Bush in Mexico, where the inflamed passions come from

In Mexico, one last press conference, one can only hope, in which Bush attempts to speak Spanish. You’d think being surrounded for the better part of a week by people speaking Spanish would finally disabuse him of the notion that he can speak Spanish, but evidently not.


(I’ll also be happy to see the back of my own not very funny running “where the ____ comes from” gag, which started so innocently with a reference to an 1890s play about cross-dressing 95% of you have never seen anyway, although it’s been filmed about 1,000 times.)

Lamest example of Bush using Spanish, just from this one event: when a reporter asked Calderón what he talked about during lunch with former president Fox, a lunch at which Bush was not present, Bush popped up with, “They talked about carne.”

He talked about drugs. See if you can spot what the key word is regarding drugs: “I made it very clear to the President that I recognize the United States has a responsibility in the fight against drugs. And one major responsibility is to encourage people to use less drugs. When there is demand, there is supply. ... So we have a responsibility. Mexico has a responsibility, as well, and the President is working hard on that responsibility.”


“Mexico is, obviously, a sovereign nation, and the President, if he so chooses, like he has, will lay out an agenda where the United States can be a constructive partner.” You just blew my mind.

Bush proclaimed himself “a big believer in student exchanges between our two nations, on both sides of the border. And one reason I am is because I think it’s important sometimes for people to gain an accurate perception of my country by coming to my country.” Indeed, earlier in the day he had “met with some students, that are funded through USAID programs, who have come to the United States to take different courses in different subjects, and then have come back to Mexico to lend the expertise that they have gained to improve the communities in which they live.” Note his paternalistic assumptions about who has “expertise” to teach whom. Nothing about what Americans might have to learn from their little brown brothers.


He called immigration a “sensitive issue... I say, sensitive, because obviously this is an issue that people can use to inflame passions.” In other words, people don’t have real grievances, they aren’t really exploited and screwed over, and if they think they are, it’s because wicked people (who he does not name) are inflaming their passions and their hot Latin blood.

Asked some question about internal Mexican oil issues, Bush said, “And I’m confident that the President will make the best interests for the people of Mexico”.


Asked about OverblownPersonnelMatterGate, Bush insisted that the firings were entirely “appropriate” and a “customary practice,” and the only mistake was not explaining it well enough. And even that he acknowledged in a form that didn’t actually admit that the problem was at the executive branch’s end: “the fact that both Republicans and Democrats feel like that there was not straightforward communication troubles me” (emphasis added). And boy was he peeved that it was intruding on his little junket: “And yet this issue was mishandled to the point now where you’re asking me questions about it in Mexico”.


Later, he added that the US attorneys “serve at the pleasure of the president,” which I guess means that when he says “what was mishandled was the explanation of the cases to the Congress,” the only explanation he thinks was required was “We fired them because we could and we felt like it, nyah.” The bright side (because to Bush the Teapot Dome is always half full) is that Gonzales is now handling his previous mishandling perfectly: “And the thing I appreciate about the Attorney General was, he said publicly he could have handled it better, mistakes were made, and took action.” Action? What “action” would that be? The nine-minute press conference?

Meet your new neighbor

It’s been a mixed day. I had some not very good pizza, but on the other hand there were ducks (live ducks, not as a pizza topping), I caught Trader Joe’s trying to overcharge me 20¢ on butter and they didn’t have my preferred brand of cheddar cheese, so I bought some New Zealand grass fed cheddar , which I don’t like at all, but on other hand there were ducks. So with all the ducks and whatnot, I’m a little behind on blogging.

Dan Bartlett, yesterday: “So the President has all the confidence in the world in Alberto Gonzales”. That’s all the confidence. In the entire world. Man, leave some for the rest of us.

Bush, in Mexico: “We are a rule of law.” Whatever.

Gen. Petraeus dragged Maliki to Ramadi yesterday to show that he wasn’t afraid of going to mostly Sunni Anbar province. Maliki went, but he wouldn’t set foot outside a US military base. Petraeus was braver (and heavily guarded). Last sentence of the WaPo article: “As he headed back to the convoy, he stopped at a house, spoke a few words in Arabic and, looking at his soldiers, told the family: ‘Meet your new neighbor.’” And then, I assume, he urinated on their front stoop, just to drive the point home.

Bush and Calderon in Mexico yesterday at some Mayan pyramids.


Mayan pyramids with Secret Service sharpshooters.

Alberto Gonzales: smug asshole, or the smuggest asshole?

Alberto Gonzales called a press conference about the firings of those 8 US Attorneys, and the lies told to Congress about those firings, passive-voicedly acknowledged that “mistakes were made” while refusing to admit that Congress was lied to (“I believe very strongly in our obligation to ensure that when I provide information to the Congress that it’s accurate and that it’s complete, and I am very dismayed that that may not have occurred here”), insisted that the US attorneys were fired for being “weak performers,” absolved himself of responsibility (“when you have 110,000 people working in the department, obviously there are going to be decisions made that I’m not aware of in real time”), and uttered the most meaningless words a Bush cabinet official can ever utter: “I accept that responsibility.”


Wonkette asks, “Is Gonzales somehow the smuggest asshole in this administration? Is that even possible?”

Actually, that’s a fair question. With Rummy retired, who does hold that title?

Who's the smuggest asshole of all?
	George Bush
	Laura Bush
	Gonzales
	Cheney
	Condi
	Tony Snow
pollcode.com free polls

Bush in Guatemala, where the evil spirits come from

In an interview with the Chicago Tribune (whose website, by the way, has a short audio clip which is misquoted several times in the article; makes you wonder about the accuracy of newspaper interviews generally), the alliterative asshole Peter Pace complains about Al Qaida and Taliban members using Pakistan as a safe haven for their operations in Afghanistan: “It is proper for us to point out to President Musharraf that people are continuing to come across the border.”

