Caption contest
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Sotomayor hearings: we’re not robots
Sotomayor: “we’re not robots who listen to evidence and don’t have feelings”. That’s just a dreadful calumny against Robot-Americans.
The corollary of the Republican complaints against the idea that a “wise Latina woman” might bring something to the bench, is that a judiciary composed entirely of dumb white men and/or robots would not be lacking in any way. Would they care to argue this case?
Speaking of robots who don’t have feelings, here is a super-awesome ad just released by California’s robot overlord. The music, the Teutonic enunciation, the way he sits at an angle to the camera, the way he stands up as he intones, “I am standing firm for a balanced budget that does not raise your taxes,” the way the color of every part of his head comes from a bottle, the way he calls for us to stand (firm) with him but sounds like he plans to kill us all...
SIZE MATTERS: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III (R-Way Down South in the Land of Cotton) asked Sotomayor: “do you think that Frank Ricci and the other firefighters whose claims you dismissed felt that their arguments and concerns were appropriately understood and acknowledged by such a short opinion from the court?” What, Jeffy, “Go eat a bag of dicks” too pithy for you? Of course we all remember Scalia’s famous opinion in Bush v. Gore:
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sotomayor hearings: Most of our judges understand what it’s like to be old
More opening statements (Sessions’ in previous post).
Chuck Grassley: “Judge Sotomayor, I’ll be asking you about your ability to wear that judicial blindfold.” Kinky.
Lindsey Graham attempted to out-brown her: “No Republican would have chosen you, Judge; that’s just the way it is. We would have picked Miguel Estrada. We would all have voted for him. And I don’t think anybody on that side would have voted for Judge Estrada, who is a Honduran immigrant... So the Hispanic element of this hearing’s important... my Republican colleagues who vote against you I assure you could vote for a Hispanic nominee.” So that’s okay, then.
(Update: By the time I got around to writing the post, I’d forgotten why I selected the quote: No Republican would have chosen Sotomayor? Hey Lindsey, who appointed her to a judgeship the first time?)
A WARNING TO KEEP HER HOT LATIN BLOOD IN CHECK: “Now, unless you have a complete meltdown, you’re going to get confirmed.”
WHAT BOTHERS LINDSEY: “It just bothers me when somebody wearing a robe takes the robe off and says that their experience makes them better than someone else.” Especially if they’re wearing women’s underwear but they’re not a woman – I’m looking at you, Scalia.
SO THERE: “I think your experience can add a lot to the court, but I don’t think it makes you better than anyone else.”
Tom Coburn, who brings to the Judiciary Committee, as he told John Roberts, his “medical skills of observation of body language”:
SOMETHING REMARKABLE: “It is truly an honor to have you before us. It is -- says something remarkable about our country that you’re here.” And something remarkable about you that you’re still awake... Ms. Sotomayor?... hello?
“And I assure you, during your time before this committee, you will be treated with the utmost respect and kindness.” ACCUSATION OF RACISM IN 5,4,3...
EVIDENTLY SOMEONE WHO COMES FROM THE HEARTLAND GRASPS AND HOLDS MORE THAN A WISE LATINA DOES: “And I’m worried that our Constitution may be seen to be malleable and evolving when I, as someone who comes from the heartland, seems to grasp and hold and the people that I represent from the state of Oklahoma seem to grasp and hold that there is a foundational document and there are statutes and occasionally treaties that should be the rule, rather than our opinions.” Can we just agree that anyone who’s ever argued that there is more wisdom in one part of the country than another or used the phrase “San Francisco liberal” or “un-American parts of our nation,” can just shut up about the “wise Latina” thing?
“During the campaign, he promised to nominate someone who’s got the heart and the empathy to recognize what it’s like to be a young, teenaged mom. The implication is that our judges today don’t have that. Do you realize how astounding that is? The empathy to understand what it’s like to be poor, to be African-American or gay or disabled or old. Most of our judges understand what it’s like to be old.”
WHERE EMPATHY COMES FROM (THE STORK?): “We expect a judge to merely call balls and strikes? Maybe so, maybe not. But we certainly don’t expect them to sympathize with one party over the other, and that’s where empathy comes from.”
Sotomayor hearings: Empathy for one party is always prejudice against another
Just as I turned on the Sotomayor hearing, heard Lindsey Graham say “wise Latina woman”; turned off Sotomayor hearing.
But Jefferson Beauregard Sessions (by the way, that is the way he referred to himself before he became “Jeff” to run for the Senate) has helpfully posted his opening remarks online.
LEAHY BROUGHT BROWNIES! “I hope it will be viewed as the best hearing this Committee has ever held.”
