Obama indoctrinates innocent school children in his hippy communist fascist hand-washing ways

Obama: “Maybe you could be a good writer - maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper - but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class.”

School children: “What are these ‘books’ and ‘newspapers’ of which you speak?”

Sorry, that didn’t sound much like the youth of today, did it? Let me try again: “What are these ‘books’ and ‘newspapers’ of which you speak, dawg?”

Obama: “If you don’t do that - if you quit on school - you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.”

School children: “Wow, I was totally gonna drop out until you told me I’d be quitting on my country.”

Obama: “But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher”.

School children: “‘Bad attitude?’ ‘Talking back’? What are you? Eighty? This is how you encourage students?”

Obama: “I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot”.

School children: “Whatever, Howard Hughes.”

Complaints like this are rare

American troops in Afghanistan raided a hospital run by a Swedish aid agency (in violation of international law), tied up staff and visitors, turfed patients out of their beds, generally broke the place up, and failed to find whoever they were looking for. Said a military spokesmodel, “Complaints like this are rare.” Well that’s okay then.

Oh, they told the doctors to inform them if any Taliban showed up as patients. The doctors said no.

The Germans are defending their decision to bomb the hijacked oil tankers, killing dozens of Afghan civilians, the defense minister saying that it was the correct decision because the tankers might have been used to blow up German bases. Unlike the Americans, who have been claiming they had no idea there were civilians in the area, the Germans are saying that they would have dropped the bombs regardless. Good to know.

When diminutive French president Nicolas Sarkozy visited a factory, workers were lined up to greet him. But only workers shorter than his 5'5".

While you think about that I shall remove my clothes

Well, I got nuthin’. Fortunately, there are always personal ads from the London Review of Books (the complete WIIIAI collection of LRB personals is here.)

Not very friendly woman seeks not very friendly man. Box no. 13.01

Without my grandfather’s contribution to agricultural reforms in 1912, this nation would currently have to import its turnips. While you think about that I shall remove my clothes. Man. 55. Box no. 16/02

I have a dream. And that dream is to try on every pair of shoes in the world. That’s where you come in: brusque, butch fem cobbler to 55 with expansive collection of animal skins and a strap-on. Man, 76. Box no. 16/03

I cast a magic spell on you. And now you are reading this advert in a literary magazine that exists only in your mind. Soon you will fall in love with me. When we meet, the odour will not concern you. Mr Mesmer: amateur hypnotist, professional shrimp-farmer (M, 51). Also available for weddings and birthdays. Box no. 16/05

The sweet smell of apples in the orchard carried on the warm, gentle breeze. A hushed moan, the curtains swish softly. Slowly my breasts come into focus. The goat bleats. The shackles tighten. And then the chanting starts again. Scary woman, 52, looking for a very specific type of ‘perfect Sunday’. Box no. 16/08

I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly. What does that mean? If the readings on my ambulatory blood pressure monitor are correct – and I think they are – it means I’m currently not allowed solids but I am allowed cuddles. Tactile man and lecturer in cultural studies, 52, patiently waiting for the hearing to return in his right ear. So much love to go around at Box no. 16/13

This advert is exactly what happens when you ignore the label’s warning and actually do ingest the Listerine. Idiot man, 38. Box no. 16/17

Heh heh, they said reBUTTal

Obama will address schools Tuesday, indoctrinating innocent, impressionable children in the socialist values of working hard and staying in school. The Republicans have demanded to be allowed a rebuttal. CONTEST: who should give the rebuttal, and what will they say?

Boffo

Name of the Day: the editor of the Catholic newspaper L’Avvenire, who has had to resign after being exposed by a Berlusconi-owned newspaper as having been fined as a “sex pest,” in retaliation for the paper’s reporting on Berlusconi’s own sexual misdeeds: Dino Boffo.

After Berlusconi went after the editor, by the way, he had to cancel his appearance at that plenary indulgence mass, which means, if I understand these things correctly, that he will be going to hell after all.

Status

Chuck Grassley should die because he cannot afford health care, and John Boehner should go broke because he gets sick. If you agree, join us in posting this as your status for the rest of the day.

Frente amplio

The Uruguayan ruling party has been handing out condoms with its name, Frente Amplio (Broad Front) on them. There’s probably a joke in there somewhere. Since they were paid for with government rather than party funds, the opposition is demanding that the condoms be taken back. Ewwwwwwww.

Indy headline: “Thousands Sign Turing Petition.” There’s probably an obscure joke in there somewhere.

He makes the bullshit run on time

Saw the cover of Glenn Beck’s forthcoming book on some blog this morning, had to check on Amazon.com that it wasn’t photoshopped. It wasn’t.


But did it work better in the original Italian?