Speaking of not liking people continuing to “come across the border,” if you know what I mean, Pace also strongly supported the continuance of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, repeatedly using the word “immoral,” as in, “I believe homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts”. Which is of course a misrepresentation of the policy, as was his comparing it with the military prohibition on adultery with the spouse of another member of the military. He also attributed his position to his “upbringing,” as if the source of his personal homophobic bigotry had any relevance to... oh, honestly, enough.

Also... “homosexual acts between individuals”? Would he be happier with group orgies?

Bush was in Guatemala today, and held a press conference with President Oscar Berger. Again, the translation in the transcript is not that good, as it has Berger saying “thank you for your visit. Guatemala feels honored.” That just can’t be right.

He observed a program with a US Navy medical ship. “The American people would have been incredibly proud of watching our military folks dispense with basic health care needs to people who needed help.” Sounds like Walter Reed. Dispense with basic health care needs, indeed. “Imagine not being able to see, and then all of a sudden somebody appears in your life, gives you an eye test and fits you for glasses so you can see better.” Imagine if the first thing you see is George Bush.


In the village of Chirijuy, they made him do the first useful work he’s done in his entire life: “As a matter of fact, I got to pack some lettuce. The President and I were hauling boxes of lettuce, we were putting them in the truck.”


Scab.

A lot of the concern in Guatemala is about American immigration policy and some recent raids that resulted in Guatemalans being seized and deported. And Bush referred to... well, I don’t actually know: “He also mentioned to me that there’s some conspiracies about how children are being left behind in Guatemala. No es la verdad. That’s not the way America operates.”

He was asked about the Salvadoran members of the Central American Parliament killed in Guatemala: “As to the Salvadorians [sic], of course, I’m deeply concerned about their death, as is the President. And we have sent, I think, four FBI agents down here to help with forensics and to help track down the leads, so that wherever those killers may light, the authorities can go get them. And that’s what we need to do.” Or would need to do, if the killers hadn’t been caught and killed in their prison cells last month.

He praised Guatemala’s democracy, but sadly no one took opportunity of what I believe is the first visit by a sitting US president since the ‘54 coup to ask him to apologize for the CIA’s role in it.

Nor did anyone ask him about the Mayan site that will be cleansed of evil spirits after his visit. Reporters. Feh.

Self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly

Dick Cheney gave a speech to an AIPAC conference today, where he was evidently crowned.


Or possibly given a Lisa Simpson haircut. (A bored AP photographer must have had a bit of entertainment lining up this shot.)

He said that in The War Against Terror (TWAT) we have to face “the threat directly, patiently and systematically, until the enemy is destroyed.” This is necessary because “An enemy with fantasies of martyrdom is not going to sit down at a table for negotiations.”

He did not talk only about fantasies, but also myths, specifically the “myths about the war on terror.” For example, “The most common myth is that Iraq has nothing to do with the global war on terror. ... We hear this over and over again, not as an argument but as an assertion meant to close off argument.” Because if there’s one thing Dick Cheney hates, it’s assertions meant to close off argument. 9/11! 9/11! Cheney refuted that “myth” by quoting Loki Bin Laden, because if there’s anyone who eschews myths and looks at the world with crystal clarity more than Dick Cheney, it’s Osama Bin Laden.

Myth number two, according to Bullfinch Cheney, is that you can support the troops without funding every Bush budget request to the last penny. “When members of Congress pursue an anti-war strategy that’s been called slow bleed, they are not supporting the troops, they are undermining them.” Cheney’s mouth watered in a creepy way when he used the words “slow bleed.”


Myth number three is that “getting out of Iraq before the job is done will actually strengthen America’s hand in the fight against terrorists.”

Myth number four is that withdrawing from Iraq won’t lead to a domino effect. “Moderates would be crushed, Shiite extremists backed by Iran could be in an all-out war with Sunni extremists led by al Qaeda and remnants of the old Saddam regime.” The AIPAC members’ mouths watered in a creepy way when he mentioned Muslims fighting other Muslims.

Speaking of myths, Cheney says that Bush “understands, as Ronald Reagan did, that if history teaches anything, it teaches self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts is folly.” Funny, I thought “self-delusion in the face of unpleasant facts” was the Bush administration motto. Wasn’t it on the bumper stickers in ‘04?

Speaking of myths, Cheney called Ariel Sharon “a man of courage and a man of peace”.

He said, “Either we are serious in fighting the war on terror or not.”

Serious face.

We want the American people to see us sitting side by side

Headline (AP) of the day: “Israel Recalls Naked, Drunk Ambassador.” To be fair, he wasn’t entirely naked: there was some bondage gear...

Oddest choice of verb in a headline of the day (also AP): “Bush Pushes U.S. Compassion in Guatemala.”

By the way, have there been any mass demonstrations against Hugo Chavez’s tour? Clashes with police? Burnings of Venezuelan flags and effigies in red shirts? Maybe there have been, and they just haven’t been reported in the, you know, Liberal Media. Funny, that.

Joe Lieberman, chair of the Senate homeland security committee, has come up with an audacious scheme to secure the homeland: members of the committee will henceforth sit not by party but either by seniority (as Al Kamen reports) or alternating (Wall Street Journal) rather than party. According to Lieberman, the 2006 elections showed that Americans are sick of partisanship, “So, as a start, instead of sitting on opposite sides of the room like a house divided, we want the American people to see us sitting side by side”. That’s so crazy it just might work!

Bush in Colombia, where the blow comes from: Words are easy to say in politics in the international diplomacy

In Bogota, Bush praised Colombia as “a fine democracy,” but didn’t dare stay there more than six hours.

