Today -100: September 13, 1912: Of majors and federation all round

A Charles C. Young is believed to be the first black major in the US Army (and the only black graduate of West Point). He is the military attaché to Liberia.

In what the London Times describes as his “annual visit to his constituents in Dundee”, Winston Churchill proposes several local English parliaments, “federation all round.” Much heckling of the speech by suffragettes. Actually, you can pretty much take that as read for any speech by any cabinet minister for the next two years.

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I don’t think that we ever hesitate

Twitt Romney spoke this morning (always a mistake).

ESPECIALLY ANN: “OH, I’M STILL MARRIED TO THAT DOUCHE: “Americans woke up this morning with tragic news”.

He refers to the “attack in our embassy in Benghazi,” suggesting he’s still not paying much attention to the actual facts (it was the consulate).

JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING IF AMERICA WILL TOLERATE ATTACKS AGAINST OUR CITIZENS AND OUR EMBASSIES (AND CONSULATES): “America will not tolerate attacks against our citizens and our embassies.”

WHAT HE HAVE CONFIDENCE IN: “We have confidence in our cause of America.”

SPEAKING OF STANDING BY STATEMENTS... “I also believe the administration was wrong to stand by a statement sympathizing with those who had breached our embassy in Egypt instead of condemning their actions.” This is a Dubya-like inability to admit having gotten even the tiniest thing just the tiniest bit wrong.

DUNNO, I’M NOT A MORNING PERSON MYSELF: “It’s never too early for The United States government to condemn attacks on Americans and to defend our values.”

SPEAKING OF SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL... “America leadership is necessary to ensure that events in the region don’t spin out of control.”

THAT’S A LONG FUCKING SPRING: “Over the last several years we’ve stood witness to an Arab Spring...”

SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT THE KEY WORD IN THIS NEXT BIT: “...that presents an opportunity for a more peaceful and prosperous region but it also possess the potential for peril if the voices of extremism and violence are allowed to control the course of events.” The key word is “allowed.” By us.


SO HE’S AGAINST SEASONS NOW: “We must strive to ensure that the Arab Spring does not become an Arab Winter.”

Then he condemned the US embassy in Egypt for its tweet against Ed Wood’s Life of Brian. They “stand in apology for our values. ...An apology for America’s values is never the right course.” To be fair, stupid, offensive films kind of are our values. He later called the embassy’s or possibly the administration’s statements on the film “disgraceful.”

Did he maybe just a little jump the gun yesterday, speaking before he had all the facts? “I don’t think that we ever hesitate when we see something which is a violation of our principles.”


HEY, HIS FOREIGN POLICY HAS THREE BRANCHES. JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN’T THINK IT HAD BRANCHES AND WAS JUST A BUNCH OF SLOGANS: “I think president Obama has demonstrated a lack of clarity as to the foreign policy. My foreign policy has three fundamental branches. First, confidence in our cause, a recognition that the principles America was based upon are not something we shrink from or apologize for. That we stand for those principles. The second is clarity in our purpose, which is that when we have a foreign policy objective we describe it honestly and clearly to the American people, to Congress and to the people of the world. And number three is resolve in our might.”

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The first response of the United States must be outrage

Romney on the killings of the ambassador to Libya and others: “When our grounds are being attacked, being breached, the first response of the United States must be outrage.”

Evidently, as the rest of his remarks indicate, the first response of the United States must be outrage against Barack Obama.

Prick.

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What all the fuss is about

Here’s the 14-excruciatly-bad-minutes-long trailer for the movie about Mohamed that’s causing all the rioting. Sort of an Ed Wood’s Life of Brian. The movie that dares to ask the question, was the Prophet Mohamed a top or a bottom?

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Today -100: September 12, 1912: Of Balkans, and missing suffragettes

Bulgaria is threatening to go to war with Turkey unless Macedonia is given autonomy.

British suffragette leader Christabel Pankhurst has surfaced in Paris, from where she will general the Women’s Social and Political Union. She can’t be extradited because the charges against her are political, not criminal.

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Today -100: September 11, 1912: Of lynchings, janitors, old soldiers, and corsets

A mob in Cumming, Georgia lynches a black man.

The US allows Mexico to send troops through US territory to fight rebels in Sonora.

It’s illegal in California for schools to hire Japanese janitors, according to the LAT.

With a retirement, there remains but one Civil War veteran on active service in the US Army, Col. John Clem (he was a 13-year-old drummer boy when the war ended).

Headline of the Day -100: “Corsets Fatal to Him.” An English amateur actor dies of asphyxia.

