Burritos & genocide: it’s what’s for lunch

Bush met with the president of the European Commission, José Manuel Barroso. Bush kept asking him, “But that’s not like a real president, right?” Evidently it was a non-stop talkfest: “We talked about Iran. We talked about Syria. We talked about Iraq. We talked about a lot of issues.” And they weren’t done: “We’re going to talk about Darfur here at lunch. I’m hoping we get burritos. I know that José is as committed as I am to helping solve what I’ve called a genocide. I really like burritos. It is outrageous that people are being treated the way they are. Isn’t that a funny word: bur-ri-tos.” I may have made up the sentences that didn’t involve burritos.



Barroso responded: “I’ve been in Darfur recently. I can tell you that it’s really a tragedy, what’s going on, and we cannot accept that tragedy going on without the united response of the international community. Say, did you just say we’re having burritos?”

We are not going to be their legal nannies

Since the official film of Saddam Hussein’s execution that aired on Iraqi tv was so rapidly supplanted as the snuff-film-of-record by that cellphone footage, we’ve tended to ignore the fact that the bowdlerized version was dishonest, inaccurate and in short, a cover-up.

There is a lengthy piece of dictation article in the NYT, in which American military officials use the newspaper to distance themselves from Saddam Hussein’s execution. They pleaded with Maliki and his people to delay, to do it in a more seemly fashion, to take heed of international concerns, even to follow Iraqi law, but in the end they just had to turn him over. Sure, just as if he’d been acquitted, the Americans would have shaken his hand and let him walk free. Because our respect for Iraqi sovereignty is just that strong.

An unnamed American official is quoted saying that they thought the execution violated Iraqi law, but “the president [sic – he means Maliki] of their country says it meets their procedures. We are not going to be their legal nannies.” Indeed, why should Maliki have any less of a right to violate his country’s laws than Bush claims for himself every single day?

Here’s the damning detail, which I think hasn’t come out before: the Americans wanted a written statement (the Iraqis were very reluctant to put anything down on paper) from the chief judge of the highest court that the execution was lawful. He refused, so Maliki went instead to a body of Shiite clerics. Because, really, it didn’t look enough like an act of sectarian vengeance.

Now that’s what I call a surge

Headline of the week (BBC): “US Army Urges Dead to Re-Enlist.”

Gives a whole new meaning to “bring out your dead.”

Which leads us nicely to Terry Jones of the Pythons, who suggests that rather than spend $500b on a war with Iraq, the US could simply have given every Iraqi $18,700 each, with more felicitous results.

Did I really just write “felicitous”?

The Haditha massacre: the norm

The WaPo has gotten hold of the investigative report on the Haditha massacre (click on the label at the bottom of this post for my previous posts on the subject). It still doesn’t answer whether the Marines were on a rampage after an IED attack killed one of them, or whether they calmly massacred civilians in compliance with rules of engagement that allowed for such massacres. And I’m still not sure which would be worse. One of the most damning aspects is that the events took place over many hours. It was fairly late in the day that Marines “approached a third and fourth house after noticing men they said were peering at them suspiciously,” separated out the men from the women, and executed the men. For peering at them suspiciously.

At the start of the massacre, after the IED blast, the report says that the squad’s leader, Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich, executed five innocent bystanders “one by one,” and that when he ordered Marines to enter civilian houses from which, supposedly, they were being fired upon (I still doubt there was any hostile fire), he told them to shoot first and ask questions later. That quote is from his own statement. (I wonder if they ever did ask those questions.)

Wuterich also told investigators, “I want to make clear that we did not go in intentionally to spray everyone we saw. We were taking fire.” Note that Iraqi bullets = fire, American bullets = spray.

Speaking of spray, another sergeant admits to having peed on the corpses.

The colonel in charge of the unit, Stephen W. Davis, decided that even though there had been many civilian casualties, and an initial attempt at covering up how those civilians had died, there was no need for an investigation: “There was nothing out of the ordinary about any of this, including the number of civilian dead, that would have triggered anything in my mind that was out of the norm.”

That pretty much says it all, huh?

The Sunshine boys

As you doubtless know, Holy Joe Lieberman and Maverick John McCain brought their comedic stylings to the American Enterprise Institute today. They were there to speak for a “surge.” They were optimistic that a surge would succeed. See how optimistic they are?