The White House transcript of his press conference with Uribe is not a good one, especially the translated bits. Uribe, facing the recent revelations about links between senior officials and right-wing death squads (revelations, that is, to anyone who’s been paying absolutely no attention for the last five years), ranted on and on about the need to crush guerillas and paramilitaries and root out Marxists from universities, the media, the labor movement, etc. But not, of course, root out right-wing paramilitaries: “But we cannot fall into the trap of the guerrillas, that we should weaken the armed forces.” Scary.


Bush, standing next to him, pretended nothing was happening, and spoke dipshitily about shared values. How should these revelations be handled? “I support a plan that says that there be an independent judiciary analyzing every charge brought forth, and when someone is found guilty, there’s punishment. That’s the kind of plan I support. It happens to be the kind of plan the President supports. In other words, there’s no political favorites when it comes to justice, that if someone is guilty, they will pay a penalty. ... and I believe that’s the kind of justice this government will do.”

Asked about American hostages held by the FARC, Bush had a simple solution: “Their kidnappers ought to show some heart, is what they ought to show,” adding, “It’s amazing, isn’t it, that we live in a society where you’ve got part of your country where people just kidnap somebody who is here trying to help, without any regard to whether or not -- how their family feels.”

Asked about the statements made by Syrian and Iran at the Baghdad conference, Bush said, “Words are easy to say in politics in the international diplomacy.” Sure they are, George, sure they are.

I really want me one of them hats.

I got me one of them hats! And a poncho! And some (wink wink) “coffee”! And some... hello, there!



From the New Yorker, Steve Martin, “Seventy-two Virgins.”

Who’s having the better vacation?

Bush in Colombia
Chavez in Bolivia

Sometimes when you go through things like that in your life, you can become a better person

Afghanistan’s anti-corruption chief (and a former provincial governor) Izzatullah Wasifi was once caught selling 23 ounces of heroin to an undercover cop in Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas and spent several years in prison. Wasifi insists that, actually, it was cocaine not heroin, it was his wife and not him, it was buying rather than selling, it was for personal use, and anyway George Bush was arrested for drunken driving, so that’s okay then. His qualifications for his roles in Karzai’s administration, besides his familiarity with the drug-trafficking trade, include running an Ameci Pizza & Pasta franchise in L.A. and being a childhood friend of Hamid Karzai.

And the London Sunday Times catches up with Hazem Shaalan, Iraqi Defense Minister during the Alawi regime 2004-5, who quickly left the country immediately after leaving office and before it could be discovered that a few hundred million dollars worth of those shrink-wrapped bills Paul Bremer sent to Iraq had wound up in his pocket (I suppose not literally in his pocket, since $800 million in $100 bills would require rather a large pocket in what the Sunday Times notes is a Savile Row suit and might make it hard to walk). He got his contracts exempted from auditing, bought the cheapest possible broken-down second-hand equipment for Iraqi soldiers and pocketed the difference. Not surprisingly, his pre-invasion qualifications included selling used cars and running, what else, a pizza parlor, in Poland.

I’m suddenly hungry for pizza. Can’t think why.

The “surge” will be larger than it was sold as, with Bush adding another 4,700 troops. I believe this includes the 2,200 military police we were told this week are needed to guard prisoners who will be seized during the operations in Baghdad but who weren’t included in the original proposal because... well that’s the question I haven’t actually seen asked. Did the Pentagon simply forget that the point of the surge was to capture bad guys who would then need to be guarded?

Apartheid-era South African president F.W. de Klerk complains that affirmative action policies are making white people feel like second-class citizens. De Klerk was awarded the Nobel Prize for Irony in 1993.

Giuliani, moral arbiter of all things matrimonial, says that Gingrich should be forgiven for cheating on his wife. So that settles that. “Sometimes when you go through things like that in your life, you can become a better person.” Well, if adultery makes you a better person, Giuliani and Gingrich must be veritable gods amongst men. After also praising Gingrich’s alleged smarts, Giuliani was asked whether he was considering Gingrich as a running mate. He said such talk was premature. A Giuliani-Gingrich 2008 ticket, that’s simultaneously the most hilarious and the most nauseating idea I’ve ever heard.

Bush in Uruguay, where the, um, software comes from

In a press conference with Uruguayan President Tabare Vázquez, Bush said something that was entirely truthful: “I think many people in my country don’t know that Uruguay is the leading exporter of software in South America.”


He continued to search desperately for other tidbits in a failed attempt to make Uruguay interesting: “Interestingly enough, we both have gotten rid of colonial powers in our past, and it is -- I think it is that heritage that makes Uruguay and the United States such natural partners.” You could say the same thing about Zimbabwe or Burma or Cuba or the majority of nations in the world.

Hugo Chavez, speaking to a large rally just one country away in Argentina, referred to George as “the little imperial gentleman from the north” and “a political corpse.” Bush’s Latin American tour has him scheduled to address no public crowds, of any size. Funny, that.

A reporter asked Bush, “Hugo Chavez suggested that you are afraid to mention his name. So, are you?” In his response, Bush did not mention Chavez’s name. To be fair, Chavez is a pretty scary fellow.


Asked about the FBI abuse of national security letters, Bush said, “My question is, what are you going to do to solve the problem and how fast can you get it solved? And I was pleased by Director Mueller’s answer, that he had already begun to address some of the problems, but there’s more work to be done.” Bush was pleased with that answer, aren’t you pleased with that answer, knowing you can go about your business, safe in the reassuring knowledge that Robert Mueller has already begun to address some of the problems, but there is more work to be done.

Bush in Brazil, where the nuts come from, part dois

At a press conference with President Loooooola, Bush gave his personal definition of democracy: “I think it’s great to be able to say a good friend won reelection because it confirms the fact that democracy is alive and well in Brazil.” But there are concerns: “I share your concerns about the people in democracy not receiving the benefits of democracy.”

