Today -100: August 31, 1912: Of Standard practice and actual ethnical conditions

The Senate Foreign Relations Sub-Committee will investigate Standard Oil’s involvement in funding the revolution in Mexico that brought Madero to power.

The European powers have suggested to the Ottomans that they decentralize their empire, giving autonomy to the European provinces. Count Berchtold, foreign minister of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, suggested to them that this would base the empire on the “actual ethnical conditions of the Ottoman Empire.” Seriously: the guy from the Austro-Hungarian (Czech/Slovenian/Croatian/Polish/Romanian etc) Empire said this? The Ottomans respond that the European powers can go fuck themselves in the manner of their respective ethnical conditions (or words to that effect).

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Romney’s acceptance speech: To do the really big stuff, you need an American

Transcript (as prepared, but I don’t think any quote I’m using varies by more than a word or two).

LESS SINCERE WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN: “I wish President Obama had succeeded because I want America to succeed.”

SOLES, SOULS, SEE WHAT I DID THERE? “The soles of Neil Armstrong’s boots on the moon made permanent impressions on OUR souls.”

WELL, WHEN THE WORLD NEEDS SOMEONE TO EAT THE REALLY BIG STUFF: “And I don’t doubt for a second that Neil Armstrong’s spirit is still with us: that unique blend of optimism, humility and the utter confidence that when the world needs someone to do the really big stuff, you need an American.”


SO EVERYONE IS MORE QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT THAN OBAMA, IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. “[Obama] took office without the basic qualification that most Americans have and one that was essential to his task. He had almost no experience working in a business. Jobs to him are about government.” You know, it’s not just that some of the worst presidents – Hoover, Bush – have had plenty of bidness experience, but how much of it did Eisenhower have? Reagan? Nixon?

THE CENTERPIECE: “the centerpiece of the President’s entire re-election campaign is attacking success. ... In America, we celebrate success, we don’t apologize for it.” Yeah, don’t know how you do things in Kenya...

OBAMA MUST WAKE UP EVERY MORNING BASKING IN THE GLOW OF ROMNEY’S GOOD-FAITH SUPPORT: “America has been patient. Americans have supported this president in good faith.”


I HOPE HE PUTS ON OLD CLOTHES BEFORE HE GOES OUT TO ASSAULT COAL AND GAS AND OIL: “His assault on coal and gas and oil will send energy and manufacturing jobs to China”.

OH SURE, LIKE HE’D LET YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ONTO HIS ARK: “President Obama promised to slow the rise of the oceans and to heal the planet. MY promise... is to help you and your family.” (The audience laughed at “rise of the oceans” like they’d never heard anything so crazy in their lives.)

THERE’S A GILLIGAN’S ISLAND JOKE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. NOT A GOOD JOKE, BUT IT’S IN THERE. “I will begin my presidency with a jobs tour. President Obama began with an apology tour.”

YEAH, I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO MIXED UP TOO. “America, he said, had dictated to other nations. No, Mr. President, America has freed other nations from dictators.”


WHY IS THE METAPHOR ALWAYS THAT ISRAEL IS BEING THROWN UNDER THE BUS? “President Obama has thrown allies like Israel under the bus, even as he has relaxed sanctions on Castro’s Cuba.”

BECAUSE PUTIN WILL TEAR YOUR SPINE OUT WITH HIS BARE HANDS? “Under my administration, our friends will see more loyalty, and Mr. Putin will see a little less flexibility and more backbone.”

PROBABLY IN THE FUTURE: “That future is out there.” Can the future be described spatially like that?

CAN THE FUTURE BE SAID TO WAIT? I GOTTA RE-READ “A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME.” “It is waiting for us.”

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Epitome

Orrin Hatch told C-SPAN: “Mitt Romney’s the epitome of what Mormon males should be.”

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Today -100: August 30, 1912: Wherein is revealed the greatest set of liars on earth, 1912 edition

South Carolina Gov. Coleman Blease, running for re-election, wins the Democratic primary, rather narrowly. In fact, it seems that more ballots were cast for him in some counties than there are actual registered voters. Funny, that. Gracious as ever in victory, Blease announces “I have won the greatest victory over newspaper corporations and political tricksters ever known to the world. ... The outside world should now be convinced that the newspapers of South Carolina are the greatest set of liars on earth.”

Headline of the Day -100: “China Cannot Have Tibet, Says Britain.” China has been occupying Tibet for a couple of years but now intends to incorporate it as a province.

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Paul Ryan’s speech: Mitt Romney will turn his car around

AND A REACH-AROUND: “After four years of getting the run-around, America needs a turnaround, and the man for the job is Governor Mitt Romney.”

I FORGET, WHICH ONE DID BAIN SPECIALIZE IN? Mitt Romney & I know the difference between protecting a program and raiding it.


That’s it, I’ve lost the will to live.

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The Republican Convention: What I overheard today while mostly ignoring it

McConnell makes a funny: “Obama hasn’t been working to earn re-election, he’s been working to earn a spot on the PGA tour.” He had to pause a good long time waiting for a few fake chuckles from an audience willing him to just get on with it.