They insist the surge be open-ended rather than temporary, that it “must be substantial and it must be sustained.” In other words, their goal is a surge that can sustain itself, govern itself, and defend itself.

According to McCain, this would give the Maliki regime “a fighting chance to pursue reconciliation.” Yes, it’s all about the make-up sex.

In that op-ed in the WaPo last week, Lieberman quoted some unnamed colonel who told him in private how he and his men all support the war. Today he quoted him again, but this time claimed that Colonel Totally Not a Made-Up Guy also supports a surge, saying that “We need some more troops to... fight it to a victorious finish.” Funny how Joementum failed to mention that part in the op-ed.

Lieberman was just full of Nazi parallels: this is all just like the Spanish Civil War, a prelude to a really Big One. No wait, it’s also like 1942, when Pearl Harbor had already happened, and some Americans still didn’t want to fight in a world war.

McCain says it’s like the 1930s, the 1940s and the 1920s, when there was an “incredible” desire in the US not to be involved in another world war, and “Some of the most respected Americans in our country -- Charles Lindbergh, Henry Ford and many others -- were out and out about isolationists.” Isn’t it funny that the only “isolationists” he can think of were actually fascist sympathizers.

Here’s the sentence from Holy Joe that most made me want to kick him in the balls: “If the American people could talk to the American military, as we do regularly, and hear their commitment to this cause, their selfless bravery, their honor, I believe that they would support the troops as we are.”

Lieberman expressed undying confidence in Bush’s boundless wisdom – “The president of the United States gets this.” – while McCain didn’t utter his name once. Holy Joe suggests that Bush simply ignore Congress if it dares to cross him: “this moment cries out for the kind of courageous leadership that does what can succeed and win in Iraq, not what will command the largest number of political supporters in Congress”. Hey, if ignoring the will of the majority was good enough for Joe in Connecticut...

He joined the Navy to see the world, and what did he see...?

Bush is evidently going to give Admiral William Fallon the CentCom job currently held by John Abizaid, overseeing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, despite the fact that he is an admiral in the Navy. The “surge” will evidently involve battleships and submarines. It’s that element of surprise that makes this a stroke of pure genius.

So the Democrats are in charge of both houses of Congress, and in a historic breakthrough, Harry Reid, a middle-aged wealthy white guy, has become Senate majority leader. The marble ceiling has indeed been broken. Congratulations, Harry, you are a role model for middle-aged wealthy white guys everywhere.

If innocent people were hurt

The US Navy is fighting the Islamists in Somalia. Did I miss the national debate over whether entering another civil war was a good idea?

During a joint press conference with Egyptian President Mubarak, Israeli PM Olmert almost kinda sorta apologizes for the deaths of four or more Palestinian civilians during a military raid on Ramallah. No, wait, that’s not what he said: “I’m sorry if innocent people were hurt.” First, dead is not the same as hurt. Second, that’s a rather ungrammatical use of the conditional: by suggesting that the people who were hurt/killed might not have been innocent, he is saying that he either is or is not sorry at the present time. Possibly he alternates every minute between being sorry and not sorry, using an egg timer, until such time as their guilt or innocence is determined. Perhaps the correct phrasing would have been, “I would be sorry if innocent people were hurt,” but then again maybe no form of grammar adequately conveys an apology slash smear. Maybe that could be Lynne Truss’s next book: Eats, Shoots, Leaves, and Pretends to Apologize.

Olmert also says that “things developed in a way that could not have been predicted.” Yes, no one could have predicted that an Israeli military incursion of troops, tanks and attack helicopters into the West Bank could result in fatalities; normally they’re greeted as liberators, with flowers and dancing.

I mistook Commodore Bananarama’s return of some powers to the Fijian president he had deposed: the deal was that the president then swear in the commodore as prime minister.

Bush’s signing statement giving himself the power to open anyone’s mail without a warrant – “especially,” in the words of the statement, “if they contain free samples of gum, candy or other taste treats” – is not exactly a surprise, given his record. But almost more worrisome than Bush’s people reading our mail is the failure of anyone in Congress to read this statement, which was issued 15 days before anyone noticed.

