Pardon

Obama has pardoned two turkeys, as is the tradition. They were named Courage and Carolina by their breeders.

You are healed!
During the Bush administration, the naming was done by a poll on the White House website, and whatever interns had to come up with five or six pairs of names every single year was clearly running out of ideas by 2008. But Obama’s break with the venerable naming tradition doesn’t mean we in the WIIIAI-o-sphere have to break with our own venerable tradition of holding an alternative naming contest (it just means I forgot all about it until now). Remember, there are two turkeys that need names. To get you started: Audacity & Hope, Public & Option, McCrystal & Eikenberry, Death & Panel...

Today Minus 100 Years, November 25, 1909: Of scabs, more horsies, Turkey Day, giant possums, and Bernard Shaw

Some of the large NYC shirtwaist manufacturers have been meeting secretly to organize owners against the strikers (and the smaller firms that have settled). One of the larger manufacturers, not identified by the NYT, claims that its employers are perfectly satisfied and calls the strike foolish and hysterical. 17-year-old Mina Bloom, one of the strikers, was fined $10 for hitting a scab.

At the Madison Square Garden Old Glory horse sale, hundreds of horses were auctioned off, along with a single automobile, “led on to the track with a halter attached,” “[a]mid the jeers, laughter, and hoots of a thousand horsemen”. It sold for $1,000, less than some of the horses.

The Wright brothers plan to open “the first are largest airship factory in the country” in Dayton, Ohio, producing four planes per month.

An editorial warns against acting hastily against the Zelaya government in Nicaragua, which risks damaging commerce with other Latin American countries and inclining them to trade more with Europe. Amusingly, the NYT thinks if the US shows it carefully weighed up such factors as whether Cannon and Groce were free-lancing or were part of a legitimate combatant rebellion and therefore entitled to prisoner of war status, our decision to send in the marines or whatever won’t look like an imperialist power grab. “We are a pretty big brother to the nations down there, and some of them, perhaps because they do not understand us very well, are not a little afraid of us.” The ones that do understand us well are very afraid of us, in 2009 as in 1909. “They have not forgotten, they never will forget, the international crime by which we separated Panama from the United States of Colombia.”

Thanksgiving at the Taft White House will feature a large turkey (but I repeat myself), a 50-pound mince pie, and a 26-pound possum “reputed to be the largest that ever came out of Georgia”. It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a giant possum.

Now an appearance in Today Minus 100 Years by a guest Times, the NYT’s even snootier older brother, the Times of London, which Today Minus 100 Years printed a letter from George Bernard Shaw (who wrote many witty, cranky letters to newspapers over many decades on a wide variety of subjects – Shaw so needed a blog) about the recently begun forcible feeding of suffragette hunger strikers. Shaw offers to provide Home Secretary Gladstone, who has downplayed the unpleasantness of the practice, with “a banquet which Sardanapalus [the possibly fictional last king of Assyria and a noted party animal] would have regarded as an exceptional treat. The rarest wines and delicacies shall be provided absolutely regardless of expense. The only condition we shall make is that Mr Herbert Gladstone shall partake through the nose; and that a cinematograph machine be at work at the time registering for the public satisfaction the waterings of his mouth, the smackings of his lips, and other unmistakable symptoms of luxurious delight, with which he will finally convince us all of the truth of his repeated assurances to us that the forcibly-fed suffragist is enjoying an indulgence rather than suffering martyrdom.” I pause to remind you that here in 2009, roughly 30 prisoners at Guantanamo are being forcibly fed, also roughly, through the nose. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

Idiot meme warning

Sarah Palin, or whoever writes her Facebook page for her, calls the idea of a surtax to pay for the Afghan war “a tax on national defense.” Expect the other morons to follow suit.

State din din

Barack Obama held his first state dinner tonight (vegetarian, out of deference to the Indian prime minister, but not teetotal) and, oh sure, very dashing and all


(although to Fox viewers, black man + bow tie = Nation of Islam). But Queen Elizabeth visited Bermuda today,


and that’s the governor of Bermuda in his official uniform and all I’m saying is, don’t you think Obama could totally rock a plumed hat?

Well la-di-da, la-di-da

Now for another edition of our occasional feature, Here Are Some News Stories, Write Your Own Damn Jokes, I Have a Headache:

Carla Bruni will appear in Woody Allen’s next movie.

Today Minus 100 Years – November 24, 1909: Of shirt-waist girls, Gringo conspiracies, horsies, and a bad, bad word

18,000 shirt-waist workers (or as the NYT calls them, “shirt-waist girls,” which sounds naughty) so far are out on strike. 11 employers have already come to terms with the union.

The NYT passes on reports – rumors, really – that the Zelaya government in Nicaragua has been imprisoning Americans. Posters have gone up denouncing the “Gringo conspiracy.”

The Pennsylvania home of Secretary of State Philander Knox was robbed, the thief or thieves taking only documents and leaving all the valuables behind. Very mysterious.

A letter to the Times complains about the title of a play opening at the New Theatre about race relations in the South: “The Nigger.”

A letter from First Lt. William MacKinlay of the 11th Cavalry agrees with a Nov. 10th editorial that “commerce will soon be done with the horse”, but insists that horses will still have military uses for many years to come. He warns that Canada and Mexico have many more cavalry than the US does, and that it’s very hard to build up cavalry quickly once war has already started.

Nick Clegg’s democratic duty

Nick Clegg of the British Liberal Democrats has announced that in the event of a hung Parliament (it won’t happen, but the media love to talk endlessly about the possibility before every single election), the LibDems will support the party, Labour or Conservative, that gets the most votes, dropping the previous long-time policy of making its support contingent on the implementation of proportional representation. Clegg claims that it is his democratic duty to back the top vote-getter. He says, “Whichever party has the strongest mandate from the British people, it seems to me obvious in a democracy they have the first right to seek to try and govern, either on their own or with others.” This is an odd theory for the leader of a third party, one which will be very lucky to break 20%, to hold, since under it, the Lib Dems don’t really have any right to exist. Indeed, the voters whose opinions matter least in Clegg’s formulation are the ones that vote for his party, since the “mandate” will come exclusively from those members of the electorate who vote for either the Tory or Labour party. LibDem voters will be entirely irrelevant in determining what their MPs will do in Parliament. Democratic duty, indeed.