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Today -100: September 10, 1912: Of interventions, contributions, and winstons

Taking the hint from all that intervention talk, Mexican President Madero diverts troops away from fighting the rebels to go protect Americans in the north.

The DNC releases the list of its contributors. Corporations are not allowed to contribute.

The Bull Moose Party will run Winston Churchill for governor of New Hampshire. Not that Winston Churchill, some other Winston Churchill, a novelist, no relation. So we’re meant to believe another Mr. and Mrs. Churchill randomly named their kid Winston. Fine, that’s totally believable.

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Today -100: September 9, 1912: Of intervention, Romneys, and legs

There is increasing talk of the US intervening in Mexico.

The Senate sub-committee on Mexico hears from the head of the now abandoned Mormon colony in Mexico (one Junius Romney, Mitt’s grand-dad) that the Mexican rebels want the US to intervene in the revolution, and that rebels are demanding Americans in Mexico surrender their arms.

Heartwarming Story of the Day -100: Peter Waltar of Wilkesbarre, PA, was run down by a trolley and his left leg amputated. And who was in the very next hospital bed? His son, who had been in some sort of freight train accident and had just had both legs amputated.

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Today -100: September 8, 1912: Of hatchets, claims, race riots, lynchings, and short ballots

Margot Asquith, the prime minister’s wife, was hoping for a souvenir: the hatchet thrown by suffragettes at her husband’s coach in Dublin. But it’s in the hands of the court.

The State Dept won’t push the $100 million Manning & Mackintosh claim on Mexico, mostly because they don’t have any idea what it’s about either, I’m guessing.

Vice President Sherman “laughed” over the story that he’s so sick he may have to decline renomination, saying, “You will find my name on the Republican ticket on the 5th of November.” True. Also, the obituaries page.

A “race riot” begins in Brownsville, Brooklyn, when a negro pulls the whiskers of an elderly white man waiting for a train.

After the attempted cross-border horse-stealing incident, Taft has ordered troops to the Mexico-Texas border. And Treasury has authorized the export of 500 rifles & 150,000 cartridges to Mexico for Americans to use to protect themselves and their property.

A black man is lynched in Princeton, West Virginia, after an attack on a white girl, although he bore no resemblance beyond gender and race to the description of the victim. Gov. Glasscock says he will prosecute the lynch mob, and being Glasscock, the un-Blease as it were, it might even be true.

The NYT prints a not hugely interesting letter from Franklin D. Roosevelt of Hyde Park in favor of the short ballot (removing offices like attorney general, controller, state engineer etc from the NY ballot and making them appointive).

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Today -100: September 7, 1912: Of suicides, horses, claims, bull moosers, and altitude

The Paris authorities refuse to allow a Monsieur Paul Robin to be cremated, because he committed suicide. That’ll show him.

Mexican rebels cross the border to steal some horses from the US 3rd Cavalry. It does not end well for them.

For 50 years Mexico has been contesting something called the Manning & Mackintosh claim, first with Britain, and now with the US, or the syndicate which now owns the claim. Claim for what, the article never explains, but the syndicate is demanding $100 million from Mexico, including interest. Maybe Mexico knows what they’re on about.

Much of the Taft-Roosevelt fight is taking place in the courts. A US Circuit Court just refused to kick 8 Roosevelt electors off the Republican ballot in Kansas.

The New York Bull Moose Party convention nominates for governor Oscar Straus, TR’s secretary of commerce and labor (the first-ever Jewish cabinet member) and former ambassador to the Ottoman Empire.

A new altitude record is set by Roland Garros in France, 16,240 feet. At which point his engine cut out and he had to glide to earth.

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In which I try to live-blog Obama’s convention speech, but completely lose interest and sputter to a halt

He starts off being a dick to Malia and Sasha. Yes, they have to go to school in the morning.

And he accepts the nomination. Should have let some suspense build.

His grandmother worked in a ‘bama assembly line in World War II?

(Sorry, got bored and went to the kitchen to make myself an egg cream. In honor of our first black president, I used too much chocolate syrup.)

Climate change is not a hoax. Oddly enough, it’s a pun.

I was more amused than I should have been by the woman holding the “Forward” sign upside down.

It’s not a proper egg cream without Fox’s U-Bet, by the way.

“My opponent and his running mate are... new to foreign policy.” “Cold war mind warp.”

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Biden’s convention speech, literally

Biden begins by complaining that Jill didn’t accept his marriage proposal until the fifth time.

