Merited – wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean? Merited. Say no more.

Headline of the Day (AP): “Baucus: Girlfriend Merited US Attorney Nomination.”

Tone-Deaf Quote of the Day: In a story about how, when Gordon Brown visited wounded troops, the majority refused to speak to him, Brown is quoted thusly: “There is nothing more heartbreaking than, as I did this week, meeting a teenager who has lost a leg.” Unless perhaps it’s being a teenager who has lost a leg.

Today -100: December 5, 1909: Of commissions, strikes, Hebrews, and aerial sign-posts

President Zelaya finally responds to the downgrading of diplomatic relations, and it’s a bizarre response: he asks the US to send a commission to investigate conditions in Nicaragua. He says he will resign if it finds his administration is detrimental to Central America.

In a 5-month-old strike against a subsidiary of the United Steel in Bridgeport, Ohio, five people have been shot, none fatally, in what the NYT calls a riot. It’s a man-bites-dog story in that the five who were shot are not strikers but three guards, a bystander and a 15-year-old. The strike began when the company declared its plants would all be open shops.

Various Jewish societies are asking the Immigration Commission to stop referring to Jewish immigrants as “Hebrew” in immigration reports, but instead refer to their nation of origin.

French aviator Louis Paulhan (who holds French flying license no. 10) has reached a height of 2,000 feet. He believes planes can go even higher. However, he did get a little lost on his test flight and says there really need to be “aerial sign-posts.”

Today -100: December 4, 1909: Of women in unions and hats in museums

Striking shirtwaist makers marched to NY City Hall to protest the “insults, intimidations, and... abuses” of strikers by the police, including arresting them but not the “toughs” hired by the employers after skirmishes. Mayor George McClellan, Jr. (son of the Civil War general, if you hadn’t guessed) says he’ll look into it.

The NYT attempts to explain, with maximum condescension, why the idea of union appeals to the shirtwaist makers (most of whom are women, many of them Italian or Jewish immigrants): equal pay, sure, but also “the idea of sacrificing themselves, if necessary, for the sake of a principle they believe for the good of the weaker worker... appeals to them powerfully. For they are women. The idea, too, of this vague and powerful protector, ‘the union,’ as they think of it, draws them into it.” “For them the strike is a sort of gay holiday, all mixed in with a vague and pleasant new worship, with lots of speeches, lots of dancing, much running to and fro, some danger, and a very great deal of excitement.”

A letter by a H. H. D. Klinker objects to men wearing hats in the Museum of Art and suggests a conspicuous sign advising them “that they should no more wear their hats in the Museum than in a church or theatre.”

Just in case you were confused about whether they were supposed to do that

AP headline: “Renegade Soldiers in Guinea Open Fire on President.”

Probably could have left out the word “renegade.”

Note on the 25th anniversary of Bhopal

It might be easier to treat victims, prevent birth defects etc if Union Carbide/Dow Chemical had not refused, as it continues to refuse, to tell what chemicals were released.

Today -100: December 3, 1909: Of lepers

The NYT reports that while other Central American governments aren’t that happy with Zelaya, the US’s de-recognition of his presidency scares the piss out of them.

Otherwise, a slow news day, so let’s focus on Man in the News John P. Early, who was arrested in Washington D.C. on the charge of being a leper. Early was a famous leper. Diagnosed the year before at 35, Early was a Spanish-American War veteran who probably contracted the disease in the Philippines. He was kept under armed guard in an abandoned farmhouse for a time, then eventually incarcerated in the Carville leper colony in Louisiana, which stole most of his army pension to pay for his involuntary stay. He escaped repeatedly over the next 20 years to bring attention to his unfree condition, appearing in 1916 at a Congressional committee considering a bill for the federal takeover of Carville, asking that it treat the disease rather than simply imprison its sufferers. He stayed in the committee room until they approved the bill. After one of his other trips to D.C., a newspaper reported that he’d spent a $2 bill, and for days people refused to accept the bills (thus the expression “as leprous as a $2 bill”). He died in 1938.

