Thursday, November 14, 2002

What would Jesus drive?

There was a UN conference last week which for the first time ever decided that the way to solve overpopulation and poverty is to give women control over their own fertility. Oh, except for the US, which is now threatening to cut all funding to the UN family planning thingy, having decided that there is something horribly wrong about the phrases “reproductive rights” and “reproductive health services.” Evidently they might lead to dancing. Sorry, I mean abortion.

Speaking of conferences, NATO is holding one in Prague next week. Belarus is not invited. So President Lukashenko has threatened that if he is not given a visa, Belarus will cease guarding its borders and flood the Czech Republic (and through it, all Western Europe) with immigrants and drug smugglers.

A new series of commercials by a Christian group in the Mid-West asks the burning question: What Would Jesus Drive? Evidently not an SUV. Funny, because most SUV owners drive as if they think they’re the flipping son of God. Actually, I believe traditionally Jesus drives in a side-car. Somebody help me out here, because “What would Jesus drive” is a fantastic straight line but I can’t seem to think of anything funny. Usually they just pop into my head fully formed, but here I’ve just got the elements of a joke. See what you can do with these: a pogo stick, “my other car is a...”, when the van’s a-rocking..., a Yugo.

Evidently there’s another tripwire in the UN resolution on Iraq: it requires Iraq not to shoot at anyone enforcing a UN resolution. According to the US, they’ve been doing just that for years, shooting at US planes enforcing the no-fly zone, which was not of course declared by the UN but by the US, which claims it was necessary to enforce UN resolutions. Asked about this, Rummy Rumsfeld waffled, "That's for the United Nations and the president of the United States to make judgments like that. At what point does Saddam Hussein's behavior reflect compliance and cooperation, and at what point does it reflect something other than that?"

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