You’d think that it would be hard to mistake Brazil for the United States, but... “And so, Mr. President, I’m so glad you’re here -- I mean, so glad I am here.”

Why is he in, um, Brazil or wherever? “I’m reminding people that which is pretty evident, that a lot of people know that there are direct ties between our countries.” So he’s reminding people that people know something which is pretty evident. Anything else? “I bring the goodwill of the United States to South America and Central America. That’s why I’m here. I don’t think America gets enough credit for trying to help improve people’s lives.” That’s a pretty quick transition from “goodwill” to whining petulantly about ingratitude. “And so we fully understand that if there’s illiteracy, it will affect our country eventually.” Especially if you’re the one with the illiteracy. And you are, George, you are. Indeed, one of the things I’ve observed in Bush’s speeches is just how large a proportion of the English language is “fancy” to him. He added another one to that list: “There is a lot of investment in the region, as the President noted. Oh, for some, that’s just a fancy word, but for others who benefit from the investment through jobs, it’s a central part of their life.”



His weekly radio address gives a preview: on Monday he will visit a great Guatemalan success story, a poor farmer who switched his crops and now sells them to... Wal-Mart.

And then, it was time to dance! (I was finally able to view this video on the third browser I tried, fucking Internet Explorer. And then they made me watch an ad first.)

George goes to Brazil. Where the nuts come from.

You know how Cheney, Rice, Rumsfeld etc are always making “surprise” trips to Baghdad? Today someone visited Baghdad and it was a genuine surprise: Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki actually took a trip outside the Green Zone, unannounced and during the Friday ban on vehicle movement and not, of course, to a Sunni neighborhood, but still it was pretty darned brave of him.




Bush is in Brazil, meeting with President Lula, who wouldn’t shut up about biofuel, although from the pictures I’ve seen, Brazil is powered entirely by the burning of American flags and kind of lame effigies. Bush agrees with Lula that alternative fuels are important: “In other words, dependency upon energy from somewhere else means that you’re dependent upon the decisions from somewhere else.” And, as a former Texas oil-man, he knows where gasoline comes from: “And so as we diversify away from the use of gasoline by using ethanol we’re really diversifying away from oil.” And it’s all about the incumbentosity: “we all feel incumbent to be good stewards of the environment.”

In the last paragraph I quoted one of Bush’s famous “in other words”’s. Here’s another (he was speaking at a Petrobras plant): “One of the things I like, as the President noted, is that a good ethanol policy and good alternative fuel policy actually leads to more jobs, not less. In other words, at this plant there are jobs.”

He uttered another sentence that does not need other words, because it is perfect just the way it is: “I appreciate so very much the fact that much of your energy is driven by sugarcane.”

It’s not just the fuel, but the vehicles the fuel goes into: “Well, most people in America don’t know that there are millions of flex-fuel vehicles on our street today. Just people don’t know it.” I’m pretty sure I got stuck on that street once. It’s in LA, right?

The last time he was there, Bush memorably exclaimed “Wow, Brazil is big.” Today he said, “You know, Brazil and the United States are the two largest democracies in our hemisphere”. Somewhere, a Canadian is thinking of writing a mildly cross letter pointing out the fallaciousness of that statement but, being Canadian, will no doubt decide to “let’s not get excited, eh.”

If I declare a caption contest for this picture (original caption here), how much am I going to regret it?

I drew a line in my mind

A NYT editorial Wednesday described one aspect of the neglect of Walter Reed outpatients: “They have been swamped with confusing paperwork and forced to take responsibility for managing their own medical care.” If you’ve been paying attention to Bush’s recent speeches on health care reform, you know that that’s exactly what he has planned for all of us: “And our view is, is that in order to have -- to worry about health care costs, the more a consumer is involved, the more likely we’ll be able to deal with the increasing cost of health care.”

Newt Gingrich, in an interview with Focus on the Family’s James Dobson that I listened to so you don’t have to, says that his attacks on Bill Clinton for his adultery while he was committing adultery himself with a much younger House staff member was not hypocritical at all: “I drew a line in my mind that said, ‘Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept . . . perjury in your highest officials.’” What I like about that quote is how he thinks of himself as a hero, running the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and it’s that very hypocrisy that makes him such a hero.

Not much else of interest in the interview. He wants to abolish the 9th Circuit, fire all its judges, and appoint new ones. “This would be a perfectly reasonable court ... in France.”

He says that we know American liberty is totally based in religion because it says so on all the public buildings. There’s some religious inscription on the Washington Monument, the tallest building in DC, the first one hit by the dawn sun as the earth rotates. Dobson must not have been paying much attention, because I would have expected him to deny the heresy that the earth rotates.

Speaking of religious monuments, Bush will be visiting a Mayan one in Guatemala, which will have to be cleansed of bad spirits afterwards.

Actually, after January 20, 2009, we should probably have the entire US boiled. In holy water. Just to be sure.

Also, werewolves. Lots of werewolves.

Gen. David Petraeus calls those who attacked Shiite pilgrims “thugs with no soul” and says we must “control the demons responsible for the vicious sectarian violence of the past year - demons who have torn at the very fabric of Iraqi society.”

And my position is, it is important for people to be free

Snippets from yet more Bush interviews, with Univision and with Colombian tv.

“I think the worse thing that’s happened for the Cuban people on the island is the fact that they’re not free. And my position is, it is important for people to be free”.

About three Americans being held by the Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia: “My message is to the FARC, and that is to give up these hostages. You’re making it clear to the world the kind of people you are when you take innocent life and hold them hostage. And it’s very sad for the families here in America.” There’s that word again.