Good behaviour

Muntadar al-Zeidi, the man who threw the shoes at George Bush, will be released next month from prison after serving only 9 months, due to “good behaviour.” Throwing the shoes in the first place was, of course, awesome behaviour.

Chris Wallace’s unenhanced interrogation of Dick Cheney

Headline of the Day (London Sunday Times): “Blowpipes Thwart Borneo’s Biofuel Kings.”

Speaking of things that shoot poison darts, the transcript of Dick Cheney’s interview on Fox, mentioned in a previous post, is now out.

He complained about the Justice Dept’s new investigation of CIA torture of prisoners. This has been, he said, “completely reviewed by the Justice Department in years past,” but is now being reviewed by “a political appointee” – it’s unclear whether he means the attorney general or the prosecutor, but either way he’s comparing the “political appointees” in Obama’s Justice Dept with the likes of Gonzales and Yoo, who were... wait for it... “professionals.” “The matter’s been dealt with the way you would expect it to be dealt with by professionals.” Actually, a cover-up is pretty much how most of us have come to expect professionals to deal with something embarrassing and nasty.

AND IF THERE’S ONE THING CHENEY HATES, IT’S TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PRECEDENTS: Cheney says that the investigation is “a terrible, terrible precedent.” He worries that, “if they are now going to be subject to being investigated and prosecuted by the next administration, nobody’s going to sign up for those kinds of missions.” Where will we get the torturers of the future?

NO OTHER RATIONALE: The investigation is “clearly a political move. I mean, there’s no other rationale for why they’re doing this”. In Cheney’s world, everyone is just as Machiavellian as he is.

WHAT OFFENDS THE HELL OUT OF HIM: “I guess the other thing that offends the hell out of me, frankly, Chris, is we had a track record now of eight years of defending the nation against any further mass casualty attacks from Al Qaeda. The approach of the Obama administration should be to come to those people who were involved in that policy and say, how did you do it? What were the keys to keeping this country safe over that period of time?”

On prisoners being threatened with an electric drill: “It was never used on the individual”. So that’s okay then.

He gave an example of how this investigation is destroying the CIA’s ability to keep us from a fiery nuclear holocaust: “ Just today, for example, the courts in Pakistan have ruled that A. Q. Khan, the father of the Pakistan nuclear weapon man who provided assistance to the Iranians, the North Koreans, the Libyans, has now been released from custody.” Technically, house arrest. “It is very, very important we find out and know long term what he is up to. He is, so far, the worst proliferator of nuclear technology in recent history. Now we have got agents and people out at the agency who ought to be on that case and worried about it, but they are going to have to spend time hiring lawyers at their own expense in order to defend themselves against the possibility of charges.” Really, the guy with the drill was going to be investigating A. Q. Khan?

He says he’s perfectly happy being back in private life: “Over the years, you know, I’ve sacrificed a lot in order to be able to do those things I’ve done in the public sector.” Goats, chickens, babies...

Good policy, properly carried out

In an interview with Fox to be aired Sunday, Cheney says that he’s okay with CIA interrogators having used torture techniques beyond those authorized by the Justice Dept, calling them “good policy... properly carried out. It worked very, very well.” Don’t know if Chris Wallace asked him specifically if the creative use of power tools and threats to rape detainees’ mothers were good policy, properly carried out (I’m gonna guess not), but he did get Cheney to say that he was aware of the use of waterboarding, though “not specifically in any one particular case, but as a general policy that we had approved.”

But here’s my favorite example of Cheney being Cheney: he said Obama should have personally stepped in to quash Attorney General Holder’s decision to hold any inquiry at all: “The president of the United States is the chief law enforcement officer in the land. I think he’s trying to duck the responsibility for what’s going on here. And I think it’s wrong.” So Cheney wants no investigation of the torture he was responsible for, but it’s Obama who’s ducking his responsibility. And it’s Obama’s job as chief law enforcement officer to ensure that the law is not enforced.

(h/t to Smintheus)

Sorted

Today Silvio Berlusconi will take part in a religious ceremony to absolve his sins, the Perdonanza. So that takes care of that.

He will be accompanied by his equal opportunities minister Mara Carfagna.


That’s right: Silvio Berlusconi, going to a ceremony to receive a plenary indulgence, brought a date.

Poignant

Headline of the Day (Misread-Because-I-Need-a-Nap category): “Sen. Kennedy’s Body Begins Final Poignant Tour.” Poignant, it says, not pungent. Poignant.

Smell like the future

The British press notes that in Babaji in Helmand province, where four British soldiers were killed during operations designed to provide security for the Afghan elections, just 150 voted.