Camels are very sturdy animals

Now another breathtaking edition of Here Are Some News Stories, Write Your Own Damn Jokes, I Have a Headache:

Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) told Hillary Clinton that Obama’s Afghanistan strategy reminds him of the old adage that a camel is a horse designed by committee (he was sitting on the House Foreign Affairs Committee when he said this). Clinton responded, “Congressman, camels are very sturdy animals. They are patient and may be plodding, but they eventually get to where you hope they will arrive.” Unless they hit an IED. Readers in the WIIIAI-o-sphere: form a committee and write your own damn joke. For example, how else is Obama’s Afghanistan strategy like a camel?

Today -100, December 2, 1909: Of diplomatic breaks, startled mules, what the black cat said to the monkey, and pshaws

Taft breaks off diplomatic relations with Zelaya’s government and opens “unofficial” relations with the Estradaites (General Estrada, by the way, is governor of Zelaya province) while telling the charge d’affaires of the Zelaya government, who he just broke off official relations with, that he can, if he likes, continue to represent his government unofficially. In other words, the US will put both sides on an equal footing. The NYT notes that this is rather unusual, and further that it is being done on the basis of allegations (that Cannon and Groce were tortured before their execution) that even the US admits have not been proved.

Secretary of State Philander C. Knox’s letter to the Nicaraguan charge d’affaires says that Zelaya has “almost continuously kept Central America in tension of turmoil”, that public opinion and the press in Nicaragua have been “throttled,” and that “prison has been the reward of any tendency to real patriotism.” Appeal for intervention has been made to the US by a majority of Central American republics, the letter says, and also “through the revolution, of a great body of the Nicaraguan people.” Indeed, “the revolution represents the ideals and the will of a majority of the Nicaraguan people more faithfully than does the Government of President Zelaya”.

A Norwegian ship has arrived in Nicaragua from New York with arms for the rebels.

Two of the striking women waistshirt strikers snuck into a shirtwaist factory that was still operating (on the 8th floor of a building on W. 20th Street) and yelled Fire, creating a panic.

Speaker of the House Joseph Cannon, asked by reporters about rumor that he intends to step down, says “And the black cat said to the monkey, hurrah.” Whatever that might mean.

The Spanish Episcopate has petitioned the Spanish government to close all secular schools in the country.

At the AAA annual meeting this week -100, one reason mentioned for the need for stricter driving laws was the tendency for reckless driving to provoke violence. Well, in Georgia today -100, a black preacher got into a shoot-out with a presumably white automotist whose car startled the mules on his wagon. A mob tracked him down and burned him at the stake. They let him pray first.

Rockefeller denies taking the purported plot against him seriously. “Pshaw!” he said.

I miss the days when people said “pshaw,” don’t you?

Obama’s Afghanistan speech: America has no interest in fighting an endless war in Afghanistan

Transcript.

BUT BY JINGO IF WE DO, We’VE GOT THE SHIPS, WE’VE GOT THE MEN, WE’VE GOT THE MONEY TOO: “We did not ask for this fight.”


RAY’S HELL BURGER? “Were it not for the heroic actions of the passengers on board one of those flights, they could have also struck at one of the great symbols of our democracy in Washington, and killed many more.”

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? “The Taliban was driven from power and pushed back on its heels.”

AFGHAN SPEECH DRINKING GAME – PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY: “Today, after extraordinary costs, we are bringing the Iraq war to a responsible end.”

AND DISCOMBOBULATING: “I set a goal that was narrowly defined as disrupting, dismantling, and defeating al Qaeda and its extremist allies”. A sure sign of a winning goal: alliteration.


CONSISTENT: “In Afghanistan, we and our allies prevented the Taliban from stopping a presidential election, and -- although it was marred by fraud -- that election produced a government that is consistent with Afghanistan’s laws and constitution.” So we prevented the Taliban stopping a fraudulent election. Um, yay? And a fraudulent election is “consistent” with Afghanistan’s laws and constitution. Really kind of crappy laws and constitution. Just sayin’.

WHICH IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON’T STOP AND ASK DIRECTIONS: “Afghanistan is not lost, but for several years it has moved backwards.”

AFGHAN SPEECH DRINKING GAME – PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY: “These are the resources that we need to seize the initiative, while building the Afghan capacity that can allow for a responsible transition of our forces out of Afghanistan.”