Speaking of it being important for people to be free, what about a pardon for Scooter? Well first, and again, he is – say it with me – saddened for Scooter: “I personally am sad. I’m sad for Mr. Libby and his family. There was a sense of sadness to hear the verdict read for me.” But he also said he’s going to pardon Scooter. Well, not precisely, because after all precision is not a trait associated with Chimpy’s use of the English language, but I think the word “until” is the giveaway here: “And so I’m pretty much going to stay out of it until the course -- the case has finally run its final -- the course it’s going to take.”

He’s pleased as punch that he’ll be met by protests wherever he goes: “I am proud to be going to a part of the world where people can demonstrate, where people can express their minds. It happens quite frequently when I travel around the world.”

He thinks it’s absolutely wonderful that governments he despise have recently been elected in Bolivia, Ecuador, Nicaragua etc: “first of all, I like the fact that the countries in our neighborhood are free and people get to decide who the governments -- who is in the government. I like that. I think it’s great. I would be worried if there are policies which ruin economies.” “To the extent that people feel like they can nationalize companies I think is a mistake.”

And what does he think about all those things Hugo Chavez says about him? “I’ve been in politics a long time; there’s a lot of name-calling in politics. I’ve always found the best thing to do is to do what you think is right and move beyond the name-calling.”

The trip really is to remind people that we care

Bush gave another pre-Latin-American-tour interview, with CNN En Español (funny, there isn’t a Fox En Español, is there?), in which he made it clear that what he really wants if for the citizens of those countries to thank him for his munificence. He said that American aid to Latin America has doubled under him, “and most of that aid is social justice money.” I’ll leave it to someone else to figure out how much of that increase actually went to Colombia, the largest recipient of US aid in the region, so that it’s right-wing-death-squad-associated government (in yesterday’s interview, Bush said that Uribe is doing a “fabulous” job) to fight rebels under the guise of fighting drug production. The problem is, according to His Chimpyness, “And yet, we don’t get much credit for it. And I want the taxpayers, I want the American people to get credit for their generosity in Central and South America.” He returned to that point several times: “The trip really is to remind people that we care.” “And it’s in our interest that we promote those ties, and we promote -- and I remind people about the generosity of our country.”

He said about one American woman’s time with our neighbors to the south, “her example is what America is all about.” That woman, of course, is Jenna Bush. She’s writing a book, you know. Evidently, Jenna is “deeply concerned about alienationists in our world.” I have no idea what that means. Anyone?

On other matters, Bush was asked about Scooter Libby (at first I wrote “Bush was asked about Scooter,” and then went back and added “Libby” in the interests of clarity, like there are any number of Scooters he might be asked about. On the other hand, it’s possible that every third person in Skull and Bones was called Scooter). He said, “On a personal note, I was sad. I was sad for a man who had worked in my administration, and particularly sad for his family.” He must have been sad (past tense, you’ll notice): he used the word three times.

What doesn’t seem to make him sad is the treatment of wounded American service members. Asked what he would say to veterans screwed over at Walter Reed, he whittered on about the Dole-Shalala commission and how there are “fantastic doctors and nurses and healers” and so on, but he didn’t really seem to have anything he wanted to say to the soldiers – “I’m sorry we let you down” might have been nice. I’ve been reminded of a visit he made at the start of last year to Brooke Army Medical Center. My blog post on the visit showed him having a fine old time and joking about a scratch he had on his forehead from “combat with a cedar.” I didn’t know until later that he’d just been visiting amputees.

Why did he say he was going to Central and South America, again? Oh yes, “I bring a message of hope, a message that says we care about the human condition”.

His is an outsider’s perspective on that condition.

I would hope he would define my government as pro-freedom

When you (Americans, anyway) change the time on your computers, VCRs and what have you this weekend, remember to turn off any automatic Daylight Savings settings, or they’ll “spring forward” 3 weeks later.

Bush, in advance of his trip to Latin America, had a group interview yesterday with reporters from the region. He explained his purpose: “My trip is an opportunity to remind the folks in our neighborhood that the United States has a robust policy toward empowering individuals to realize their full potential.” Indeed, in his speech to the US Hispanic Chamber of Commerce the day before, “I outlined a vision of a nation that cares about the human condition.” Because so many of us actually are humans.

He repeated that tripe later: “My trip is to remind the people of Central and South America that we live in the same neighborhood and that the United States is committed to empowering individuals to realize their God-given potential.” Oh, I think they’re all too aware that they live in the same “neighborhood.”

“It is a reminder that the United States’ approach to the region is not a political approach, but it is a human approach.” Politics, as we all know, being inhuman. “It is one that emphasizes that human potential exists, and that the best programs are those that elevate the potential.”

HE HAS AN MBA FROM HARVARD, YOU KNOW: “The best way to alleviate poverty is for there to be prosperity.”

REALLY, AN MBA: “And a direct foreign investment -- that means somebody believing that the investment climate is worthy of investment...”

GEORGE? HARVARD’S ON THE PHONE. THEY WANT THEIR MBA BACK: “When I grew up in Texas, the border, la frontera, was like a third world on both sides of the border. And then in the early ‘90s, NAFTA was passed. But there wasn’t instant successes. It took a while for people to realize how the inevitable adjustments that will come when people start accessing market.”

IMPERIALISTS? NO IMPERIALISTS HERE. An Uruguayan reporter brought up President Vázquez’s comment about relations with the US that his is a “popular, democratic, anti-oligarchic and anti-imperialist government.” Bush, to whom this was news, responded: “As anti-imperialist? Fine, that’s -- I would hope he would define my government as pro-freedom.” “As to characterizations of the United States, I will remind him that we are a generous, compassionate nation that believes in peace.”

