he would do well among South Carolina’s social conservative voters “because of their fear of radical Islamic extremism”. If I were a social conservative voter in SC, I might be a tad offended that McCain said I was filled with, and politically motivated by, fear. Politicians are supposed to stir up fear and exploit fear without actually saying that the voters are frightened little wimps.

He also believed they would support him because of “their belief in our biblical obligation to maintain the integrity and security of the state of Israel.” He said this to reporters on his campaign bus, and did one of them think to ask if he agreed that there was a “biblical obligation to maintain the integrity and security of the state of Israel”? Not so much.

The Romney camp, meanwhile, is selling these Shroud-of-Turin style t-shirts.

Some Martin Luther King Jr Day thoughts

From Newt Gingrich, at the Republican Party National Convention, August, 13, 1996:

A mere 40 years ago, beach volleyball was just beginning. Now it is not only a sport in the Olympics. There are over 30 countries that have a competition internationally. There are some 13 states with 25 cities in America. And there’s a whole new world of opportunity opening up that didn’t even exist 30 years ago or 40 years ago, and no bureaucrat would have invented it. And that’s what freedom is all about.

Freedom is about having a dream, and maybe I feel that particularly because the greatest Georgian of this century, Martin Luther King, went to the Lincoln Memorial and said in his extraordinary speech, “I have a dream,” and the dream he outlined is a dream for every American of every background to participate in creating an America that is better for our children and our grandchildren.

Huckabee’s action steps; Giuliani’s secret weapon is revealed

Rudy is fighting back against the Chuck Norris Factor by finding his own celebrity endorser. I got an email today from the Giuliani campaign from... Jon Voight. I knew Rudy reminded me of someone: Ratso Rizzo.

I’ve been skimming Mike Huckabee’s 2007 book From Hope to Higher Ground, and honestly it isn’t interesting enough to provide decent fodder for blog-mockery. There’s a defense of Wal-Mart as empowering consumers. There’s a brief defense of his role in Wayne Dumond’s parole, which inaccurately describes Dumond’s victim as Bill Clinton’s cousin, and says mysteriously that he intervened in the case because he “received information that gave me reason to consider commuting his sentence to time served.” There’s a mention of his 2006 visit to Guantanamo; he decries the “unspeakable degradations that are put upon them day in and day out”. The guards, of course, not the prisoners.

The best bits are the “12 action steps” at the end of each chapter. His “12 Action Steps to STOP Being a Selfish Citizen” include 1) Pray before meals, 3) Attend church, synagogue, or house of worship at least once a week, 6) Read a chapter in the Book of Proverbs each day. Also, 10) Buy Girl Scout cookies.

I checked the book out of the library (you didn’t think I’d buy it, did you?) for the chapter on thinking vertically instead of horizontally, a bit of Huckabee rhetoric I’ve puzzled over before. “Thinking horizontally”, which is bad, is about perpetuating partisan and other divisions, but after reading a whole chapter it’s still not clear if “thinking vertically” is coded Christianity, as has been suggested, or if it has any content to it at all. “12 Action Steps to STOP Thinking Horizontally”: 1) Open doors for others, 3) Attend worship services every week, 8) Don’t use profanity, 12) Purchase some inexpensive umbrellas and give them to total strangers on a rainy day.

His “12 Action Steps to STOP Being Cynical” include 2) Read the Bible more; blogs less.

Hey!

Hezbollah’s leader says he found some shit in the attic, and he’s gonna put it on Ebay. Or something.

It’s really to prove for peace

Bush was interviewed in Saudi Arabia earlier this week by Nightline.

He admitted that he had something to prove on his Middle East trip, “but it’s not so much to prove for my sake. It’s really to prove for peace.”

He says he believes there will be a peace deal because he (sigh) looked into the leaders’ eyes and did the soul-reading thing: “I have talked to these leaders face to face. I have asked them point blank, ‘Do you understand how difficult these issues are?’ Yes. ‘Are you prepared to make the painful political compromises?’ They say they are.” Lean back, close your eyes and visualize Bush walking up to Olmert/Abbas and asking if they understand how difficult these issues are. As they say in the Middle East, oy.

He’s worried about “stereotypes.” Specifically, the stereotypes of him: “I’m sure people view me as a warmonger and I view myself as peacemaker.” (Update: John Oliver on the latest Bugle podcast says that Bush is half-right here, which is a major step up for him. Fair enough.) “My image [is] ‘Bush wants to fight Muslims.’ And, yes, I’m concerned about it. Not because of me, personally. I’m concerned because I want most people to understand the great generosity and compassion of Americans”. There doesn’t seem to be a full transcript, so I don’t know if the Nightline guy asked which people he doesn’t want to understand the great generosity and compassion of Americans.

He said that “freedom is advancing quite amazingly in the Middle East.” I know I’m amazed.

“The other thing is, if I could be perfectly blunt about it, I think people who say we can be free, but you shouldn’t be, are elitist.” He does not name any of these elitists. Never does, really.

One of those places where he thinks freedom is advancing quite amazingly is evidently Saudi Arabia. But “The American president doesn’t come and lecture somebody. ... And for us to say that you can’t have a democracy if you’ve got a king is just not right.” Yeah, because that’s the only reason people say Saudi Arabia isn’t a democracy.

Speaking of dark-skinned people and democracy, he says that if Obama gets the Democratic nomination, he’ll campaign against him, “But it won’t be in a personal way.”

Today he visited a lawnmower factory owned by Wright Manufacturing Inc in Maryland. Standing next to some guy named Wright, he said, “Do you wonder where they got the name ‘Wright?’ That’s his name.” That’s why I keep reading these transcripts of Bush speeches: you always learn something.