FOR EXAMPLE, OBAMA NOW KNOWS THAT MY FIRST NAME IS JOE. “We’ve learned a lot about one another.”

THAT WORD, IT DOES NOT MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS: “the enormity of his heart”

Biden keeps saying “Barack” because he’s totally on first-name terms with him.


UNLESS YOU’RE VICE PRESIDENT, OBVIOUSLY. A job is about much more than a paycheck.

WHO LET BIDEN IN HERE? At every critical meeting, Barack asks the one fundamental question.

LIKE A TRANSFORMER? “My dad was an automobile man.”

Fine, he doesn’t know what literally means either.

Romney looked at the auto bailout “the Bain Way.” Good one.

Oh, it took this long to get to the dancing-on-bin-Laden’s-watery-grave portion of the speech.

Killing bin Laden was about “healing an almost unbearable wound in America’s heart.” Sigh.

Oh fer fuck’s sake, he gets the crowd to chant “Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive.”


He keeps saying literally, wrongly.

It literally amazes him.

“We have no intention of downsizing the American dream.” Or the big gulp. Lookin’ at you, Bloomberg.

Fallen angels, is that what we’re calling dead soldiers now?

NOT FIGURATIVELY: “The direction we turn is not figuratively, it’s literally in your hands.”

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Today -100: September 6, 1912: Of deceivers and lieutenant generals

Harriot Stanton Blatch complains that Roosevelt and the Progressives did nothing to assist the women’s suffrage amendment in Ohio. “I went out there with an open mind, but I found that men are deceivers ever.”

Lt. Gen. Arthur MacArthur, former governor-general of the Philippines, dies of complications of having a hilarious name. Actually, he dropped dead while reliving the glory days of the Civil War in a speech to a veterans’ group. He was, of course, Douglas MacArthur’s father. And the last person to hold the rank of lt. gen., which was abolished.

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Today -100: September 5, 1912: Of constitutions, new lawns, phonographs, and cattle-maiming

Ohio voters vote on no fewer than 42 constitutional amendments, passing 34. Women’s suffrage, however, lost 249,420 to 336,876. One to remove the word “white” from the definition of citizens eligible to vote also lost, 242,735 to 265,693, although blacks were in fact able to vote both before and after 1912, despite an 1868 law imposing heavy punishments for their doing so (the word “white” was removed in 1923). An amendment to end capital punishment also lost. Winning amendments include the initiative and referendum, preferential primaries, ending poll taxes, a minimum wage, and something about licensing saloons, which is of course the only one most people cared about.

The NY Times doesn’t like the amendments that won, saying “Ohio could not have done worse if the women had voted.”

Caroline Riley of the National Suffrage Association blames the defeat of women’s suffrage in Ohio on the combined forces of the “grafters, boodlers, monopolists, machine politicians, gamblers, white slavers, and others of that class.” You know, men.

NYT Index Typo of the Day -100: “FACTORY TO QUIT OHIO.; Shoe Company Official Declares the New Lawn Will Drive It Out.” Laws, that is. The shoe guy cites the initiative and referendum, but of course it’s really about the minimum wage thing.

Headline of the Day -100: “Edison Forgets to Sleep.” He’s working on perfecting the iPod disc record.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is interested in cattle-maiming. That is all.

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Today -100: September 4, 1912: Of vasectomies, and waitresses at Chinese restaurants

The Washington State Supreme Court upholds a law for sterilizing habitual criminals and those found guilty of unnatural crimes (in this case, a child rapist). The court decided a forced vasectomy is not a cruel punishment (unusual punishments were okay under the Wash. constitution).

In the Vermont state elections, the presence of a Bull Moose candidate results in no one winning a majority for governor, which means that the Legislature gets to decide.

Panama has finally agreed to the US’s demand that that police captain be fired.

The Los Angeles police chief recommends to the Police Commission that white women be banned from working at restaurants owned by Orientals, as they often fall into the moral clutches of foreigners.

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Today -100: September 3, 1912: Of short-sleeve riots, fat men and baronesses & boars

Headline of the Day -100: “Short Sleeves Cause Riot.” A bishop in a cathedral in Rome interrupted a confirmation to order a woman with the aforementioned sleeves out of his church. She didn’t leave, so he attempted to remove her physically, but was stopped by several men. Later, he tried to give an address from the window of the episcopal palace and was pelted with tomatoes, as was the custom.

Sports Headline of the Day -100: “Fat Man Breaks Arm in Baseball.” The Fat Man’s Club (I’m assuming) of Montclair, NJ, playing the Thin Men’s Club. The fat men won, as is so often the case in life.