At least when LibDem leaders in the past talked complete crap, you knew it was because they were drunk.

Today Minus 100 Years – November 23, 1909: Of shirtwaists, turkeys, severe ladies, and pistols in Paris

The shirtwaist-makers of NY vote to go on strike at meetings held in five different halls. At Cooper Union, Samuel Gompers of the AFL spoke, and a B. Finegbeim, who spoke in Yiddish, presided. Their demands are for recognition of the union, a wage increase of 25 to 30% over the present rates, which are between $10 and $12 a week, and a 52-hour work week.

Rhode Island turkeys for Thanksgiving 1909 are selling for an unprecedented, outrageous 32¢ a pound. Pumpkins are 3¢ per pound.

The US is sending another ship to Nicaragua, and 400 marines, but still claims to be weighing whether to demand reparations.

19th century meets 20th: There was a duel yesterday in Paris between journalist Urbain Gohier and author Laurent Tailhade, both well-known lefties and Dreyfusards, which was filmed by a movie camera. No one was hurt, only one gun was fired. Details are scanty. A stunt?

A letter to the editor objects to a classified ad in one of the NY dailies, in which a Ray P. Oliver of Rochester advertises for “A LADY wanted, take charge of boy; good inducement to firm, severe party not averse to corporal punishment.” The letter-writer goes on at some length about the moral and practical objections to corporal punishment, without ever mentioning that the “boy” in question is eighteen.

DIY blog

This is the first edition of my new occasional feature, Here Are Some News Stories, Write Your Own Damn Jokes, I Have a Headache:

1) Astronaut becomes a father while in space.

2) Disney is forcing the people being thrown off the land on which it wants to build a Disneyland in mainland China (“a Magic Kingdom theme park with characteristics tailored to the Shanghai region”) to dig up their ancestors’ graves, disturbing their spirits.

3) Sarkozy’s plan to move the remains of Albert Camus into the Panthéon is being denounced as a stunt to associate himself with Camus’s... glamor.

Today Minus 100 Years, November 22, 1909: Of trusts, canals, cyanide pills, and reparations for mercenaries

The NYT is not happy about yesterday’s decision dissolving Standard Oil of NJ, saying such decisions make it impossible to do business on a large scale and anyway sometimes monopolies are just more efficient and result in lower prices.

The Isthmian Canal Commission reports that the Panama Canal is progressing nicely, at only $250,000,000 over the initial budget. They’ve got a whole mini-US going on in the Canal Zone, with a supreme court, district and circuit courts, and segregated schools.

Many recently promoted captains on the Austro-Hungarian General Staff received sample boxes of pills purporting to be for nervous debility but actually containing cyanide. One of them died. The NYT speculates that it might be the work of a disappointed officer or an “Anarchist outrage.”

Secretary of State Philander Knox is threatening to demand reparations from Nicaragua for the execution of the American mercenaries Cannon and Grace (or possibly Groce – the NYT keeps going back and forth), who I’ll repeat were caught in the act of trying to blow up Nicaraguan soldiers. The Times speculates that the US may be preparing to invade, either to “throw President Zelaya into prison” (whose prison?) or seize a port in lieu of those reparations. Some things never change. Except that Philander is probably not going to make a comeback as a popular name.

Feeling normal

Rabbi Baruch Chalomish, on trial for the hookers and coke thing, says it all began after his wife died. He felt lonely and “I wanted to stop feeling depressed, to feel normal.” And what feels more normal than hookers and coke? He says he was introduced to cocaine by “an Israeli friend with whom he celebrated the Sabbath.”

Headline of the Day: Man Tied Lizards to Chest at Airport (AP). 15 of them.

Eating his way into the hearts of his countrymen

Today Minus 100 Years:

The Circuit Court in Missouri orders Standard Oil of NJ dissolved for acting as an illegal combination in restraint of trade. Like that’s a bad thing.

Secretary of State Knox says of the execution in Nicaragua of the Americans aiding the revolutionists, “this Government will not for one moment tolerate such treatment of American citizens.” The mercenaries Grace and Cannon were laying mines to blow up Nicaraguan ships.

Supreme Court Justice David J. Brewer writes in Ladies’ World that women’s suffrage will, eventually, come to the US (beyond the four states that already have it, that is). He doesn’t think it will debase the home. However, he says, something that is an abstract right isn’t always wise to implement, suggesting that the 15th Amendment giving the suffrage to black people might have been one such thing. And definitely not in the Philippines or certain other dark-hued places he could name.

Justice Brewer also warns suffragists not to emulate the methods of the “fighting Amazons” of England. Good luck with that: Alice Paul of Philadelphia was even as he spoke (okay, maybe not literally, time difference and all) being force-fed in a British prison during a one-month sentence for breaking a window at the Lord Mayor’s banquet.

William Jennings Bryan is about to mount a campaign to push the Democratic Party to implement prohibition, beginning with Nebraska. Bryan believes that the liquor interests schemed against him in the past and that he can ride a movement against them into the Senate or even the White House. The NYT thinks it is more likely he will tear the party apart. Bryan is writing a series of articles that will be published while he is conveniently out of the country.

The recent Taft tour of the country saw him “eat his way into the hearts of his countrymen,” chowing down on “the most remarkable assortment of meals ever conceived in the brains of chefs,” according to an entire page devoted to the subject in the Sunday paper. The prohibitionist governor of Alabama served a banquet, gasp, without alcohol of any kind. The guests were not best pleased and when Gov. Comer made a joke about becoming ambassador to China, there was a “roar of approval.” Taft himself was evidently teetotal. Attendees of the banquet in Savannah took all the rather expensive plates and silverware and whatnot as souvenirs. Despite all this sumptuous dining, it is reported that Taft did not suffer from dyspepsia during the 57-day tour.