He talked about a possible economic stimulus package, which he anthropomorphized: “Any package has got to remember that jobs are created by small businesses.”

(He also talked about that package earlier in the day at the White House. The expression on Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s face probably tells you everything you need to know.)



He got all choked up with his pride and love and shit: “Anyway, thanks for letting me come by. I’m proud to be -- I love the entrepreneurial class in -- I love people who have a dream and work hard to achieve the dream.”

He also loves playing with toys, and driving them right at the assembled press corps.


So long, suckers!

Flocke: quod erat demonstrandum

Bush’s Interior Dept is claiming that oil and gas drilling off Alaska couldn’t possibly threaten polar bears. Unless there’s an oil spill, in which case they’ll all die. Here is my rebuttal to the Interior Department, and I believe it is rigorous, thorough, scientific, and convincing:

Very sincere

The film “The Kiterunner” has been banned in Afghanistan, I assume by the Department of Irony.

In an interview on Fox, Bush says of the Iran NIE “I believe that the intelligence professionals are very sincere in their analysis. That should not say to people that Iran is not a threat. In other words—” And then Greta Van Susteren cut him off – in mid In Other Words!

Thus is the word “sincere” applied to the CIA for the very first time in the history of the agency. It is perhaps bittersweet to those intelligence professionals that it is being applied condescendingly by an unintelligence professional.

The Bible was not written to be amended. The Constitution was.

In an interview with Beliefnet.com, Mike Huckabee tries to re-spin his view that we need to “amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards” as being something other than writing his religion into the Constitution by banning gay marriage and abortion – why, he’s not proposing an amendment to require tithing! Although he says, “The Bible was not written to be amended. The Constitution was” (he’s never heard of the New Testament?), he claims that his religious views on these issues aren’t necessarily religious views: “I think that whether someone is a Christian or not, the idea that a human life has dignity and intrinsic worth should be clear enough. I don’t think a person has to be a person of faith to say that once you redefine a human life...” blah blah blah etc. But of course he is a “person of faith” and does derive his views of marriage and abortion from his religion and is trying to embed those views in the central document of the republic.

As for defining marriage as available only to heterosexual couples, why that’s just history, and “I don’t think that’s a radical view to say we’re going to affirm marriage. I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal. Again, once we change the definition, the door is open to change it again.” The doggy door, presumably. How about a man and a woman, but the woman doesn’t submit graciously to her husband?

The Huck says that his run has made “people realize that Christians are real people and they have a real world view that’s defensible and intellectually sound”. Unlike, presumably, those who believe in evolution.

Once you label it “genocide” you obviously have to do something about it

Bush met with the Special Envoy for Sudan Rich Williamson because the people of Sudan “suffer deprivation and rape. My administration called this a genocide. Once you label it ‘genocide’ you obviously have to do something about it.” Obviously. And what might that something be? “Our discussion centered upon our mutual desire to develop a strategy that will help the United Nations become more effective.” Well, if having a discussion about your mutual desire to develop a strategy to help the UN become more effective doesn’t work, I don’t know what will.

WHAT AMERICA IS PROBABLY WONDERING: “You know, America is probably wondering why, why do you care? And one of the reasons we care about the suffering in Sudan is because we care about the human condition all across the face of the earth.” See, he just found out that the Sudanese are humans. Condi really should have mentioned that to him before.

MURDER AS A WEAPON: “And we fully understand that when people suffer, it is in our interest to help. And we also understand that when people suffer it makes it more likely that some may turn to the ideology of those who use murder as a weapon. So it’s in our national security interest and it’s in our -- in the interest of our conscience to confront this, what we have called a genocide.” There’s something remarkably repellant about the argument that 1) we need a self-interested motive before we do something about genocide, 2) that the real danger in genocide is that the survivors might turn into terrorists. Just quite remarkably repellant.

CONTEST: Name the followers

Supporters of presidential candidates are called, by themselves or others, such things as McCainiacs, Fred Heads, Paultards, Romulans etc. Can we do better?

Trends

Last year the US had the lowest number of abortions since 1976, but greatly increased the number of air strikes in Iraq. Coincidence? Discuss.

A wonder

Huckabee says he can appeal to South Carolina voters because when he was in college, he used to fry squirrels in his dorm room (was that at his Baptist college or the seminary?) in a popcorn popper. He does not say whether the squirrels’ deaths were natural or otherwise.

On the last stop of his tour of the Middle East, Bush was in Egypt today, meeting Hosni Mubarak. “You’ve got a great deal of experience,” he told the dictator, “and I appreciate you feeling comfortable in sharing that experience once again with me.”


Evidently Egyptians were upset that in Bush’s speech Sunday when he praised other Arab countries for their fake democratic reforms, he left out Egypt, so today he praised Egypt’s “steps toward... democratic reform,” but failed to say what those steps might be. He praised “the fact that women play an important role in your society... I do so because not only I’m a proud father of two young professional women...” And so the invoking of the names of Jenna and Not-Jenna set back the cause of women in the Middle East by twenty years.

He said that Lebanon should hold “immediate and unconditional presidential elections”.

THERE’S A WONDER: On the Israeli-Palestinian front, I told the President I’m going to stay -- there’s a wonder whether or not the American President, when he says something, whether he actually means it. When I say I’m coming back to stay engaged, I mean it.”


Finally, on the White House website Bush answered emailed questions from the general public, if by general public you mean Americans who think Bush is doing a great job and would like to know who picks out his ties and why don’t we just “invest in research to try to create some kind of big battery that would replace the use of oil.” Bush said he was glad to be getting home because “After all, there’s no better place to lay your head than in your own bed with people you love.” Oo, kinky.