Berlin: the Baroness Frieda von Eckhardstein is accidentally shot and killed during a boar hunt by Count von Finckenstein. The moral of the story: German names are funny.

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Today -100: September 2, 1912: Of money in politics, and lawsuits

Theodore Roosevelt writes a long letter to Sen. Clapp, chair of the Senate Sub-Committee on Privileges and Elections (because they wouldn’t let him testify), about the charge that he knew about Standard Oil’s 1904 campaign contributions. Wait, the Standard Oil guy says he gave the $100,000 to a guy who’s dead now, in cash, not a check, and he didn’t keep the receipt?

A lawsuit in Spain over ownership of the Alhambra Palace has been decided, with the Marquis Campotejar having to give it up to the king, plus court costs, which must be considerable, given that the lawsuit has been going on for a century.

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Today -100: September 1, 1912: Of pardons, mooseless in Maryland, and mooseful in San Francisco

South Carolina’s Sen. Ben Tillman says that SC Gov. Blease promised in a speech (not sure when exactly) that he would pardon anybody who killed certain of his enemies.

In the continuing collapse of the Bull Moose Party as anything other than a vehicle for Theodore Roosevelt’s third-term ambitions, the Maryland Moosers have decided not to run candidates for Congress, but to ask members to vote for Republicans.

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times): “Completing Theft of Republican Organization.” The San Francisco Republican County Central Committee ousts all the Taft supporters on the committee.

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Today -100: August 31, 1912: Of Standard practice and actual ethnical conditions

The Senate Foreign Relations Sub-Committee will investigate Standard Oil’s involvement in funding the revolution in Mexico that brought Madero to power.

The European powers have suggested to the Ottomans that they decentralize their empire, giving autonomy to the European provinces. Count Berchtold, foreign minister of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, suggested to them that this would base the empire on the “actual ethnical conditions of the Ottoman Empire.” Seriously: the guy from the Austro-Hungarian (Czech/Slovenian/Croatian/Polish/Romanian etc) Empire said this? The Ottomans respond that the European powers can go fuck themselves in the manner of their respective ethnical conditions (or words to that effect).

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Romney’s acceptance speech: To do the really big stuff, you need an American

Transcript (as prepared, but I don’t think any quote I’m using varies by more than a word or two).

LESS SINCERE WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN: “I wish President Obama had succeeded because I want America to succeed.”

SOLES, SOULS, SEE WHAT I DID THERE? “The soles of Neil Armstrong’s boots on the moon made permanent impressions on OUR souls.”

WELL, WHEN THE WORLD NEEDS SOMEONE TO EAT THE REALLY BIG STUFF: “And I don’t doubt for a second that Neil Armstrong’s spirit is still with us: that unique blend of optimism, humility and the utter confidence that when the world needs someone to do the really big stuff, you need an American.”


SO EVERYONE IS MORE QUALIFIED TO BE PRESIDENT THAN OBAMA, IS WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. “[Obama] took office without the basic qualification that most Americans have and one that was essential to his task. He had almost no experience working in a business. Jobs to him are about government.” You know, it’s not just that some of the worst presidents – Hoover, Bush – have had plenty of bidness experience, but how much of it did Eisenhower have? Reagan? Nixon?

THE CENTERPIECE: “the centerpiece of the President’s entire re-election campaign is attacking success. ... In America, we celebrate success, we don’t apologize for it.” Yeah, don’t know how you do things in Kenya...

OBAMA MUST WAKE UP EVERY MORNING BASKING IN THE GLOW OF ROMNEY’S GOOD-FAITH SUPPORT: “America has been patient. Americans have supported this president in good faith.”


I HOPE HE PUTS ON OLD CLOTHES BEFORE HE GOES OUT TO ASSAULT COAL AND GAS AND OIL: “His assault on coal and gas and oil will send energy and manufacturing jobs to China”.

OH SURE, LIKE HE’D LET YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ONTO HIS ARK: “President Obama promised to slow the rise of the oceans and to heal the planet. MY promise... is to help you and your family.” (The audience laughed at “rise of the oceans” like they’d never heard anything so crazy in their lives.)

THERE’S A GILLIGAN’S ISLAND JOKE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. NOT A GOOD JOKE, BUT IT’S IN THERE. “I will begin my presidency with a jobs tour. President Obama began with an apology tour.”

YEAH, I ALWAYS GET THOSE TWO MIXED UP TOO. “America, he said, had dictated to other nations. No, Mr. President, America has freed other nations from dictators.”