NOTICE WHO HE LEAVES OUT – THEIR CHILDREN: “I have read the letters from the parents and spouses of those who deployed.”

Every picture of the cadets has to feature this red-headed woman. It’s the law.

CUE SOUND OF CRICKETS. CURIOUSLY FRENCH-SOUNDING CRICKETS: “Because this is an international effort, I’ve asked that our commitment be joined by contributions from our allies. Some have already provided additional troops, and we’re confident that there will be further contributions in the days and weeks ahead.”

AFGHAN SPEECH DRINKING GAME – PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY: “Just as we have done in Iraq, we will execute this transition responsibly”.

AFGHAN SPEECH DRINKING GAME – PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY: “But it will be clear to the Afghan government -- and, more importantly, to the Afghan people -- that they will ultimately be responsible for their own country.”

YOUR AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD – DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT: “The days of providing a blank check are over.”

WELL THAT NARROWS IT DOWN CONSIDERABLY: “We’ll support Afghan ministries, governors, and local leaders that combat corruption and deliver for the people.”

I ALMOST FEEL LIKE I’M LEAVING SOMEBODY OFF THIS LIST OF OCCUPIERS. NOW WHO COULD IT BE... WHO COULD IT BE...? “The people of Afghanistan have endured violence for decades. They’ve been confronted with occupation -- by the Soviet Union, and then by foreign al Qaeda fighters who used Afghan land for their own purposes.”

The AP photog captures the full Mussolini mode

WHAT HE WANTS THE AFGHAN PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND: “So tonight, I want the Afghan people to understand -- America seeks an end to this era of war and suffering.”

AH, THE OLD CANCER METAPHOR. NOTHING BAD EVER COMES FROM REFERRING TO PEOPLE AS CANCER: “We’re in Afghanistan to prevent a cancer from once again spreading through that country. But this same cancer has also taken root in the border region of Pakistan.”

I’M SURE THE PAKISTANIS WILL BE THRILLED TO BITS TO HEAR THIS: “In the past, we too often defined our relationship with Pakistan narrowly. Those days are over. ... And going forward, the Pakistan people must know America will remain a strong supporter of Pakistan’s security and prosperity long after the guns have fallen silent, so that the great potential of its people can be unleashed.” Um, do you guys have any oil at all?

“These are the three core elements of our strategy: a military effort to create the conditions for a transition; a civilian surge that reinforces positive action; and an effective partnership with Pakistan.” A military effort to create the conditions etc. This is as explicit as he ever gets about what he plans to do militarily in Pakistan, and by explicit I mean empty of all meaning.

Okay, let’s go back to the Mussolini
A FALSE READING OF HISTORY: “First, there are those who suggest that Afghanistan is another Vietnam. They argue that it cannot be stabilized, and we’re better off cutting our losses and rapidly withdrawing. I believe this argument depends on a false reading of history. Unlike Vietnam, we are joined by a broad coalition of 43 nations that recognizes the legitimacy of our action. Unlike Vietnam, we are not facing a broad-based popular insurgency. And most importantly, unlike Vietnam, the American people were viciously attacked from Afghanistan”. Ah, the return of the Coalition of the Willing (COW) argument: 43 nations, bribed and coerced, completely settle the legitimacy of any war.

AFGHAN SPEECH DRINKING GAME – PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY: “It must be clear that Afghans will have to take responsibility for their security, and that America has no interest in fighting an endless war in Afghanistan.”

WHAT HE REFUSES TO DO: “As president, I refuse to set goals that go beyond our responsibility, our means, or our interests.”

HE LIKES US, HE LIKES US! “That’s why our troop commitment in Afghanistan cannot be open-ended -- because the nation that I’m most interested in building is our own.”

SOUNDS KINDA GAY: “We’ll have to be nimble and precise in our use of military power.”

“I’ve spent this year renewing our alliances and forging new partnerships.”


WHO WE ARE: “And we must make it clear to every man, woman and child around the world who lives under the dark cloud of tyranny that America will speak out on behalf of their human rights, and tend to the light of freedom and justice and opportunity and respect for the dignity of all peoples. That is who we are. That is the source, the moral source, of America’s authority.” Talking about stuff, that’s the moral source of America’s authority. In case you were wondering.