Bush & Merkel press conference: Chimpy’s thinking is taking shape, and he calls for more dignified executions

German Chancellor Angela Merkel met Bush at the White House and oh dear God he’s still talking about the roasted pig she served six months ago: “And Laura and I are looking forward to feeding you dinner. I’m not so sure it’s going to be as good a dinner as the barbecue you fed us -- (laughter) -- but we’ll try.”

On global warming, he said we should “put behind us the old, stale debates of the past... Here in the United States, we’re going full-steam ahead with new technologies that will change the way we drive our cars”. A Stanley Steamer in every garage!

He says that on Iraq, “my thinking is taking shape.” Pear shaped? Circular, as in, rounding around in circles? “One thing is for certain, I will want to make sure that the mission is clear and specific and can be accomplished.” What, you mean the Mission wasn’t Accomplished? Flight suit, sock, aircraft carrier, banner, does any of this ring a bell, Georgie?

He says that he spoke on the phone with Maliki for two hours today. “I talked about a lot of topics with him. One thing I was looking for was will -- to determine whether or not he has the will necessary to do the hard work to protect his people. And I told him, I said that, you show the will, we will help you.” The frightening thing is that that’s probably really what he said. “I believe Prime Minister Maliki has the will necessary to make the tough decisions. That’s one of the things I learned today.”

In fact, George is the Johnny Appleseed of condescension, scattering scoldings wherever he goes: “Syria knows exactly what she needs to do in order to reenter the nation -- reenter the -- you know, to be viewed as a nation that’s constructive. ... So my attitude on Syria is they can be a much more constructive partner and they haven’t been. They don’t need to be told that in meeting after meeting after meeting. They get told that right here in a press conference like this. They know exactly what they need to do. And it’s their choice to make.”

He says that he wished the “proceedings,” by which he meant Saddam Hussein’s hanging, “had been done in a more dignified way.” Because George would never mock someone about to be executed...

He says, “The Iraqi people want to move forward, they want to forget that terrible part of their past”. Because if there’s one thing about the Iraqis, it’s that they don’t hold grudges for things that happened in the past.

And then he mentioned the back rub thing, a terrible part of Merkel’s past that she no doubt wants to forget as well.


What’s the German for “Talk to the hand”?

Real genius

So did everyone spend the day mourning Gerald Ford? Did you assemble in your respective places of worship, there to pay homage to the memory of President Ford?

Patrick Cockburn: “It takes real genius to create a martyr out of Saddam Hussein.”

In that cell-phone footage, Saddam was looking directly at the camera. Imagine you’re being executed and you see someone whip out a cell-phone-camera to take a few snaps.

A NATO spokesman, Brig. Richard Nugee, who is the International Security Assistance Force’s Chief of Effects, whatever that means, says that in Afghanistan NATO kinda screwed up in killing all those innocent civilians, and they’ll really try to not do it quite so much in the future, but that the Taliban also kill lots of civilians, and show “no remorse at all.” Thanks for putting it all into perspective for us, Brig. Nugee.

Fiji’s leader, known in these parts as Commodore Bananarama, seems to be handing power back to the president he ousted, possibly in response to the complete lack of international pressure.

Chief Justice William Rehnquist’s FBI files have been partially released. They show that the Nixon and Reagan administrations investigated the witnesses at his Senate confirmation hearings, and that he was addicted to powerful pain meds and went bonkers when he was taken off them in 1981, trying to escape the hospital in his pajamas.

From today’s Gaggle:

Q: Has the President seen the videotape of the execution?

MR. SNOW: I don’t think so.

Riiiight.

And now, two totally gratuitous pictures of The Decider from this morning, because I’m the blogger and I decide what’s best.

Simply political statements

AP headline: “Mass. Lawmakers Vote on Gay Marriage.” You know what would be a more interesting story? “Gay Lawmakers Vote on Mass Marriage.” Just saying.

Actually, there must be a lot of them in the Massachusetts Legislature, since the article keeps referring to “gay marriage proponents” and “gay marriage opponents.” It’s called a hyphen, Associated Press, use it!