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For the geek who has everything except, obviously, a girlfriend: Star Trek colognes.
Comes in Tiberius, Red Shirt (“Smell like the future, because tomorrow may never come”), and Pon Farr fragrances. CONTEST: Name some other possible Trek-themed colognes.

It is not hard for us to do the same things they did

Iraqi PM Maliki demands that Syria hand over people he blames for the recent spate of bombings (it couldn’t be Iraqis, they’re such a peaceful people), adding “Neighboring countries should behave like good neighbors because it is not hard for us to do the same things they did.” Er, did he just threaten to sponsor terrorist attacks on Syria if his demands are not met?

Gordon Brown says he was “repulsed” by the celebratory reception of convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi in Libya, adding, “But then I’m a Scot; I’m repulsed by the sight of anyone enjoying themselves.”

Is Dominick Dunne the Aldous Huxley of our time?

Wherein polite euphemisms piss off your intrepid blogger

McNeil-Lehrer yesterday: “Another detainee was told his mother and family would be sexually abused in front of him.”

Raped. Not “sexually abused,” Ray Suarez, raped. Say it.

I heard an inference

Scottish Justice Secretary Kenny MacAskill is complaining that Abdul Baset Ali al-Megrahi, the Lockerbie bomber he ordered released, has shown “no sensitivity” in attending those celebrations of his return to Libya. It’s shocking, airplane bombers being renowned for their sensitivity.

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The WaPo reports that Arlen Specter has called on the VA to stop using the “death book,” waits until 10th paragraph to note that Specter admits not having bothered to read the death book. However, “I heard an inference that people might be inappropriately influenced to withhold medical treatment.” Wherever there’s an inference beatin’ up a guy, Arlen’ll be there.

Sight-seeing

London Times headline: “Berlusconi Defies His Critics to Visit Gadaffi for Independence Day.”

Gadaffi has an all-female bodyguard.

‘Nuf said.

Beware the Death Book... of Death!

Sarah Palin’s ghost-Facebooker posted a link to a Wall Street Journal article by Bush’s Faith Czar, Jim Towey, about the VA’s “death book,” which evidently guilt-trips veterans into opting for euthanasia, or something. Fox also did something about that today, so you’ll be hearing death book death book death book for a few days. Here are some comments on Palin’s post:

Vm Batcha
Sure don't trust this Mr. Obama... he is surely not looking out for true Americans... I really think he has a hiding agenda....

Tony Bell
yea,the government is trying to kill me too,,but i won't go alone

Nancy Treadwell
Many people with concerns such as these are continuing to attend town hall meetings, only to be criticized by the press, Barney Frank, and other politicians.Since most of us are products of government run public schools, when we are called stupid, that points to another poorly executed, well meaning operation that failed to deliver.

Kelly Esperanza
The Muslim Terrorist doesn't give a crap about our military. They should have the best health care before anyone else. They give up everything for our country. Obama shows them no respect. He is a loser and needs to get out of my country! Wake up America before it's to late. Send my name to the White House...I would give anything to take him ... Read Moreon one-on-one. He knows nothing. Can't even salute right! Go bacl to where ever you came from! You are a liar and I belive you may be the Anti-Christ! Put a uniform on and go serve next to the people who work for you!

Elaine Greene
I think they are just like Hitler, they better quit playing "GOD" or they will end up like John Lennon did, who thought he was better than GOD"

Bernadette Auffhammer
this sickens me , obama must leave our vets alone let obama and his militant wife go to the front lines and fight for our country

John Herron
This is truly an eye opening article about the "Hidden Agenda" of Obama and the Liberal Nazi's that want to take our country and freedoms away!

Michael G. Casieri Senior
I'm 67 years old. This scares the hell out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paulene Shedd
I HAVE WONDERED IF OBAMA WENT TO HIS GRANDMOTHERS SIDE AND READ HER THAT BOOK, RIGHT BEFORE SHE GOT ASSISTED WITH THE END OF HER LIFE.
SOME PEOPLE BETTER BE ON OUR KNEES.

Christy Bell
God forbid!! This is unconscionable. Can anyone doubt the Socialists are against human life itself?

Bob Corcoran
if washington had its way we would all die to save money.

Mark Krawczuk
sarah palin IS HOT !!!

You know what would be nice? If he sent a nice card. That would be thoughtful. Maybe with a picture of a sad-eyed puppy.

Lt. William Calley this week said that he’s sorry for the My Lai massacre. So that’s all right then. Oddly enough, he made this apology to the Kiwanis Club of Greater Columbus, Ohio Georgia, although I’m reasonably sure that he didn’t actually lead a massacre at the Kiwanis Club of Greater Columbus, unless it didn’t make the papers; I mean shouldn’t he have been apologizing to the Kiwanis Club of Greater My Lai instead?