Egyptian deities?

Obvs

Sarah Palin on the new guidelines for breast cancer prevention: “Obviously the first thought that comes to mind when hearing of these new recommendations from bureaucratic panels is ‘rationed care.’” Oh, obviously. Death panels for tits.

Of ice monopolies, football injuries and bloomers

Today Minus 100 Years was a light news day:

The monopoly case against the American Ice Company continues before Justice Wheeler. The Company is arguing that you can’t actually form a monopoly in ice because it’s, you know, ice.

Following some serious injuries and deaths in the sport of football generally, the NY city school district has banned the sport. However, Princeton’s president, one Woodrow Wilson, says that “Football is too fine a game to be abolished off-hand.” He does think the rules should be changed so there aren’t quite so many fatalities.

In other 1909 sports news, “Field hockey was played by girls wearing bloomers on the lawn of the Staten Island Cricket and Tennis Club”. Ah, 1909.

Man is the most dangerous game. Fat man, a little less dangerous.

A gang in Peru has been killing people for their fat, which was probably sold to European cosmetics manufacturers. Plan your vacations, and skin care regimen, accordingly.

So not kosher: Rabbi Baruch Chalomish “was so exhausted after three days of constant cocaine-fuelled partying with escorts that his pimp grew worried and cancelled that day’s supply of girls, a jury was told.” He did this “on the ninth day, and after the rabbi had stayed up for three straight days”. And that is why we light the menorah. The caring pimp slash drug dealer, Nasir Abbas (!), “said that he was too scared to attend the trial after the rabbi ‘sent around some heavies’ to threaten him”.

An Alert Reader suggests a Name of the Day: Amy Cunninghis, the legally married wife of federal court employee Karen Golinski. The 9th Circuit judge has ordered that Ms Cunninghis be given spousal insurance benefits, which the Obama admin has been fighting. Fox News will no doubt be claiming that Obamacare will cover cunninghis. I would add that “go linski” also kind of sounds like something lesbians might get up to. If you have any speculations about what it means to “go linski”... well, I wouldn’t be surprised, pervert.

However, my personal choice for Name of the Day: the new president of Europe, Herman Van Rompuy.

Of bringing rabbits back to life, the danger of drunken women at the polls, and Grace and Cannon

Today Minus 100 Years, the Nicaraguan government of José Zelaya executed two American mercenaries named Grace and Cannon, found bringing dynamite to the (US-backed, United Fruit Company-financed) rebels. The US gov. informs shipping companies that it will not do anything against the rebels’ naval blockade.

The NYT editorial page features another of the paper’s hostile screeds against women’s suffrage (it’s clear I’m still talking about 1909, right?). Responding to reports by Harriot Stanton Blatch (Elizabeth Cady Stanton’s daughter) of seeing drunken poll workers, a state of affairs she thinks would be improved by the civilizing presence of women voters, the Times believes that “The great majority of refined, well-educated women do not want to vote. Many of them could not be induced to vote if they possessed the right of suffrage. The idea that all women are refined and that all women exert an uplifting influence on men is preposterous.” Indeed, “If she and her associates have their way we may have drunken women at the polls, and degrade our elections still further, introducing elements in politics hitherto happily lacking.”

Elsewhere in the paper is a report on various offers of help received at the suffrage association’s hq, including a lawyer out West who sent an offer to marry Alva Belmont, the movement’s richest benefactor: “With your money and my brains, we ought to do it.”

The Edison Company arranged a private exhibition by Dr. Louise Robinovitch of the use of a rhythmic electric shock to restart the heart of a rabbit after it was electrocuted (everyone seems to assume the method only works when the cause of death was electricity) (Edison Co. was interested because so many of its workers died of accidental electrocution). An earlier article says she planned to ask NY authorities for permission to experiment with resuscitating the next prisoner electrocuted in the electric chair. A NYT archives search shows that the medical career of the good doctor – who was also experimenting with electricity as a form of anaesthesia (“electric sleep”) – ended rather abruptly in 1910-11 when she got involved in the trial of her larcenous banker brother Joseph Robin (note the anglicization; their other brother goes by Robinson), who had caused the collapse of the bank he ran. At one point their immigrant parents showed up in court, Louise and Joseph denied that those were their parents, the parents showed letters from the kids proving that they were, and Louise was indicted for perjury (unclear what happened with that; her brother did go to jail after an attempt to claim insanity). Anyway, sometimes doing a search on a name you see in an old newspaper produces rather different results than you were expecting, is my point.

Pope Pius said that France is making war on the Catholic Church (the never-ending fight over who should control French schools, the state or the church).

These remotely defunct mollusks

Today Minus 100 Years Blogging:

The prosecution rests in the trial of the American Ice Company for violations of the anti-monopoly act. I guess they controlled all the ice.

The Iowa Supreme Court ruled that businesses can refuse to serve blacks.

A petition signed by “practically every citizen” of Rising Fawn, Georgia, asks Pres. Taft to pardon Sheriff Shipp and the others: “We view with grave fear the effect that the fulfillment of the sentence will have upon the ignorant and irresponsible negroes, increasing beyond question the danger to the women of the South.”

Meanwhile in the North, women are not menaced but menacing. At a women’s suffrage meeting in Carnegie Hall, Dr. Anna Howard Shaw exhibited what the NYT calls “a note of menace,” asking, “England has driven its women to extreme measures. Do the men of the United States seek the same result in this country?” Frances Squire Potter (1867-1914), who had recently resigned as professor of English lit at the University of Minnesota to devote herself full-time to suffrage work, castigated the trustees and faculty of Harvard which rejected Inez Milholland’s application to the law school. “Some kindergartner ought to lead these gentlemen into the nearest geological museum and show them, pityingly but firmly, the fossilized remains of their Silurian ancestors. These remotely defunct mollusks, after the Silurian age was gone, could not climb up into the Devonian age, and so, squirming themselves into strange shapes, they died, and, turning to stone, became their own monuments. If these sermons in stone cannot teach these gentlemen anything, nature has decreed that they are to stay in the museum to enrich the collection.”

