Today -100: November 27, 1911: Of denials, Marxes, heavenly spirits, and executions

Teddy Roosevelt again denies that he’s running for president in 1912, or that he’s supporting Taft, La Follette, or anyone else.

Karl Marx’s daughter Laura commits suicide along with her husband, French socialist (and Karl Marx translator) Paul Lafargue, because they were all old and stuff. Some dude named Lenin will speak at their funeral.

The regent for the Chinese boy-emperor takes an oath to uphold the new revolutionary Constitution, organize a new parliament and exclude nobles from administrative posts. “I and my descendants will adhere to it forever. Your heavenly spirits will see and understand.”

Man Bites Dog -100: A white man will be executed in Georgia for killing a black woman and her daughter. First time a white person has ever been executed for killing a black person.

Today -100: November 26, 1911: Of secession, bathtub trust, duels, suffrage babies, unnecessary lynchings, and un-naked savages

Oaxaca state secedes from Mexico, or at any rate its Legislature and governor refuse to recognize the Madero government.

There are great plans to celebrate 100 years of peace between Britain and the US in 1915. I predict that 1915 will be all about peace.

Headline of the Day -100: “Against Bathtub Trust.”

Another duel related to Marie Curie. This time, at last, one of the duellists is the dude alleged to be having the affair with her, Prof. Langevin. Pathetically, both parties fired their pistols into the air. (Headline: “Curie Duel a Fizzle.”)

Members of the Illinois Equal Suffrage Association will hold a “suffrage baby show” at the county fair, to show that suffragists can raise pretty babies, or something. There will also be a cooking contest. This must be some definition of feminism with which I am not familiar.

Kaiser Wilhelm II catches a cold driving an open automobile. He likes driving fast. Mrs. Kaiser can’t stop him, but she did stop him going up in a dirigible or down in a submarine, because she never lets him have any fun.

The NYT Sunday magazine section has a lengthy article about Alabama Governor Emmet O’Neal’s views about the current state of the South, under the headline “Lynching Unnecessary, Says Alabama’s Governor.” He says that whites used to be “compelled” to use violence to maintain “law and order” (Define law. Define order.) before the state’s 1901 constitution, whose literacy tests and poll taxes effectively disfranchised most blacks (and a lot of poor whites) in the state, leaving almost no voters at all in the 14 Black Belt counties. O’Neal says that blacks’ failure since then to acquire the education and cash necessary to vote in Alabama shows they really aren’t interested in voting, and indeed their failure to pay the poll tax just proves them “unfit to vote” (or that they know that “literacy tests” administered by racist fucks like yourself will mean it would just be a waste of $1.50.) He bemoans that blacks are leaving agriculture, where they are “more contented and freer from crime” and “most easily controlled.” He says the South went prohibition to keep booze away from blacks, not because blacks are natural alcoholics, but because the quality of the alcohol sold to them was so bad. He says lynching has died out in Alabama because of a provision in the 1901 constitution allowing governors to remove sheriffs who allow lynchings to take place (O’Neal has used this provision once). Mob violence is “no necessity in any Southern state,” he says.

The LAT reports the great news out of our newest colony, the Philippines: “A million naked savages are putting on dresses or pantaloons. Gory head-hunters are washing their hands and going to work.” They’re even wearing shoes and tucking in their shirts now. So conquering them was totally worth it.

Today -100: November 25, 1911: Of non-lynchings, aerial warfare, and duels

In Spring Hill, Kansas, a black man accused of attacking a 14-year-old white girl is saved from lynching by her father, who says that the law should be allowed to take its course.

The Chinese revolutionaries are said to be purchasing 13 airships in the US for their attack on Peking.

Another duel in France over Marie Curie’s alleged sex life, this time between a writer in Gil Blas and an anti-Semitic editor.

Today -100: November 24, 1911: Of blockades and duels

Italy, annoyed and bewildered by Turkey’s continued refusal to give in over Libya, plans to blockade the Dardanelles. Russia will not be best pleased.