HOW ABOUT IF WE CALL IT A MOTHERFUCKING RECOVERY?: “To call this a recovery is an insult to recoveries.”

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Rand Paul: without the success of business, we wouldn’t have any roads or bridges.

RAND PAUL IS NOT ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS WITH MR. EXXON-MOBIL: when you punish Mr. Exxon-Mobil, you punish the secretary who has Exxon-Mobil shares.

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John McCain says he accepts the decision of the American people in 2008. Isn’t that gracious of him?

When a Republican like McCain talks about giving a voice to the voiceless, he can only, and I mean ONLY, be talking about fetuses.

He’s complaining that we didn’t go to war with Iran, and that we’re not going to war with Syria, because of course he is.

HE WAS FOR SAVAGE, UNFAIR FIGHTS BEFORE HE WAS AGAINST THEM: Syria has moved from peaceful protests to a savage, unfair fight.

He trusts Mitt Romney to know that good can triumph over evil.

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Today -100: August 29, 1912: No man has the right to live alone

Michigan holds the first primary elections since the Republican/Bull Moose split, and the Bull Moosers do surprisingly badly, not much better than the Prohibition Party. The Democratic vote seems undiminished, so the Bull Moosers seem to be taking their votes entirely from former Republicans.

Name of the Day -100: The Republican candidate for governor of Michigan will be one Amos Musselman (the Democrat, who, spoiler alert, will win, is named Woodbridge Nathan Ferris).

Taft orders the 10th Infantry to Nicaragua and then, ten hours later, changes his mind. There will soon be 2,000 US marines there, and he figures that’s enough.

Taft in private is said to blame the Nicaraguan revolution on the US Senate. See, if it hadn’t rejected the treaty last year giving the US complete control over Nicaragua’s customs revenues, which account for most of the government’s revenues, there wouldn’t have been any money for the revolutionaries to go after. This is why Nicaragua can’t have nice things.

The US ambassador to Panama demanded that the chief of police and a captain be fired, something about mistreatment of Americans. The former resigned and is “leaving the country under an assumed name,” but President Arosemena is refusing to fire the latter. Let’s see how long that lasts, shall we?

A Mrs. Rae Copeley Raum is running for mayor of San Diego on a platform of taxing bachelors over 25, including widowers who have not remarried after three years, “as a safeguard against race suicide. No man has the right to live alone.”

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Ann Romney’s speech: I can’t wait to see what we’re all going to do together.

(Some of the quotes may not be word-perfect).

AS THEY SAY IN UTAH: “I can’t wait to see what we’re all going to do together.”

WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO WOMEN SIGHING? CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY. “You’ll hear the women sighing a little louder than the men.”

YES WE DO. “We don’t want easy.”

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID: “Everything has gotten harder.”

WORST. BLIND DATE. EVER. “His name is Mitt Romney and you should really get to know him.”

The crowd is applauding a basement apartment.

Oh no, they had to eat tuna fish, like a lowly, lowly cat.

They have 18 beautiful grandchildren. And several ugly ones in the basements of each of their mansions.

Who’s called the Romneys a storybook marriage? Name one person, Ann.

EXCEPT FOR HAVING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM BY TED KENNEDY & JOHN McCAIN: “Mitt has been successful at each challenge he’s taken on.”

“He was not handed success; he BUILT IT.”

YEAH AND HE USED TO TOTALLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, BUT YOU WOULDN’T KNOW HER, SHE’S FROM ANOTHER TOWN. “Mitt doesn’t like talking about helping others.”

OH DEAR GOD NO. “He will take America to a better place, just like he took me home safely from that dance.”

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Republican Convention: Does not compute

In the Up-and-Coming-Wingnuts portion of the Convention, Texas senatorial candidate Ted Cruz just said that Democrats are telling Hispanics they’re not welcome here.

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Herman Cain says he’s hired investigators to find the source of those stories about his sexual indiscretions during the primaries. I can say you the money, Herman: it was your dick.

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Today -100: August 28, 1912: An intelligent interest in their own affairs

The NYT, and Dem. VP candidate Marshall, deny Roosevelt’s claim that the people are not ruling themselves. Why, state legislatures are elected every two years in 40 of the states, annually in 7, and quadrennially in Alabama. If the people “fail to take an intelligent interest in their own affairs,” it’s their own damned fault.

I brought that up to highlight that whatever else was wrong with 1912-style democracy, there were a lot more elections than there are now. Many governors were still elected annually.

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I’ve thought of something good to say about Mitt Romney

Unlike oh, say, Sarah Palin, after he loses in November we will never hear from him again.

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Today -100: August 27, 1912: Of black balls (ahem), Sunday mail, and capitalist wars

Attorney General George Wickersham goes to the annual meeting of the American Bar Association to defend Asst Attorney General William Lewis (and two other members), who the ABA is trying to expel because they were admitted before the ABA realized they were black.

Congress snuck into the Post Office Budget Bill a ban on Sunday deliveries, which major cities had.

Keir Hardie, former leader of the British Labour Party, on a visit to the US, says that the working class would not stand for a war with Germany and will not “be deluded into fighting for capital in the event of trouble.” So that’s okay then.

