The eight most dreaded words in the English language

They keep telling us that Joe Biden used to stutter. He’s supposed to have overcome it when he was a kid, but you have to wonder if he really intended to name his son Beau Biden. Just saying.

Seriously, though, am I not right that a former stutterer naming his kid something that sounds like a stutter is just a little odd?

So Joe says that when he was a kid, bigger kids used to beat him up, so his mother told him, “bloody their noses so you can walk down the street the next day.” Then she cackled maniacally.


When he’s veep, “no longer will you hear the eight most dreaded words in the English language: The Vice President’s Office is on the phone.” Actually, more dreaded still are the next eight words: “And he’s inviting you on a hunting trip.”

Under Vice President Biden, those dreaded eight words would be: “And he’d like to chat a little while.”

They do not resent or resist America’s democratic influence in the world

Russian puppety prez Medvedev recognizes South Ossetia and Abkhazia as independent sovereign nations. Hurrah! This blog likewise recognizes the independence of Chechnya, North Ossetia, Dagestan and, oh, let’s say Tatarstan, ‘cause why not.

Speaking of independent sovereign nations, the “specific deadline” Maliki is supposedly insisting upon would be “conditions-based.” Who gets to decide if conditions are right? A joint American-Iraqi ministerial group. In other words, the US gets to veto withdrawal.

John McCain told the American Legion annual convention today: “when people in the oppressed nations of the world need support, and solidarity, and hope, they look to America. When they talk about our country, it is not with distrust or disdain, but with respect and affection. They do not resent or resist America’s democratic influence in the world -- they thank God for it.” Um, gosh, I don’t really... know... what to say about that particular, ah, view of the world. I guess he learned all about that respect and affection and stuff in Vietnam.

If not much longer than that

Condi is in Israel, because she’s going to have the entire Middle East thing solved by January, as you know. She held a press conference with Foreign Minister (and next prime minister?) Tzipi Livni, at which the latter was asked about a Peace Now report that settlement activity has doubled this year. Tzipi dismissed this as irrelevant: “the peace process is not and should not be affected by any kind of settlement activities. ... at the end of the day, the role of leaders is to try and find a way to live in peace in the future, and to avoid any kind of -- not to let any kind of noises that relate to the situation on the ground these days to enter the negotiations room.” Yes, by all means let’s not let “noises” about “the situation on the ground” (what some might call “reality”) enter the negotiations room.

Condi mildly criticized the settlement building as “unhelpful,” and herself helpfully added that “this is a conflict that goes back at least 40 years, if not much longer than that.”

Theirs is a forbidden love

Two stories in today’s WaPo tell us that Dick Cheney and Cindy McCain will both be visiting Georgia, clearly using the war-torn nation as a backdrop for their clandestine, torrid affair. Trips like this are “an important part of what I’m about, what makes me tick,” Cindy said, winking lasciviously.

Do you not believe in freedom?

If you can’t make out the chant, it’s “fuck Fox News.”

The definition of a slow news day...

is when the BBC World News features a four-minute interview with Jackie Chan (something or other about the Olympics).

So here’s a nice picture of John McCain at a baseball game, which you can caption, or not, as you see fit.

Blanket of freedom

I sort of expected the proposal to let FBI agents investigate anyone they want just because they feel like it, without even a sliver of evidence of a crime, to have generated a touch more discussion. Like, you know, any.

The Afghan Interior Ministry says the US killed 76 civilians, most of them children, in an air strike. The Americans say the number was zero. I predict you will never hear another word about this.

A former Marine sergeant, Jose Nazario, is being tried, in civilian court since he is no longer in the military, for the murder of four Iraqi prisoners in 2004 (he killed two and made two men under his command kill one each – male bonding and command leadership Tony Soprano-style). The LAT explains Nazario’s lawyers’ planned defense argument: “The killings did not occur, but if they did occur, they were justified during the violent, fast-moving battle in Fallujah.”

The judge has decided not to put those other two Marines in jail for refusing to testify against him, after one of their lawyers asked the judge to take into account “the unique sacrifices Sgt. Nelson has made for all of us -- that we all live under the blanket of freedom he provides with the blood that flows through his veins.” That is one disgusting blanket of freedom.

Caption contest. Don’t make fun of Obama’s freakishly long right arm.

Speaking of road kill sex...

As it happened, when I turned on my computer this morning, before checking any news sites, I looked at this blog’s visitor, and that’s where I intuited the Biden pick, because people have been coming to old posts via Google searches for: “joe biden draft dodger” (two of those), “joe biden suicide attempt,” “joe biden animal rights,” and “joe biden circumcised.” Also, “road kill sex.”

Just so I don’t set off a scramble for “joe biden circumcised”: I do not in fact have posts on any of those subjects.

Next question

All right, Senator McCain, now that we’ve (sort of) cleared up the question of how many houses you own: how many servants do you and your wife employ?


(Update: it seems that in 2007 the McCains’ budget for domestic staff was $273,000.)

I mean just flooded it

Yesterday, Bush went to New Orleans.