The editor of French literary journal Gil Blas and the editor of the far-right newspaper L’Action Française duel over whether Madame Curie is fucking a professor.

I mean, jurors are human beings

The Arkansas Supreme Court is hearing an appeal for a death penalty case in which one juror was found to be using Twitter – from the jury box – and another was asleep. Neither were bounced from the state, a practice which the state of Arkansas is defending. The assistant attorney general says the first guy only tweeted a few times, and only about his feelings about the trial, not about its substance (he was caught doing it during the trial, was questioned by the judge, and went right back to doing it from the deliberation room).

The other juror had his eyes closed. Asked by the judge if he’d missed anything, he said, “Not really.” Which was good enough for the judge. And for the assistant attorney general, who points out that it was after all a long trial, and he seems to have heard “the vast majority of the evidence.” “I mean, jurors are human beings.”

Further, the judge told the jury that the state supreme court would automatically review any death sentence, suggesting that they didn’t have to worry their little heads too much about making a mistake. They used to pull that shit pretty regularly in Texas. I thought the Supreme Court had stomped on that practice, but I may recollect incorrectly.

Liberty is ugly, and also media-savvy

Forgot to mention that the high school students who raised the pardoned turkeys gave them media training, exposing them to loud noises and flash bulbs, so they wouldn’t embarrass the president. In Nixon’s day, they just nailed the turkey’s feet down (true story, I think G. Gordon Liddy must have been in charge).

Man, is Liberty ugly

President Obama pardoned two turkeys today, making his total pardons 6 turkeys and 22 human beings.


The turkeys are named Liberty and Peace, and once again Obama has discontinued the practice of the Bush years, in which the American people voted on the turkeys’ names, as is our constitutional right. It is therefore up to this blog to take up the slack (okay, I’m a little late this year). NAME THOSE BIRDS! Some suggestions to start you off:

• Occupy and WallStreet
• Pepper and Spray
• 99 and Percent
• Robot and Drone
• Super and Committee

The face of Liberty, the ugly, ugly face of Liberty

Republican Foreign Policy Debate: All of us will be in danger for the rest of our lives

Tonight’s debate was brought to you by the Heritage Foundation, the American Enterprise Institute, and Satan. Some of the questions came from Ed Meese, Paul Wolfowitz, and David Addington, a reminder that as bumbling, inept, proudly ignorant, and tongue-tied as this bunch of candidates might be, their party has behind them a talent pool of some of the most evil bastards in the world ready to staff their administration.

Transcript.

“I’m Wolf Blitzer and yes, that’s my real name.”

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE?: Ron Paul’s opening statement: “I am convinced that needless and unnecessary wars are a great detriment.”

WHERE’S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE, WILLARD? Romney: “I’m Mitt Romney and yes, Wolf, that’s also my first name.”


AN HONEST UNDERSTANDING: Gingrich wants to extend the Patriot Act forever, and strengthen it, “building an honest understanding that all of us will be in danger for the rest of our lives.”

Ron Paul responds, “you never have to give up liberty for security,” and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike.

WHAT WE HAVE TO REALIZE: Bachmann: “We have to realize we’re in a very different war”. She repeats her line from two debates ago about Obama “hand[ing] over our interrogation of terrorists to the ACLU. He has outsourced it to them. Our CIA has no ability to have any form of interrogation for terrorists.” Because it doesn’t count as interrogation if there’s no waterboarding.

SOMEONE WE’LL LOOK AT: Perry wants to privatize the TSA and eliminate unions. Ditto Santorum, who also wants to profile Muslims, especially young male Muslims. “I think Muslims will be someone we’ll look at.” Cain wants “targeted identification.” “If you take a look at the people who are trying to kill us it would be easy to figure out.” Because they look all terroristy, if you know what I mean. About 30 seconds later he calls Blitzer “Blitz.” So much for targeted identification.