SO THEY CAN HEAR YOU CALLED A RACIST OVER AND OVER: “I know your family is proud, and rightfully so. It is a pleasure to have them with us today.”
“I expect this hearing and resulting debate to be characterized by a respectful tone, a discussion of serious issues, and a thoughtful dialogue”. FIRST ACCUSATION OF RACISM IN 5,4,3...
DUDE, YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND: “our legal system is based on a firm belief in an ordered universe and objective truth.”
He warned of “a Brave New World where words have no true meaning...” I mean, “rhubarb” could mean “rutabaga”! It’s a madhouse I tell you, a madhouse!!! “...and judges are free to decide what facts they choose to see.” I was going to make a Fox News joke or something, but in a court, isn’t “deciding what facts they choose to see” actually called “applying the rules of evidence”?
“We have seen federal judges force their own political and social agenda on the nation, dictating that the words ‘under God’ be removed from the Pledge of Allegiance and barring students from even silent prayer in schools.” Putting aside that “under God” was a late addition to the pledge, any court ruling wouldn’t actually govern the content of the pledge, just what can be said in a secular public school. Also, in addition to the metal detectors that schools now have, which they didn’t have in my day, are there also telepaths to ensure that students don’t engage in “even silent prayer”?
“Judges have – contrary to the longstanding rules of war – created a right for terrorists, captured on a foreign battlefield, to sue the United States government in our own courts. Judges have cited foreign laws, world opinion, and a United Nations resolution to determine that a state death penalty law was unconstitutional.” Note that Sessions, in the sentence immediately preceding the one expressing his disgust with foreign laws, world opinion etc being mentioned in an American court of law, suggested that “longstanding rules of war” should have precedence over the United States Constitution.
CALL IT RHUBARB: “Call it empathy, call it prejudice, or call it sympathy, but whatever it is, it is not law.”
CLUELESS: “Could it be that her time as a leader of the Puerto Rican Legal Defense and Education Fund provides a clue as to her decision against the firefighters?”
EMPATHY IS ALWAYS PREJUDICE: “It seems to me that in Ricci, Judge Sotomayor’s empathy for one group of firefighters turned out to be prejudice against the others. That is, of course, the logical flaw in the ‘empathy standard.’ Empathy for one party is always prejudice against another.” And there’s the Republican party’s philosophy encapsulated for you.
BECAUSE HE HATES US, AND WANTS US TO SUFFER: “I hope the American people will follow these hearings closely.”
A SLIGHTLY STONED, MELLOW JUDGE? “And, at the end of the hearing, ask, If I must one day go to court, what kind of judge do I want to hear my case?”
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Sotomayor hearings
I don’t think I’ll be C-SPANning them, because watching them will lack one oddly perverse pleasure of past Judiciary Committee hearings: yelling at Joe Biden to shut up already.
Friday, July 10, 2009
At least the Taliban never pretended not to be misogynist assholes
Afghanistan’s Shia family law, the one that was postponed after an attempt to sneak it through in spring (Karzai claimed he had signed it without reading it), is back in slightly revised form. It contained many objectionable provisions, including permitting girls to be married off immediately after menarche, though the Western press focused almost entirely on the one stating that wives could not refuse their husband’s sexual demands. My googling today shows that many newspapers have shortened an AP story on the new version to two sentences, saying that “The new version no longer requires a woman submit to sex with her husband, only that she do certain housework.” In fact, it also says that husbands may deny food to wives who deny them sex. Guardianship rights over children are given exclusively to men, the payment of blood money is allowed as sufficient punishment for rape of a child. The provision that wives must have their husband’s permission to leave the house seems to be gone. Not sure about child marriage.
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
You have to sacrifice to win
So Sarah Palin delayed her resignation until the 26th because she had to have a picnic first, or something. Since she was out fishing for salmon yesterday, I assume she also had some vacation days to use up. What other vital business is she finishing off?
She is also sharing some philosophy with her many loyal followers.
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Caption contest, ginormous cannon version
Barack Obama is in Russia; Medvedev is showing off his cannon and his two cannon balls. CAPTION CONTEST.
Propaganda vehicles
After keeping her captive a week, Israel finally releases former Congresscritter Cynthia McKinney and 15 other activists who had tried to bring a ship of food and medicine and crayons to Gaza (4 are still being held). Evidently they would have been released earlier if they’d signed a confession. Israel’s UN ambassador had said, “clearly the purpose of that ship was to create a buzz and serve as a propaganda vehicle against Israel.” Well, yes, obviously that was one of the purposes, but you know, there’s a reason why someone bringing food and medicine to Gaza makes you look bad. If people getting the food and medicine they need is, you know, normal, commonplace, then food and medicine can’t be a “propaganda vehicle.”