Percival Lowell, astronomer and crap interplanetary weatherman, announces that it is currently snowing on Mars, which he says is unseasonably early for Mars.

A real love story

Name of the Day: Thanks to one of the oddities of French law, a woman today married her dead fiancé. The ceremony was conducted by the mayor of her village, Christophe Caput. Said Monsieur Caput, “It is a real love story.”

I knew I forgot to post something: pictures from the traditional part of the APEC ceremony where the heads of state dress up in local garb and try to retain their dignity.



Here’s my favorite post from one of these events, 3 years ago.

There’s no point in talking to people who don’t have blood on their hands

Quote of the Day: British Major-General Paul Newton: “There’s no point in talking to people who don’t have blood on their hands.”

Even if only moose blood: I recorded the Sarah Palin appearance on Oprah but in the end decided it’s just not worth it to subject myself to that even for the big blogger bucks. Did see somewhere that she said one of her favorite writers was Ogden Nash. Sure, because if she’s challenged on it, it’s not too hard to memorize one of his poems, like little WIIIAI did when everyone in my third grade class had to memorize and recite a poem and I chose:

The Fly

God in his wisdom made the fly,
And then forgot to tell us why.

Another of her purported favorite writers: Steinbeck. CONTEST: Translate the “Wherever there’s a cop beating up a guy, I’ll be there” speech into Palinese.

Also (now she’s got me doing it), she evidently made fun of the father of her grandson as “Ricky Hollywood.” Yes, she went on fucking Oprah and accused Levi of being a media whore.

(Update: I see her Facebook page calls Newsweek sexist for putting on its cover this week a picture of her that features her legs. A picture she posed for.)

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A century ago, they were also fascinated by female charlatans. Today Minus 100, the NYT reported at great length on a seance by famous Italian medium Eusapia Paladino, who the paper had been finding reason to write about seemingly every day for quite some time. Okay, just did an archive search, and their enchantment continued for some time, though it will grow increasingly sour, with the headlines evolving like this: “Paladino Does Her Marvels,” “Palladino Again Mystifies Science,” “Dog Didn’t Notice Paladino Spooks,” “Paladino Used Phosphorous,” “Paladino, Tied Up, To Submit to Test,” “Paladino Tricks All Laid Bare.” One of the many experts who chimed in on her credentials was our old friend, Columbia University Professor Emeritus John Quackenbos.

Headline of the Day, That Day Being November 17, 1909: “Business Man, Not Tramp.” A “ragged stranger” who died in a 10¢ lodging house in Cleveland was actually W.C. Lytle, vice president and general manager of the Motor Improvement Comp., who had disappeared four months before, ahead of his scheduled trial for some (unspecified in the NYT) dispute over a diamond ring. No other reference to Lytle appears in the Times index.

Not the Headline of the Day: “Taft Too Busy for Golf.”

Former Chattanooga Sheriff Joseph Shipp, who Yesterday Minus 100 was sent to jail for contempt of the US Supreme Court for failing to prevent a lynching (by the way, my mistake yesterday: Johnson was the name of the lynchee, not the Justice who ordered his execution stayed), is planning to run for reelection from prison. (How confusing would it be if I just used the present tense for the 100 Years Ago posts? The editing is driving me crazy.)

Gaddafi needs women!

Muammar Gaddafi is also attending that UN summit on food security. He requested a hostess agency send over “500 pleasing girls between 18 and 35 years of age, at least 1.7 meters high, well-dressed but not in mini-skirts or low cut dresses” (only 200 showed up; I’m guessing Berlusconi placed his order first) for an “exchange of opinions” and to receive “some Libyan gifts,” which turned out to be a Koran, the Green Book, and a pamphlet on “How to be a Muslim.”


Gaddafi, dressed – no, not in a mini-skirt or low-cut dress – all in black, spent 45 minutes trying to convert them to Islam. He told them that Islam is not against women (at least not pleasing ones between 18 and 35 years of age at least 1.7 meters high) and offered to pay for a trip to Mecca if they converted. He said that Jesus was not really crucified: that guy was a look-alike. That’s the sort of perspective on religion you can only get from a paranoid dictator.

The only G8 leader attending the summit is Berlusconi, who only went to get out of court. Obama, of course, is in China, and, as is the custom, the Chinese detained dissidents and human rights activists to prevent them getting anywhere near him during his visit. Obama knew this would happen, but went anyway. They always do.

CAPTION CONTEST:

Berlusconi is very concerned about food security

Silvio Berlusconi, in the middle of trying to change the law to throw out trials (such as those he’s about to undergo, but also 100,000 others) that take more than six years to complete (which may not sound unreasonable, but this is, you know, Italy we’re talking about, and it’s not like he’s doing anything about making the judicial trains run on time), is also trying to run out the clock under the existing rules by scheduling foreign trip after foreign trip after foreign trip so he can claim to be too busy to attend his own various trials. He just got a two-month delay on his tax fraud trial because it was very important that he attend a UN summit on food security. You know where you don’t have to worry about food security, Silvio? In prison, where you belong.

Contempt

Today Minus 100 Years. For the first time in American history, the Supreme Court issued prison sentences for contempt of itself. This was also the first time the federal government jailed people for lynching. The Chattanooga sheriff (a veteran of the Confederate Army), the city jailer and four citizens (two carpenters and two saloon keepers). They were given sentences of 60 or 90 days in relation to the lynching of a negro convicted of common assault, after a stay of execution had been ordered by Supreme Court Justice Johnson. The sheriff and jailer failed to take any action to prevent the lynching.