WHY IS THE METAPHOR ALWAYS THAT ISRAEL IS BEING THROWN UNDER THE BUS? “President Obama has thrown allies like Israel under the bus, even as he has relaxed sanctions on Castro’s Cuba.”

BECAUSE PUTIN WILL TEAR YOUR SPINE OUT WITH HIS BARE HANDS? “Under my administration, our friends will see more loyalty, and Mr. Putin will see a little less flexibility and more backbone.”

PROBABLY IN THE FUTURE: “That future is out there.” Can the future be described spatially like that?

CAN THE FUTURE BE SAID TO WAIT? I GOTTA RE-READ “A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME.” “It is waiting for us.”

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Epitome

Orrin Hatch told C-SPAN: “Mitt Romney’s the epitome of what Mormon males should be.”

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Today -100: August 30, 1912: Wherein is revealed the greatest set of liars on earth, 1912 edition

South Carolina Gov. Coleman Blease, running for re-election, wins the Democratic primary, rather narrowly. In fact, it seems that more ballots were cast for him in some counties than there are actual registered voters. Funny, that. Gracious as ever in victory, Blease announces “I have won the greatest victory over newspaper corporations and political tricksters ever known to the world. ... The outside world should now be convinced that the newspapers of South Carolina are the greatest set of liars on earth.”

Headline of the Day -100: “China Cannot Have Tibet, Says Britain.” China has been occupying Tibet for a couple of years but now intends to incorporate it as a province.

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Paul Ryan’s speech: Mitt Romney will turn his car around

AND A REACH-AROUND: “After four years of getting the run-around, America needs a turnaround, and the man for the job is Governor Mitt Romney.”

I FORGET, WHICH ONE DID BAIN SPECIALIZE IN? Mitt Romney & I know the difference between protecting a program and raiding it.


That’s it, I’ve lost the will to live.

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The Republican Convention: What I overheard today while mostly ignoring it

McConnell makes a funny: “Obama hasn’t been working to earn re-election, he’s been working to earn a spot on the PGA tour.” He had to pause a good long time waiting for a few fake chuckles from an audience willing him to just get on with it.

HOW ABOUT IF WE CALL IT A MOTHERFUCKING RECOVERY?: “To call this a recovery is an insult to recoveries.”

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Rand Paul: without the success of business, we wouldn’t have any roads or bridges.

RAND PAUL IS NOT ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS WITH MR. EXXON-MOBIL: when you punish Mr. Exxon-Mobil, you punish the secretary who has Exxon-Mobil shares.

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John McCain says he accepts the decision of the American people in 2008. Isn’t that gracious of him?

When a Republican like McCain talks about giving a voice to the voiceless, he can only, and I mean ONLY, be talking about fetuses.

He’s complaining that we didn’t go to war with Iran, and that we’re not going to war with Syria, because of course he is.

HE WAS FOR SAVAGE, UNFAIR FIGHTS BEFORE HE WAS AGAINST THEM: Syria has moved from peaceful protests to a savage, unfair fight.

He trusts Mitt Romney to know that good can triumph over evil.

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Today -100: August 29, 1912: No man has the right to live alone

Michigan holds the first primary elections since the Republican/Bull Moose split, and the Bull Moosers do surprisingly badly, not much better than the Prohibition Party. The Democratic vote seems undiminished, so the Bull Moosers seem to be taking their votes entirely from former Republicans.

Name of the Day -100: The Republican candidate for governor of Michigan will be one Amos Musselman (the Democrat, who, spoiler alert, will win, is named Woodbridge Nathan Ferris).

Taft orders the 10th Infantry to Nicaragua and then, ten hours later, changes his mind. There will soon be 2,000 US marines there, and he figures that’s enough.

Taft in private is said to blame the Nicaraguan revolution on the US Senate. See, if it hadn’t rejected the treaty last year giving the US complete control over Nicaragua’s customs revenues, which account for most of the government’s revenues, there wouldn’t have been any money for the revolutionaries to go after. This is why Nicaragua can’t have nice things.

The US ambassador to Panama demanded that the chief of police and a captain be fired, something about mistreatment of Americans. The former resigned and is “leaving the country under an assumed name,” but President Arosemena is refusing to fire the latter. Let’s see how long that lasts, shall we?

A Mrs. Rae Copeley Raum is running for mayor of San Diego on a platform of taxing bachelors over 25, including widowers who have not remarried after three years, “as a safeguard against race suicide. No man has the right to live alone.”