THE GREAT POWERS OF OLD HAD ALL THE FUN: “For unlike the great powers of old, we have not sought world domination. ... We do not seek to occupy other nations. We will not claim another nation’s resources or target other peoples because their faith or ethnicity is different from ours.”

WILL CLOSE. ANY DAY NOW. “we must draw on the strength of our values -- for the challenges that we face may have changed, but the things that we believe in must not. That’s why we must promote our values by living them at home -- which is why I have prohibited torture and will close the prison at Guantanamo Bay.”

“It’s easy to forget that when this war began, we were united -- bound together by the fresh memory of a horrific attack, and by the determination to defend our homeland and the values we hold dear. I refuse to accept the notion that we cannot summon that unity again. (Applause.) I believe with every fiber of my being that we -- as Americans -- can still come together behind a common purpose.” EATING OUR BODY WEIGHT IN HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP BETWEEN NOW AND CHRISTMAS?

Wait, how did the Salahis get those uniforms?

So, troops will begin to come home in 18 months. Begin. That could mean one guy. And no end date, of course. Meaningless.

He was supposed to be setting benchmarks for Karzai to meet. he didn’t.

He was supposed to be setting benchmarks for the US to meet, to prove that the war won’t go on forever. He didn’t.

He was supposed to tell us how the war would be paid for. He didn’t.

Today -100, December 1, 1909: Of autoists, anti-suffragists and monopolists

The AAA’s annual meeting discussed the need for new penalties for reckless driving, including “even” the revocation of licenses and jail. In 1909, by the way, people who drove cars were called “autoists.”

Some of the women shirtwaist-maker strikers are now wearing women’s suffrage buttons.

A New York State Association Opposed to Woman Suffrage has been incorporated.

John D. Rockefeller is hiring guards and taking other precautions against a plot to kill or kidnap him which someone claims to have overheard being discussed by some guys in a shack by the railroad track in Alliance, Ohio.

Illogical

Note to Politico’s John F. Harris: There is no such thing as “too much Leonard Nimoy”. Just no... such... thing.

President Pepe? Really?

Name of the Day: Honduran not-quite-legitimate-president-elect Porfirio “Pepe” Lobo.

Actually, I don’t think I believe the high turnout figures they’re claiming.


What do you think, does he look more like a Porfirio or a Pepe?

Today -100, November 30, 1909: Of demon rum victorious, presidential prowling, and that despicable creature the New York masher

The prohibition referendum in Alabama failed by a large margin. In Birmingham, “Brass bands stationed around the polling places by the anti-amendment forces were playing lively airs to drown out the prayers and songs and pleadings of the women and children, who gathered early in the morning in an effort to influence votes for the amendment.” There were fist fights at every polling station. Jefferson County, in which Birmingham is located, voted against state-wide prohibition, although the county voted itself dry two years ago. “As an instance of the deep feeling displayed, a clergyman on whose coat a young woman attempted to pin a white ribbon at the polling booth, declined to accept the ribbon, telling her it was improper for young women to speak in the street to men whom they did not know. The girl wept and there was a great deal of excitement until the minister apologized.”

President Taft has taken to “prowling” (surely the correct term is “waddling”) the streets and parks of D.C. at all hours, evidently without Secret Service escort. And yet, oddly, he was never accosted by reality show contestants.

The American consul in Nicaragua (who has been out of contact, presumably due to government interference, for a week) is claiming that Zelaya has threatened him “again.” He also claims that Cannon and Groce were a colonel and lt. colonel respectively in the rebel forces and therefore should have been treated as prisoners of war. And the Red Cross says that, far from attempting to blow up a ship full of soldiers, they were actually lost when captured by the captain of a river boat, who promised not to kill them if they surrendered and who was himself arrested after refusing Zelaya’s orders to shoot them. No particular evidence is given for any of this. The NYT also offers obscurely sourced reports that Zelaya is becoming increasingly unpopular and has considered fleeing. Which may all be true, but the Times is very clearly after Zelaya’s blood.

The Russian Socialist Revolutionary Party has expelled Maxim Gorky for his “tendency to good living and love of comfort”.