A new New York women’s suffrage organization was formed at a meeting addressed by Dr. Anna Howard Shaw. One reason she cited was the weak sentences given to men for “brutal crimes” by juries without mothers on them. In fact, women did not serve on juries in NY until 1937, and then it was strictly voluntary until the 1970s (the Supreme Court ruled in 1961 that exempting women from jury duty on the grounds that their domestic duties were more important was not arbitrary but entirely reasonable).

Headline of the Day Minus 100 Years: “600 Quit Work to Hunt Rabbits.” I refuse to click to find out what that’s about.

The real disgrace

Today Minus 100 Years was the Sunday after that double lynching, and the people of Cairo, Ill. are being well and truly punished: the saloons are all closed, by order of the governor. But there’s always church, where various pastors gave fiery speeches denouncing... the authorities, who are to blame for the lynchings by not cracking down harder on crime. According to one of the quoted reverends, George Babcock of the Church of the Redeemer, Episcopalian, “The real disgrace...” (in case you thought people being hanged and then shot into tiny bloody pieces, their head displayed on a pole, the bloody souvenirs etc were the real disgrace) “...lies in the fact the city has allowed lawless elements to control civic affairs... This defiance of law and order made the lynchings necessary for the infliction of justice.” The NYT’s editor is not impressed with this argument, saying the town “cannot win pardon for what it has done by accusing itself of previous incivisms” (i.e., the supposed laxness of the town’s juries).

Sadly, the Cairohoovians who did not trust their own legal system did not have the option of simply locking people up in Guantanamo forever. But as Sarah Palin, modern exemplar of the Spirit of Cairo, says, “Hang ‘em high.”

See, you didn’t think I could work a Sarah Palin reference into my 1909 blogging, did you?

There is no credible evidence that endemic abuse was a coherent part of the way our military operated

Headline of the Day (London Sunday Times): “Citizenship Lessons to Teach Children Respect for Worms.”

Respect for Iraqis? Not so much. Responding to new accusations of physical and sexual abuse of Iraqi civilians by British troops, British Armed Forces Minister Bill Rammells says they do not “warrant” a public inquiry, saying, “There is no credible evidence that endemic abuse was a coherent part of the way our military operated.” Well, as long as it wasn’t coherent, that’s perfectly all right.

Updated euphemism alert: the British military in Afghanistan plans to use biometric tests or possibly DNA to exclude people from Afghan villages who they decide don’t belong there. The London Sunday Times says, “After studying counter-insurgency methods employed from the Boer war to the conflict in Iraq, British commanders are drawing up plans for ‘gated communities’ from which the enemy can be excluded by identity checks.” I was going to say that “gated communities” are the new “strategic hamlets” (update: I started writing before finishing the article, which does mention strategic hamlets later), but then the mention of the Boer War belatedly hit me. In that war, the British called them (they coined the term) “concentration camps.”

Bow-gate

Somewhere on the web, idiots are complaining about Obama bowing to the miniature Japanese emperor,


but my Yahoo search for “Obama bows” (Yahoo helpfully suggested “Obama bows to Saudi king,” and “Obama bows to no one”) showed that it was even worse than we thought. He also bowed to a Tokyo audience when he finished giving them a speech,


and at Arlington on Veterans’ Day.


Really, when will this obsequious bowing end?

(Update: I titled this post “Bow-Gate” as a stupid joke, a joke! But on Fox, Chris Wallace... oh for fuck’s sake.)

I was going to put up a video of the Gilbert & Sullivan song “Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes” from Iolanthe, but couldn’t find one. Boo, internet. But that search did lead me to this sketch, probably from the Frost Report, with a pre-Python John Cleese and the Two Ronnies.



And a 1999 historical variant.

William Howard Taft on a mule. Or not.

100 Years Ago Today. Looking back on Taft’s recent long tour of the country, the NYT praises his physical courage: he wanted to tour the Grand Canyon’s trails on a mule, but was over-ridden on safety grounds (his and the mule’s). He crossed a rickety bridge his staff were afraid could not hold him. The Secret Service tried to cancel two visits to college football games, fearing Anarchist attacks, but he insisted on going because tickets had been sold on the strength of his announced appearance.

Taft does, however, seem to have forgotten to issue a proclamation for Thanksgiving. “It was emphatically denied that the President’s gastronomic powers had been so tested on the long trip over the country that he had decided against a feast day so soon after his returning.”

Jewish groups were planning a protest against a seemingly new practice at Ellis Island of physical examinations being applied more rigorously to Jewish immigrants than to others, resulting in many deportations.

Gordon Brown asserts himself. Sorry if you missed it; you must have blinked.

A few days ago Gordon Brown laid down the law to Karzai and demonstrated to the British people that he would not just blindly follow American policy in Afghanistan. “I am not prepared to put the lives of British men and women in harm’s way for a Government that does not stand up against corruption,” he harrumphed. Well, today Brown announced that he is perfectly satisfied, the last eight years of evidence to the contrary, that Karzai will in fact stand up against corruption. He told Radio 4, “The question in my view is not his willingness to do it. He is willing to do this. The question is making sure that delivery of it is satisfactory.” Brown’s proof: Karzai told him he would.

I’m sure they won’t even notice

Obama is in Japan. At a press conference with the Japanese prime minister, he said that it would be “meaningful for me” to visit Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Sadly, though, there just wasn’t time for it this trip. Funny, that.

A Japanese reporter asked a multi-part question, several unrelated questions really. Obama responded to part of it, then:

OBAMA: You had one more question, and I’m not sure I remember it. Was it North Korea?

Q: Whether or not you believe that the U.S. dropped a nuclear weapon on Hiroshima and Nagasaki -- it was right?

OBAMA: No, there were three sets of questions, right? You asked about North Korea?

Q: I have North Korea as well, yes.

Somehow Obama never did get around to answering that Hiroshima/Nagasaki question the reporter asked, twice.

Salutary

Yet another CONTEST: Bush Admin intellectual giants Condi Rice and Stephen “Boo” Hadley are forming a “strategic advisory firm,” which they are calling the RiceHadley Group. Surely you, gentle readers, can come up with a better name (and/or motto) than that.

