Thursday, December 28, 2006

Coming to closure on a way forward in Iraq

Spike Lee has announced he will make a biopic about James Brown. Wouldn’t it have been more fun if he made one about Gerald Ford? Wouldn’t you like to see what a Spike Lee movie about Gerald Ford would be like? I know I would.

So I’ve finished Bob Harris’s Prisoner of Trebekistan, and you should definitely have bought a copy for everyone on your Christmas list. I’d have mentioned that sooner, but I was mysteriously at the top of the list for the book at my public library for two months, waiting for every librarian there to read it first. So don’t buy it for any librarian on your list, they’ve already read it. It’s even better than you’d expect it to be from reading his blog.

Tuesday is the national day of mourning for Gerald Ford. Bush wants the American people “to assemble on that day in their respective places of worship, there to pay homage to the memory of President Ford.” So be sure to do that.

Bush and his “national security team” assembled today in Crawford for three whole hours of work. As Bush explained, “It’s an important part of coming to closure on a way forward in Iraq”. I think the way forward in Iraq is already closed. Not only can’t he come up with a timetable for getting out of Iraq, he can’t come up with a timetable for giving a speech about Iraq. But he says he’s “making good progress toward coming up with a plan that we think will help us achieve our objective.”

He explained that “The key to success in Iraq is to have a government that’s willing to deal with the elements there that are trying to prevent this young democracy from succeeding.” By “deal with,” he means kill. Of course, that sentence was a clever paraphrase of Thomas Jefferson, who famously said, “for a young democracy to ƒucceed, it must cruƒh its enemies, with the aƒsistance of a ƒurge of ƒoldiers from a foreign occupying army.” Jefferson also famously said, “And fuck Joe Biden.” (Not to be confused with “And ƒuck Joe Biden.”)

Speaking of fucking Joe Biden, Bush says he and members of his cabinet will “talk to Congress.” Note the preposition: to, not with. “I fully understand it’s important to have both Republicans and Democrats understanding the importance of this mission.” Isn’t that a great sentence? All that understanding, all that importance.

“People always ask me about a New Year’s resolution -- my resolution is, is that [the troops]’ll be safe and that we’ll come closer to our objective, that we’ll be able to help this young democracy survive and thrive”. And jive, don’t forget jive.

Don’t they all look cheery and Christmasy?

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