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Ann Romney’s speech: I can’t wait to see what we’re all going to do together.

(Some of the quotes may not be word-perfect).

AS THEY SAY IN UTAH: “I can’t wait to see what we’re all going to do together.”

WHY ARE WE LISTENING TO WOMEN SIGHING? CREEPY CREEPY CREEPY. “You’ll hear the women sighing a little louder than the men.”

YES WE DO. “We don’t want easy.”

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID: “Everything has gotten harder.”

WORST. BLIND DATE. EVER. “His name is Mitt Romney and you should really get to know him.”

The crowd is applauding a basement apartment.

Oh no, they had to eat tuna fish, like a lowly, lowly cat.

They have 18 beautiful grandchildren. And several ugly ones in the basements of each of their mansions.

Who’s called the Romneys a storybook marriage? Name one person, Ann.

EXCEPT FOR HAVING HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM BY TED KENNEDY & JOHN McCAIN: “Mitt has been successful at each challenge he’s taken on.”

“He was not handed success; he BUILT IT.”

YEAH AND HE USED TO TOTALLY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, BUT YOU WOULDN’T KNOW HER, SHE’S FROM ANOTHER TOWN. “Mitt doesn’t like talking about helping others.”

OH DEAR GOD NO. “He will take America to a better place, just like he took me home safely from that dance.”

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Republican Convention: Does not compute

In the Up-and-Coming-Wingnuts portion of the Convention, Texas senatorial candidate Ted Cruz just said that Democrats are telling Hispanics they’re not welcome here.

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Herman Cain says he’s hired investigators to find the source of those stories about his sexual indiscretions during the primaries. I can say you the money, Herman: it was your dick.

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Today -100: August 28, 1912: An intelligent interest in their own affairs

The NYT, and Dem. VP candidate Marshall, deny Roosevelt’s claim that the people are not ruling themselves. Why, state legislatures are elected every two years in 40 of the states, annually in 7, and quadrennially in Alabama. If the people “fail to take an intelligent interest in their own affairs,” it’s their own damned fault.

I brought that up to highlight that whatever else was wrong with 1912-style democracy, there were a lot more elections than there are now. Many governors were still elected annually.

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I’ve thought of something good to say about Mitt Romney

Unlike oh, say, Sarah Palin, after he loses in November we will never hear from him again.

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Today -100: August 27, 1912: Of black balls (ahem), Sunday mail, and capitalist wars

Attorney General George Wickersham goes to the annual meeting of the American Bar Association to defend Asst Attorney General William Lewis (and two other members), who the ABA is trying to expel because they were admitted before the ABA realized they were black.

Congress snuck into the Post Office Budget Bill a ban on Sunday deliveries, which major cities had.

Keir Hardie, former leader of the British Labour Party, on a visit to the US, says that the working class would not stand for a war with Germany and will not “be deluded into fighting for capital in the event of trouble.” So that’s okay then.

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The saddest words ever spoken

Romney: “You know, all I can do is be what I am.”

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Today -100: August 26, 1912: Of campaign contributions and massacres

The Senate Committee investigating campaign finances won’t take Theodore Roosevelt’s testimony today, as he had asked, nay demanded, but maybe in October...

Another massacre by Turkish forces, in Simnitza, on the Serbian border.

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Today -100: August 25, 1912: Of general deficiencies, campaign contributions, a byword and cause for hissing, and duels

Congress was supposed to adjourn for the year, but instead is deadlocked on the General Deficiency Bill. And I’m not going to read any more of the article than that, because the reality of whatever a General Deficiency Bill is just would not, could not match up to any of the ideas of what a General Deficiency Bill might be that are going through my head.

One thing the Senate is doing: discussing campaign finances. Or, to put it a another way, Republicans are trying to accuse trust-buster Roosevelt of having been aware of campaign contributions Standard Oil made to the Republican Party in 1904, and that he then ordered Standard prosecuted as a monopoly because it refused to give even more money. This is all nonsense, and as near as I can figure, the R’s are trying to raise the issue just enough that it’ll tarnish TR without holding a full inquiry that would exonerate him. TR is demanding that he be allowed to testify, sharpish. Threats of libel suits are winging back and forth. John Archbold of Standard, who made these charges, has conveniently gone on vacation in Europe.

South Carolina Sen. Benjamin Tillman asks voters not to re-elect Coleman Blease, who he says has disgraced South Carolina “and its good name made a byword and cause for hissing.” That’s “Pitchfork” Ben Tillman saying that.