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Today Minus 100 Years, the good (but extremely bloodthirsty) people of Cairo, Ill. were still on a lynching spree, hunting for the alleged partner of Will “Froggy” James (the NYT called him The Frog yesterday -100, but at least they attempted to get his name, unlike the black men almost lynched in West Virginia a week and 100 years ago). However the mob was thwarted by a mixture of subterfuge and a show of force by hundreds of militiamen.

A few more details of the treatment of The Frogmeister (marvel at the attention to repulsive detail in the reporting) (that’s a warning to the squeamish to skip the rest of this paragraph): “Of James’s body nothing remained except the head and charred bones after it had been dragged to the alley. It was decapitated and the head was placed on a pole. The torso was cut open and the heart taken out and divided into small bits and passed among the crowd for souvenirs. The rope was soaked in the blood and was also divided among the lynchers. Then the body was burned.” The next day, with the head still on the pole, thousands “swarmed” the streets. “Youngsters too small to see easily were raised above the head of the crowd by their parents.” “It was supposed that the head was buried in the city dump heap.”

The mayor, who claimed to have personally slept through the entire thing, defended the lynchings, saying that “the majority of the citizens are pleased at the turn of affairs, and... they believe that the result will be salutary.” Just the word I was looking for. He blamed the lack of executions in recent year and the failure of juries in several homicides to convict.

Another public option

The feds are attempting to seize the assets of the Alavi Foundation, which they accuse of being secretly run by the Iranian government and sending money to Iran in violation of sanctions laws. Among those assets are four mosques, located in New York City, Maryland, California and Texas. The feds intend to keep the mosques open. (Not to make a comparison, but remember all those late-night jokes when the IRS seized a Nevada brothel for back taxes and kept it open?)

CONTEST (Yes, it’s the second contest today, but if I don’t give you contests more often than I have been lately, you just turn a throwaway post about the phrase “masturbating furiously” into one): What differences would there be in a mosque run by the federal government?

Headline-From-Which-a-Lifetime-Movie-is-Sure-To-Be-Ripped of the Day

London Times: “Wife Posed as Schoolgirl to Trap Paedophile Husband.” In an internat chat room, that is. Then she called the cops.

Important decisions

George Bush, we are told, is writing a book about “some of the most important decisions in his life.” Good lord, they let him make important decisions? Things were more dire than I realized.

CONTEST: what were some of those important decisions? Paper or plastic? Chips or pretzels? Run for president or be an astronaut? Sit out the Vietnam War in a bar in Texas or a bar in Alabama?

Frog lynching

The Catholic Church is trying to blackmail the District of Columbia into dropping plans to legalize gay marriage, threatening to withdraw from all provision of social services in the city if it can’t discriminate against gay couples seeking to adopt or has to provide benefits to the partners of its gay employees.

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Today Minus 100 Years, we have two lynchings in Cairo, Ill. Unusually, one of them was white. Here’s the first sentence, and see if you can spot the subtle difference in the way the two men, neither of them convicted in any court of law, are treated: “A negro who had murdered a white girl, and a white man accused of wife murder, were lynched here to-night.” The former, Will “The Frog” James, was “taken to the most prominent square in the city and strung up. The rope broke and the man was riddled with [nearly 500] bullets. The body was then dragged by the rope for a mile to the scene of the crime and burned in the presence of at least 10,000 rejoicing persons. Many women were in the crowd, and some helped to hang the negro and to drag the body.” There was a long chase through the woods before the mob, which at one point commandeered a train, caught up to the sheriff and the prisoner.

Not sated, some of the mob lynched the white guy, smashing through the bars of his cell with some effort.

Literary Thought of the Day

Who do you suppose was the first person to write the phrase “furiously masturbating”?

A law-abiding citizen

A follow-up to the death-during-hypnotism story from 100 years ago reported here yesterday. The November 11, 1909 NYT reports that “Professor” Arthur Everton, in his cell awaiting a bail hearing, “fears that the catastrophe will ruin his reputation, and that he will have to support his family in some other way.” Presumably he was never tried, but he next came to the attention of the paper in July of 1920, evidently trying to support his family in some other way, when Prohibition agents found $6,000 worth of liquor in his apartment, located over a saloon. Everton said that he could have stopped the agents with hypnotism but “I wouldn’t do that. I am a law-abiding citizen.”

Presidential inspections

Today -100 years, Taft is back at the White House for the first time in more than three months. “Apparently he was no stouter than when he left in the summer, although it was whispered among his intimates that he had picked up several pounds as a result of his lengthy course of banquets. When asked about it he laughingly spread out his arms and invited inspection.”

Bill Clinton used to laughingly spread out his arms and invite inspection as well, but he usually wasn’t wearing pants when he did it.

The worst thing to do

Today, Bill Clinton told Democratic senators that on health insurance reform, “The worst thing to do is nothing.” Watch them prove him wrong.

A gift from a wicked man is a trap

At his war crimes trial, Charles Taylor says that the only reason he was captured in 2006 was that the Nigerian president duped him, telling him he was free to leave the country and then arresting him at the border. “We have an old saying: A gift from a wicked man is a trap.” The most deserving victim of a Nigerian scam ever.

Suggest heart action to subject

Today the Supreme Court discussed whether sentences of life without parole are unconstitutional when applied to juveniles. Alito said some of the little shits just deserve it, describing several cases “so horrible that I couldn’t have imagined them if I hadn’t actually seen them,” such as “raping an 8-year-old girl and burying her alive.” I presume he didn’t “actually see” that. Scalia said, “One of the purposes is retribution... And I don’t know why the value of retribution diminishes to the point of zero when it’s a person who’s, you know, 17 years, 9 months old.” The reports do not say if he drooled a little as he uttered the phrase “the value of retribution” but I think we all know he did.

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The rest of this post is 100-years-ago-today news (despite my use of the present tense).