So when there were riots in Afghanistan in 2005, in which at least 10 people died, over allegations that guards in Guantanamo were putting Korans in toilets, American officials pooh-poohed the possibility that the Koran would ever be treated with anything less than total respect. Now, the ACLU gets hold of an FBI report documenting many cases of religious-based as well as sexual abuses of Guantanamo prisoners, some of them a little on the elaborate side: “one interrogator bragged to an FBI agent that he had forced a prisoner to listen to ‘Satanic black metal music for hours,’ then dressed as a Catholic priest before ‘baptizing’ him.” Where, one has to ask, did the priest costume come from?

The WaPo says of the cell-phone footage of the Saddam hanging, “The video was the latest example of how amateurs using modern technology are exposing abuses and holding the powerful to account.” So it’s a Moqtada-Macaca moment?

Chief Justice John Roberts says that the low, low pay of federal judges (why, district court judges earn the same salary as a lowly United States senator, and Roberts himself makes only a little more than the vice president) (although judicial pensions are higher, 100% of retiring salary) amounts to a “constitutional crisis.” Gosh, there have been so many constitutional crises over the last few years that I’d completely overlooked that one. To arms, people! The republic is in peril!

Similarly, the Congressional Republicans are pushing something called the “Minority Bill of Rights,” which, surprisingly, is not about black people voting in the South or gay people getting married or Muslim members of Congress using the Koran in private ceremonies, but about protecting the “rights” of congresscritters in minority parties to get their amendments to the floor and that sort of thing. It’s always fun when Republicans use the language of civil rights. However, I’m willing to meet their “Bill of Rights” part-way and guarantee that they not have soldiers quartered in their house in time of peace.

George Bush is also reaching out to the new (well, a few hours from now) Congressional leadership, telling it in a Wall Street Journal op-ed piece that “we can’t play politics as usual.” Personally, I can’t think of anything more usual than a politician saying that we can’t play politics as usual. He says that it’s perfectly possible for the parties to work together, citing those happy by-gone days when Democrats gave him all the tax cuts and Patriot Acts he wanted. Good times, good times.

He says, “Our Founders believed in the wisdom of the American people to choose their leaders”. Of course if they’d met George W. Bush, they might have reconsidered that position. Continuing with his PolySci 101 lecture, he informs us that “The majority party in Congress gets to pass the bills it wants. The minority party, especially where the margins are close, has a strong say in the form bills take.” Since when?

He says that “Now is not the time to raise taxes on the American people.” No doubt he’ll be sure to tell us when it is the time.

What is it time for? “It’s time Congress give the president a line-item veto.” [sic]

Bush says that he will continue to govern on the basis of “common-sense principles,” like “wealth does not come from government” (tell that to John Roberts) and “I believe that when America is willing to use her influence abroad, the American people are safer and the world is more secure.” By influence, he means soldiers and bombs. He contrasts these common-sense principles with the base partisanship that’s all you can expect from those darned Dems, warning, “If the Congress chooses to pass bills that are simply political statements, they will have chosen stalemate,” adding, “To the new members of the 110th Congress, I offer my welcome--and my congratulations.”

The Lord didn’t say nuclear

Top two Bush quotes from the NYT article Tuesday on how the Bushies’ plan for Iraq totally failed (written by three reporters, with additional reporting from 3 more, which seems a lot of people to be handling the duh beat): 1) at the Pentagon: “What I want to hear from you is how we’re going to win, not how we’re going to leave.” 2) to the Iraq Study Group: “It [victory]’s a word the American people understand. And if I start to change it, it will look like I’m beginning to change my policy.”

AP headline: “Saddam Execution Video Draws Criticism.” Yeah, the lighting was terrible and the plotline predictable. Maliki says he will launch an immediate investigation into who taunted Saddam and who leaked the cell phone footage. A more obvious question is why witnesses were allowed to bring in cell phones in the first place. One of those witnesses was Munir Haddad, from the appeals court which upheld the death sentence, who had said that it didn’t matter if Hussein was executed on the day Sunnis consider to be the start of Eid because 1) the only “official Eid” was the Shiite one, 2) “Saddam is not Sunni. And he is not Shiite. He is not Muslim.”