DO NOT FEAR THE AMERICAN MILITARY. THEY’RE VERY QUIET. “Our military -- people think of the United States military as war fighters, and they are when the Commander-in-Chief puts them in such a situation. But our military is building health clinics throughout Central America, for example, in a very quiet way.” Very quiet building? Could have used them when my next-door neighbors were building that new deck.

On the future of Cuba: “Vamos a ver, cuando -- how long he [Castro] stays on earth, that’s a decision that will be made by the Almighty.” Funny, three or four American presidents thought it was their decision. “We believe it ought to be up to the people, the long-suffering people of that island to decide their fate, not the fate -- not to be decided because somebody is somebody’s brother; the fate ought to be decided because that’s what the people want.” Yeah it would be terrible if “the fate” was decided because somebody was somebody’s brother, the governor of Florida, f’r instance.

No pictures of that interview, so below is one from his meeting with Bob Dole and Donna Shalala, who he’s appointed to investigate veterans’ and soldiers’ health care. Dole, who is 83 and doesn’t like a day over oh-dear-lord-shouldn’t-they-have-buried-him-by-now?,


will ensure that every wounded soldier will get Viagra and a pen. Shalala’s qualifications, according to Bush: “She lived after eight years in President Clinton’s administration, she knows what to look for, she knows the questions to ask.”

CAPTION CONTEST: what is Bush indicating with this gesture during his meeting with Dole and Shalala. For extra points, what is it that 8 years in the Clinton administration has taught Shalala to look for and to ask?

Saddened for Scooter

Cheney says, “I am very disappointed with the verdict. I am saddened for Scooter and his family.” Your mantra for today: “Saddened for Scooter. Saddened for Scooter. Saddened for Scooter. Saddened for Scooter.”

Bush spoke to the American Legion today. He praised himself for putting $86 billion for veterans in his budget: “this would amount to a 77 percent increase of the budget since I took office; it would be the highest level of support for our veterans in American history.” Er, you also created a whole lot more of them, many with expensive catastrophic injuries; I don’t really think you get to brag about that like it’s some kind of accomplishment.


He gave his standard pro-“surge” speech. He says it’s necessary because after the Samarra bombing, “the sectarian violence was getting out of hand.” Out of hand? Out of fucking hand??? Crabgrass is out of hand. The dog peeing on the carpet is out of hand. Jenna and Not-Jenna’s partying is out of hand.

Samarra, he says, was “designed to provoke retaliation... And the result was a tragic escalation of sectarian rage and reprisal.” In other words (dammit, now Bush has me doing the “in other words” thing), things got “out of hand” because Iraqis responding to terrorist provocation exactly the way the terrorists wanted them to. So, he goes on, we should escalate our military presence in Baghdad because it’s what the terrorists want us to do: “They’re not debating whether the war in Iraq is worth it. Hear the words of bin Laden, in a message to the American people just last year. He says of Iraq: ‘The war is for you or for us to win. If we win it, it means your defeat and disgrace forever. Nyaa nyaa.’”

I may have added the “nyaa nyaa.” Then again, I may not have.

He says of the non-binding resolution, “Members of Congress have every right to express their opinion. They have every right. They also have a responsibility to fund our war fighters.” War fighters? Also, you notice how he has “principles,” while members of Congress have “opinions”?

Bush has not yet said whether he too is saddened for Scooter.

(Update: He is indeed “saddened”. How sad.)

Bush speaks to trabajadores y campesinos

Bush spoke to the Hispanic Chamber of Commerce today and was so excited that he interspersed his usual broken English with broken Spanish: “Thursday, Laura and I are going to leave on a trip that will take us to Brazil and Uruguay and Colombia, y Guatemala, y por fin, Mexico. ... My message to those trabajadores y campesinos is, you have a friend in the United States of America.”


He lectured the countries of the Western Hemisphere about what their governments need to do. They should not “serve only the rich and the well-connected.” They should be “transparent.” They should have no sense of irony about being instructed on these subjects by George W. Bush.


Further words of wisdom for our friends to the south: “Latin America needs capitalism for the campesino”. “Social justice means meeting basic needs.”

It’s a messy, dangerous world

Dick Cheney spoke to a conference of the Veterans of Foreign Wars today. It was the start of yet another series of speeches to bolster The War Against Terror (TWAT), and it must have annoyed him to be forced by events to have to devote several seconds to the issue of the treatment of wounded soldiers. Later in the day, he himself was treated for a blood clot contracted during long hours of sitting on airplanes in the service of his country. He was put on blood thinners. Or possibly that was a metaphor of some kind.


On reading the speech, I can report that the trend towards slightly greater realism some detected in Bush administration officials’ speeches after the release of the Iraq Study Group report has now completely reversed itself. There is no longer any hint that Iraq might be in a civil war or that there exist such creatures as Sunnis or Shiites. It’s back to terrorists and Al Qaida and “They hate us, they hate our country, they hate the liberties for which we stand. They want to destroy our way of life, so that freedom no longer has a home and defender in the world.” Because freedom is American, dammit. If it shows up in any other country, it’s just visiting. And on those visits, it so often seems to come down with deep venous thrombosis.


Cheney said he hopes that, unlike the vote on the non-binding resolution, when Congress votes on “emergency” funding for the war, sorry, “for the troops,” “I sincerely hope the discussion this time will be about winning in Iraq, not about posturing on Capitol Hill.”

He concluded, “It’s a messy, dangerous world, made better by the active, committed presence of the United States.” Messy and dangerous. He makes it sound like someone left their skates on the stairs again – and we’re looking at you, Iran!

After all, we’re in the business of dealing with the culture

Headline of the day, from the London Times: “Airstrikes ‘Could Provoke Iran.’” Ya think?