WHAT HE THINKS THE MESSAGE HERE TODAY IS: “I think the message here today is: Hope is being restored. Hope is coming back.”

WHAT THIS ISN’T LIKE: “This isn’t like a farewell address -- you know, George Bush came and he said, he’s through.” Through talking about himself in the third person.


IT’S EASIER TO REMEMBER WHEN THERE AREN’T ANY: “And even though I’m headed for retirement in about six months, that’s not to say I’m going to forget who my friends are in this part of the world.”

NAME OF THE DAY: “I said thanks to Hunt Downer -- that would be General Downer.” Why I can remember when he was just a Private Downer....

WHAT’S HARD TO BELIEVE: “It’s hard to believe that it was three years ago that Katrina, in essence, wiped out a lot of this city. I mean just flooded it, just destroyed a lot of hopes and a lot of dreams.” Speaking of flooding:


WHAT THERE IS: “There is hopeful signs of progress as housing is restored.”

WHAT ELSE THERE IS: “there is notable improvements.”

That’s pathetic

Condi Rice, on CNN, on the Russian threat to nuke Poland if it goes ahead with the Star Wars deal: “That’s pathetic.”

Rice with evil but adorable twin president of Poland Kaczynski
WHAT CONDI IS BEGINNING TO WONDER: “I’m beginning to wonder if the Russian President is ever going to keep his word, or can he keep his word, or what is going on there?”

WHAT IS EMBARRASSING NOW: “He’s the Russian President. He’s the Russian President and he ought to keep his word. But I think what is embarrassing now is the Russian President continuing to make representations that don’t turn out to be true.” Yes, imagine what it would be like to have a president like that.

She praised soon-to-be-former president Musharraf as having “pull[ed] Pakistan away from the brink of extremism.” He also “helped to smooth the path to civilian democratic rule in Pakistan.” Sort of like praising O.J. Simpson for helping to look for the real killer.

Testy v. testosterone

Bush, arriving in New Orleans: “I make no promises. This isn’t a chance for me to be a typical politician and make you a promise that I don’t intend to keep.” Um... good?




Today McCain accused Obama of getting “testy” (let me repeat: McCain accused Obama of getting testy. Sort of a “man bites testy attack dog” story) about being accused of being unpatriotic, which McCain says he totally isn’t doing: “Let me be very clear: I am not questioning his patriotism -- I am questioning his judgment. I am questioning his judgment. Senator Obama has made it clear that he values withdrawal from Iraq above victory in Iraq, even today with victory in sight.... He has made these decisions not because he doesn’t love America, but because he doesn’t think it matters whether American wins or loses.” See? Totally not questioning his patriotism.

It is possible I might have committed mistakes

Condi on the Russo-Georgian War: “what has Russia demonstrated? It has demonstrated that it can use its overwhelming regional military power to beat up on a small neighbor. That’s what it demonstrated. It can attack Georgian civilians, it can block Georgian highways, it can bomb Georgian ports, and it can say very nasty things about a democratically elected Georgian Government. That’s what it has demonstrated.” You make it sound like a bad thing.

Musharraf’s resignation speech:

ALL? THAT WAS REALLY ALL THE HONESTY AND INTEGRITY YOU HAD? “I am going with the satisfaction that whatever I could do for this nation, for the people, I did it with all my honesty and integrity.”

MMM, COULD BE: “It is possible I might have committed mistakes”.

CHANNELING JOHN MCCAIN: “Some elements have given preface to their own interests rather than the nation.”

The hour-long speech included a long listing of his many accomplishments for Pakistan, such as increased hotel occupancy. He denied that anything that sucks about Pakistan had anything to do with his nine years of dictatorship: “They said that during the last nine years our economic problems and electricity shortages were due to our policies. It is absolutely wrong and deception for the country.” There were three blackouts in Karachi during the speech.

He also repeatedly claimed that none of the charges would stick, because “because I never did anything for myself.” In other words, he wasn’t corrupt, just power-mad. So that’s all right, then.

Just one more issue to be spun or worked to advantage

In a speech at the VFW, McCain, class act that he is, accused Obama of treating veterans’ concerns as “just one more issue to be spun or worked to advantage.”

He also accused him of trying to “legislate failure” by not supporting the surge, repeating his claim that the O Man chose political self-interest over national interest. McCain is clearly not following his own political self-interest here, unless he thinks it’s in his political self-interest to look like a douchebag. Note that for McCain’s charge that Obama chose to reject a policy that was in the national interest to be true, Obama would have to have shared all along McCain’s belief that the surge would work and been lying when he said the contrary.

By the way, according to McCain, “victory in Iraq is finally in sight” but “The hard-won gains of our troops hang in the balance.” It’s like buying a DVD player at Circuit City, isn’t it? The salesman tells you the machine he’s pushing is a marvel of engineering, a piece of technology so advanced as to be indistinguishable from magic, then when you agree to purchase it you’re told it’s really as delicate as a house of cards in a tumble drier and you should buy the extended warrantee.

This is not the time for individual bravado

Must-read of the day: the state of women in Afghanistan, where the majority of women in prisons committed the crime of being raped and where 57% of brides are under the age of 16, the majority of them forced. “Afghanistan is the only country in the world with a higher suicide rate among women than men.”