WITH THEIR PARTIES AND THEIR LOUD MUSIC, I’M GUESSING: Huntsman says Pakistan is “the country that ought to keep everybody up at night.” He calls Pakistan “a haven for bad behavior.”


Bachmann, who does not know what the word epicenter means, calls Pakistan “the epicenter of dealing with terrorism.” So which is it, a haven or an epicenter? She says the possibility of Al Qaida getting Pakistani nukes “is more than an existential threat. We have to take this very seriously.” She doesn’t know what the word existential means either. She says Pakistan is “kind of like too nuclear to fail.” Perry says he would cut off all aid and send Pakistan to its room until it proves it can be trusted, and then Bachmann calls him naive, so yeah, that happened.

Perry thinks the answer is to get Afghanistan, India and Pakistan into a free-trade zone, which would get “Pakistan to understand that they have to work with all of the countries in that region.”

HEY, MITT, DON’T LET THE PITH HELMET MESS UP YOUR HAIR: “We need to bring Pakistan into the 21st century, or the 20th century for that matter,” just like “what happened in Indonesia back in the 1960s, where -- where we helped Indonesia move toward modernity with new leadership.” And gave them names of people to be killed as part of the genocidal slaughter of a million people. You know, modernity.

Romney says “This is not time for America to cut and run” from Afghanistan. I’m sure he’ll tell us when it is time for America to cut and run.

Gingrich stopped in the middle of talking about killing bin Laden to ask whether he had 30 seconds or longer to give his answer, because “I’m happy to play by the rules, I just want to know what they are.” Which I thought was amusing because he meant play by the rules as far as answering within a given time-frame, not play by the rules against sending troops into a country secretly to kill people. He says Pakistan was furious with us about that, but we should have been furious at them, because Gingrich likes pretending to be furious about things.


Some Heritage Foundation douche asks if we should help Israel attack Iran.

MOUNTAINOUS: Herman Cain reminds us that “when you talk about attacking Iran, it is a very mountainous region.” But “in some instances, depending upon how strong the plan is, we would join with Israel for that, if it was clear what the mission was and it was clear what the definition of victory was.”

victory >noun (pl. victories) an act of defeating an opponent in a battle or competition.
-ORIGIN Latin victoria.

Hope that helps.

Ron Paul says he wouldn’t, because Israel has several hundred nuclear missiles and “they can take care of themselves,” if by take care of themselves you mean turn the Middle East into a radioactive hellscape.

Herman Cain again wants to remind us that Iran is very mountainous. He does not like heights. Hell, he won’t even sexually harass tall women.

It’s like he learns one new fact for each debate, and this one was that Iran is mountainous.

SERIOUS: Perry wants to sanction the Iranian Central Bank and put a no-fly zone over Syria. “And in that moment, they will understand that America is serious.” But then they’d realize it was “President Perry” ordering these things, and understand that America is not serious.

Blitz, as he will no doubt forever henceforth be known, asks if cutting off all Iranian oil wouldn’t wreck the European economy. Gingrich says that his energy program would actually produce an energy surplus in the United States, which would evidently be large enough to “literally replace the Iranian oil.” So the US would suddenly become a huge net exporter of energy with what, dilithium crystals?

The Newtster goes on: “But if we were serious, we could break the Iranian regime, I think, within a year, starting candidly with cutting off the gasoline supply to Iran, and then, frankly, sabotaging the only refinery they have.”


Bachmann says that Obama “met with [Iran] with no preconditions. It’s the doctrine of appeasement.” When did that happen?

Santorum says he supported AIDS assistance to Africa because “Africa was a country on the brink.” Santorum says that “America is that shining city on the hill.” No word from Cain on whether the “country” of Africa is mountainous, but the “city” of America definitely sounds mountainous.

Blitz keeps having to repeat the questions for Cain.

Ron Paul says “the [foreign] aid is all worthless.”

Romney thinks a trillion dollars is being taken out of the defense budget and put into Obamacare. Paul says nonsense, and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike.