Okay, okay, seriously, a think tank argues that an attack on Iran’s nuclear facility won’t succeed, and that even if it did, Iran would still be able to cobble together a few nukes, like building a car from spare parts rather than building a car factory, and the attack would make it rather likely to do so. All of which is as self-evidently obvious as “air strikes could provoke Iran.”

There was an attack on an American convoy in Afghanistan with a vehicle packed with explosives, combined, the military says, with shooting from several directions in a “complex attack.” Alternately, the troops panicked after the explosion and started firing in several directions, then shot up every vehicle along the highway as they drove to safety, killing many civilians. Or alternately, did not panic, but deliberately shot up every civilian vehicle just to be on the safe side. Nor will they admit that all that shooting resulted in bullets actually hitting anyone. Says spokesmodel Major William Mitchell, “We certainly believe it’s possible that the incoming fire from the ambush was wholly or partly responsible for the civilian casualties.”

But really, what can we do if they won’t even cooperate in our war games? The US military plans to recreate Iraqi and Afghan villages for war games in, where else, Bavaria, and is trying to recruit Arab-speaking extras by placing ads implying they were being hiring for a film. Only four of the people who showed up didn’t leave upon being told the real purpose, which is for them to play natives 24 hours a day for three weeks while being constantly filmed. Said a spokesmodel for the US Army Joint Multinational Readiness Center, the amusingly named Reggie Bourgeois, “The more actual culture we can inject into the exercise the better it is for our soldiers. After all, we’re in the business of dealing with the culture.”

Out of this rubble will emerge a better tomorrow

I had just been getting to the point of writing a post asking what was going on about that Sunni woman who said she’d been gang-raped by Iraqi police. The story had disappeared, as Iraq stories often do these days when it is impossible for reporters to go out and cover them safely. Evidently the US, whose hospital examined her, still doesn’t feel obligated to say if that crime was committed or not, and Maliki is still denying it. Anyway, there was a follow-up of sorts yesterday when 14 (or 18) policemen were abducted and killed in retaliation.

George Bush was in Alabama and Georgia today, offering help to the victims of the tornados, and by help I mean prayers. “And this country is a prayerful country, there are a lot of people praying for you.” He added, “You can never heal a heart, but you can provide comfort, knowing that the federal government will provide help for those whose houses were destroyed, or automobiles were destroyed.” This country is a prayerful country, there are a lot of people praying for your automobiles.

There are also a lot of people praying to be able to provide comfort to 17-year old girls.



Speaking of prayers, here’s a sentence from one report: “‘A hundred kids got out of here alive,’ Bush said to the gathered press corps as he pointed to the Science Wing. ‘It’s a miracle.’” Yeah, it’s a miracle! Fuck you, science!

He told the people of Enterprise, Alabama, “that out of this rubble will emerge a better tomorrow, because that’s the commitment that I hear here in Enterprise. And the role of the government is going to help, to the extent that we can.”

At a certain point, he seems to have forgotten about the whole tornado thing and just started having a good time.



He’s talking to this woman’s boyfriend.

Then he found a toy to play with.


Almost as much fun as comforting 17-year old girls.

Clinton would have found a way to do both at once.

And by “do both at once” I meant play with the quad bike and comfort the 17-year old girls.

Could an imaginary man do that?

Congo-Kinshasa’s new Minister for Foreign Trade, Andre Kasongo Ilunga, has turned out not to actually exist. Each of the parties in the ruling coalition in the incoming government was asked to nominate two candidates for their allotted posts, and the prime minister would choose one. So Honorius Kisimba Ngoy, head of the Union Nationale des Fédéralistes du Congo (UNAFEC),

nominated himself and the fictional Mr. Ilunga, figuring that would ensure that he got the job because he 1) was more or less real, 2) had a cooler name. When Ilunga got the job instead, Kisimba presented a letter of resignation from him, and still won’t admit that there is no such person: “He wrote it himself. He signed it. Could an imaginary man do that?” Can’t fault the logic.

Kind of the safety of mediocrity

Bush went to a school in Indiana today, to push for “standards” and “accountability.” For other people, of course. And definitely not for a surprise episode of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” Yes it’s time to renew the No Child Left Behind Act. He talked a lot about “measuring,” pretending that high-stakes testing is just a passive assessment. Bush said, “I know full well that to make sure a system doesn’t lapse into kind of the safety of mediocrity that you’ve got to measure.” Then he just sighed and whispered “the safety of mediocrity.” Dare to dream, George, dare to dream. “In life,” he went on, “if you lower the bar you get lousy results.” You know, I could say something sarcastic about George Bush coming out against lowering the bar, but that would be too easy, it would in fact just be lowering the bar for sarcasm.


He said, “Testing data has helped teachers tailor instruction. ... That’s why the act is called the No Child Left Behind Act. It doesn’t say ‘all children shouldn’t be left behind,’ it says, ‘no child.’” You just blew my mind.

He praised the school he was in for achieving the supreme pinnacle of success, an applause line during a presidential photo-op: “I appreciate so very much that this school has met state standards for progress under No Child Left Behind every year since 2002. Isn’t that interesting? (Applause.) Isn’t it interesting to be able to say that? You can’t say something that draws applause unless you measure.” Oh sure you can. Try this one: “Ice cream for everyone!”

Dick!

Dick Cheney spoke to the 34th annual Conservative Political Action Conference this evening. He didn’t say anything interesting, so I don’t have anything interesting to say about what he said, and running these amusing pictures of the Dickster (one of them taken by a clearly bored Reuters photographer trying to make him look like he’s wearing a huge American flag skirt) feels a little bit like skipping the vegetables and going straight to the dessert. Well all right, but just this once.