Pres. Taft has completed a 56-day, 13,000-mile road trip that covered 33 states and territories. Today -100, the mayor of Wilmington, NC named Taft an “honorary Tar Heel” for life, which sounds painful. 1,500 Wilmington school children formed the shape of a flag. He also “proceeded to another section of the city, where he reviewed the negro children,” who seem not to have collectively formed any particular shape.

Taft congratulates North Carolina on having the second-highest percentage of farmers. “You do not have large cities, and I do not think that a defect at all in your civilization. The fact is, that the tendency toward concentration of population in the cities is a tendency that ought to be restrained.”

Following the divorce of the Astors, some are condemning the secrecy of certain divorce proceedings in NY (proceedings affordable by the rich but not the poor), but NY Supreme Court Justice Bischoff thinks testimony should remain secret, saying it is sufficient that the name of the guilty party be published: “He is thus condemned among respectable people.” Justice Gerard also opposes “putting a lot of sickening details... before the public.” Justice McCall believes the full publication of testimony, “while bringing the innocent to the deepest humiliation, the notoriety would be actually pleasing to the depraved persons whose conduct and violation of the most sacred vows made divorce possible.”

Robert Simpson died while under hypnosis during an exhibition of the mesmeric arts at the Somerville (NJ) Opera House. It might not have helped that the hypnotist, a “Professor” Arthur Everton, stood on Simpson’s stomach while he was under. Hypnotists and mesmerists from all over the country have been sending advice on how to wake him up from his trance (a telegram from someone signing himself simply “Svengali” counseled “Suggest heart action to subject.”) Some of them even traveled to the morgue to try their luck. William E. Davenport of Newark, “an amateur hypnotist of some note” tried “alternately whispering and shouting invitations to him to come to life. ‘Bob, your heart action – attend. Listen, Bob, your heart action is strong. Bob, your heart begins to beat. Bob, [loud] do you hear me? Bob, [whispering,] your heart is starting.’” But nothing. “Professor” Everton was arrested (although they allowed him to try to awaken Mr. Simpson for several hours more) and is likely to be charged with manslaughter. A leading authority on hypnotism, Columbia University Professor Emeritus John Quackenbos (as perfect a name for a leading authority on hypnotism as you are likely to find), suggests that he might argue that Simpson was in suspended animation and was actually killed by the autopsy.

Affectionate blender

Name of the Day: a London Times business reporter: Peter Stiff. I’m thinking his parents did not love him.

Forgot to mention: LRB personals (old ones) are now on Teh Twitters. And here are a few recent ones. (As always, the complete WIIIAI collection of LRB personals is here.)

In 2004 I was a love machine…now I’m just an affectionate blender. Whirrr. Box no. 18/02

Privately, I will always regard 1987 as my most successful year but publicly I would state that 2003 brought me more happiness than any other. The 16 year gap between these two points in my life represents roughly half of my overall achievements, whilst the square root of 97 is 9.591663046. None of these things are believed to be coincidental. F, 40. Box no: 21/06

I fear packing peanuts possibly more than other man alive. But I never fail to weep at the simple beauty of swans making love. Carl, 36. Box no: 21/09

Like a faithful hound I will fetch your slippers and newspaper in the morning and follow you for walks on beaches on brisk autumn mornings. Of course, if I bite a small child I will have to be injected with sodium pentobarbital and destroyed. But let’s just accentuate the positive for now. Slippers. Newspaper. Beaches. F, 32. Box no: 21/11

Women to 55 who enjoy cabbage will get along just fine with me! Cabbage-enjoying M, 55. Box no: 21/13

Toles.

The one who created this lei also created our freedom

Thomas Friedman, feeling all tingly with a sense of his own naughtiness, suggests the US tell Israel and Palestine that it is getting out of the peace process business until they “get serious” about it. Oddly, he fails to say whether we should also stop subsidizing one side with billions of dollars of aid each year. Funny, that.

In today’s 100-years-ago news (a NYT feature I just discovered is available only to subscribers), Illinois Senator (and former governor) Shelby Moore Cullom (R) suggests that the South could be convinced to vote Republican if not for that pesky negro suffrage. He’s not for total disfranchisement everywhere, for example not in his home state, but the Northern negro is different from the Southern one: “the Northern colored man uses his ballot with wisdom and fairness. We are satisfied with him, but it is not strange, of course, that the South is not.”

Fortunately, Congresscritters have come so far since those days:



Oh, and Rep. Stupak (whose name spelled backwards, I might point out, is Kaputs) can kiss my ass.

In 100-years-ago-today medical news

Dr. E. F. Bashford reports, in an address to the no doubt astounded attendees of the 16th International Medical Congress in Budapest, that “cancer is not limited to white men.”

There truly is a Shakespeare quote for every occasion

I subscribe to the OED word of the day RSS feed. Today’s word of the day: poop. 1616 SHAKESPEARE Antony & Cleopatra (1623) “The Poope was beaten Gold.”

Tap tap tap. Is this thing on?

Unfortunate Headline of the Day, from a White House press release: “President Obama Taps Cassandra Butts to Serve as Senior Advisor at the Millennium Challenge Corporation.”

Update. Er, 100-year-old update

Gov. Glasscock did succeed in saving those two negroes from being lynched. He snuck them out of jail at dawn, onto a special train and safely out of Gassaway. How their trial went we do not know; the NYT doesn’t seem to have covered it. What politician today would do such a thing?

In other 100-years-ago-today news, Pres. Taft was driven around an auto racing course in Savannah, reaching 52 miles per hour, making him the fastest as well as the fattest president.

By the way, 100 years ago Tuesday, astronomer Percival Lovell announced that the Martians were undertaking new construction work on the canals at that very moment.

President insults South by refusal of beverage

For some time I’ve been enjoying the NYT’s 100-years-ago section. Today’s tells of Governor William, um, Glasscock of West Virginia going in person to stand down a town intent on lynching two negroes. The local militia has told him it will not fire on the mob. At press time, the outcome was doubtful. No fair peaking ahead.