A Men’s League for Woman’s Suffrage of the State of NY is formed. George Foster Peabody (of the eponymous award) is president, Max Eastman secretary and treasurer.

A letter from “A Working Girl”: “I rise to ask why I, a girl of 18, only fairly good looking, with the natural feminine love of nice clothes, born and reared in the chivalrous South, should be grossly insulted at least a dozen times a day by that despicable creature ‘the New York masher?’ Unless escorted by a man there is no place day or night (except in my own lodging house room,) that I feel safe from the specimens that pass as men, who prowl your streets... men that I don’t even see until they come smirking up beside me and without encouragement or provocation insult me, and when repulsed slink off to look for another victim. My cheeks even now grow hot with the shame of it all. In New Orleans, where I have lived for eighteen years, I never have been insulted once, no not even by a nigger.”

The dog ate my prime ministership

And now another exciting edition of Here Are Some News Stories, Write Your Own Damn Jokes, I Have a Headache:

Edward Natapei lost his job as prime minister of Vanuatu and his seat in parliament because he forgot to send a note explaining his absence (he was at the Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting), and if you’re going to miss three sessions of parliament, you need to send a note.

Australian scientists are attempting to breed a sheep that doesn’t burp.

Switzerland and the minarets of doom redux

Switzerland, the country that asked Nazi Germany, “Say, could you identify all the Jews in their passports so we can make sure not to let them in?”, votes 57.5% to write a ban on minarets into its constitution.


European nations practiced toleration-as-long-as-you’re-invisible for minority religions long after they ended the torturing-heretics-to-death phase. In France, the Edict of Nantes (1598) forced Protestants to worship no closer than 5 leagues (c. 17 miles) from Paris. Even after restoring political rights to Catholics in 1829, Britain still banned Catholic churches having towers or bells. In Austria under the Patent of Toleration (1781), Protestant churches were required to have “no chimes, no bells, towers or any public entrance from the street as might signify a church.” (Benjamin J. Kaplan, “Fictions of Privacy: House Chapels and the Spatial Accommodation of Religious Dissent in Early Modern Europe,” American Historical Review, October 2002.)

Switzerland doesn’t have an established state religion, but now it has a state non-religion.

The vote came as a surprise to the Swiss authorities (somewhat less of one to me), because the polls showed only 37% in support of the ban. There’s a certain twisted logic of invisibility here: if I have to keep my religious bigotry secret even from pollsters, you have to keep your religion secret too.

Many of Switzerland’s 300,000 Muslims are refugees from religious wars in the former Yugoslavia.

Name of the Day: Swiss Justice Minister Eveline Widmer-Schlumpf.

Today -100: November 29, 1909: Of election expenses and family reunions

The Association to Prevent Corrupt Practices at Elections reports statements of campaign expenses it has received from NY candidates and party county committees. The paper prints the county figures, which range from 96¢ spent by the Niagara County Democratic Committee in the last election (compared to $1,737.92 spent by the Republicans) to $214,558 spent by the Republicans of NY County (Manhattan). The Republicans greatly outspent Democrats in almost every county.

Mrs Thomas Kinney is about to see her daughter for the first time in 26 years, since the daughter was 17 months old. In 1883 she was seeing off her sister’s steamer to Germany, stepped off the ship for a minute and it sailed, taking her child with it. The sister refused to send her back and Mrs Kinney couldn’t afford to send for her. The daughter, now married with two children, is coming back to America to settle in Trenton, so her mother will see her soon. (The cable channels would be all over this one, wouldn’t they? The NYT, never very good at the human interest stuff, didn’t even get the daughter’s first name – or the mother’s)

A very small flap

Headline of the Day (BBC): “Sweden Woman’s ‘Murder’ Committed by Elk Not Husband.” The elk was probably stoned out of its gourd on fermented apples. I guess that’s a problem in Sweden.

The London Times reports that British soldiers are experiencing certain injuries more frequently than American ones because of a certain deficiency in their body armor. So it wouldn’t be right at all to giggle shamelessly at phrases such as “The Ministry of Defence (MoD) refuses to disclose how many soldiers have suffered serious groin injuries” and “‘It’s a very small flap which covers the groin,’ an MoD official said.”

