Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Republican debate: That’s what freedom is all about


Herman Cain: “I believe that America has become a nation of crises. That’s why I want to be president of the United States of America.” The logic is impeccable.

Romney: “I spent my life in the private sector.” Please ignore my actual qualifications for public office and record of public office.

Gingrich thinks it’s “totally appropriate that we’re having this particular debate on 9/12.” He wants to fight “against the forces of reaction and special interests.”

Bachmann: “I’m a person that’s had feet in the private sector and a foot in the federal government.” And all three feet are righties.

Romney points out that Perry is not only calling Social Security a ponzi scheme, but says it’s unconstitutional, which makes Perry’s u-turn in trying to sound reassuring about Soc Sec problematic. Perry says it’s “not appropriate for America” to “support what they did in the ‘30s”... “And it’s time for us to get back to the constitution and a program that’s been there 70 or 80 years, obviously we’re not going to take that program away.” So he’s not going to take away the unconstitutional program but we’ll get back to the constitution. Clears that right up. Follow-up from Romney: so do you still want to return it to the states? Perry: “I think we ought to have a conversation.” Romney says that’s what we’re doing now, dude. No, says Perry, you’re just trying to scare seniors, by asking me questions that if I answered honestly would scare them.

Gingrich says the one who’s really scaring people on Social Security is Obama. Because Obama correctly pointed out that if the Republicans defaulted the government, SSI checks couldn’t go out. “Now, why should young people who are 16 to 25 years old have politicians have the power for the rest of their life to threaten to take away their Social Security?” So, privatize Social Security and take away that power. Or at least transfer it to Wall Street, which is so much safer than the full faith and security of the United States.

Gingrich says that you can balance the budget simply by “modernizing” government. Free money! No hard choices!

Perry: “I would suggest to you that people are tired of spending money we don’t have on programs we don’t want.”

Romney repeats his line about going from a pay-phone world to a smartphone world and Obama is still feeding quarters into the pay phone. Of course Michelle Bachmann keeps trying to stuff quarters into her smartphone.

Romney is against a national sales tax, because the rich would pay less and the middle class more (he doesn’t mention poor people, for some reason). So he would just end taxation on interest, dividends and capital gains, because that wouldn’t shift the tax burden away from the rich at all.

On the cervical cancer vaccine Perry tried to require, Wolf Blitzer turns to Michelle Bachmann because “You’re a mom.” As a mom, Bachmann is against “innocent little 12-year-old girls” being “forced to have a government injection”. Perry says it was all about “err[ing] on the side of life.” Bachmann says it was actually about drug company profits. Perry says “if you’re saying that I can be bought for $5,000, I’m offended.” Shouldn’t he be offended by the suggestion that he can be bought at all, not by the notion that he can be bought cheaply? Bachmann: “Well, I’m offended for all the little girls and the parents that didn’t have a choice. That’s what I’m offended for.”

Perry says Obama based Obamacare on Romneycare. Romney: “I’d be careful about trusting what President Obama says as to what the source was of his plan”.

Blitzer asks Ron Paul if someone who didn’t bother getting health insurance and then gets sick should be allowed to die. Yes, because “that’s what freedom is all about.” Yay, freedom! (Cheers from the audience at the thought of someone dying.) Paul then says that churches should take care of them (unless they’re filthy atheists, presumably). Also, health care is so expensive because there’s no competition, because there’s licensing, and we should just let fake doctors “practice what they want.”

Santorum: “what Governor Perry’s done is he provided in-state tuition for -- for illegal immigrants. Maybe that was an attempt to attract the illegal vote -- I mean, the Latino voters.” Little racist slip of the tongue in the middle of his racist remarks. Then he added that Republicans can attract Latino voters by making English the official language. “We’re a melting pot, not a salad bowl.” (Although funnily enough, if they assimilate into American society like Santorum wants, they’ll stop eating salads and eat more nachos.)

Gingrich: “I think that the day after we celebrated the 10th anniversary of 9/11 we should be reminded exactly what is at stake if a foreign terrorist gets a nuclear weapon into this country.” Way to bring everyone down after our “celebration,” Captain Buzzkill.

Santorum attacks Ron Paul for suggesting that 9/11 was a response to US actions. Rather, it was because “we have a civilization that is antithetical to the civilization of the jihadists. And they want to kill us because of who we are and what we stand for. And we stand for American exceptionalism”. They hate us for our exceptionalism.

Asked what they would bring to the White House, Santorum says that with all his children, he’d add a bedroom. And a display case for fetuses.

Paul would bring “a bushel basket full of common sense.” And a course in Austrian economics”. Well, which one is it?

Perry says he’d bring his wife. And his hair stylist.

Romney would bring back the statue of Winston Churchill that Obama banished because he’s a Kenyan.

Bachmann would bring a copy of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, because I guess they don’t have copies of those things in the White House now, or access to the internet.

Herman Cain would bring a sense of humor, “because America’s too uptight.”

Huntsman would bring his Harley.

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