Speaking of propaganda vehicles, Zelaya’s attempt to return to Honduras by plane was (literally) blocked. I think he should do it again and again, three times a day. They can get their tanks off the runway and let him land – or lose the use of Tegucigalpa’s international airport.
Speaking of propaganda vehicles, the BBC’s caption for this picture reads, “Metropolitan Volodymyr of the Ukrainian Orthodox Church blesses motorcycles before a procession to mark the 300th anniversary of the Battle of Poltava, a victory by Russia’s Emperor Peter the Great against Sweden.”
A diagram (creator unknown) of things to say/not say during sex.
More effective paths
BECAUSE SARAH IS ALWAYS ALL ABOUT THE EFFECTIVE PATHS: Anchorage Daily News: “Palin said she is embarking on a ‘different, more effective path’ than finishing her term. Asked how, she said she didn’t know at this point, other than to campaign for political candidates who represent the values she supports.”
And ABC, one of several news media lined up to interview her as she did whatever one does with dead salmon, notes her comment that all those ethics complaints against her would go away if she just became president: “‘I think on a national level, your department of law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with and automatically throw them out,’ she said. There is no ‘Department of Law’ at the White House.”
(Update: which would explain a lot, wouldn’t it?)
Monday, July 06, 2009
Breaking! There is something about himself that Obama doesn’t like!
Russian tv asked Obama what he doesn’t like about himself. “I don’t like my golf swing.”
The LA Times has an article about a Marine whose recruiters knew he was autistic (he was recruited out of a group home for disturbed youths) and that he was legally barred from signing contracts. It didn’t work out very well.
We cannot dictate
Joe Biden, apparently giving the green light to Israel to bomb Iran: “Look, we cannot dictate to another sovereign nation what they can and cannot do when they make a determination — if they make a determination — that they’re existentially threatened and their survival is threatened by another country.”
Unless of course that sovereign nation is Iran and it’s made a determination that it is existentially threatened by another country.
(Before anyone jumps into comments: Yes, I know that there is no especially credible evidence that Iran is even trying to build nukes; that’s neither here nor there for my point that we dictate to sovereign nations on these matters all the freaking time.)
Sunday, July 05, 2009
False info on the right decision
Yesterday, Joey Chestnut won the Coney Island hot dog-eating championship, downing a record 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Today, Sarah Palin attempts to beat the record for most convolutions in 140 characters.
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Thou Shalt Not Park, redux
I should have known better than to try out a new Firefox release the first week. Someone tell me when 3.5 actually works.
Nice fireworks, which I was able to watch 20 feet from my front door. The cat should be out from under the chair by Labor Day.
The wife of Sir John Sawer, the guy who’s supposed to take over as head of the British Secret Service (“C”) later this year, made a little security booboo by putting everything about her life on Facebook, including holiday pictures, one of them featuring a blindingly pale Sir John playing frisbee in his swim suit, the location of their London flat, where their children and parents can be found, etc etc. Not that she didn’t have some privacy for her page: only 200 million people had access to it.
Another weekend of rioting in Jerusalem over a parking lot being opened on the sabbath. Ultra-Orthodox threw stones at traffic and at the police, calling them “Nazis” (the Nazis were well-known for their support of ample parking) (for example they designated the whole of Poland a parking lot) and “ant-semites.” I’m just enjoying the pictures.
If you respect life
The archbishop of Tegucigalpa, Óscar Andrés Rodríguez Maradiaga, went on tv to tell Zelaya he shouldn’t come back to Honduras. He cited the commandments against lying (the archbishop, by the way, once said that Jews were using the media to exploit the accusations of sexual abuse against priests in order to divert attention from the Israeli-Palestinian issue), stealing and murder. “If you respect life, if you love life. . .please meditate because if not it could be too late.” Archbishops supporting coups; it really is the 1980s all over again.
Curiously, you no longer hear the Honduran coupsters claiming that Zelaya resigned, although the Honduran Congress voted, not to depose Zelaya, but to accept a forged written resignation.
If you’re looking for something to read about the nature of the United States on this July 4th, you could do worse than Stephen Fry’s recent talk to the Royal Geographical Society. Have some lemonade with it.
Friday, July 03, 2009
Only dead fish go with the flow
An Indian court overturns the ban on gay sex (dating from the Raj, indeed from the Victorian period), although only in New Delhi. Plan your vacations accordingly.
Sarah Palin has resigned as governor of Alaska (transcript).