Romney says “The right course in America is to stand up to Iran with crippling sanctions” – if I were a psychoanalyst, I’d have hours of fun analyzing Twitt’s notion of “standing up” to someone by “crippling” them. And we should indict Ahmadinejad for violating the Genocide Convention, because why not.

OR MAYBE A NICE CARD: And once he’s president, “my first trip -- my first foreign trip will be to Israel to show the world we care about that country and that region.”

Gingrich says “if we were a serious country,” “we would open up enough oil fields in the next year that the price of oil worldwide would collapse.” Collapse? If we had that as much oil under our feet as he seems to think, well, nobody better light a match. Also, “Lean Six Sigma,” which sounds like the name of one of his crappy novels.

Gingrich says he would bomb Iranian nuclear facilities “only as a last recourse and only as a step toward replacing the regime.” Bombing our way to a friendly regime in Iran, because what could go wrong.


Rick Perry says the supercommittee failed – “it was a super-failure” – because Rick Perry is hilarious. And if Leon Panetta is an honorable man, he will resign to protest the sequestrations. So obviously that will happen, because Little Leon wouldn’t want Rick Perry to think he wasn’t an honorable man.

WHAT HER VOICE(S) SAID: Bachmann: “Let me answer that in the context of the super committee, because I was involved in the middle of that fight as a member of Congress this summer. And my voice said this. I said it’s time for us to draw a line in the sand.”

I KNEW JIMMY MONROE; JIMMY MONROE WAS A FRIEND OF MINE; AND YOU, SIR... Rick Perry: “I think it’s time for a 21st century Monroe Doctrine.” Evidently “We know that Hamas and Hezbollah are working in Mexico, as well as Iran, with their ploy to come into the United States.”

Ron Paul calls for an end to the war on drugs, and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike. He says we should eliminate the entire welfare state, which is just an incentive for illegal immigrants to bring their families.

Gingrich calls for a “humane” immigration policy, with “something like a World War II Selective Service Board that, frankly, reviews the people who are here.” He’d consider letting people who’ve been here 25 years and have grandchildren and are in a local church (he mentioned that twice) stay. “[A]s somebody who believes strongly in family” – why, I’ve had several! – “you’ll have a hard time explaining why that particular subset is being broken up and forced to leave”.

Bachmann, selectively listening to Gingrich, or just not understanding, keeps saying he wants amnesty for 11 million people and a federal DREAM Act. “We need to move away from magnets, not offer more.” Magnets, as we know, scare our Michele, for some reason.


Next up is Romney, who doesn’t like magnets either, because they might get too close to his robotic CPU; he wants to “turn... off the magnets of amnesty”.

Perry is also anti-magnet (they mess his hair up somehow? I got nothin’.)

Romney says “The answer is we’re going to have a system that gives people who come legally a card that identifies them as coming here legally.” Hey, I know, we could make that card yellow, no wait, green, yeah green. “Employers are going to be expected to inspect that card, see if they’re here legally.”

The Blitz helpfully prefaces a question: “Herman Cain, you may not know this, but today Governor Perry called for a no-fly zone, for the U.S. to participate in a no-fly zone over Syria.” He actually did that in this very debate, but yeah, Herman Cain probably doesn’t know this.

You know, I could analyze what Cain and Perry said about Syria, but why?

Oh wait, somewhere in the middle of his answer, Perry started talking about how Syria and Iran are linked, so a no-fly zone over Syria is one of the ways we stop Iran developing nuclear weapons.

Asked about the Arab Spring, Huntsman is talking about the end of the Ottoman Empire.

Paul notes that a no-fly zone would be an act of war. “I would say why don’t we mind our own business?” He is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike.

Romney, perhaps after exposure to a magnet, started gibbering: “President Obama’s foreign policy is one of saying, first of all, America’s just another nation with a flag. I believe America is an exceptional and unique nation. President Obama feels that we’re going to be a nation which has multipolar balancing militaries. I believe that American military superiority is the right course. President Obama says that we have people throughout the world with common interests. I just don’t agree with him. I think there are people in the world that want to oppress other people, that are evil. President Obama seems to think that we’re going to have a global century, an Asian century. I believe we have to have an American century, where America leads the free world and the free world leads the entire world.” He does, however, point out that a no-fly zone in Syria is silly because there’s no bombing.