Headline of the Day -100 (LA Times): “Fatal Duel Fought With One Revolver.” They took turns. One is dead, the other will probably die too.

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Today -100: August 24, 1912: Of canals, plots, and Balkan wars

Taft will give in to the Senate and sign the Panama Canal Bill, violating various treaties by exempting American ships going from one US coast to the other from the toll. Britain will then demand arbitration under its treaty with the US, which the Senate will reject on the grounds that the Canal is a domestic issue.

6 IWWers arrested for an alleged plot to blow up a theater in San Diego and assassinate the chief of police and captain of detectives.

Turkey is fighting Montenegro (which was more or less a country).

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Today -100: August 23, 1912: Darn the government, darn the socks

Headline of the Day -100: “Suffragists To Darn Socks.” Minnesota suffragists at the state fair. Bring your socks, fellas. Oh, and there’s a “war cry”:

Darn the Government; darn the socks;
That’s the way to the ballot box;
Patch the holes in hubby’s hose,
March to the polls and voice our woes.

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Today -100: August 22, 1912: Of dying veeps

The US sends more troops to Nicaragua to protect American-owned property.

Vice President James Sherman makes a speech accepting the Republican nomination for vice president, against doctor’s orders. This was the only time the Republican Party had ever re-nominated a VP, and he happens to be dying. He grumps that everything in this new age is going too fast, with the frenzied speech and the “automobiles rac[ing] to carry their passengers to death at a mile a minute” and that Titanic. I guess that’s meant to refer to Roosevelt. He also says that Wilson is a pedant not a statesman.

The Bull Moose Party will run Dr. A. O. Zwick against Rep. Nicholas Longworth, Theodore Roosevelt’s son-in-law. But what will Alice do?

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Today -100: August 21, 1912: Of Sally generals and bandstands

“General” William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army, dies at 83.

Indiana Gov. Thomas R. Marshall is officially informed of his nomination as Woodrow Wilson’s running mate at an event at which 75+ people are injured when a bandstand collapses.

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A rape is a rape is a rape, to quote Gertrude Stein

Mitt Romney used stronger language – “reprehensible,” “terrible mistake” – against Kevin Yoder’s skinny-dipping than he did against Todd Akin’s legitimate rapeiness.

By the way, I’m not sure why, but “yoder” seems like the perfect word, if one were needed, for someone who gets drunk & swims naked in the Sea of Galilee.

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Obama held a short surprise press conference today.

He explained, “Rape is rape.”

He denied accusing Romney of being a felon.

MAN, HE IS SO NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS ELECTION CAMPAIGN: “They can run the campaign that they want, but the truth of the matter is you can’t just make stuff up.”

NOTHING IS MORE “OVERLY PERSONAL” TO MITT ROMNEY THAN HIS MONEY: “The American people have assumed that if you want to be President of the United States, that your life is an open book when it comes to things like your finances. I mean, this isn’t sort of overly personal here, guys. This is pretty standard stuff.”

WHAT HE HAS INDICATED REPEATEDLY TO PRESIDENT ASSAD: “I have indicated repeatedly that President al-Assad has lost legitimacy, that he needs to step down. So far, he hasn’t gotten the message, and instead has double downed [sic] in violence on his own people.” Well, I’m sure he’s heard the message, he just doesn’t acknowledge the role the president of the United States evidently assigns himself in determining the legitimacy of Syrian leaders.

ER, ISN’T THAT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE? “We cannot have a situation where chemical or biological weapons are falling into the hands of the wrong people.”

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Trying to shut that whole thing down

If Todd Akin drops out because he’s an idiot, that’s good for America. If he drops out because Karl Rove is cutting off his money, that’s actually bad for America.

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Today -100: August 20, 1912: Of massacres and copyrights

Headline of the Day -100: “To Celebrate Massacre.” The town of New Ulm, Minn., is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the Dakota Sioux attack on the town. I assume there will be cake.

Congress votes for motion pictures to come under the copyright laws.

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Deep empathy just sounds dirty when Todd Akin says it

Todd Akin issues a statement saying he has “deep empathy” for women who have been (legitimately) raped, he just thinks they have an extra internal organ that shoots lasers at the sperm of rapists, or something.

While he says he “misspoke,” he does not say in what way he misspoke, i.e., whether he knows that his comments about female biology are batshit crazy. He’s not even willing to pretend that he knows that his comments about female biology are batshit crazy.