First she explained how important Alaska is: “We’re strategic IN the world as the air crossroads OF the world, as a gatekeeper of the continent.” (The odd capitalizations are from her office’s press release.)
WHAT GOD GAVE US: Also, too, “This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas. It’s energy! God gave us energy.”
WOULD THAT BE FRIVOLOUS ETHICS OR FRIVOLOUS VIOLATIONS? “Over the past nine months I’ve been accused of all sorts of frivolous ethics violations”
IF – AND IT’S A BIG IF – SHE’S LEARNED ONE THING: “If I have learned one thing: LIFE is about choices!”
SHE CHOOSE TO WORK VERY HARD ON A PATH FOR FRUITFULNESS AND PRODUCTIVITY. BY QUITTING. “I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity. I choose NOT to tear down and waste precious time; but to build UP this state and our country, and her industrious, generous, patriotic, free people!”
ONLY DEAD FISH. AND MAYBE USED CONDOMS: “Life is too short to compromise time and resources... it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up’, but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out. And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and ‘go with the flow. Nah, only dead fish ‘go with the flow’.” So by quitting, she’s not taking a quitter’s way out.
“And there is such a need to BUILD up and FIGHT for our state and our country. I choose to FIGHT for it!” By quitting!
WHAT SHE’S NOT PUTTING ALASKA THROUGH: “I thought about how much fun some governors have as lame ducks... travel around the state, to the Lower 48 (maybe), overseas on international trade - as so many politicians do. And then I thought - that’s what’s wrong - many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and milk it.” Mmm, duck milk. “I’m not putting Alaska through that - I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! ? That’s not how I am wired.” Yeah, it would be so unlike her to take freebies.
PASSING THE BALL – FOR VICTORY! “Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you’re naïve if you don’t see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN. And I’m doing that - keeping our eye on the ball that represents sound priorities - smaller government, energy independence, national security, freedom! And I know when it’s time to pass the ball - for victory.”
“In fact, we will look to swear Sean in - in Fairbanks at the conclusion of our Governor’s picnics.” I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like the timing of her resignation is based on... picnics.
WHAT HER CHILDREN WON’T ALLOW: “I cannot stand here as your Governor and allow millions upon millions of our dollars go to waste just so I can hold the title of Governor. And my children won’t allow it either.” She’s referring to those expensive ethics investigations.
THE HELL YEAH SEALED IT: “this decision comes after much consideration, and finally polling the most important people in my life - my children (where the count was unanimous... well, in response to asking: ‘Want me to make a positive difference and fight for ALL our children’s future from OUTSIDE the Governor’s office?’ It was four ‘yes’s’ and one ‘hell yeah!’ The ‘hell yeah’ sealed it - and someday I’ll talk about the details of that.”
WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS MORE OF: “I think much of it had to do with the kids seeing their baby brother Trig mocked by some pretty mean-spirited adults recently.) Um, by the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL could learn so much from someone like Trig - I know he needs me, but I need him even more... what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT - that time is precious... the world needs more ‘Trigs’, not fewer.” So everybody go out and give birth to a Down Syndrome baby – do it for the world.
REAL CLIMATE CHANGE: “I don’t want any Alaskan dissuaded from entering politics after seeing this REAL ‘climate change’ that began [when McCain picked her] in August. ... And I will support you because we need YOU and YOU can effect change, and I can too on the outside.”
CALLING AN AUDIBLE (BUT NOT AN INTELLIGIBLE): “We need those who will respect our Constitution where government’s supposed to serve from the BOTTOM UP, not move toward this TOP DOWN big government take-over... but rather, will be protectors of individual rights - who also have enough common sense to acknowledge when conditions have drastically changed and are willing to call an audible and pass the ball when it’s time so the team can win! And that is what I’m doing!”
I CAN SEE IT FROM MY HOUSE: “Remember Alaska... America is now, more than ever, looking North to the Future.”
What a very strange person she is.
(Update: and she concluded with a quote from Douglas MacArthur, which as it happens was not actually a quote from Douglas MacArthur.)
I’m very much afraid that this will leave California the new proud possessor of the stupidest governor in America.
Thursday, July 02, 2009
For a limited time
Just like the big boys, for $25,000 to $250,000, I am offering lobbyists and association executives off-the-record, nonconfrontational access to my cat.
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
That’s why he’s a United States senator, and you’re not
Joe Lieberman puts his finger on the problem with a government-run health insurance option: “If we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it.” Gosh, I never considered that. I feel so foolish now.
I think that “If we create a public option, the public is going to end up paying for it” is going to go down in history as the new “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”
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