Someone asks what security issue they’re worried about that nobody has asked them about. Santorum says “militant socialists” in Central and South America “bonding together” with radical Islamists. Paul worries about overreaction and getting into more unnecessary wars, and is immediately pepper-sprayed by Lt. Pike. Perry worries about Communist China which “is destined for the ash heap of history because they are not a country of virtues,” with the forced abortions and cybersecurity. Romney says Hezbollah in Latin America. Cain says cyber attacks. Gingrich says WMD attacks on an American city, electromagnetic pulse attacks, and cyber attacks. Bachmann says Al-Shabaab in Minnesota. Huntsman says the American economy and the trust deficit.

Today -100: November 23, 1911: Of jury duty

The California attorney general rules that the state’s introduction of women’s suffrage does not mean that women are allowed on juries.

Today -100: November 22, 1911: Of broken windows, more aerial bombing, and lost feet

In Britain, suffragette protesters, turned back from Parliament by the police, smash windows. Lots of windows. “A visitor to London to-night, unaware of the previously announced plans of the suffragettes to storm the Houses of Parliament, might have imagined that the Germans had come at last.” 220 women and 3 men are arrested. In the meeting preceding the “deputation” to Parliament, Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence of the Women’s Social and Political Union said, “We who are on this deputation to-night are already outside our body. We know that our hands, our feet, and all that we have are being used by the great Spirit to carry out the great purpose of His will. It is that which destroys any possibility of anxiety or fear or consciousness of pain. We know that here we offer and present ourselves, our souls and bodies, to be a living sacrifice for all those great sins of the world whose taproot is in sex domination.”

An Italian “airship fleet” (5 planes) bombs and supposedly destroys a Turkish camp in Libya (according to observers in, what else, a balloon).

Headline of the Day -100: “Loses Foot to See Taft.” 15-year-old Edward McMahon, hopping a train with a friend to go to the White House to talk with Taft – about what, we do not know – falls under a train. His left foot is crushed, but not his plucky, indomitable spirit, I’m guessing.

Oh well

I’ll do a write-up of Saturday’s I’m Not Holier Than Thou, I’m Holier Than You debate if, and only if, a transcript ever appears. If anybody sees one, please leave a link in comments.

Today -100: November 21, 1911: Of assassinations and moral protection

Santo Domingo’s president, Ramon Caceras, is assassinated. His coach was attacked, possibly by relatives of the former president, killed by Caceras in 1899.

British suffragette leader Emmeline Pethick-Lawrence of the Women’s Social and Political Union explains that they scheduled their demonstration today (see tomorrow’s post for coverage) for night time “for the express reason that decent, honest workingmen will be in the streets. We have found that their presence affords women moral protection against violence by the police and hooligans.”

Today -100: November 20, 1911: Of borders, demographics, and sugar

US troops will start patrolling the border with Mexico to prevent any more attempts to form revolutionary armies on the American side of the border.

In the first six months of 1911, the number of French deaths exceeded the number of births.

Dr. Alpheus Woodman of MIT says that people who eat lots of sugar are better-nourished, better-looking and more energetic.

Shouldn’t this be the day after Thanksgiving?

Today is World Toilet Day. All day. Celebrate accordingly.

This is the official World Toilet Day logo:


This is the official World Toilet Day song, bringing the WTF to WTD:

Today -100: November 19, 1911: Of ultimata, plots, and campaign hats

Russia is demanding that Persia fire its treasurer-general, the American William Morgan-Shuster, or else.

US Secret Service agents arrest Mexican Gen. Bernardo Reyes for plotting on US soil against Pres. Madero and planning to launch a military expedition against Mexico from the US. This may not stop a new revolution.