In other news, Pres. Taft, visiting Georgia, refused a mint julep with his breakfast, although it had “been brewed with consummate skill and which reposed apparently harmless in a green-topped glass that had perfect barnacles of frosting on the outside.” Times reporter is thirsty. Taft breakfast: waffles, quail, fried chicken, sausage, steak, broiled ham, broiled chicken and “grits.” Times reporter puts grits in scare quotes. As well he might.

Day 10,958

John McCain gave a speech in the Senate today about the 30th anniversary of the Iran hostage crisis. Like Obama, he thinks that Iranian history is all about us: “Today, however, we are also mindful that the pain and suffering that began on November 4, 1979 did not end after only 444 days. For the people of Iran, that hardship continued for 30 more years.” I haven’t seen an Iranian history textbook, but I’m guessing they consider the overthrow of the shah in February 1979 to have been the pivotal event inaugurating the present phase of Iranian history, not the seizure of the embassy in November.

McCain continues:

Iranians are right to ask how much better off they would be if all of the money – the billions and billions of dollars – that Iran’s rulers spend sponsoring terrorist groups, tyrannizing their people, and building weapons to threaten the world were instead devoted to creating jobs, educating young people, and caring for the sick.

Iranians are right to wonder why a country so blessed with natural resources cannot meet the basic needs of so many of its own citizens – and yet, corrupt members of the ruling elite are stuffing the wealth of their nation into their own pockets.

Project much? Is it pleasant, do you think, to live with no sense of irony whatsoever?

Senator Oblivious also complains, in his speech about the 30th anniversary of the hostage crisis, that Iran “seems determined to keep the relationship between our two countries mired in the past”.

Sucker

Remember how the Honduran coup was “resolved” by an agreement that Zelaya would be restored to power – if and when the Honduran congress voted to do so? They seem to be having some trouble working that vote into their busy, busy schedule. But US assistant secretary of state Thomas Shannon helpfully informed them that the US will now recognize the Nov. 29 election even if Zelaya is not returned to office.

There are still 30 Guantanamo prisoners hunger-striking, if anyone cares.

Election November 2009

My voting precinct dropped the fancy voting machines that look and sound just like paper shredders in favor of an old-timey cardboard box with a slit cut in it. To save money. Quaint.

Schwarzenegger gets to nominate a new lt. governor. Danny DeVito? Suggestions in comments, please.

Ohio votes for casinos. Nothing says excitement like casinos in Ohio.

Maine votes for medical marijuana, against marriage equality.

Sustained suspicion, mistrust, and confrontation

Wednesday is the 30th anniversary of the Iran hostage crisis, and Obama is celebrating by issuing a statement graciously offering to “move beyond this past.” Evidently Obama thinks that the history of US-Iran relations started 30 years ago: “This event helped set the United States and Iran on a path of sustained suspicion, mistrust, and confrontation.”

Technically, that’s half true, in that the US embarked on sustained suspicion, mistrust and confrontation. Before that, most Americans (outside the CIA, that is) were unaware of Iran’s existence or that it was the place that used to be called Persia. The Iranian people, on the other hand, had plenty of suspicion and mistrust toward the US, based on the US’s decades-long history of keeping the shah’s foot planted firmly on their necks, the history so thoroughly ignored by Obama.

WHAT, YOU DON’T THINK “DEATH TO AMERICA” IS AN AGENDA SUFFICIENT UNTO ITSELF? “We have heard for thirty years what the Iranian government is against; the question, now, is what kind of future is it for.” It’s that sort of condescension that should get us off that path of sustained suspicion, mistrust, and confrontation.

Headline of the Day

BBC: “Bear Kills Militants in Kashmir.”

Stigma

Hamid Karzai vows to remove the stigma of corruption from Afghanistan. Not the corruption, just the stigma.

Determined in accordance with Afghan law

Hillary Clinton has had to qualify her praise for Netanyahu’s “unprecedented” temporary pause in settlement activity (except for the massive construction projects that won’t be pausing) (and East Jerusalem) (and all the “illegal” building). Evidently she hadn’t realized that the remarks would not go over well among Palestinians and in the Arab states. Has anyone noticed that she really isn’t very good at her job? She now says Netanyahu’s policy “falls far short of what we would characterize as our position”.

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The second round of voting has been canceled in Afghanistan, against the stated wishes of Karzai, who thought he could win a single-candidate without having to forge quite so many ballots and also keep his followers happy by letting them steal some more of that UN election money. Says Obama, “Although the process was messy, I’m pleased to say that the final outcome was determined in accordance with Afghan law”. Glad he’s pleased to say that. His staff must have worked long into the night to come up with some way to praise this election, and they came up with “determined in accordance with Afghan law.” Indeed, it is a veritable triumph of “determined in accordance with Afghan law,” a shining example of “determined in accordance with Afghan law.” (Well, except for all that massive fraud. Oh, and there’s some question about whether the election commission actually had the authority to cancel the second round.)

Nutt sacking

Headline of the Day (London Times, headline on the UK News page; the one on the story URL is different): “Nutt Sacking ‘Threat to All Expert Advisers.’” If I were an expert adviser, being threatened with a nutt sacking would be very worrying indeed. (Prof. David Nutt was fired as chairman of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs in Britain, for noting that the legal penalties for use of various drugs do not correlate with scientific evidence about their actual harmfulness. He has pointed out that alcohol is more dangerous than pot and horse-riding more dangerous than ecstasy.)

Why we fight

Iraq gets ready for its first public hanging since Saddam. Freedom, ain’t it grand?

I never expected that anywhere, someone would make such a big statue of me

Bill Clinton attends the unveiling of an 11-foot-tall bronze statue of himself in Pristina, Kosovo. That’s actually the first statue of Clinton I’ve heard of. Does anyone know of another? Bill said, “I never expected that anywhere, someone would make such a big statue of me.”


Actually looks more like Kennedy, doesn’t it? Those papers bear the date March 24, 1999, the day NATO started bombing Serbia.

And here Bill is holding a traditional Albanian prophylactic hat.