Pat Robertson (who is also not a Muslim) says God told him there will be a major terrorist attack with “mass killing” in the US in 2007. So you know it’s true. “The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.” I’d have liked to know if He pronounces it nookyuler like Bush does.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The system of Arabic transliteration used by the NYT renders the Muslim holiday Eid as Id. This had a rather unfortunate effect in a quote from an aide to Maliki, who described the hanging of Saddam Hussein as “an Id gift to the Iraqi people.”

The White House website labels this picture, “President and Mrs. Bush Pay Their Respects to the Late President Gerald R. Ford in the Rotunda of the U.S. Capitol.”


Somehow with Bush, respect looks an awful lot like gas.

That’s my first Bush picture and my first flatulence joke of 2007.

We don’t count that way, because each one is important to us

Happy Eid! In Turkey, more than 1,400 “amateur butchers” injured themselves while attempting to sacrifice animals. Many accidentally cut themselves or amputated their own toes, while several were crushed under large animals, and one person tried to use a crane – hilarity ensued.

Speaking of amateur butchers, the US has now had 3,000 military deaths in Iraq. Said military spokesmoron Col. Christopher Garver, “We don’t count that way, because each one is important to us.” This is Comcast, your call is important to us...

New California laws coming into effect today (LAT, SF Chronicle, Sacramento Bee): Evidently disposing of used kitty litter in toilets is to be discouraged, though not banned, because it’s dangerous for sea otters. Great, something else to feel guilty about. People served with restraining orders have to give up their firearms (I wonder if there’s an exemption for cops; this has been an issue with these laws in the past). Domestic partners may file joint tax returns. The fee for registering domestic partnerships with the state is $23 which will be used to reduce abuse in domestic partnerships, which isn’t insulting at all. Parents of children entering kindergarten will have to prove that they have been to a dentist, and parents of high school students will be given a checkoff box to remove their names from the list of students given to military recruiters. Hospitals will be banned from dumping homeless patients in other counties (this has been a big deal in LA this year). It’s now illegal to leave a pet in a car in dangerously hot or cold weather (cops are now allowed to break into cars to rescue them), or tie a dog up to a stationary object for more than 3 hours, and the state must develop a plan to evacuate pets after a natural disaster, like an earthquake or mudslide or bad vibes. It is illegal to drive with someone in your trunk (unless they are dead, I assume).

Whatever happened to the “Whatever Happened to” Awards?

Two years ago, at the end of 2004, I initiated my annual “Whatever Happened To...?” Awards, in which I noted people and stories that had disappeared without proper follow-up. It was a good idea. It was too much work. So last year and this year I opted instead just to run a post of the best pictures of the year. Much easier to look at some photographs than to read through a year’s worth of my old posts (this one is #685 for 2006). Without doing the work, all I can think of off the top of my head is whatever happened to that Afghan guy they wanted to execute but settled for driving out of the country for converting to Christianity? And where is Scott McClellan today? Telling lies in a puddle of flop-sweat in the private sector, no doubt.

Were there any stories or intriguing hints of stories this year that you wanted to know more about? Tell us in the comments section. Oh, and “if O.J. did it, how did he do it?” doesn’t count.

Dave Barry has his usual hilarious summary of the year’s events.

No healing without pardon, or, indeed, trousers

From the Observer: “Ambulance service officials have renewed their pleas for revellers not to misuse the 999 system after an apparently drunk man asked emergency operators to help him find his trousers.”

And in 1974, wasn’t the entire United States, metaphorically speaking, a drunk pantsless man crying out for help? Dick Cheney said this at Gerald Ford’s funeral: “It was this man, Gerald R. Ford, who led our republic safely though a crisis that could have turned to catastrophe. Gerald Ford was almost alone in understanding that there can be no healing without pardon.” Hopefully, Cheney will spend the rest of his life repeating those words (which I believe he first addressed to Harry Whittington after shooting him in the face), in increasingly desperate tones, from increasingly smaller prison cells with increasingly larger bunkmates, all named Bubba.

When jokes are made about prison life, there is always a bunkmate named Bubba.

Even if it’s a women’s prison.

Especially if it’s a women’s prison.

Of course what Cheney especially likes about the Nixon pardon is that Nixon was never made to enumerate the crimes for which he was pardoned. The other thing he and other Republicans like about the “Ford healed the nation” trope is that in it, the only significant actors are Republican politicians, while Democrats and indeed the American citizenry are reduced to spectators, just as now they insist that only Republicans are qualified to clean up the mess that they themselves have made in Iraq.