Factoid of the Day: “more than 10 percent of marriages worldwide are between people who are second cousins or closer”.

Today -100: November 28, 1909: Of the demon rum, Halley’s comet’s tail, the white man’s burden, and the shadow of obscurity

Alabama will vote this week on prohibition. One problem: it’s an off-year election, so many people haven’t bothered to pay their poll taxes and will be unable to vote. Opponents of the amendment say it allows the cops to search private homes for liquor.

Astronomer John Brashear predicts that when Halley’s comet next comes around (May 1910), the earth will be submerged in the comet’s tail. However, he reassured his audience at the Outlook Club that earthlings would not be harmed by it and will “know no more of the presence of the tail of the comet than if a gentle breeze distributed the smoke of a campfire over a good-sized country.” However, the dead will definitely arise as zombies and eat the brains of the living. But other than that, it’ll be the gentle breeze distributing the smoke of a campfire thing.

Vice President James Schoolcraft Sherman found that the clerk at a post office in Albany did not recognize him (NY is his home state). Also the doorman of a theater. In a letter to the NY secretary of state, he writes, “in the shadow of obscurity I am unhappy.”

Headline of the Day, That Day Being November 28, 1909: “Does New York Want Woman Suffrage? Interesting Views of Prominent Men Who Discuss the Question.” They’re not kidding about the men thing: they sent a questionnaire out and printed the responses of 15 politicians, theologians and whatnot, all men. Oscar Hammerstein I, for example, approves of women voting in municipal and state, but not national elections.

Teddy Roosevelt, still in the middle of his long post-presidential shooting spree in Africa, writes in Scribner’s that Africans are much better off under colonial rule. While there have been mistakes, they most often arise from zeal to accomplish too much in the way of beneficence. So that’s okay then. Indeed the British colonialists’ error, like that of the US in dealing with Indians, is interfering too little with natives’ customs and practices. Missionaries and colonial officials should work hand in hand.

Today -100, November 27, 1909: Of Chinese loans, opium, delicious dogs, and gunboat diplomacy

The US will participate, along with Britain, France and Germany, in a $30m loan to China to build a railroad. See, in those quaint old days of yore, the United States made loans to China in order to be able to exercise indirect imperialist control over its government and economy, instead of the other way around.

Britain may agree to an international conference on the opium trade, but will not agree to stop forcing China to accept opium (hell, they fought a war for the right) or to confine the trade to medicinal uses. Britain says that while there is growing opium abuse in the US, Canada and China, the people of India are perfectly okay using it recreationally.

The authorities in Paris are considering applications for the establishment of slaughter houses for dogs, for human consumption.

The NYT reports rumors that the US has approached Mexico about it possibly cooperating in overthrowing the Zelaya government in Nicaragua. The US has ordered a gunboat to the region – ships are being sent from both coasts – but would prefer that Zelaya be overthrown “without the semblance of aid from this country.” Which looks increasingly likely. For this reason, the US is dragging its feet on formally recognizing the rebels.

Feral camels and deformed rapist popes: you know, the traditional Thanksgiving Day post

Headline of the Day (yesterday): “Feral Camels Terrorise Australian Outback Community.” The town of Docker River in the Northern Territory is now home to 350 people and 6,000 camels. The Australian government plans to kill them. The camels, that is. Camels, by the way, were imported into Australia in 1840. When they were replaced by cars and trucks, they were simply turned loose in the desert to die, as is the Australian way, but they didn’t, and there are now estimated to be a million “feral” camels. One possible solution: camel burgers.

Obama plans to make his Afghanistan speech at West Point. Well, if you’re going to adopt Bush’s policies, you might as well adopt his practice of announcing those policies in front of captive military audiences.

Part of the pre-Thanksgiving news-dump: Obama will not sign the treaty to ban landmines.

Headline of the Day (today): “BBC Abandons Ballet with Deformed Rapist Pope.” “The BBC has abandoned plans to screen a ballet featuring a deformed Pope who rapes nuns that it had announced as one of the highlights of its Christmas schedule.” Obviously just a rip-off of the plot of A Charlie Brown Christmas.