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The saddest words ever spoken

Romney: “You know, all I can do is be what I am.”

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Today -100: August 26, 1912: Of campaign contributions and massacres

The Senate Committee investigating campaign finances won’t take Theodore Roosevelt’s testimony today, as he had asked, nay demanded, but maybe in October...

Another massacre by Turkish forces, in Simnitza, on the Serbian border.

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Today -100: August 25, 1912: Of general deficiencies, campaign contributions, a byword and cause for hissing, and duels

Congress was supposed to adjourn for the year, but instead is deadlocked on the General Deficiency Bill. And I’m not going to read any more of the article than that, because the reality of whatever a General Deficiency Bill is just would not, could not match up to any of the ideas of what a General Deficiency Bill might be that are going through my head.

One thing the Senate is doing: discussing campaign finances. Or, to put it a another way, Republicans are trying to accuse trust-buster Roosevelt of having been aware of campaign contributions Standard Oil made to the Republican Party in 1904, and that he then ordered Standard prosecuted as a monopoly because it refused to give even more money. This is all nonsense, and as near as I can figure, the R’s are trying to raise the issue just enough that it’ll tarnish TR without holding a full inquiry that would exonerate him. TR is demanding that he be allowed to testify, sharpish. Threats of libel suits are winging back and forth. John Archbold of Standard, who made these charges, has conveniently gone on vacation in Europe.

South Carolina Sen. Benjamin Tillman asks voters not to re-elect Coleman Blease, who he says has disgraced South Carolina “and its good name made a byword and cause for hissing.” That’s “Pitchfork” Ben Tillman saying that.

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times): “Fatal Duel Fought With One Revolver.” They took turns. One is dead, the other will probably die too.

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Today -100: August 24, 1912: Of canals, plots, and Balkan wars

Taft will give in to the Senate and sign the Panama Canal Bill, violating various treaties by exempting American ships going from one US coast to the other from the toll. Britain will then demand arbitration under its treaty with the US, which the Senate will reject on the grounds that the Canal is a domestic issue.

6 IWWers arrested for an alleged plot to blow up a theater in San Diego and assassinate the chief of police and captain of detectives.

Turkey is fighting Montenegro (which was more or less a country).

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Today -100: August 23, 1912: Darn the government, darn the socks

Headline of the Day -100: “Suffragists To Darn Socks.” Minnesota suffragists at the state fair. Bring your socks, fellas. Oh, and there’s a “war cry”:

Darn the Government; darn the socks;
That’s the way to the ballot box;
Patch the holes in hubby’s hose,
March to the polls and voice our woes.

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Today -100: August 22, 1912: Of dying veeps

The US sends more troops to Nicaragua to protect American-owned property.

Vice President James Sherman makes a speech accepting the Republican nomination for vice president, against doctor’s orders. This was the only time the Republican Party had ever re-nominated a VP, and he happens to be dying. He grumps that everything in this new age is going too fast, with the frenzied speech and the “automobiles rac[ing] to carry their passengers to death at a mile a minute” and that Titanic. I guess that’s meant to refer to Roosevelt. He also says that Wilson is a pedant not a statesman.

The Bull Moose Party will run Dr. A. O. Zwick against Rep. Nicholas Longworth, Theodore Roosevelt’s son-in-law. But what will Alice do?

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Today -100: August 21, 1912: Of Sally generals and bandstands

“General” William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army, dies at 83.

Indiana Gov. Thomas R. Marshall is officially informed of his nomination as Woodrow Wilson’s running mate at an event at which 75+ people are injured when a bandstand collapses.

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A rape is a rape is a rape, to quote Gertrude Stein

Mitt Romney used stronger language – “reprehensible,” “terrible mistake” – against Kevin Yoder’s skinny-dipping than he did against Todd Akin’s legitimate rapeiness.

By the way, I’m not sure why, but “yoder” seems like the perfect word, if one were needed, for someone who gets drunk & swims naked in the Sea of Galilee.

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Obama held a short surprise press conference today.

He explained, “Rape is rape.”

He denied accusing Romney of being a felon.

MAN, HE IS SO NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS ELECTION CAMPAIGN: “They can run the campaign that they want, but the truth of the matter is you can’t just make stuff up.”

NOTHING IS MORE “OVERLY PERSONAL” TO MITT ROMNEY THAN HIS MONEY: “The American people have assumed that if you want to be President of the United States, that your life is an open book when it comes to things like your finances. I mean, this isn’t sort of overly personal here, guys. This is pretty standard stuff.”

WHAT HE HAS INDICATED REPEATEDLY TO PRESIDENT ASSAD: “I have indicated repeatedly that President al-Assad has lost legitimacy, that he needs to step down. So far, he hasn’t gotten the message, and instead has double downed [sic] in violence on his own people.” Well, I’m sure he’s heard the message, he just doesn’t acknowledge the role the president of the United States evidently assigns himself in determining the legitimacy of Syrian leaders.

ER, ISN’T THAT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE? “We cannot have a situation where chemical or biological weapons are falling into the hands of the wrong people.”

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