What we really need in this country

is better mental health care. Start with the Supreme Court justices who said there’s an individual right to guns.

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The purging of the Lieberdouches

Holy Joe Lieberman: gone.

Unholy Avigdor Lieberman: gone.

Let us never speak of them again.

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Today -100: December 14, 1912: Of flying white slavers

Headline of the Day -100: “White Slavers Fly London.” In fear of the just-passed White Slave Traffic Act, which includes a provision for flogging on a second conviction.

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Today -100: December 13, 1912: Also, shame-eating. Lots of shame-eating.

President Taft lays out his post-presidential plans: he’ll take up a professorship of law at Yale next fall, and then go on a year-long around-the-world tour.

Rep. Charles Calvin Bowman (R-PA) is declared unseated by the House due to corrupt practices in his election in 1910 (anyway, he was defeated in the 1912 election). But the House refuses a motion to give the seat for the remainder of the 62nd Congress to his Democratic opponent in the 1910 election, who evidently did the same things.

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Woof

The House of Lords voted to decriminalize the use of “insulting” language.

My two favorite bits in the Guardian story:

1) For delightful British absurdity:

Kyle Little, a 16-year-old from Newcastle, was fined £50 with £150 costs for saying “woof” to a labrador dog in front of police officers.

The conviction was quashed.

2) Because I am a child:

“Section five is a useful and important tool to respond to and prevent deeply offensive homophobic language frequently targeted at one in eight gay people a year” said Sam Dick, head of policy [for gay-rights group Stonewall].

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Today -100: December 12, 1912: Of miscegenation and juries

On the House floor, Rep. Seaborn Roddenbery (D-Georgia) denounces the marriage of black boxer Jack Johnson to a white woman, and proposes a Constitutional amendment banning interracial marriages. He opposes the legal ability of “a brown-hued, black-skinned, thick-lipped, brutal-hearted African” to “walk into an office of the law and demand an edict guaranteeing him legal wedlock to a white woman.” He says a Southern girl would sooner commit suicide than marry a negro.

Here’s the kind of funny part: his lengthy diatribe prevented a bill coming to a vote requiring a literacy test for some immigrants.

Oregon’s attorney general decides that last month’s victory for women’s suffrage does not entitle women to sit on juries.

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Today -100: December 11, 1912: Of premature presidential picks

The National Progressive Party conference in Chicago nominates Theodore Roosevelt for president for 1916.

President Taft will be going down to tour the Panama Canal zone, but what was the object spotted being moved from Taft’s personal yacht to the battleship Arkansas, the ship that will take him to Panama? If you guessed “jumbo bathtub,” you guessed correctly.

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Today -100: December 10, 1912: Of armistices, blind congresscritters, and no peace

Theodore Roosevelt gives his first speech since the election, promising that the Bull Moosers will continue fighting the Republican Party, an “organization of such a character that no honest man can be in it.” He refuses to say if he’ll run for president in 1916.

The armistice didn’t last long: Montenegrin and Turkish forces are fighting again.

In addition to blind Sen. Gore, the 63rd Congress will have blind Rep. Sanford Kirkpatrick (D-Iowa), a Civil War vet whose eyes were, in his words, “almost literally shot out by moonshiners” in 1890 when he was a Revenooer in North Carolina.

The Nobel committee says no one deserves a Peace Prize this year.

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Today -100: December 9, 1912: Of junket, dead aviators, socialist peers, and Smocks

President Taft offers Woodrow Wilson the use of a warship if he wants to visit the Panama Canal before being sworn in. Wilson doesn’t want.

An aviator, Dr. Jules Constantin, died while dropping bombs on Turks for the Bulgarian army, shot by a rifle.

Britain gets its first socialist member of the House of Lords, the 2nd Earl Russell (the philosopher Bertrand Russell’s brother). In 1901 Russell was tried (by the House of Lords, as lords were tried in those days, jury of your peers you know) for bigamy, since English law didn’t recognize his Reno divorce.

Name of the Day -100: a committee member of the Bull Moose Party in Idaho: P. Monroe Smock. A newspaper in Idaho is being prosecuted for printing remarks made by Roosevelt in a campaign speech criticizing an Idaho Supreme Court decision keeping Bull Moose Party electors off the state ballot.

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Today -100: December 8, 1912: A higher law than the Constitution

Interviewed by the NYT, South Carolina Gov. Coleman Blease says he was misrepresented (but not misquoted) regarding his “To hell with the Constitution” line. “[W]here black men commit crimes against white women, and are lynched for it, I declare Constitutions do not apply. For that, there is a higher law than the Constitution.”