Finally, he insisted that his “primary focus” in the senatorial race are deficits and unemployment, and accused people focusing on his batshit craziness of trying to “distract” from those things, so stop distracting everyone, slutty rape victims! Todd Akin, of course, is distracted by shiny objects and fetuses.

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The female body has ways

So according to senatorial candidate Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), victims of “legitimate rape” can’t get pregnant – “the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” He knows this from doctors. So if you get pregnant, you’re a slut who is lying about being raped. And if you float, you’re a witch.

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Today -100: August 19, 1912: Of apples and Southerners

Throngs hanging around Woodrow Wilson’s home, waiting for a glimpse of the man, have taken all the apples from his apple trees.

Today -100’s NYT is filled with letters from Southern editors, politicians and others saying that Southerners won’t vote for Roosevelt. The editor of the Augusta Chronicle, for example, says that there are only two white men in Richmond County who incline to him and “one of these is a Taft disappointee, while the other is just queer.”

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Today -100: August 18, 1912: Of party-line voting, dead issues, indecision, and jury-tampering

This is the 1,000th Today -100 post. Collect them all.

Republicans in Illinois are considering fucking with the Bull Moosers by depriving them of the circle on the ballot that voters can use to vote a straight-party ticket, so that Bull Moose voters, unlike R’s & D’s, would have to find and vote for each BM candidate one by one.

Roosevelt, asked by an audience member at a speech to talk about Taft, said “I never discuss dead issues. I want to come back to something serious.” Ouch.

Woodrow Wilson’s people say he hasn’t made up his mind about women’s suffrage, but he’s thinking about it really really hard and might come to a conclusion, oh, some time after the election.

Clarence Darrow is acquitted of bribing a juror, but there will be a second trial for alleged bribery of another juror.

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Mitt would approve

The Cal State system plans to admit almost no Californian students for the spring 2013 semester, but will admit out-of-staters and foreign students who pay the big bucks. So much for the concept of state universities. Also, lovely to see admissions policy being made primarily on financial rather than academic grounds. How many years before admissions are auctioned off on eBay?

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Today -100: August 17, 1912: To have a man on both sides of the fight when we are on one side is uncomfortable, especially when he is behind you

President Taft attacks presidential electors whose names appear on the Republican ballot but who intend to support Roosevelt. “[W]e have to be a single party, and not a part of two parties. I don’t think we are unfair in asking that we be given a chance for a fair fight, and in counting those against us who are not with us. To have a man on both sides of the fight when we are on one side is uncomfortable, especially when he is behind you.” Taft sounds rather as if he’s heading for a nervous breakdown.

Helen Keller sings to a convention of otologists at Harvard Medical School. Evidently she has absolute pitch.

A Philadelphia city council member resigns. He turns out to have had a former life as a thief, under another name, possibly Jean Valjean. He served a 7-year prison sentence and then made good, but a former prison associate found him and was blackmailing him, so he quit.

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Today -100: August 16, 1912: Of taking sides, and singing

The Nicaraguan government asks the US for help in fighting the rebels. Meanwhile, the State Dept is denying yesterday’s report that US forces fought the rebels.

Headline of the Day -100: “Helen Keller Can Sing Now.” Review in tomorrow’s paper.

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Today -100: August 15, 1912: Of taking sides, and emancipation

American troops have been fighting the rebels in Nicaragua.

Taft wants to establish a preliminary commission to consider holding an exposition to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation. The commission would serve without salary, because irony.

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Collapsing

Riyad Hijab, the Syrian prime minister who defected, says that the Assad regime is collapsing, adding, hey, you didn’t think I left for moral reasons, did you?

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Today -100: August 14, 1912: Of lynchings, funerals, and traps to catch the votes of discontented people

A mob seizes a 16-year-old black youth in Columbus, Georgia, after he receives a sentence of only three years for manslaughter of a white boy, and you know the rest.

Sing Sing set some sort of record for most executions in a day this week. And the bodies of five Italian men who were sent to the electric chair for a single murder are put on display at an entrepreneurial undertakers on Mulberry St. Everyone is welcome! Donations gratefully accepted.

Eugene Debs, in a letter to the NYT, says that the really progressive planks of the Progressive Party were stolen from the Socialist platform, but that the Bull Moose Party contains too many diverse and conflicting economic elements, and its platform is too much a hodgepodge, to form the basis of national party, and further, it depends too much on the personality of one man, who has “shrewdly seized upon the prevailing popular unrest and has baited his platform like a trap to catch the votes of the discontented people.” Gotta say Debs pretty much nails it.

Composer Jules Massenet dies.

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