Musharraf resigns because “This is not the time for individual bravado.” See, and you thought this was the time for individual bravado. Now you know better.

People are going to begin to wonder if Russia can be trusted

In an interview on Meet the Press, Condi Rice came out in support of Russian intervention in South Ossetia. The problem, and evidently the only problem, she has with the Russo-Georgian War, is that the Russians Went Too Far:

once this broke out in South Ossetia, it could have been confined to South Ossetia. Rather than confine it to that and deal with the facts on the ground there, the Russians decided to go deeper into Georgia, to bomb Georgian ports, to bomb Georgian military installations, to go into the city of Gori. ... But we need to keep the focus on the culprit here, and the culprit here is that Russia overreached, used disproportionate force against a small neighbor... What the Russians did was to unfortunately go well beyond the zone of conflict and threaten Georgian institutions.

Naturally, she was not asked what precisely she meant by “deal with the facts on the ground there,” but her characterization of South Ossetia as an area in which it was legitimate for Russian troops (which she repeatedly calls peacekeepers) to attack Georgians strongly suggests that she is prepared to oversee the transfer of the breakaway provinces to Russia. Someone should ask her to clarify, but none of the hosts of the three Sunday talk shows she went on today did so.


She did warn Russia of the severe consequences for its actions: “People are going to begin to wonder if Russia can be trusted.”

Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century

This morning, Bush spoke in the Rose Garden about Georgia, which once had a Rose Revolution. He announced that he’ll be dragging Condi’s ass out to Crawford to report to him “on what she has seen and what she heard in Georgia, as well as in Paris -- I mean, in France. She did not go to Paris.” No one goes to Paris in August, it’s just not done.

“Georgia’s sovereignty and territorial integrity must be respected.” Because if there’s one thing George Bush hates, it’s the sovereignty and territorial integrity of other nations not being respected..

“The Cold War is over. The days of satellite states and spheres of influence are behind us.” Because if there’s one thing George Bush hates, it’s satellite states and spheres of influence.

“Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century.” Because if there’s one thing George Bush hates, it’s bullying and intimidation.

A startling wake-up call

In an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal, John McCain (who begins, “For anyone who thought that stark international aggression was a thing of the past, the last week must have come as a startling wake-up call” – and if there’s one thing John McCain hates, it’s a startling wake-up call, especially during his mid-morning nap or his mid-afternoon nap) insists again that “We Are All Georgians,” despite my poll results to the contrary. Are you people quite sure you’re not Georgians?

Mikhail Saakashvili, who’d be your president if you were a Georgian, has an op-ed in the WaPo, in which he tries to portray the Russo-Georgian War as a purely ideological conflict between democracy and dictatorship, and says, “I have staked my country’s fate on the West’s rhetoric about democracy and liberty.” Er, sorry, we didn’t know anyone was listening to us, much less taking us at face value. Our bad. Signed, The West.

Speaking of democracy and liberty, congratulations to Nevada voters for their primary turnout of 14%.

Oh, and Nevada provides our Name (and Location) of the Day: “veteran Assemblyman John Marvel of Battle Mountain.” Who was defeated in his primary, I might add. How does John Marvel of Battle Mountain get defeated? By one Don Gustavson, which is just a terrible supervillain name.

Isolation

Condi Rice held a news conference yesterday. She said that if Russia is violating the ceasefire, “that will only serve to deepen the isolation into which Russia is moving.” In an old post, I suggested that there might be something psychological about Condi’s repeated threats of isolation against other countries.


SHE’S THE REMINDERER: “Right now, the key is to remind Russia that it has an obligation to stop its military activities, remind Russia that it is not to further engage in activities that threaten the territorial integrity and sovereignty of Georgia, that it should drop the language concerning the democratically elected Government of Georgia that has been thrown around by some Russian officials, and that it’s time to stop this so that Russia can begin to dig out of the hole that it’s gotten itself into.” You know, if Russia wants advice about how to dig oneself out of a hole one has gotten oneself into, I don’t think they’ll be looking for it from anyone in the Bush administration.

In the 21st century, nations don’t invade other nations

I don’t think Obama will pick Evan Bayh as his running mate, nor should he, but Obama-Bayh just sounds fun. Say it with me: Obama-Bayh, Obama-Bayh, Obama-Bayh.

Politicians’ statements condemning Russia seem oddly situational, or perhaps I should say temporal. Bush two days ago: “Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century.” Bush today: “In recent years, Russia has sought to integrate into the diplomatic, political, economic, and security structures of the 21st century. ... Now Russia is putting its aspirations at risk by taking actions in Georgia that are inconsistent with the principles of those institutions.” Did you know that the 21st century had security structures? Presumably to protect it from invasion by the 24st century – they want our women, you know. And McCain today: “In the 21st century, nations don’t invade other nations.”


What, did you expect me to say something about that sentence that would make it more absurd?


McCain plans to send emissaries to Georgia, Senators Lieberman and Graham. Haven’t the Georgians suffered enough?


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