Milestone, in pictures

What pisses me off the most about the semi-legal lynching of Saddam Hussein is that they’ve actually managed to make me a little bit sorry for the bastard.

This is not what justice looks like:

Milestone

I’ve already had my first two hits from people looking for pictures of Saddam’s execution.

Bush issues a statement which must have been written beforehand because the execution took place around 9:00 Texas time, so he’d already gone to bed. The statement uses the term “fair trial” three times, says that Saddam received “the kind of justice he denied the victims of his brutal regime” – funny, under our kind of justice the result is the exact same one, a dead body – and claims that “Bringing Saddam Hussein to justice will not end the violence in Iraq, but it is an important milestone on Iraq’s course to becoming a democracy that can govern, sustain, and defend itself, and be an ally in the War on Terror.”

The, um, milestone, was witnessed by various members of the Iraqi regime, probably all Shiite, who literally danced around the body afterwards.

A metaphor alert is issued for the central Texas region

Bush’s three-hour-a-day consideration of how to come to closure on a New Way Forward (TM) in Iraq was interrupted by a tornado warning issued for the central Texas region. He drove with Laura and the dogs to the ranch’s tornado shelter, but did not go inside.

According to Iraqi PM Maliki, “Those who reject the execution of Saddam are undermining the dignity of Iraq’s martyrs.” Well we wouldn’t want that. In fact, “Our respect for human rights requires us to execute him.” So to sum up, nothing says dignity and respect for human rights like a good old fashioned hanging.

Speaking of dignity and respect for human rights, here are some fresh London Review of Books personal ads, in case you’re looking for a date for New Year’s.

Ball-breaking irrational F (52). Very probably just like your mother. Box no. 24/0

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Amateur roadkill/wild mushroom chef living the Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall dream (F, 34) is fairly certain it will be a stray cat and another night of unwanted psychedelic flashes. Thanks for nothing River Cottage. Also the A405. Box no. 24/05

Just as chugging on a bottle of White Lightning on a park bench will make you nauseous and diminish the respect of your peers, yet taking just a glass of cold cider on a barmy summer evening will quench your thirst and take you back to heady days frolicking in West Country apple orchards, so it is with this ad. Man, 37. Refreshing in small sips where the delicate nuances of Somerset burst through full and flavoursome, but anything bigger and you’ll end up puking over your own shoes and smelling of wee. Box no. 01/02

When eventually calming down after a heated argument involving smashed plates, thrown cutlery, insults directed at your circus side-show of a family, and emotionally destructive sex, you should know now that I’m very unlikely to participate in that ‘no, really, I’m sorry, it was my fault’ charade. You accept all of the blame all of the time or you grow gills to breathe in the stale, bitter soup of my angry and eternal silence. Cuddly F, 36, brown hair, green eyes, degree in geology. Box no. 01/05

When I inevitably read this ad again in a ‘laugh-out loud’ follow-up volume of ‘hilarious’, ‘quirky’ and ‘endearing’ lonely hearts ads, it will be like opening a time-capsule of despair on the emptiest period of my pathetic existence. Unless you write now and agree to marry me. No pressure from ‘winning’, ‘charming’, ‘best loo-read’ F, 38. Box no. 24/06

That’s a reference to the book of collected LRB personals, my copy of which Amazon still hasn’t delivered.

Also, stop calling me Lou.

Carpe diem

Hugo Chavez announces that he will shut down the opposition tv station, which he calls “coup-ist” (Chavez was for coups before he was against them). Again I ask, will the American left stop hero-worshipping this guy?

Holy Joe Lieberman has an op-ed piece in the called “Why We Need More Troops in Iraq” in the WaPo, which describes him as “an Independent Democratic senator.” He doesn’t say who the “we” is who needs troops. He also doesn’t mention his previous predictions that the number of troops would be reduced by now. Maybe it’s me, but I think when you completely reverse your position, you need to explain why if you’re to have any credibility. Instead, he continues to treat his hopes as facts, asserting, for example, that “an increase that will at last allow us to establish security throughout the Iraqi capital,” without explaining how that would work.