Headline and Hat of the Day -100: “Taft Orders Campaign Hat.” It will be a derby with a a crown 6 inches deep and a brim 2 3/8 inches wide, size 7 5/8. “It is no ordinary affair, and, according to local politicians, could not be meant for other than campaign purposes.”

Today -100: November 18, 1911: Of suffrage, rope, and old dudes

British Prime Minister Herbert Asquith receives a deputation of suffragists from several suffrage groups which are divided in tactics but uniformly believe that his maneuver of pushing a Liberal-favoring universal manhood suffrage bill to which Parliament might (or might not) accept a women’s suffrage amendment (he tells them that the government will be neutral on the subject and that it is up to them to persuade Parliament) is intended to scupper the chances of a non-party settlement of the women’s suffrage issue (a London Times editorial agrees). Christabel Pankhurst tells Asquith that he “can go.”

Headline of the Day -100: “Duel to the Death Over a Bit of Rope.” A dock watchman accused a guy of stealing some rope and shot him twice. The man returned fire and killed him. Both men, who were strangers and unrelated, were named William Scott.

One Abraham Kalinsky dies in Baltimore, supposedly 117 years old. He served in the Prussian army at Waterloo and helped burn Moscow.

Today -100: November 17, 1911: Of combinations doing mischief, Persia, and assassinations

Theodore Roosevelt writes an editorial criticizing the Taft administration policy towards trusts as inadequate, being overly reliant on the courts to punish bad corporations rather than, as TR advocates, based on regulation and oversight by an independent federal agency. As it is, there are no clear set rules for the behaviour of large corporations, just long court cases which might eventually result in them being declared trusts and dissolved.

Roosevelt is not opposed to huge corporations (combinations) per se, only to those that “do mischief,” and he attacks his Progressive buddies who are opposed to them on principle for their “rural toryism.” As long as we have steam, electricity, bit cities, etc, we can’t go back to the competitive climate of 60 years ago, he says.

One reason for TR criticizing his successor now is that the government case against US Steel claims that Roosevelt was “deceived” by US Steel over the monopolistic tendency of its acquisition of the Tennessee Coal and Iron Company in 1907. The dude does not take criticism well.

While some people view this article as a break with Taft, presaging an endorsement by Roosevelt of La Follette in 1912, the NYT thinks he won’t endorse La Follette or Taft, but will “keep as quiet as he can” until the convention, and then support the party nominee. And the Times strongly discounts the possibility of him running himself. They don’t know him very well, do they?

Russia is sending troops to occupy parts of Persia, as per its ultimatum.

Mexico arrests a Spanish dude who was allegedly going to assassinate President Madero for $10,000.

Not unlike the stuff twirling around in his toilet

Today -100: November 16, 1911: They want to burn him now

The Post Office is experimenting with delivering mail (in D.C. to start with) by newfangled automobiles.

There’s supposedly a reign of terror going on in Nanking, where any Chinese who have cut their queues (those pigtails) are being beheaded.

At an NAACP meeting in NYC to protest lynching, Rev. John Hanyes Holmes says that lynchings are getting more frequent and more cruel. “A few years ago, the mobs needed the excuse of an attack upon a woman. Now they do not wait for that excuse. It used to be considered enough to hang the negro. They want to burn him now.”

Today -100: November 15, 1911: Let us have white men in this country

NYC Mayor Gaynor addresses the annual convention of the State Federation of Women’s Clubs, and tells them that no more than 2% of women want the vote (he soon finds out that pretty much 100% of the women in the audience want the vote). He then goes on at length about the unity of man and woman. And he assumed they all had the permission of their husbands to be here. It was a rather odd speech, during which he kept saying that he was distracted by the ash & garbage can situation (there’s a strike going on).

The premier of British Columbia, Richard McBride, asks the Canadian PM to ban Asiatics (Japanese, Chinese, and Indians) from BC. Says BC Attorney General Bowser, “Let us have white men in this country.”