The Triple Alliance between Germany, Austria and Italy is renewed.

Finally, an explanation of Greece’s failure to join the armistice that makes sense to me: it was pre-arranged with the other 3 Balkan League states that Greece would stay out so it could continue to enforce a naval blockade of Turkey (as well as snarf up some islands it wants).

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Today -100: December 7, 1912: Hisses are the applause of geese

At the conference of governors, Gov. Emmet O’Neal of Alabama proposes resolutions calling for law ‘n’ order rather than lynching and repudiating the remarks of, ahem, any governor advocating mob violence. SC Gov. Coleman Blease responds that he was quoted yesterday as saying “To hell with the Constitution,” and what he actually meant to say was “To hell with the Constitution.” And that when the other governors had gone into political oblivion, he would be representing SC in the US Senate (spoiler alert: sigh). “So I am hissed, am I? Hisses are the applause of geese.”

The Scandinavian Anti-Vivisection Society is protesting the awarding of the Nobel Prize in medicine to Dr. Alexis Carrel because of his vivisection practices. Carrel developed vascular suturing techniques which were later used in transplant operations. He also believed in miraculous healing at Lourdes and eugenics, and his death in 1944 probably saved him from a trial for collaboration.

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Today -100: December 6, 1912: To hell with the Constitution

At the governors’ conference, South Carolina Gov. Coleman Blease brags that SC is the only state in which divorce is not legal (indeed, SC does not recognize divorces granted by other states, or allow the “illegitimate” children of subsequent marriages to inherit).

Blease says that if negroes could vote in South Carolina, 75-90% of them would definitely vote for him, even though he’s against educating them and for lynching them. But “we cannot apply the same rules to this inferior race that we do to the superior race.” He goes on to defend lynching black people in “defense of the virtue” of white women. Gov. Carey of Wyoming interrupts to ask Blease if he hadn’t taken an oath to uphold the Constitution and the laws of SC and if those didn’t also apply to negroes. Blease replies, naturally, “To hell with the Constitution!” Many women leave the hall on hearing that naughty word (hell, not Constitution). Other governors defend the rule of law, including the governor of North Carolina, who says there hasn’t been a lynching in his state in six whole years.

The conference also discussed whether Woodrow Wilson can run for a second term in 1916, since the Democratic Party platform on which he was elected says he can’t. Some say yes, some that the platform only called for a Constitutional amendment to that effect.

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Today -100: December 5, 1912: Of presidential pensions, diplomats’ wives, and mobile lynch mobs

The House Appropriations Committee rejects proposals to provide former presidents with pensions and non-voting seats in the House of Representatives.

The German government bans members of its diplomatic corps marrying foreigners.

Black boxing champ Jack Johnson has married the white woman he is accused of having abducted, and boy are lots of white people pissed. In Shreveport, a fund is being collected to send a lynch mob anywhere in the country he turns up.

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Invigorating our soul, if you know what I mean

Screengrab from the Fox News website. George W. Bush in a speech says “Not only do immigrants help build our economy, they invigorate our soul.”

And, yes, that is a picture of Salma Hayek in a low-cut dress.

Click on image to enbiggen – if you dare.

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Today -100: December 4, 1912: Of middle-aged nations, the rule of law in South Carolina, free lunches, and colon passengers

Turkey signs the armistice with Bulgaria, Serbia and Montenegro, but Greece refuses to go along.

President Taft sends a message to Congress on foreign affairs. He says the US is on the threshold of its “middle age as a nation” and should use its diplomacy primarily to increase foreign trade. In fact, he blames the recent civil war in Nicaragua on the US Senate’s failure to ratify the loan treaty between the two countries.

At the conference of governors, Gov. Shafroth of Colorado explains for the panel on “modern penology” his state’s new parole system, and Gov. Blease of South Carolina says that those who lynch “black brutes” who assault white women “will neither need nor receive a trial” (adding, as long as they lynch “the right man”). I notice that he uses the terms “virtuous womanhood” and “white women” interchangeably; presumably black women are by definition not virtuous.

There’s a letter to the NYT defending the awesomeness of Serbia’s Prince Lazarovich-Hrebelianovich (Larry to his friends, probably) by Nikola Tesla.

Elections in Los Angeles: the “anti-free-lunch” ordinance, banning saloons from serving free lunches, is easily defeated.