Reminding people that the federal government still knows you exist

As mentioned in my last post, Bush visited Katrina-hit regions today. “And so I’ve come back to New Orleans, Louisiana, to remind people that the federal government still knows you exist”. Knows, yes; cares, not so much. Bush held a photo op at Samuel J. Green Charter School as part of his campaign to exploit the destruction of New Orleans to push his agenda to privatize public schools. “I’m trying to lend my voice to herald this school,” he heralded. And he knows a lot about what makes a good school. “Those are the two things I was good at at school,” he said, “eating and playing.” Sure you were, George, sure you were.

AP caption to this picture: “President Bush, right, examines a plastic bottle terrarium as he visits a third grade class at the Samuel J. Green charter school in New Orleans, La., Thursday, March 1, 2007.” (Good thing they cleared up the confusion about whether President Bush was the middle-aged white guy or the little black boy.)

“No, Mr. President, it’s a ter-ra-ri-um. Try again.” “Tuhrrooriun.”

My most vivid recollection is the piles of rubble

Bush went to the areas hit by Hurricane Katrina today, six months after his last trip. “I intend to keep coming back so long as I’m the President,” he said, then threatened, “and perhaps after the presidency”. Yeah, after the presidency. Sure he will. Why are all the pictures I’m seeing of Bush with white people? Doesn’t Long Beach, Mississippi have black people? Here he is doing the all-important preliminary sleeve-rolling-up. Can’t tour the hurricane site for a photo-op with your sleeves unrolled.


He shared his own memories of the hurricane: “And I guess the -- my most vivid recollection is the piles of rubble”. “It was -- it’s hard to believe then that I would be -- I had faith that I’d be able to come to a home, but I had trouble visualizing.” I’m guessing from some of his words this morning that for him the key to visualization is heavy drinking: “And today, we are able to sit in a homeowner -- the word is ‘home.’ Again, one of the things I like to say is, when somebody walks in, ‘welcome to my home.’” He thinks he lives in Long Beach, Mississippi now. He must wonder what the 84-year old woman is doing in his home.

Bush: “Welcome to mah home.”

Her name, by the way, is Nellie Partridge, a name you really have to be 84 to have. 83 is too young to be a Nellie Partridge, and 85 is too old.

Bush: “Welcome to mah home.”

Bush: “Welcome to mah home.” “That’s a dumpster, Mr. President.”
Then it was on to New Orleans, where he met with local officials at Lil Dizzy’s Café. Bush, aka Big Dizzy, made this, um, promise: “And to the extent we can help, we’ll help.” He demonstrated his grasp of the complexities of the rebuilding process: “I guess the New Orleans Saints football team represents to me what’s happening in this part of the state -- a resurgence, there’s a renewal.”

Deceit and betrayal

Carlos Alvarez, formerly a psych professor at Florida International University, was sentenced to 5 years for “conspiracy to become an unregistered foreign agent” for Cuba. Not even becoming one, which would have doubled the sentence, just conspiracy to become one. He passed to the Cuban government various pieces of unclassified information and personal information on Cuban exile leaders. I’m not sure how this constitutes a crime (the prosecutor was allowed to say that the damage Alvarez may have done is unclear because we don’t know what else he told Havana, which was an attempt to get the court to convict for uncharged crimes for which there was no evidence).

But of course the trial was held in Miami, so Alvarez, and his wife, who was sentenced to 3 years merely for knowing what her husband was doing and not calling the FBI, were really tried and convicted for political crimes. The judge said their actions “undermined U.S. foreign policy.” So? He said they were “in a sense leading a double life,” and that they had committed a “deceit and betrayal” of the Cuban exile community. Which may not be very nice, but... so? Evidently US courts of law, at least in Florida, are now policing deceit and betrayal of the Cuban exile community.

But the idea that I’d go in and threaten someone is an invalid misreading of the way I do business

So on the day we learn that Walter Reed patients have been ordered not to speak to the press, Bush met with some “social entrepreneurs who have decided to help improve the lives of our servicemen and women and their families,” by, for example, entrepreneurially “helping the chaplains help kids, or... helping a family of the injured”. For example, the person in charge of the project giving families life-size cardboard “flat soldiers” was there. They told George some stories: “One of the most enjoyable things I do as the President is to hear stories of my fellow citizens -- stories of compassion, stories of care.” So glad he’s enjoying himself. So glad he thinks of amputees and brain-damaged soldiers as characters in stories. And supporting characters at that. “I’m proud to be the President of a country with so many decent citizens.” Once again, he seems to think that only Americans are decent.

Speaking of decent citizens, you’ll have heard of the background briefing held on Air Force Two by a Senior Administration Official whose name could not be used, who said, “I’ve seen some press reporting says, ‘Cheney went in to beat up on them, threaten them.’ That’s not the way I work. ... But the idea that I’d go in and threaten someone is an invalid misreading of the way I do business.”

The SAO reported on (or possibly gave a valid misreading of) his meeting with Karzai, who he said was “upbeat” because the US is going to give him lots of money and yet more troops. SAO made it abundantly clear that the sole basis of Karzai’s authority is American backing, and that it always has been: “He told a story to the group there about -- this was the immediate aftermath of 9/11 -- about meeting with a group of tribal elders in one of the remote parts of Afghanistan. He was trying to get them organized to participate in going after the Taliban and governing Afghanistan. And he said the only question they wanted to ask me was, is the United States with you.” SAO doesn’t even realize that there’s anything problematic about that.

The SAO warned that Karzai is a crashing bore: “You sit down and talk with Karzai, he’ll talk about the history of Pashtun rule in the region for 500 years. He can tell you what the Durand Treaty was all about between Afghanistan and India in 1889 or whenever it was, and why that’s important to today’s conflict and so forth.” Will this be on the test? No, sadly none of the reporters dared to follow this up by asking the SAO to explain what he – or she! – learned about what the Durand Treaty (of 1893) was all about and why it’s important to today’s conflict and so forth.