Joe fetishizes “security,” a word he uses seven times. Establishing security, he says, “will open possibilities for compromise and cooperation on the Iraqi political front.” Yes, everyone wants to be bipartisan centrist compromisers, given the chance. Remember the line in Full Metal Jacket: “inside every gook there’s an American waiting to come out”? Lieberman thinks inside every Iraqi there’s a Joe Lieberman waiting to come out, given enough, you know, security.

During his recent trip to the region, he says, “I saw firsthand evidence in Iraq of the development of a multiethnic, moderate coalition against the extremists of al-Qaeda and against the Mahdi Army”. He doesn’t say what that firsthand evidence was; I suppose we just have to take his word for it. I’m guessing he met one guy who told him what he wanted to hear, since that’s the standard of evidence elsewhere in the piece: he mentions “one moderate Palestinian leader” who told him that the US should stay in Iraq, and one American colonel who followed him out of a meeting and told him privately that the soldiers under him really want to “finish this fight” and know they can win it. So it must be true. If Joe threw in a cab driver, it could be a Tom Friedman article.

The real winners if we don’t surge, he says repeatedly, are Iran and Al Qaida, which he implies are on the same side, which is the pro-civil war side, I guess. Matt Browner-Hamlin (who has a good take-down on Joementum’s article I saw half-way through writing this; I’ve tried to avoid overlap) points out that Joe forgets about the Sunnis altogether.

It wouldn’t be a Joe Lieberman essay if he didn’t impugn the motives and strength of characters of people who disagree with him: “In Iraq today we have a responsibility to do what is strategically and morally right for our nation over the long term -- not what appears easier in the short term. ... Rather than engaging in hand-wringing, carping or calls for withdrawal, we must summon the vision, will and courage to take the difficult and decisive steps needed for success and, yes, victory in Iraq.” Joe likes to talk a lot about his ability to get along with people, but he means other warmongering neo-cons; everyone else is carping and taking the easy way out, and lacks vision, will and courage. But really, if we’re talking about carping...



Separated at birth?

Coming to closure on a way forward in Iraq

Spike Lee has announced he will make a biopic about James Brown. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if he made one about Gerald Ford? Wouldn’t you like to see what a Spike Lee movie about Gerald Ford would be like? I know I would.

So I’ve finished Bob Harris’s Prisoner of Trebekistan, and you should definitely have bought a copy for everyone on your Christmas list. I’d have mentioned that sooner, but I was mysteriously at the top of the list for the book at my public library for two months, waiting for every librarian there to read it first. So don’t buy it for any librarian on your list, they’ve already read it. It’s even better than you’d expect it to be from reading his blog.

Tuesday is the national day of mourning for Gerald Ford. Bush wants the American people “to assemble on that day in their respective places of worship, there to pay homage to the memory of President Ford.” So be sure to do that.

Bush and his “national security team” assembled today in Crawford for three whole hours of work. As Bush explained, “It’s an important part of coming to closure on a way forward in Iraq”. I think the way forward in Iraq is already closed. Not only can’t he come up with a timetable for getting out of Iraq, he can’t come up with a timetable for giving a speech about Iraq. But he says he’s “making good progress toward coming up with a plan that we think will help us achieve our objective.”

He explained that “The key to success in Iraq is to have a government that’s willing to deal with the elements there that are trying to prevent this young democracy from succeeding.” By “deal with,” he means kill. Of course, that sentence was a clever paraphrase of Thomas Jefferson, who famously said, “for a young democracy to ƒucceed, it must cruƒh its enemies, with the aƒsistance of a ƒurge of ƒoldiers from a foreign occupying army.” Jefferson also famously said, “And fuck Joe Biden.” (Not to be confused with “And ƒuck Joe Biden.”)

Speaking of fucking Joe Biden, Bush says he and members of his cabinet will “talk to Congress.” Note the preposition: to, not with. “I fully understand it’s important to have both Republicans and Democrats understanding the importance of this mission.” Isn’t that a great sentence? All that understanding, all that importance.

“People always ask me about a New Year’s resolution -- my resolution is, is that [the troops]’ll be safe and that we’ll come closer to our objective, that we’ll be able to help this young democracy survive and thrive”. And jive, don’t forget jive.

Don’t they all look cheery and Christmasy?