Headline of the Day -100: “Colon Passengers Angry.” I would think.

It’s the name of a steamship.

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Today -100: December 3, 1912: Of the revictualing of Yanina

The DC Court of Appeals rules that Thomas Edison didn’t invent motion pictures and he can’t keep slapping lawsuits on anything that moves (see what I did there?). This ruling will open up the motion picture industry considerably.

Newly independent Albania is working out who its king might be, because you gotta have a king.

Greece refuses to sign the armistice in the Balkan Wars, because of “dissatisfaction with the provision permitting the revictualing of Yanina,” which is my new favorite phrase of this war: the revictualing of Yanina. Say it out loud with me: the revictualing of Yanina. Balkan poetry, that is.

Meanwhile, more threats are issued between the larger powers, with Germany threatening that if Russia supports Serbia militarily against Austria, Germany will fight alongside Austria and Italy.

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Today -100: December 2, 1912: Good luck with that

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times): “Russia Tells Servia To Be Reasonable.” The Russian ambassador to Serbia denies that Russia advised Serbia to oppose the creation of Albania.

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Totally legitimate

So the US is probably declaring the Syrian rebels as the True Czar of All the Syrias or something, because it is “a legitimate representative of the Syrian people’s aspirations,” which is unarguably true. It is also unarguably false, because it is hard to argue with a word-salad-with-bullshit-dressing like “legitimate representative of the Syrian people’s aspirations.”

But the UN shouldn’t recognize the Palestinian state, which has actually had elections, because um, why again?

How do you become a legitimate representative of an aspiration? The legitimate representatives of the American people’s aspirations would include Man in Rocket Pack and Boy Eating His Entire Body Weight in Twinkies.


(Update: The Internet is an infinite number of monkeys that has already come up with every post you or I will ever write, no matter how clever and original we think we’re being. In other words, there are 28 Google hits for “word salad with bullshit dressing,” which I thought I just made up.)

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Today -100: December 1, 1912: We are going to make life hardly worth living

Armistice in the Balkan War. Turkey has lost most of the battles, but the four anti-Ottoman allies have been squabbling among themselves and with Austria, Italy and to a lesser extent the other Great Powers, so it’s time. Also, the allies pretty much run through all their resources and money. The NYT says that “One of the most satisfactory features of the situation... has been the demonstration that Great Britain and Germany have been working together for the common end of peace.”

Headline of the Day -100: “Chicagoans Eat Horses.” Unintentionally, I think. In sausages, because this is Chicago we’re talking about. The city health dept is going after the manufacturer.

Automobile lynching in Georgia: Actually I’m going to give you the first sentence in the NYT article. See if you can spot which piece of information was so important that it had to be given twice: “A mob in automobiles that had pursued a Sheriff and his negro prisoner all night took the negro from a vault in the Court House at McRae early to-day and shot him to death.” The alleged negro had allegedly shot a farmer’s wife and allegedly “attacked” her daughter.

British suffragettes are now setting mailboxes on fire. Says “General” Flora Drummond of the Women’s Social and Political Union, “We are going to make life hardly worth living.” And a suffragette who refuses to identify herself to the police (but is in fact Emily Wilding Davison of whom more will be heard next year), attacks a man with a dog whip at the Aberdeen railway station, accusing him of being Chancellor of the Exchequer David Lloyd George in disguise. He is in fact the Rev. Forbes Jackson.

The latest fad in Paris: “coco” (cocaine).

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Today -100: November 30, 1912: Of diplomacy, hatpins, Albania, and men going mad and tearing themselves to pieces

Headline of the Day -100: “Death for Peace Envoys.” Emiliano Zapata executes an envoy sent by the Madero government. A simple “No” would have sufficed.

Oh, I spoke way too soon. New Headline of the Day -100: “Hatpin Saves Woman from Giant Robber; Elevated Ticket Agent Matches It Against Longshoreman’s Hook and Saves Her Cash.”

I missed this at the time, but in October, Taft shifted 51,000 presumably Republican postmasters he had appointed under the spoils system to the civil service, so that Wilson can’t replace them.

The NYT seems to have neglected to run an actual story on this, although it’s mentioned in passing in a couple of places, but Albania has declared independence.

Winston Churchill says that a general European war with Russia and Austria fighting over the Balkans would plunge Europe into the desolation of the Middle Ages. “The only epitaph history could write upon such a catastrophe would be this, that a whole generation of men went mad and tore themselves to pieces.”

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